Let's Be Us Again
by She'sAShipper
Summary: Sequel to CWEGBTB: Follow Harm and Mac on their journey to rebuild their marriage and their family. In Chapter 38 - Harm and Mac fear a setback for Lucy, AJ shares a surprise, Cynthia's killer is revealed! Updated September 29, 2010!
1. Chapter 1

**Let's Be Us Again**

**Rating: T and M in later chapters**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters used in this story except the original characters of Lucy, DJ, and Matthew Rabb along with Analise and Maggie O'Connor.**

**The title of this story is taken from a Lonestar song of the same name that I happen to love. Thanks for the great title, guys!**

**Summary: The sequel to Can We Ever Get Back To Before. This story will trace Harm and Mac's journey as they try to find their way back to each other, but as always nothing can be easy.**

**Author's Notes: Thanks to all who stayed the course with me in the long and painstaking journey that was Can We Ever Get Back to Before? I hope this sequel will draw the same response and bring to the readers the same enjoyment and emotional. **

**I originally planned to post this story August 1, but I had it ready earlier so I decided to post it. I'm presently working on two other stories, though I am thinking of putting one on hiatus. This story will be updated every 7-10 days.**

**Below is a timeline of the events that took place in Can We Ever Get Back to Before from Harm's initial affair to Matthew's birth.**

**August 2004: Harm's TAD to Mexico, Harm's encounter with Annie, Rabb famiy BBQ and conception of Harm and Mac's third baby**

**September 18, 2004: Rabbs run into Annie and Josh at the mall.**

**Sepember 30, 2004: Lucy's fifth birthday**

**October 8, 2004: Bud and Harm have beers at McMurphy's, Mac's miscarriage**

**October 11, 2004: Dr. Bradley suggests a hysterectomy, Annie tells Harm she is pregnant**

**October 15, 2004: Harm and Mac celebrate their sixth anniversary**

**October 18, 2004: Harm goes TAD to Philadelphia**

**October 20, 2004: Harm visits his grandma and decides to come clean to Mac**

**October 21, 2004: Mac confronts Harm about his affair**

**October 22, 2004: Harm goes to Bud and Harriet's for the night, Harriet goes to console Mac, Mac and Harm have their first conversation after the revelation**

**October 25, 2004: Harm's birthday, 1st appointment with Dr. McCool**

**October 29, 2004: Dinner date with Mic and Annie**

**October 30, 2004: Mac's doctor makes a house call, Mic learns about Mac's illness**

**November 8, 2004: 2nd session with Dr. McCool, dinner at Reds**

**Novembe 9, 2004: Meeting with Dr. Crimmins about Lucy's misbehavior, Harm leaves note about divorce and leave for quals**

**November 11, 2004: Grams dies**

**November 13, 2004: Grams' wake**

**November 14, 2004: Grams' burial, Harm and Mac reconcile**

**November 18, 2004: Harm and Mac report their reconcilliation to Dr. McCool**

**November 25, 2004: Thanksgiving with Trish and Frank, Mac's bleeding episode**

**Novmeber 26, 2004: Mac has minor procedure at hospital, Mic babysits**

**December 10, 2004: Mac's surgery**

**December 13, 2004: Mic brings Mac home from the doctor's and give her too many pain pills**

**December 14, 2004: Harm and Mac meet with Dr. Crimmins**

**December 24, 2004: Christmas Eve**

**December 25, 2004: Trish and Frank surprise family for Christmas**

**January 2, 2005: Trish and Frank leave for home**

**Januray 7, 2005: Harm and Bud have dinner and discuss Annie's pregnancy**

**January 14, 2005: Mac schedule for additional surgery**

**January 17, 2005: Mac has her operation, Annie has a bad fall, Mac orders Harm not to visit her in the hospital**

**January 21, 2005: Mac lets Harm take her home but relations strained**

**March 8, 2005: Harm moves to AJ's**

**May 6, 2005: Divorce papers served**

**May 9, 2005; Harm meet with his lawyer**

**May 11, 2005: DJ hurts his arm while out with Harm**

**May 18, 2005: Harm and Mac work out their divorce at Starbucks**

**June 15, 2005: Lucy's tonsillectomy, Harm and Mac file for sole custody**

**July 5, 2005: Court hearing begins**

**July 8, 2005: Harm's 1st TIA**

**July 11, 2005: Court resumes**

**July 15, 2005: Mac wins custody, divorce final**

**July 29-31, 2005: Harm's 1st weekend with the kids**

**August 28, 2005: 2nd TIA**

**September 26, 2005: Harm leaves for Utah**

**October 7, 2005: Mic proposes to Mac**

**November 12, 2005: Harm buy the cabin**

**December 26-31, 2005: Kids visit Harm in Utah**

**February 6, 2006: Harm sick with pneumonia**

**February 8, 2006: Mac arrives in Utah**

**February 18, 2006: Harm improves a bit**

**March 8, 2006: Infectious arthritis develops**

**March 14, 2006: Matthew conceived**

**March 16, 2006: Harm's doctor says damage might be permanent**

**April 20, 2006: Mac has positive pregnancy test**

**May 13,2006; Harm arrives home in D.C.**

**May 25, 2006: Harm meets Analiese**

**May 27, 2006: Harm and Analiese's first date**

**July 11, 2006: Harm tells Mac about Analiese**

**August 12, 2006: NATO ball**

**September 2, 2006: Lucy's doctor appointment**

**September 4, 2006: Lucy's test resuts come in**

**September 5, 2006: Lucy's spinal tap**

**September 8, 2006: Lucy's 1st treatment**

**October 27, 2006: Harm and Ana break up**

**October 30, 2006: Lucy put in the hospital**

**November 21, 2006: Mic and Mac break up**

**December 28, 2006: Matthew born**

**And now…**

**The Story Continues…**

**Chapter One**

**February 2, 2007**

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence**

**Manassas, VA**

The past month had rewritten the meaning of hectic for the Rabb family and their friends. Mac remained in the hospital for two weeks after Matthew's birth. The baby was able to go home with his father after only two days. Harm felt badly Mac wasn't able to be with Matthew at home but he enjoyed spending time with him and DJ.

Every day while Mac was in the hospital Harm would bring DJ to Harriet and Bud's house. One of them would bring him to Pre-K and pick him up while Harm spent his day visiting with Mac and looking after Lucy. She had responded beautifully to the antibiotics her doctors had worked out for her chemo port infection. Now, a month after a night Harm and Mac would long remember as one of the major turning points of their lives, they were allowed to bring Lucy home.

Harm had gone to the hospital with Bud while Harriet and Mac decorated the house for the small gathering they were holding in celebration of Lucy's homecoming. Everyone knew Lucy was not out of the woods but all were learning to cherish the small victories. Mac and Harriet had just finished hanging a colorful homemade WELCOME HOME LUCY banner DJ and the Roberts children had made. AJ would bring them over after treating them all to lunch at McDonald's and no doubt letting them run off some energy at the indoor playground.

"She'll love it," Harried proclaimed sitting on the sofa next to Mac as she nursed Matthew. "He's a little grub worm, isn't he?"

"Yes, he eats twice as much as Lucy or DJ did at this age," Mac smiled. "Of course he was nine pounds at birth so…"

"He's going to be built like Harm," Harriet observed. "I still can't believe it. First that you and Harm were together in Utah and…So what are you going to do now? Is Harm going to move back in here or…?"

Mac shook her head, "Not yet. If we do that and rush things again we'll only be making another mistake. We rushed the first time and you saw where that got us."

"But you are getting back together?" Harriet tried to clarify.

"We're going to try. We both have a lot to work out and a lot to forgive, but we are committed to trying to recommit if that makes sense," Mac replied shifting Matthew from her right to her left breast.

"It does," Harriet smiled. "Well, I am overjoyed really. You and Harm are a perfect fit. I could tell from the minute I saw the two of you on the Seahawk."

"If we figured it out that quickly we may have actually had time to build a relationship before getting married," she laughed. "I am worried about one thing though."

"What's that?" Harriet asked.

"Analise," Mac sighed. "After the divorce Harm was so lonely and depressed, but then he met Ana and she opened him up in way I never did and I saw…I saw the man I always loved loving someone else in a way he never really loved me."

"Hey, wait a minute," Harriet interjected. "You cannot say Harm didn't love you…"

"No," Mac corrected. "That's not what I meant. I know Harm loved me, still loves me, but it was different with her."

Harriet shook her head, "No, it wasn't. That's Harm. You probably couldn't see it through years of working together, having children together, raising them together, but we could see, those of us on the outside of it all could always see it there for you, just like…And it is still there, Mac."

"I admit that makes me feel a lot better," Mac replied repositioning Matthew once again so she could burp him.

"May I?" Harriet asked reaching for the baby. Mac handed the boy to Harriet along with a burp cloth. "The bottom line is," Harriet continued rubbing Matthew's back, "If you and Harm are meant to work everything out and continue your lives together you will. If you really are life mates Ana or anyone else won't be a factor."

"I hope you're right," said Mac standing and going to the kitchen to check on the pasta.

"Oh, I'm right," Harriet laughed as Matthew contributed a large burp to the discussion.

**Metropolitan Children's Hospital**

**Arlington, VA**

Harm and Bud sat in the hospital cafeteria waiting for Lucy. She had been scheduled for a test that afternoon and the imaging center was backed up. They had not had much of a chance to talk since Matthew was born and Bud was curious about where things were going.

"I know Harriet is probably going to find everything out from Mac but I'm curious, did you really not remember you and Mac being together in Utah?" Bud asked.

"No, all I remember about Utah is that I've felt better after punching out over the ramp," Harm chuckled. "If I'd suspected at all I'd have asked her."

"Would you?" Bud asked. "At the time of Mac's pregnancy, well for most of it you had already started seeing Analise and I though maybe…"

"No," Harm replied. "If I thought for a minute Matthew was mine I'd have at least talked to Mac about it. I'm not saying I would have left Ana but I would have been a part of her pregnancy."

Bud sipped his coffee, "Are you going to get back together now that Lucy is doing better and Mac can care for her more independently?"

"I haven't even thought about that," Harm sighed. "The main things on my mind have been Lucy's recovery and the paternity test Mic is still insisting on having done. I'm not at all worried but it is a formality I'd like to have out of the way. Besides, I haven't spoken to Ana since October."

"You two were great together," Bud said.

"Yeah, but I still love Mac, you know that. I told you we're trying again," Harm reminded him.

"Sure, but…Listen, you know I love Mac but I'm your friend too and everything that happened over the past two years and why it all ended like it did, it wasn't your fault," Bud explained.

"I had the affair, Bud and I lied about it," Harm pointed out.

"Yes, you did and it was the wrong thing to do but you didn't do it alone," Bud paused for a bit of fruit. "And I'm not talking about Annie either."

Harm nodded, "I know. Mac and I have both acknowledged we contributed to the problems we had together and decided to work on them together."

"I am happy for you," Bud assured him. "Truly but after you see your best friends shred each other to bits for two years its natural to be somewhat protective."

"And I appreciate it," Harm affirmed. "We couldn't have two better friends than you and Harriet."

Harm's cell rang as he finished his thought, "Rabb. Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there."

Bud raised his eyebrow at Harm in question.

"Lucy's ready," he replied wiping his mouth as he rose from his seat. "Let's go get her."

When Harm and Bud reached the oncology ward of the Children's Wing Lucy's nurse had her seated in her small pink wheelchair dressed in jeans, a purple turtleneck, and Winnie the Pooh pullover sweater. Her bald head was covered in a purple baseball cap with pink heart through it. When she saw her father and uncle she smiled.

"Hi, Button," Harm greeted. "Are you ready to go home?"

"Yes," Lucy replied with more enthusiasm than she had in months. "Where's Mommy?" Then, "Hi Uncle Bud."

"Hi, Kiddo," Bud smiled greeting Lucy. "Mommy's at home with Aunt Harriet."

"Captain Rabb," the nurse said. "We need you to sign Lucy's release forms and collect her personal items."

Harm nodded, "All right. Lucy," he said. "You wait with Uncle Bud. Daddy will be right back."

Harm was grateful he and Mac decided to start taking home all of the cards and gifts Lucy had collected a bit at a time. It only took him ten minutes to sign all the required forms and collect Lucy's things. Harm returned carrying Lucy's Snoopy travel bag and smiled, "How about you hold this for Daddy?" he suggested placing the duffel on her lap.

They made their way to the parking lot and Bud helped Harm secure Lucy in the car. They made light conversation on the drive smiling and laughing like old times before Lucy had gotten sick and everyone's life had been turned upside down.

AJ's truck was in the driveway when Harm arrived with Lucy. She had not fallen asleep but was looking tired. Bud took Lucy's bag inside while Harm moved her from her car safety seat to her wheelchair. Lucy hated the safety seat and complained only baby's had to use them. Harm and Mac, though, were adamant and unanimous in their decision that since Lucy's weight had dropped well below the average for her age that she had to ride in one.

Harm pushed Lucy's chair inside where her "family" waited to surprise her. It was evident to her parent's that she loved everything about the day from the food Mac and Harriet had prepared to the decorations created by her brother and their friends. By the time their guests had left for home Lucy was exhausted. She'd seemed like the little girl they remembered eating cake and laughing but all too soon they could see the toll that even the slightest activity took on her small body.

Harm stayed at the house to help Mac clean up and get the children to bed. While Lucy rested on the couch Harm gave DJ his bath and read him a bedtime story. Mac bathed Matthew in his baby tub, fed, burped and changed him before handing him off to his father to be put in his crib. Once DJ and Matthew were both secure in their beds they debated what to do about Lucy.

"We can't leave her there," Mac sighed indicating their daughter sleeping on the sofa. "Even if she does look comfortable."

"I'll put her in her bed," Harm sighed. "We need to try and get jammies on her without waking her up. She needs all the rest she can possibly get."

"Let's just slide her sweater off and her jeans. I'll help her change the rest later when she wakes up," Mac replied.

Harm nodded and lifted his sleeping child carrying her off to her room. Mac started straightening up the kitchen and dining area, putting dishes in the sink, leftover food in the refrigerator, used paper cups in the trash can…She paused in her chores when she felt Harm's eyes on her.

"What are you thinking?" she asked meeting his penetrating blue eyes.

"I'm thinking of all the times we've done this and about the reason for those parties verses this one," Harm answered. "No matter how much things have changed they have in some ways stayed the same."

"Some things will never change," Mac agreed. "Like you staring at me instead of helping when I'm doing the dishes. Get your butt over here and help, Flyboy."

Mac laughed at Harm joined in as he began scraping plates for Mac to rinse. It was a peaceful domestic scene, one which both Harm and Mac hoped would be repeated many times in their future.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: For Jan who asked me to confirm that Harm and Mac's marriage took place in early season 4. In this universe it would have occurred between Gypsy Eyes and Martin Baker Fan Club, the events of Martin Baker having taken place immediately after their marriage when Harm and Mac should have been on their honeymoon. Once again I aplogize for any mistakes. I tried to catch them all but I may have missed some. Please enjoy.**

Chapter 2

**Two weeks later**

**Aw Dang Chinese Restaurant **

**Manassas, VA**

The Rabb family, the Roberts family, and of course the unofficial clan patriarch AJ sat at a long wooden table at Lucy's favorite Chinese restaurant. The get together had been AJ's idea, a way of celebrating the news that had come the day before, the results of Matthew's paternity tests. The former JAG stood at the head of the table tapping his spoon on a cup of wonton soup.

"Gentlemen and ladies," he said in his clear, firm voice. "I'd like to propose a toast. To Harm and Mac, congratulations on the birth of your third child and on the final word coming from Bethesda that proves Matthew Harmon is truly a Rabb."

Echoes of "hear, hear" came from around the table followed by a dinner filled with laughter, good food, and good times. Having Matthew's paternity finally determined was a hurdle Harm and Mac were thrilled to have behind them. They didn't feel they could completely start moving on until those issues were dealt with. No they were one step closer to putting the past where it belonged and focusing on their future.

Harm walked Mac to her car and helped her secure the children in their car seats. "So, I'll meet you at Dr. Jacobsen's tomorrow?" he confirmed before leaving.

"Yeah, her appointment is at three. He said it was important we both be there to go over the latest test results," Mac replied.

"She's seemed stronger lately. This could be a good thing," Harm said hopefully.

"It could be a very good thing," Mac agreed. She waited a moment then shyly reached up to give him a tight hug. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Harm got in his own car and pointed it toward his apartment. He was worrying about the staus of his reconciliation with Mac. Since Matthew was born and Lucy had come home they had spent time together with the children but next to none alone. If everything went well at Lucy's appointment the next day he would bring that up with Mac.

**Metropolitan Children's Hospital**

**Arlington, VA**

Dr. Jacobsen examined Lucy then sent her down the hall for her chemotherapy and invited Harm and Mac to wait in his office. As they waited for the doctor Harm reached out and took hold of Mac's hand.

"Captain and Mrs. Rabb," Dr. Jacobsen said as he entered his office. Along with him was a tall thin brunette with curly waves and deep brown eyes. "This is a colleague of mine, Dr. Alice Thomas, a pediatric hematologist and immunologist. I asked her to join us."

"Good afternoon," Dr. Thomas said smiling. "Jake has told me a lot about you and Lucy and I'm glad he asked me to consult."

"Um why…" Harm began but Dr. Thomas continued.

"Captain Rabb, Mrs. Rabb, I know you are curious about my involvement and what I do. Basically, I study blood and blood disorders and even more specifically I work with blood disorders that directly affect the immune system in children and young adults. Dr. Jacobsen consulted with me because Lucy and her cancer fit right into my purview," Dr. Thomas explained.

"I understand what you do, Dr. Thomas," Mac replied. "I think what Harm and I want to know is why Dr. Jacobsen brought you in at this stage," she looked at Dr. Jacobsen with a raised eyebrow

"Well, while Lucy has been improving over the last six week and has avoided for the most part contracting any serious infections the latest test results show that we are merely deterring her cancer and battled back the metastases. We are not making much headway against the primary cancer," he clarified. "Dr. Thomas has had very good results in situations like Lucy's and I felt that since we are not having much success using the current treatment plan we need to broaden our choices and our options."

Harm and Mac were shocked at this news. They expected to hear Lucy's cancer was nearing a remission given how much better she seemed to be doing. It was disheartening to both of them to hear that for all her pain and suffering very little had actually been done to combat the disease. "But she seems much better," Harm finally managed.

"She is," Dr. Jacobsen assured them. "The cancer that spread to her spinal cord and joints has almost completely remised and that is a very good sign. It is the primary cancer, the ALL itself that we haven't been successful in killing. That is why I consulted with Dr. Thomas. She has had a lot more experience and success with this type of cancer and these circumstances."

Mac's eyes began to well up with tears so Harm squeezed her hand tightly. "All right, obviously we will have to proceed from here, keep fighting it. What's the next step?"

"Dr. Jacobsen has informed me that Lucy has two siblings. Are they both full siblings or…" Dr. Thomas began.

"Yes, DJ is our first son, our middle child and Matthew is the baby," Mac replied.

"Well, usually at this stage of treatment after the initial chemo regimen has failed a bone marrow transplant is often the next logical step and quite effective," Dr. Thomas replied. "As a pediatric hematologist I do this procedure fairly regularly."

"How does it work? Is it like getting a heart or kidney transplant or…" Harm began.

"No, BMT is typically a living donor transplant. Lucy's marrow type is tested and once we know that we can search for a likely match," Dr. Thomas explained. "The best chance of a match often occurs in a full sibling so we'd test both of your sons first."

"Both…" Mac began. "Matthew is only six weeks old and DJ is just a little boy, he's not yet five."

"They are both young but I've done marrow extractions on babies even younger," Dr. Thomas replied.

"Dr. Jacobsen, Dr. Thomas, what type of time frame are we working with here?" Harm asked. I mean how dire are our circumstances, her circumstances? Can we try something else, another round of chemo; a different drug maybe?"

"Oh sure, of course," Dr. Jacobsen said. "We can strengthen her dose in the next round and add light levels of radiation."

"Strengthen her dose?" Mac gasped. "The last dose was almost more than she could handle."

Harm could sense Mac was becoming upset. He was as well, feeling his heart constrict at what the doctors were saying, "Lucy has what," he looked at Mac, "Three more weeks on this round of chemo? Or is it four?"

"Three," Mac confirmed. "She started this round right before Matthew was born."

"All right," Harm sighed. "Dr. Thomas do you have any literature on the bone marrow transplant that Mac and I can take a look at? This is a very big decision and we are going to need some time to think it over and weigh our options."

"Absolutely," Dr. Thomas replied reaching into her briefcase and removing a folder filled with articles and pamphlets. "A lot of these writings," she told Harm as she handed him the folder, "Have bibliographical information as well so you can expand your research beyond this if you feel the need. My card is also in the file so you can call me if you have any questions at all."

Mac and Harm rose from their chairs, "We will. Thank you," he said shaking hands with both doctors.

Mac was shaking from the impact of the doctors' words. Harm slipped a strong arm around her shoulders, "Come on," he whispered. "Let's go get our girl."

**A/N 2: Sorry for the short length of this chapter and the amount of time between updates. This story just does not seem to want to come out but I will find a way to make it come out. I always do. My next update will be about a week after my next update for my CSI story. I plan to alternate updating.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Another timeline clarification from the long story that is CWEGBTB, Mac took a medical leave of absence after her last laparoscopy, the December before the divorce and officially left the corp when she and Mic decided to try to have a child together.**

**I read this chapter over twice and I hope I caught the mistakes. Apologies in advance if I missed any.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own JAG or make money from using the characters.**

**Mackenzie-Rabb Home**

**Manassas, VA**

"Finally out?" Mac asked as Harm carried Lucy from the bathroom to her bedroom. She appeared to be sound asleep.

"Yeah," Harm replied. "She emptied her stomach two hours ago. It's only been dry heaves since then."

"Poor baby," Mac sighed looking up from her reading.

"Yeah. I think she'll sleep through now though," Harm replied. "I'll be right back."

Harm took Lucy into her bedroom and gently placed her in bed. "I love you, Button," he whispered placing a soft kiss on her forehead before exiting Lucy's room to join Mac on the couch.

"What are you reading?" Harm asked as he sat beside Mac.

"I printed some information from Bethesda's medical resource page about bone marrow transplants. There is just so much to wrap my mind around," she sighed. "This is going to be a very tough decision and if we make the wrong one…"

"We've made tough decisions before, Mac and wrong decisions too," Harm reminded her. "We were always able to make it work."

"This is different," Mac said laying her research on the coffee table. "This is about our kids, our babies' lives and I can't even grasp some of the simplest articles."

"We don't have to decide this tonight," Harm said gently. "We need to take the three weeks we have and consider everything. We both know…we both know haste makes waste."

"Yeah," Mac sighed. "I'm so glad Harriet could keep the boys, looking after Lucy is easier this way."

"Sure is," Harm agreed. "Listen, Mac, I know the timing hasn't been the best and now we have this new issue with the transplant, but we…"

"I know," Mac broke in. "But I think for now things are best left as they are. We shouldn't complicate our lives any more than they are already."

Harm nodded, "Sure, I can understand that, but Mac…"

"Harm, I am in this, believe me I want to try again. I want to rebuild our family, but we have to focus on Lucy and saving her life before we concentrate on rebuilding our lives."

Harm accepted Mac's answer with a silent nod. He knew she was right; their personal relationship had to take a backseat to Lucy's medical needs. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if they really had a chance at finding each other again.

**Three Weeks Later**

**Starbucks Coffee**

**Alexandria, Virginia**

Harm sat at table in the back of the coffeehouse he now associated solely with meetings. So much of his life had been decided in one way or another in this coffee shop. It was where Mac had proposed the first ridiculous custody arrangement, where they had worked out the one they used now, and today it was to be the place where they would decide Lucy's fate and that of their sons.

Over the last three weeks, Harm and Mac spent countless hours researching bone marrow transplants, the procedure, the extraction, the risks, and the success rates. They had debated, consulted with friends, with books, with experts at Bethesda Medical, and now, finally it was time to make their decision.

Mac had dropped Lucy, DJ, and Matthew off at Harriet's house. She was late arriving at the Starbucks because she found herself taking time preparing. She'd yet to lose the last few pounds she had gained while she was pregnant with Matthew, and she felt a bit self-conscious about that given she and Harm were not officially back together. She knew that her weight or her looks didn't matter after all she and Harm had been through, but she still felt like she wanted to be pretty for him.

It was ten minutes past five when Mac walked into the coffeehouse. Harm caught site of her before she did him. She was wearing jeans that fit her very well and a dark green sweater that hugged her breasts and body beautifully. Her dark hair was swept up and held in place with a decorative clip. Harm rose from his seat and she approached.

"Hi," Mac greeted. "Sorry I'm late."

Harm smiled his trademark smile. "It's fine. You know I never minded waiting for you." He leaned forward and pressed a light kiss on her lips. "You look pretty. I like your hair like that."

Mac blushed slightly and took a seat. "I though I'd try something new." She sniffed the cup of coffee that was already at her place. "French vanilla decaf. You remembered."

"It wasn't so long ago," Harm replied. "I was thinking before you got here about how much has been decided here in the last two years or so."

"It has seen a lot of important events in our lives," Mac agreed. "This perhaps the most important of them all."

"We both put a lot of thought into this, Mac. We have studied and researched on our own. We will make the right choice," Harm said with confidence.

"I pray you are right," Mac sighed. "Because Harm…I…I don't…"

"You don't want to do it?" Harm asked for clarification.

"It's not the transplant itself that I don't want to do," Mac replied. "I just…It is the idea of where we might get a potential donor."

Harm nodded, "I worried about that too, Mac, but all of the research says DJ or Matthew are the best possible chance for a match, not that they will be a guaranteed match."

"I understand that," Mac sighed. "It was after I read that I saw this article on one of the parental resource cites. It was about parents actually creating test tube babies in order to develop a perfect biological match. That really…It turned my stomach to read that. Maybe I am sensitive because I can't have babies anymore, but for a parent to clearly choose one child's life over another, to have a baby who's sole purpose for being is to be a life source for another child…That is just plain cruel."

"But that isn't what we'd be doing, Mac," Harm reasoned. "We already have DJ and Matthew to test. If they don't match, then we move on to us, to our friends, and if need be the national registry. I am against harvesting too, but that is not what we are talking about doing."

Mac sipped her coffee. "Being a donor Harm is painful, selfless, and can have an impact on the rest of a person's life. I…I don't think we should choose that for one of our children without his consent. To force DJ or Matthew to be a donor for Lucy would be the same as harvesting, at least to me."

"Mac, Lucy is our daughter, our first born, our only little girl. The parents you are talking about would go to the ends of the earth to save their babies. Why should we do anything less?" Harm asked needing more explanation to feel comfortable with Mac's choice.

"I want Lucy to get well more than anything," Mac assured him. "I'd gladly give my own life for hers, but I suppose what I mean is I would do it gladly and of my own free choice."

"And DJ and Matthew would not have such a choice," Harm sighed seeing for the first time the logic in Mac's though process, even though he was not sure he agreed with it.

"I think that DJ is old enough, if we explained it carefully, that he could understand what we are asking of him and tell us how he feels. It is Matthew that…" Mac trailed off and sighed. "Did I ever tell you about my mom's sister, Betty?" Mac asked.

"I didn't even know your mom had anyone else besides Uncle Matt," Harm replied.

"She did, she had a younger sister, Elizabeth. We all called her Betty. Aunt Betty had two children, my cousins Martha and Peter. When Peter was about four he developed a life threatening kidney disease that's only chance for a real cure was a transplant. Martha, being a full sibling was a tissue and blood match so Aunt Betty decided to let Peter have one of Martha's kidneys." Mac took another sip of her coffee and a long breath. "Before the surgery, Martha had been real athlete. She played girls' softball and ran track. Once Aunt Betty volunteered her for the surgery all of that was over for her. Martha had always been made to feel inadequate because she was a girl, now her few joys in life had been taken away and she got to spend the rest of her life knowing…knowing that she mattered less to Aunt Betty than Peter did. I promised myself that minute; the day I heard the adults talking about this that if I ever, Heaven forbid it, was in that spot…I promised myself I would never make one of my children feel like Martha had."

Harm listened intently to Mac's story and knew where she was going with it. He also knew her mind was made up. "I understand. Lucy is sick but we…we can't choose like…Our children all deserve a choice in their own fate if we can give it to them. Still, if Matthew is a match and could save Lucy and we don't try…"

"I know," Mac replied. "I've tossed and turned over this one for three weeks now. Let's just try all of our other options first before we are forced to rely on one of our other children to save Lucy's life. Let's focus on the chemo and the medication first."

"You really want to put Lucy through that for another three to six months," Harm debated. "She deserves a choice in this too, if your central argument is giving our children a choice in their own destiny."

"We can talk to Lucy about it if you'd like, and to DJ they can understand enough if we simplify it for them," Mac replied. "Dr. Jacobsen said we have more drug options, more methods before the bone marrow transplant becomes the last resort. I'd like to keep it as just that, a last resort."

Harm nodded slowly, conceding to Mac's point for the time being, not knowing how else he could argue this point. "A last resort."

Harm and Mac finished their coffee and turned the conversation to more pleasing topics. About an hour after Mac had arrived they both left, Mac to pick up the children and Harm back to his D.C. apartment.

As Harm drove he played the conversation over and over in his head. He understood Mac's not wanting to make one child feel that its sole purposed for being was to sustain the life of a sibling, but he couldn't help but think that they should save Lucy's life at any cost. Her poor little body was already so worn out he wasn't sure if another round of chemotherapy was even possible. There were just so many unanswered whys.

After driving a good deal longer than it should have taken him to arrive at his apartment, Harm reflexively parked his care. He realized he'd been driving blindly, his mind and body going through motions it found comforting and ritualistic, motions that led him to a guest and visitor parking space at Analise's apartment complex.

Harm wasn't even sure how or when he had decided to come here. He wasn't sure if he did decide or if it happened out of pure reflex. Since they had met Analise had been a source of comfort and support for him, until she had ended their relationship last October. It was only natural; he supposed that he would come here while he was feeling as he was now.

Harm got out of his car and stood staring at Analise's apartment. He had not seen or spoken to her since his birthday. He didn't know if she had anyone else in her life or how she'd react to seeing him standing on her doorstep after a long stint of silence. All he knew was at this moment he needed what he could always find inside those apartment walls.

Shoving both his gloved hands in his jacket pocket Harm took a long deep breath in and closed the gap between himself and Analise.

When Analise heard the knock on her door, the last person she expected to see on the other side of it was Harmon Rabb. It had been months since she had seen or heard from him. She had heard through the hospital grapevine that Lucy was still a very sick little girl and from reading the local papers that Mac had given birth to a healthy baby boy that carried the Rabb name. Aside from that Harm and his life since October were a mystery to her.

Analise opened her door and offered her visitor a small smile. "Captain Rabb, well this is a surprise."

"Hello, Ana," Harm said, his deep voice thick and husky. "Can I…" he began and gestured his meaning.

Analise nodded and stepped back, "Sure," she said gently. "Come on inside."

Harm stepped through the door and Ana politely took his cover and topcoat. She hung them on the hook beside her door and turned back to face her unexpected guest.

The air was thick with tension as Harm and Analise took small, tentative steps towards each other. Slowly, their eyes met, Ana's eyes holding a soft understanding and Harm's own, unshed tears. He reached out his right hand to cup her cheek, "It's good to see you, Ana," he said softly.

Analise brought her own hand up to cover Harm's, "It's good to see you too, Harm."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to all who have been reading and reviewing this story. I know I probably got some of you nervous when I introduced Analise again, but I think I have found in writing this chapter a central theme for this story will be learning from ones mistakes. That is going to include everyone. I hope everyone continues to read, review, and above all, enjoy.**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply.**

**Chapter 4**

As their hands touched it was as if the magnetism that had drawn them together at the Parents without Partners mixer had not diminished since their practical decision to terminate their involvement. Analise's hand slid up Harm's arm to his shoulder while Harm moved his free hand around her waist applying just enough pressure to invite Analise's body next to his. She accepted his gesture and rested her cheek against his chest for a long moment before pulling away.

"Sit down," she invited politely; morbidly curious as to why Harm was there in her apartment after all this time. "Can I get you anything?"

Harm moved slowly and sat in the large maroon chair that was once unofficially his. "I'll take a soda," he replied. "Where's Maggie?"

"Taking her nap," Analise said. "She's been skipping her lunchtime nap lately, can't seem to drop off in daycare. Probably afraid she'll miss something."

Harm offered a half hearted laugh. "I remember those days, picking Lucy up at the daycare across from HQ…" Harm's voice trailed off and he swallowed hard.

"What brings you here, Harm?" Analise asked setting his cold glass of soda down in front of him. "It's not that I'm not pleased to see you but no contact, no word since October and now here you are with no explanation."

"I don't know why I'm here," Harm admitted. "Mac and I met up at the Starbucks in Arlington; we have some decisions to make about Lucy. After I left I started driving home and ended up here instead."

"I see. What kind of decisions did you have to make?" Analise asked. "How had Lucy been?"

"Well, they let her leave the hospital just after Matthew was born in January…Oh; my I never even…Mac had a healthy baby boy," Harm told Analise with a small smile.

"I read in the birth announcements," Ana confessed. "A large, healthy boy…Matthew Harmon Rabb. How did Commander Brumby take to that?"

"Not well," Harm told her. "Analise, I have something to tell you about Matthew before we talk anymore. Matthew, he's my son."

"Your son?" Analise echoed. "Harm I'm no doctor or lawyer but even I know the period of human gestation."

"Mac and I were together last winter," Harm said. "In Utah when I was sick. I had no memory of it. I still have very little recollection of it, but DNA tests confirmed it. He is my son."

"Congratulations," Analise said. "Really, I'm very happy for you and Mac. I hope you will both be very happy."

"One very important key for our happiness still hangs in the balance, Ana," Harm sighed. "Lucy's health and future are still very bleak."

"You were going to tell me about that I think before we started talking about Matthew," Analise reminded him.

"Yes. Well, after Matthew was born Mac had some serious health problems and had to stay in the hospital," Harm said.

"What sort of problems?" Analise asked.

"Her uterus ruptured during the delivery, she had to have an emergency hysterectomy so she was in the hospital for two weeks, right near Lucy. Another two weeks later Dr. Jacobsen felt Lucy was ready to leave the hospital and go back on the outpatient treatment, so we brought her home," Harm sighed. "Two weeks after that at one of her check ups and treatments Dr. Jacobsen came in with another doctor, a pediatric hematologist, Dr. Thomas. They started talking about doing a bone marrow transplant." Harm paused for a breath. "So Mac and I think about this separately for three weeks, we do our own research and our own studying to try to come to the right decision, the best decision and now that we have I'm not sure its right at all."

"Wow," Analise sighed. "That's a lot to take on and take in Harm. What decision did you make?"

"Mac feels we still have more options with chemotherapy to exhaust before we resort to doing a transplant. This last round beat back all the secondary cancer, it's just the ALL left now," Harm replied.

"Why did Mac think the transplant should wait?" Analise asked. "It could actually be the quickest and most reliable cure at this point if you find a match."

"And the most likely place to find a match is a sibling," Harm supplied. "Mac feels if we resorted to a bone marrow transplant now we'd run the risk of one child feeling it was merely a host to keep another alive."

"And what do you think?" Analise asked.

"Well, I can understand why Mac feels…" Harm began.

"Of course you can," Ana replied. "I can too. I didn't ask you if you understand why Mac feels as she does. I asked you what you think about the issue."

Harm's gaze fell on his hands, "It doesn't matter, Ana. Mac is the legal custodian."

"It does matter, Harm," Analise insisted. "Because a year from now you along with Mac may have to bury your daughter. That is hard enough to face without regrets. You have to do all you can as her father and as DJ and Matthew's father too. So, tell me, Harm, what do you think about the bone marrow transplant in Lucy's case?"

"I…I think she's been through so much already between the cancer, the metastases, the chemotherapy, the infections…I think if the bone marrow transplant will give her a break, even one day less of that Hell we have to try it," Harm finally said. "I think we have to save Lucy first and fix whatever effect it may have on DJ or Matthew later."

"That's a good point," Analise confirmed. "And think about this, what are you and Mac going to tell DJ and Matthew when they are old enough to learn about leukemia and they ask you why you and Mac didn't fight harder to save their sister? Children have an uncanny ability to find ways to make bad things in life their fault. Do you want that? Does Mac?"

Harm shook his head, "Mac feels that if we reach a point where a transplant is necessary we can explain it to DJ, we can give him a choice. We won't be able to explain it to Matthew. If we do it, the procedure that is, and it somehow impacts Matthew's future we don't want him to feel that he is only valued as a tool to keep Lucy alive."

"I suppose you have to be on the outside of this situation to hear how ridiculous that sounds," Analise said flatly. "In a baby Matthew's age or even in a child of DJ's age, the chances of long term adverse affects from being a donor are virtually non-existant. The chances of more chemotherapy and more time sick with cancer weakening Lucy to a point where she is not strong enough to withstand the procedure are much, much higher. I'm surprised you didn't come across that in your research."

"I did, I know Mac must have," Harm sighed. "She's basing this choice on a family experience that had negative effects on a child kidney donor. That and Mac and I always wanted our children to have a choice in their lives."

"That's an admirable goal Harm, but children have parents for a reason. If they were supposed to make their own choices at five, six, ten years of age, they wouldn't need parents. Children have to be taught how to be adults and they don't learn that by their parents making them adults long before they are old enough to handle the responsibility. They have to come to that in their own time. I admire you for wanting to give your children a choice, and for some things, that's great to give them that independence, but not at this stage, not with this much at stake. It's just not right, Harm," Analise said definitively. "You know that, you wouldn't be here if you didn't."

Harm had always felt the one of the ways to teach children to make good decisions was to let them do so on their own with parental guidance, not influence and then to be their to help them correct any mistakes they had made and help them to learn from them. That was the one area where he and Analise had consistently disagreed when they dated. "There is so much at stake," Harm sighed. "Sometimes I feel my whole life is riding on Lucy's life. If something were to happen to her, if she dies…"Harm's voice caught.

"I know," Analise said softly, her voice filled with compassion. "So what are you going to do?"

"What can I do?" Harm sighed defeated. "It's been decided. We talked about it."

"Did you? Did you really because if you really talked it through and agreed 100 you wouldn't be here, you'd be at home with Mac and your kids," Analise pointed out. "Go now, go to Mac and tell her your feelings and your thoughts. Once upon a time I'm sure she deeply valued your input, you were married for seven years, five of which were pretty good."

"You don't understand, Ann," Harm sighed and rose from his chair to pace about the room trying to physically work off his frustration.

"Then explain it to me," Analise told him. "Make me understand."

"It's true, Mac and I were married for seven years, but we never talked, not one time in the entire marriage did Mac and I ever manage to have a productive conversation that didn't end in sex or disaster," Harm replied. "We lost that link, that physical bond when Mac got sick and we never got it back. That's how our marriage died."

"Harm, I can't tell you how to handle this, how to talk to Mac or anything, but I can tell you, you better learn how to communicate with Mac outside the bedroom before you try to repair your marriage," Ana warned.

"I didn't tell you…" Harm began but Analise cut him off before he could finish.

"You didn't have to," Ana sighed. "Why do you think I ended our relationship. You loved me. I know that, but I would never be to you what Mac was or even is, we both know that. And even more so, if you weren't trying to win her back, you'd have fought her decision tooth and nail about the bone marrow."

Harm's silence was Analise's assurance that she was right, on all fronts. She continued, "Go to her, Harm. Go see her, tell her your thoughts and your fears. She'll never learn them if you don't tell her."

"She's been through so much…" Harm sighed.

"And you haven't?" Ana retorted. "Harm, regardless, the issue here is not about what Mac's been through or what you have been through. It is not about revenge, settling old scores, and believe it or not it is not a power struggle between you and her. This is about your daughter; your Lucy who is very sick and who needs her parents to work together to do the right thing for everyone, including themselves. You need to get that through your head," Analise said firmly. "Stop trying to appease Mac to make up for you affair, stop swallowing your words to avoid an argument, and do the right thing for you daughter because in the end she is the one who's going to pay the price, not Mac, and not you."

"I'm not even sure I know what the right thing is anymore," Harm admitted defeated.

"Sure you do," Analise encouraged. "You knew before you walked through the door."

Slowly, Analise rose and closed the gap between Harm and her. She reached for him and held him to her for a minute, "You may have made some big mistakes, but speaking your piece to Mac about this won't be one of them. If you want to talk about lessons for your kids, think of this one; you have to stand up for what you think is right even if someone else thinks its wrong. That is an excellent lesson for your sons."

Harm gave Analise a squeeze, "Thank you, Ana. Thank you for listening, for being here even after…"

"I care about you, Harm," Analise said. "I'll always be here if you need a friend." She pulled out of his hold and met his eyes. "Now go talk to Mac."

With a final kiss on the cheek Analise showed Harm out of her apartment. Harm got in his car and headed for Manassas. Analise was right, Mac at least needed to hear his thoughts before they closed the matter of the bone marrow transplant. If he held his tongue and let things fester the new life they wanted to build would be dead before it was even born.

Mac had just finished clearing the supper dishes and was loading the dishwasher. Lucy and DJ were engrossed in a game of "Go Fish" and Matthew was napping in his swing when the doorbell sounded. Mac dried her hands and opened the door. "Harm? This is a nice surprise," she smiled. "What brings you out here at this later hour?"

"Mac," Harm said softly keeping one yes out for the children who would soon be rounding the hallway to greet him. "We need to talk."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Once again, I am flying this without a beta reader so I apologize for the mistakes that I did not catch. The good news is the fabulous Giwu who betas my CSI fanfics is going to beta this for me starting with chapter six. Thanks to her in advance.**

**Second, I have been having severe bouts of writer's block with this story lately and I'd like to ask my readers, those who have been with me through Can We Ever Get Back to Before up until now for some specific things they might like to see come up in this story. I know the overall idea is to reunite Mac and Harm and that is the plan, but I think most of you know by now that I am not one for miracle endings or quick ones. I'm not saying this will be another nearly 1,000 page epic, sequels rarely are but I'm not just going throw the reconciliation at you all either. So please utilize the private message feature or my e-mail at and send me your suggestions. You will be credited it the suggestion is used, promise. Thank you all again for your loyalty. Please read, enjoy, and review.**

**Chapter 5**

Mac quickly moved aside to let Harm in to the house. "Harm, is everything all right?" she asked concerned by his unannounced arrival and urgent tone of voice.

"Yeah," Harm replied. "We just have to talk, that's all. Are the children asleep?"

"Not yet," Mac replied. "Matthew is but Lucy and DJ are playing cards. We can talk in our…the bedroom or…"

"Why don't we wait until the children go to bed?" Harm suggested. "I'll help you."

Mac agreed and allowed Harm to lead the way into the family room.

Harm quickly joined in Lucy and DJ's card game while Mac finished cleaning the kitchen and drew DJ's bath. Harm gave DJ his bath while Mac helped Lucy prepare for her own bath. When DJ was out of the tub, Harm read him a story and tucked him into bed. DJ was asleep before Harm left the room.

As Harm passed Lucy's bedroom he heard Mac being read to by their daughter. Quietly he made his way to the living room to prepare his thoughts and wait for Mac to be finished. A baby gurgle from the swing caught Harm's attention. He turned to see Matthew awake and busy following his father's movements with wide, bright blue eyes.

Harm smiled at the baby and lifted him out of the swing's seat. "Hey, big guy. Did you have a good nap?"

Matthew cooed and continued to keep his gaze on Harm's face studying his father intently. Harm held the boy close and sat on the couch cradling him. "You are so young, so small and innocent. You have no idea what kind of a world you've come into, do you? You know nothing about war, crimes, terrorists, and let me tell you son, there is nothing I would not give if you could be spared knowing them," Harm sighed and swallowed then began again. "And as if that isn't enough, you can't even be given peace in your home, not like you should have. A lot of that is my fault, maybe all of it because I allowed things to continue even when I knew it was the wrong way to live and to be. You may never get to see this Matthew, but please believe me; I love your mother very much, I always have and I always will, but things…The way I lived with her it can't be like it was before, all that ended with was pain and sorrow for everyone. Your sister and brother had to live through it, you may as well, but I can't…Everything we've been through will be for nothing unless somehow your mother and I can figure our how to talk to each and…"

"You used to do that with her," Mac's voice broke into Harm's talk with Matthew as she entered the room. "I'd wake up to nurse her or check on her and I'd find you in her room in the old rocking chair just talking to her. Sometimes I thought she understood you too, she'd just follow you her eyes. You would try with DJ, but he's usually squirm away, but Lucy she hung on your…"

"Hangs," Harm corrected. "She hangs on my every word, not hung like that's past…It's not, it's…not," Harm felt his throat close and tears well up in his eyes. "It's not past, it's now…" he managed before he choked on a sob from deep inside his chest.

"Harm?" Mac said softly placing a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, hey...It's okay. It'll be all right."

Harm shifted away from Mac's touch and handed her the baby. She rose with him and put him back in his swing. Mac knew instinctually what Harm was there to see her about, and what he was going to need from her to get through. She quickly turned the swing on and returned to Harm's side.

Mac reached out for Harm's hand and he let her take it as he did battle with his emotions. "Harm…what is…Tell me…"

"How can you say it's going to be all right Mac?" he asked sharply. "When we…When we made a choice today that can and will change all of our lives forever, probably for the worse, and we didn't even talk about it? How…In what world does an event like that prelude everything being all right?"

Mac took her hand back feeling the anger in Harm's body and knew at least some of it was directed at her. "We did talk about it Harm," Mac corrected. "That was what we met in the coffee shop to…"

"You talked," he replied rising from the sofa to pace about the living room. "I like a coward, gave in to what you wanted. I never got my say, and I didn't even choose to have it until after the fact."

"Harm, I know we made a hard choice," Mac tried again to get him to listen and to calm down just a bit.

"We didn't make any choice!" he fired back, the tone in his raise voice making Matthew flinch in his chair slightly. Harm cautiously lowered his voice, "We didn't make any choice, you told me your side and I let it drop."

"I take it then that you don't agree with not doing the bone marrow transplant," Mac tried to confirm, not that she needed much confirmation.

Harm stopped pacing and took his seat, "I shouldn't be yelling at you. It's not your fault I didn't say anything, but after we talked today and left Alexandria I got in my car and started to drive home, only instead of my apartment, I ended up at Analise's place."

Mac shifted a bit at the mention of Analise's name. She still considered her a rival. "Oh," was her only reply.

"I swear Mac," he said running a hand over his face. "I don't even know how I got there."

"Why did you go there?" Mac asked. "Curiosity or…"

"Relief," he answered quickly. "I had so much I needed to say after our meeting today."

"And you said it to her," Mac confirmed.

"Yeah, but it's not so much what I said to her, it's what she said in response to me, Mac. That's what is important, that's why I'm here," Harm sighed.

"Harm, obviously you are very upset and I really want to know what about," Mac encouraged. "You are talking in circles, Harm."

"I know Mac, I'm sorry," Harm said. "My head has been spinning since we talked earlier."

"I know the decision we made today was rough, but it was the right one, Harm," Mac said with confidence.

"No, it wasn't," Harm finally said. "It was…It is the wrong decision, Mac. It is the wrong choice, for us and for Lucy."

"It thought we agreed to this together, I thought the point of us meeting today was to talk and decide whether or not to do the transplant," Mac replied. "I thought that's what we did."

"That's what you did," Harm corrected dropping back onto the sofa next to Mac. "I don't agree with the choice, Mac. I just don't."

"Why didn't you say anything before?" Mac asked. "Lucy is your daughter too, but…"

"No, but Mac," Harm cut her off sharply. "No but. Lucy is my daughter too, just like DJ and Matthew are my sons. I have…we have three children an that is how many I want to see graduate college, get married, have their own families, and if one of those children holds the key to me, to us being able to live that dream either as a couple or…on our own, then that's what needs to happen."

"But I thought you and I agreed about the importance of choice for our kids," Mac said. "In fact, you advocated that strongly before we ever had children. Why…"

"Why am I reconsidering that now?" Harm anticipated. "I'm not reconsidering it, I still believe that we have to teach our children how to make good choices, better choices than we have made, but this choice is way over their heads and it is too important for us to use it as a teaching tool, Mac. This is Lucy's life, that's too much of a gamble, even for me."

"I don't want our boys to feel that they are only a tool for Lucy's survival. You had a point, we do have three children, one very sick, one very little, and one severely neglected because of our poor relationship skills not to mention the other situations," Mac argued. "The last thing DJ needs is to be milked…"

"The last thing DJ needs is a dead sister!" Harm shot out. "And you and I both know the chances of him having that, and of us having to…" Harm's voice caught at the mere though of what he was about to say, the though too much to bear. "Us having to bury out daughter are very high even with…And damn it Mac I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to let her go without a fight! You may want to…"

"Don't you dare even finish that thought!" Mac fired. "I love Lucy just as much as you do. I carried her, I nursed her…"

"I know," Harm said softly. "And that's why I can't understand your choice, Mac. I just can't understand it."

Harm returned to the sofa and sat beside Mac, "Help me understand your choice, Mac. Don't do it by telling me some story about your aunt or your cousin. Help me understand from your heart," he encouraged gently, using his finger to point to her heart with a gentle touch. "Your mother's heart."

Mac turned her head to lock eyes with Harm. His eyes were moist and bright with tears, as were her own. She swallowed the lump in her throat but ultimately lost her battle with tears and she began to cry as she spoke, "I…I just don't want to lose her. I'm…I'm so scared, Harm. I…I don't know if she can survive this…I don't know and I'm…"

Mac stopped talking and gave in to the pain she felt inside of her. She covered her face and leaned forward placing her elbows on her knees. Harm slid closer and settled his arms around her pulling her close to him. "Ssh," he soothed. "Ssh, I've got you. I'm sorry I'm pushing you Mac, but…"

Harm stopped talking and let her cry. It didn't matter if he pushed her; nothing mattered in the moment except the closeness that existed between them. He slowly rocked her back and forth running one hand up and down her back, using the other to caress her hair. As he held her, Harm knew that Mac was not at all secure in her choice not to do the bone marrow transplant and that the decision she made was born out of fear, not fact. Harm offered a silent prayer of thanks to whatever force pushed him to going to Analise's apartment and confiding in her. If not for her strong persuasive words of wisdom, he many never have challenged Mac's decision.

As Harm held her Mac began to calm down, her tears slowed and her breathing evened out to a slower rhythm. Slowly she pulled out of Harm's arms and sat up wiping her eyes.

"Feel better?" Harm asked with a soft smile.

"Yeah," Mac replied. "Thank you. I needed that."

"My pleasure," Harm said with a tiny smile. "We don't have to get into all of this now. We can wait until morning."

Mac shook her head, "No, I'm ready now if you are. It needs to be settled, for good this time."

"All right then," Harm agreed. "Should I make some coffee so we can simulate Starbucks or…"

Mac laughed. "I think we can do this without the Starbucks."

"Mac," Harm began. "I can't pretend that I can even begin to understand what it's like for you to see Lucy suffering like she is. I know what it's like for me as her father and Grams was always quick to remind me that as much as a father loves his children the bond just is not the same as the one that exists between a mother and her child. All I know is Lucy is sick, she's suffering physically and emotionally and if this transplant can end that for her, and for us, we have to seize that, Mac."

"The transplant might be the key to ending that for Lucy," Mac agreed. "But the process before it, the chemo required to kill of her bone marrow is so much more powerful than anything she's done up to now and you know those are brutal. I don't…I'm afraid she may not be able to handle it. At least with a new regimen we'd be n some familiar territory."

"I don't think Dr. Jacobsen would have brought it up if he felt it would hurt her," Harm said. "He hasn't done us wrong yet. It may be a hellish few weeks but it could be the ending of the nightmare for all of us. We can finally focus on a normal life again, all of our children deserve that and so do we."

Mac silently agreed, "I still am wary about using one of the boys. What if something really goes wrong and the procedure fails? What if a complication arises with DJ or Matthew?"

"Everything I read says donor risk is less than 1, Mac," Harm replied. "Those are pretty good odds. The success rates are excellent, Mac. I really think we should at least test the boys, see if we even have to think on this further or not. Let's at least see if we even have the option," Harm suggested.

Mac thought on that for a minute. "Harm, I am curious about something," she said after a pause. "Did you feel this way earlier when we had coffee or did Analise explain things better than the pamphlets and helped you to change you mind?"

Harm had been waiting for that question. "I felt this way earlier," he admitted. "You seemed so sure I chose to hold my tongue. All Ana did was tell me that I couldn't make things right with you by giving in when I didn't agree, that I owed it to Lucy, the boys, you, and even myself to speak up and voice my opinion, not stay silent for fear of rocking the boat now and let my resentment and anger build up on to contaminate things for us all over again later. It only took me a moment to know she was right."

"Yes," Mac said softly. "Yes, she was. Harm, I…We won't always agree, we will still argue and fight, but I want us to have a new family, one where you and I are real partners, not where we lie and patronize to keep the peace. That's not a relationship, that's not a marriage. I think we both learned that the hard way."

"That usually is how I learn things," Harm chuckled. "We just got so used to swallowing our feelings to keep the other one happy that we ended up making each other miserable."

Mac sadly agreed, "I'm just as guilty, there is and was so much I never dealt with, that we never worked through from our honeymoon up until Utah, I think before we can start over, move on, we have to deal with all of those hurts and anxieties."

"We do," Harm said strongly. "We really do. We tried before and failed, but you are right, we have to get beyond the past to have a future."

"We weren't ready before," Mac sighed. "But I think if the last nine months taught us anything it was we can at our own pace accomplish things together. I think we are ready now, or we're very close."

Harm squeezed Mac in a gentle one-armed hug. "I couldn't agree more. But what about Lucy? What do you think about the bone marrow transplant?"

"I think I need a few more days. I didn't give it fair consideration and I need to do that," Mac admitted. "Lucy's next appointment is Monday. Let's give it until Sunday and talk again, all right?"

Harm smiled brightly, all he had wanted was for Mac to reconsider after hearing his plea. "Sunday it is," Harm said firmly. "I'm glad you are going to rethink this, I really am."

"So am I, Harm," Mac sighed. "So am I."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: First I'd like to thank all of those that have been writing to inquire about the fate of this piece and of it's author as well as those who are still commenting on how much enjoyment these works of fiction bring to them. I have no love greater than writing be it fanfiction or general original works. I have the entire story mapped out and have written several chapters ahead to keep updates as close together as possible in a hectic real life. **

**I do have a beta lined up for the remained of the story but this portion is unbetaed. I tried to catch all the mistakes but I apologize if I missed a few. I look forward to your feedback and while I'll accept praise or criticism, please make all comments constructive.**

**Enjoy the ride!**

**Chapter Six**

Once Harm and Mac had secured Lucy and DJ on Sunday night they sat down at the kitchen table, a sea of pamphlets and booklets on bone marrow transplants spread in front of each of them. It had been several long grueling days since they set the deadline for their choice and both were feeling overwhelmed at the task before them.

Harm was first to speak. "Nothing in my reading to this point seems to indicate any significant risk to the donor especially a young one and the stats of survival for kids who receive a transplant are so much higher than the ones that don't."

"I read the same thing," Mac replied. "I'm not so much worried about risk anymore as I am…as I am about hope. I'm afraid to hope, to believe she could actually pull through this."

Harm reached across the table for Mac's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "She can pull through it Mac, look at who her parents are. Besides all we can do is make sure has all the tools she'll need, we can't control anymore than that as much as we'd like to do."

Mac nodded, "But what if we do try and the procedure fails. We'd have weakened her even further so much faster and gotten her spirits up only to have them crushed. We would severely reduce her life expectancy."

"That might happen," Harm acknowledged. "The procedure could fail and if it does Lucy more than likely would…" Harm choked on the word "die". He couldn't bring himself to utter that word referring to his seven year old. "It's not a sure thing, it could all go wrong, but if we don't try, well that outcome is a sure thing and I couldn't live with myself if we just stood by and watched. She fought so hard, she deserves this on final chance and so do we."

"Let's do it," Mac replied. "Though I'd like to give DJ some say, teach him to be a giver, not a taker."

"I can live with that," Harm agreed. "We'll sit DJ down and talk to him before Lucy's appointment tomorrow; maybe he can test the boys while she's getting her treatments."

Harm let go of Mac's hand and pushed back from the table. "It's getting late and tomorrow will be a long day. I best be going."

"I wish…I wish things would be like before sometimes," Mac sighed. "Especially during nights like this one."

"So do me, Mac," Harm agreed. "I miss lying in bed with you, our arms around each other like on the Guadalcanal after Bud…"

**July 2002**

Mac sat beside Harm on the small bench outside of sick bay until he'd composed himself enough to let her voice penetrate his brain. "Come on," she encouraged. "Come on, let's try and get some rest. Bud's going to need us to be strong."

Wearily Harm nodded and with Mac's hand firmly set in his they rose and made their way to their quarters.

Mac took a moment to change from her uniform but Harm as he had done in Russia simply dropped fully clothed on the bed, his head spinning with "whys and what ifs."

"Slide over, Sailor," Mac smiled snuggling up against her husband. She laid her head on his shoulder and massaged his chest with her right hand as if her gently ministrations could ease the pain on Harm's heart.

"Careful lying like that," Harm murmured after a moment. 'You didn't pump all day; you've got to be sore."

"Actually, I pumped when you went for your coffee break," Mac sighed. "Anyway all that matters is we're together. I'd gladly feel the pain if it meant this."

"Harm signified his agreement by covering Mac's hand with his. "I know I should be focusing on Bud, but I can't help thinking about what Harriet is feeling. We're her for Bud, Coates is here, but Harriet…"

"The Admiral will look after Harriet," Mac assured him. "Just like he looked after me. As for what she's feeling…She's not. She's in crisis mode, she's trying to smile, keep up appearances for Little AJ, trying not to let him sense her fear. She's remembering the good times…special moments…when they met, when Bud proposed, their wedding, AJ being born. If she can cling to those thoughts she can erase the flashed of retrieving Bud's remains, being handed a folded flag, hearing the trumpets of the military band playing, holding AJ when the salute scares him…" Mac trailed off and bit her lip.

"Is that how you felt last year?" Harm asked softly.

"It is," Mac replied. "I also remember I couldn't put Lucy down even when she squirmed as if holding her would tie me to you. I'd not have made it without the Admiral and after when you were so sick…Harriet and Bud were there for me. We owe them one for putting up with us," Mac laughed lightly. "We're family. Harriet will be fine as long as Bud is, as long as we are there for her, like you were there for Jen and me today."

"I don't know how I could have done that if Bud had died," Harm sighed his voice cracking. "Seeing you in pain are hard enough, my throat nearly closes up the moment I see a tear on your face. Seeing you in that kind of pain while feeling it myself…"

"I wish you would sometimes, Harm," Mac murmured cuddling even closer to Harm's warmth. "We don't have to hold each other up, we could simply hold on to each other."

**Present**

"We never quite learned how to do that, did we?" Harm sighed anguish and defeat plain in his ice blue eyes.

Mac shook her head. "That's as much my fault as yours," she agreed. "Still we can add that to the list of if only…"

The sensor light on the baby monitor in Matthew's room went off just then and the baby's soft gurgle filled the air. "Sounds like the little seaman is awake," Harm laughed.

"No, actually he talks in his sleep like you do," Mac replied. "If he were awake he'd let everyone know his needs weren't being met."

"I still…He's nearly two months old and I still can hardly believe he's our son. Who knows, he could end up being our miracle baby in more ways than one. We need that to be true Mac."

Mac looked away from Harm's gaze for a moment acknowledging his hope as her eyes fell upon the research material on the table. Harm was right, they did need a miracle, she knew that, it was Harm, the eternal optimist, the man who carried her through the wood with a bullet in her leg, refusing to let her give up, the man that never stopped believing they'd have a third child, the man who refused to believe Bud could did from his wounds saying those words that brought Mac's tears to the surface.

Mac sat down heavily in her chair, covering her face with trembling hands. Harm quickly moved to her side kneeling down so his face was level with hers. "Oh Mac," Harm murmured running his hands up her arms. "I know you don't want us to think of Matthew like that, he's so young and…"

Mac shook her head and wiped her eyes before putting her hands down on Harm's forearms. "It's not that," Mac sobbed. "He's our miracle, they all are but…It's what you said. You believing it…You never admit fear or defeat, not with Bud, not with DJ, not with me, you always kept positive, never gave in, and I'm terrified because you are not doing that this time, you aren't sure she'll get through and I'm not sure. I'm so scared, Harm. I'm so scared."

Harm set his arms around Mac's trembling form and held her close, "I know you are honey," Harm whispered. "I know…Ssh, ssh, I'm here. I've got you, Mac. You cry it out, honey. Cry it out. I've got you."

The soothing familiarity of Harm's voice and smell combined with the security of his embrace helped Mac calm her tears until finally all that remained of her outburst was puffy eyes and wet spots on Harm's shirt. When Mac's cried stopped Harm pulled back slowly not completely ready to let her go.

"I'm sorry," Mac said nervously withdrawing from Harm's shelter. "Look at your shirt."

"I have other shirts," Harm replied. "Feel better?"

"A little," Mac admitted. "I suppose what I really want is to hear you say Lucy will make is as firmly as you said Bud or I would when we were sick or hurt, because in spite of all the evidence, that came true."

"I'd love to be able to say that this time, Mac," Harm admitted. "But truth is while losing you or Bud would be devastating to me, losing Lucy…That would be fatal. I can't think of how I'd even begin to move on from that. I can't even imagine that I could."

A tear escaped Harm's eye as he admitted that to Mac. She reached out to capture it and caresses his cheek. "You could," Mac whispered. "You are the strongest man I know and if that weren't enough, I'd be there to help you."

"Would you?" Harm asked softly, the emotion of the moment pulling his mouth toward Mac's.

Mac felt it too, the intense passion and love they shared drawing them close, "Yeah," she replied, moving her lips toward Harm's until they were touching.

Harm drew Mac closer and took her mouth with his. He pulled her bottom lip between his upper and lower lips nibbling at it a moment before seeking entrance to her body with his tongue. Mac allowed him to explore her mouth a moment before meeting his frenzy by mirroring his actions. It was as if nothing had changed, the joining of their mouths was just as intense and insightful as it had been.

Inside the kiss Harm was accepting the support Mac was offering him while giving her the strength that she needed to continue on another day nursing their gravely ill daughter. This was something they both needed; they needed a way to reunite their souls, their hearts...their lives. Neither Harm nor Mac knew where this kiss would lead, but that didn't matter to them. They had learned long ago when they followed their bodies they could connect their hearts. They didn't worry about the outcome of their displays of affections, what would be would be. Matthew on the other hand had other ideas for his wail was the only thing that could have separated Harm and Mac just then.

The kiss broke off with Mac laughing lightly, "That would be our son demanding his evening snack."

"You're right, it is nearly impossible not to hear him," Harm agreed. "You get yourself set up. I'll get him."

Mac made her way to the rocking chair grabbing her nursing blanket and pillow as she went. Harm quickly went to the nursery and scooped up his squalling, red faced son. "We hear you, Matthew," he crooned holding the baby close. "We hear you. Let's go find Mommy. She's got what you want."

When Harm returned to the living room, Mac took the baby from Harm placed Matthew at her breast. Harm looked away when Mac opened her blouse in spite of the improvements in their relationship he still felt it proper to divert his gaze from private moments.

Matthew's silence and occasional grunt told Harm he could turn again and see Mac nurture their new son. "I'll hang around until he's finished and change his diaper," Harm said. "Then I really should go."

Mac nodded, "Could you peak in on Lucy and DJ please?"

Harm agreed and quietly peered into his son's room. The boy had nearly grown out of his toddler bed. It seemed mere seconds ago that he was Matthew's size, nursing at his mother's breast, but in reality DJ would be five in just over two months. Harm adjusted DJ's covers and kissed his forehead before moving to Lucy's room.

As quickly as time flew with DJ it seemed to stand still or even turn back for Lucy. Lucy had only been diagnosed for about six months though it seemed a lifetime since she was a bundle of Rabb energy wanting to play soccer like her friends. Now she had days when the energy required to chew her food was too taxing, her scalp was completely devoid of hair, she'd even lost her eyebrows and eyelashes to the tortures of chemo therapy. The legs Lucy had once relied on to run to her Daddy and the arms she'd throw around his neck for a hug were pathetically paralyzed and atrophied. Even if she lived she'd never be as she was.

Lucy tried to shift in her bed to get more comfortable, but the effort only resulted in moans of pain.

Harm hurried to her side and stroked her ale cheek in comfort. "Ssh, baby girl," he murmured. "Daddy's here."

Lucy squirmed again moaning a bit louder than before. It broke Harm's heart to watch her struggle so he carefully removed her quilts and lifted her into his arms holding her close to his heart, wishing the force of his love would give her strength to fight another day.

Lucy quieted after a few minutes in Harm's embrace though he could not bring himself to put her down. Instead he pulled her quilt over her small form and rocked her as he had done so many times in the past.

**Early November 1999**

Harm slipped into the house as quietly as possible. He was very late arriving home after 10 grueling hours at PAX River grilling a plane captain accused of sabotaging a Tomcat. He had not managed to extract anything Brumby didn't already know. He assumed given their new daughter's erratic sleep schedule she and Mac would be resting but the shrill newborn cry that greeted him shot that theory through the floor.

Mac was still wearing his old raggedy bathrobe walking up and down the hallway with 5 week old Lucy nestled against her breast. Harm didn't even need to run on the lights to know Mac was matching Lucy's tears two for one.

"Hey, Ninja girl," Harm said quietly. "Crying again, huh?"

Mac sniffled, "No, crying still. Between us we didn't even get 10 minutes of sleep, you were gone all day, I'm fatter than Orson Wells and I am firmly convinced this baby hates me," Mac sobbed.

"Oh, baby, I'm sorry," Harm sympathized. "You look exhausted and her birth was so hard on you. You go to bed and rest. I'll handle Pavarotti baby here."

Harm reached for his crying daughter, and Mac gratefully relinquished her to his waiting arms. "Just give me a few hours; you have to work in the morning."

"Let me worry about that," Harm replied. "Go to bed. Go to bed."

Harm settled down on the sofa with Lucy holding her next to his heart. "Daddy's here," he cooed. "You're safe and warm now, Lucy Bear. Daddy loves you very much. Mommy loves you very much. Do you know that? You were a bit of a surprise. Daddy wasn't sure if we were ready for y you, but the minute I saw your little heart beating I knew I'd love you forever."

As Harm spoke to Lucy the deep tone of his voice eased her tears until she simply gurgled watching her father's expression with wide blue eyes…

**Present**

Harm was jolted to the present when he felt Lucy's eyes on his once more as they were that day in his memory. "Hey, Button," Harm whispered. "You go to sleep okay. You need rest."

"I love you Daddy," Lucy murmured. "Why are you holding me?"

"Because I love you very much," Harm replied. "More than anything?"

"I love you too," Lucy murmured snuggling in closer to Harm. "My back hurts me, Daddy," she said after a minute.

"I'm sorry, Button," Harm whispered rocking her lightly. "You close your eyes and rest okay. This will all be over soon, Baby. I promise," Harm replied knowing one way or another, his words were true.

Once Lucy's breathing became even and her whimpers had quieted Harm eased her from his lap back into her bed. Pausing he peaked in on DJ one last time before joining Mac in the living room.

"What took you?" she asked placing Matthew I his bassinet."Are they all right?"

"DJ's sawing wood. Lucy was hurting so I held her and she's back to sleep now," Harm said wearily. "She's so sick, Mac, but she's a fighter, and still this will all be over soon one way or another."

"Sadly, that's what I told myself to make it through the days anymore," Mac admitted. "I get so angry at myself too, but this isn't' what I want for her."

"I know, Mac," Harm replied. "I need to go. I'll be back at 0900 so we can talk to DJ before her appointment."

"Harm, it's already late and you are tired," Mac began. "Take the lighthouse room; get a solid night's rest. We have a very trying day ahead of us."

"Are you sure?" Harm asked.

"Yeah," Mac said. "Go put Matthew down and I'll set you up for the night."

Harm was too tired to argue and he honestly didn't feel he needed to do that anyway. He wanted to be closer to his family especially with Lucy's illness progressing, perhaps this was the first step.

Within an hour Harm had changed into an old pair of sleep shorts and marine sweatshirt and was ready for bed. His mind was spinning thinking about the challenges ahead for the family. There were so many things to know and process Harm was sure he would never get to sleep, but as a testimony to his exhaustion sleep claimed him almost as soon as his head hit the pillow, praying he'd dream of an easier time for everyone.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This is a short chapter but I wanted to stay close to a posting schedule. I'm trying to get to post on the weekends. Chapter 8 is nearly ready so I plan to stick to that. Once again, all mistakes are mine, but the JAG characters are not. Enjoy…I look forward to your reviews.**

**Chapter Seven**

**Harm's next conscious thought was the delicious aroma of coffee and cinnamon muffins coming from the kitchen. He stretched his long form across the mattress in the "lighthouse" room and reached for his watch. He squinted his tired eyes to focus on the numbers on the face. It read 0741. He had overslept.**

**Harm quickly rolled out of bed and padded to the kitchen, habit dictating that he did not need to cover himself with a robe in his own home. Mac was standing at the stove stirring a pot of Grams' cream cheese glaze with Matthew secure in the snuggly across her chest. DJ was in his booster seat finishing the cup of milk Mac had given him to hold him over until breakfast was ready. The kid had his mother's appetite.**

"**Hi, Daddy!" DJ said loudly alerting Mac to Harm's presence.**

"**Good morning, Sailor," Harm smiled as he ruffled DJ's hair. **

"**About time you joined us there, Flyboy," Mac teased turning slightly to greet him. It had been months, nearly a year since she'd seen Harm's body as it was now, covered by one a pair of sleep shorts and then he'd been horribly sick, now he was far from the gaunt, pale man he'd been when they made love in Utah.**

"**Sorry, Mac," Harm replied approaching the stove. "I've been having trouble sleeping. Can I help?"**

"**You can take the glue baby here and change his diaper," Mac replied. "He's a little fussy this morning."**

"**Oh, he is?" Harm asked Matthew as he took the baby from Mac. "Well let's see if a new diaper won't fix that. DJ, do you want to help Daddy?"**

"**NO!" DJ replied firmly while emphatically shaking his head.**

"**Wise man," Harm laughed taking Matthew to be changed into a dry diaper and little marine khaki overalls and green shirt. "There, all dry and ready to see Dr. Jacobson to see if you can help sissy."**

**Matthew gurgled and watched Harm's expression with expressive Rabb eyes. "Here we go, let's see Mommy and brother before you decide to wet again."**

**When Harm returned with Matthew, Mac had finished glazing the cinnamon muffins ad was pouring coffee into a mug at his usually place. How alike this morning was to all other mornings in their married life, yet in some ways it was completely different. Harm slid Matthew into his baby seat and took his place across from Mac.**

"**Have you looked in on Lucy this morning?" Harm asked sipping his coffee.**

"**Yeah, when I first woke up. She was wet so I changed her. We'll put her sheets and blankets in the wash before we leave for the doctor," Mac replied.**

"**Yeah!" DJ exclaimed when he heard Mac mention ed the doctor. "I get to play with Jimmy." DJ was old enough to understand Lucy was sick but two young to grasp the severity of her illness.**

"**Actually DJ," Mac began. "Daddy and I want to talk to you about something, okay? You aren't in trouble, you've been very good boy helping Mommy take care of Matthew and Lucy, but in still need to talk to you about something very, very important okay?"**

**DJ's eyes got wider with each word. He never heard his mommy talk quite like that before and it worried him. DJ remembered something AJ asked Uncle Bud last week about Lucy and Aunt Harriet had said maybe…Maybe Mommy knew for sure so he asked, "Is Lucy going to go to Heaven?"**

**The innocent question caught Harm and Mac by surprise. They didn't even realize DJ know about Heave or that people went there when they died. Harm recovered first. "Where did you hear that, Sailor?"**

"**AJ asked Uncle Bud and Aunt Harriet if Lucy was going to go to Heaven like their cat, Paco. He said Lucy has the same sick Paco did so was she going to go there," DJ explained as best he could.**

"**What did Paco go to Heaven for, Pumpkin?" Mac asked gently. **

"**I don't know. Jimmy said Aunt Harriet had him laid down," DJ replied. "Are we going to have Lucy laid down because she can't play anymore?"**

**Mac but her lip to keep from crying. "No, DJ. No, people don't get put down like pets do sometimes but both people and pets can got Heaven. What did Uncle Bud say when AJ asked him that DJ?"**

"**Uncle Bud said to be quiet and Aunt Harriet said maybe if the doctor can't fix her. I don't want Lucy to go to Heaven. You can't visit there."**

**DJ's big blue eyes were clouding with tears as he asked, "Is she going to go there, Mommy?"**

**Mac lost her battle with her emotions and began to cry quietly just as DJ started sobbing. Harm rose and collected DJ into his arms. With her eyes Harm instructed Mac to collect herself before he carried DJ into the living room and held the distraught little boy on his lap. "The truth is, son, that Lucy has a very, very bad boo-boo in her blood. This boo-boo is bigger than any one you've had or me or even Uncle AJ."**

"**He has lots of big boo- boos," DJ announced. "He's not in Heaven."**

"**That's right, he's no because when he got those boo-boos a doctor was able to fix them so he got better," Harm explained.**

"**Is Lucy's boo-boo going to be fixed?" DJ asked softly.**

"**We hope so," Harm replied. "That's why she has the wires in her belly and why her hair fell out, because of her medicine. But sometimes medicine needs some help."**

"**Can I help?" DJ asked. "I'm a big boy. I help Mommy feed Matthew."**

"**You are a very big boy and yes, there is a way that you maybe can help," Harm replied. "I told you Lucy's boo-boo is in her blood and one way to help is to replace the blood that isn't hurt. The thing is this new blood has to be almost exactly like Lucy's or it won't be able to work right. One way you can help is to let Dr. Jake see a little of your blood so he can tell if it can help Lucy. Will you do that DJ? Will you let Dr. Jake see if your blood can help Lucy?"**

"**Will I get Lucy's hurt blood?" DJ asked biting his lip.**

"**No, no we'll only use a really tiny bit," Harm explained. "Then you'll both have nice healthy blood again. What do you think, Sailor?"**

"**Will it hurt me?" DJ asked softly.**

"**Only for a tiny minute and Daddy will be right there," Harm assured him. **

"**Will you be made if mine doesn't fit?" DJ inquired covering all his fears about doing this thing being asked of him.**

"**No, Sailor," Harm replied. "It wouldn't be your fault, that is just how it is sometimes, but I know it would be a very nice thing to do. Let Dr. Jake see your blood and even if it doesn't match Mommy and Daddy will be so proud of you for wanting to help Lucy. What do you think? Will you come with us today and let Dr. Jake check your blood?"**

**DJ thought another minute, "Can I play with Jimmy later?"**

"**You bet you can," Harm replied. "I bet you'll even have a cool neon Band-Aid to show him."**

"**Okay," DJ said squirming to get down from Harm's lap. "I'm going to go get my planes."**

**DJ scampered off to his room nearly knocking Mac over as he passed her.**

"**You are amazing," Mac praised. "Thank you. I never could have…"**

**The muffled voice from Lucy's monitor interrupted Mac's words. "She's awake," Mac said softly. "Can you clear breakfast and bundle the boys p while I get her ready to go?"**

"**Sure," Harm replied. "And Mac…" he called as she walked away. "You could have."**

**Mac rewarded Harm with a smile then went to tend her little girl.**


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I hopefully will be able to stick to this posting schedule. I plan to post one chapter per week on Sunday's, and perhaps a bonus chapter if the s come in and I have time. Still I am aiming for weekly Sunday night updates. Enjoy the next installment.

**Chapter Eight**

Office of Dr. Jake Jacobsen

March 11, 2007

1521 ZULU 

Harm pushed Lucy's wheelchair into the doctor's office while Mac carried Matthew's infant seat and held DJ's hand.

"Good morning, Miss Lucy," Ellen, Dr. Jacobsen's nurse said when she saw the child. In 20 years of oncology nursing, eight of those in pediatrics, Ellen had never seen a child as severely ill as Lucy live as long as she had nor had she seen parents as dedicated as Captain and Mrs. Rabb. Lucy was an adorable child full of spirit and fight, but with each passing day she became weaker. Usually Ellen felt pain for the child, this time she felt it for the parents as well.

"Hi, Ellen," Lucy replied softly. "My brothers came with me today."

"I see that," Ellen smiled. "What's your name?" she asked DJ.

"I'm David Jonathan," he replied proudly. "My nickname is DJ."

"Well, it is nice to meet you," Ellen smiled. "And what's your baby brother's name, Lucy?" 

"Matthew," Lucy murmured. "Like Uncle Matt."

"That's very nice," Ellen smiled as she buzzed Dr. Jacobsen. "Doctor, the Rabb family is here."

"Send them back please, Ellen," the doctor replied. Ellen motioned for the family to enter Dr. Jacobsen's private office.

"Good morning," Dr. Jacobsen said in greeting. "The whole family turned out today I see."

"Yes, doctor," Mac replied. "We changed our minds about the transplant. We know you need to test the boys for a match."

"We do," the doctor replied. "I'll draw the samples today and speak with Dr. Thomas regarding your decision as soon as I check Lucy over. She'll schedule time for more extensive testing if we have a preliminary match and we'll begin altering Lucy's chemo. You made the best choice for your daughter and for you."

"We hope so, Doctor," Harm replied moving Matthew from the baby seat to his father's arms as the baby began to fuss.

"He's hungry," Mac said as Matthew's cries grew more impatient.

"Captain, why don't we go and get Lucy check and give Mrs. Rabb some privacy," Dr. Jacobsen suggested.

It wasn't long before Dr. Jacobsen was finished with Lucy's check up and on the phone with Dr. Thomas setting up the relevant testing and appointments for the Rabb boys if they were indeed a suitable match. Once Mac was finished feeing Matthew, Dr. Jacobsen asked Harm and Mac to speak with him in his office leaving DJ with Ellen and a coloring book.

Dr. Jacobsen sat across from the worried parents. "There is one caveat to the discussion we've had previously with Dr. Thomas and that is the increasing rick accompanying the level and intensity of the chemo needed to prepare Lucy to receive the harvested bone marrow. She has deteriorated over the last month, the delay in deciding to do the transplant and keeping her on the current course has worked against us," he explained.

"What does that mean?" Harm asked automatically reaching for Mac's hand.

"It means that Lucy may not have the strength to withstand the high level dosages needed to prepare her for the graft," Dr. Jacobsen replied. "Her latest results warn of impending blast crisis."

"But you said we had time to consider this," Mac protested her fear evident in her ton. "Can we prevent it?"

"I'm going to transfuse her," Dr. Jacobsen replied. "But that will only bus us time and not much even at that. I wish I had better news. I should have anticipated your original choice. Most of the time when we consult on BMT the search begins that day with first degree relatives. It is rare the idea is met with protests by parents instead of physicians."

"How long does the screening take?" Harm asked with an edge of anger in his voice.

"The preliminary is simple; we have to match a blood type. That test takes maybe a day two at most if the lab is backed up, but we'll rush that," the doctor explained. "If it is a blood match we'll go further by tissue typing, DNA examination, things like that. For a successful match we need the 6 profile markers to match 100%. We need to be thorough and it does take time, a few weeks, long if there is no direct match within the family, still siblings match 25% of the time. Of course the more siblings, the more likely there is a match."

"What are her chances if we are in time?" Harm asked.

"60/40 against," Dr. Jacobsen replied.

"I'll take those odds," Harm replied firmly. "We appreciate your honesty. Is she ready?"

"Should be," Dr. Jacobsen confirmed. "Dr. Thomas will be expecting the results tomorrow and we'll meet about a treatment plan. Good luck. I'll be in touch within the next 48 hours."

Harm barely said a word on the drive to Bud and Harriet's from the doctor's office nor did he converse with his friends when they dropped DJ off. Mac tried to get Harm to talk to her about his obvious anger but Harm refused focusing all his energy on nursing Lucy through her side effects and fears avoiding Mac whenever possible. Once Lucy had fallen asleep however, Harm had to face her.

"Would you like to stay over again tonight?" Mac asked. "You're pretty tired."

"That's not a good idea, Mac," Harm replied stiffly. "It's best I leave before I say something I'll regret."

"Okay," Mac sighed. "I see where this is headed, but leaving angry won't help anyone especially Lucy. She needs us both more than ever now."

"I know she does," Harm replied. "I know she did but we failed her terribly putting our own petty crap ahead of our precious baby girl. Focusing so much on growing our family that we lost our family and finally Mac putting our own selfish desires and ridiculous reasoning so far ahead of what really matters the before her next birthday I'll be burying my baby girl!"

"Harm, I know you're upset about what the doctor said, but we had to be sure the choice was a smart one," Mac reasoned. "We can't let our emotions dictates to our intellect. We have three children that need us to protect them. It was a miracle we were even about to have Matthew. He's my last baby and I needed to consider…"

"Consider what?" Harm snapped. "That we had to fight for Matthew but Lucy came easy. What is this Mac, huh? Easy come, easy go, is that it? We have another kid so Lucy is expendable?"

"That is ridiculous and you know it," Mac said firmly cutting off the tirade of fear and anger Harm was demonstrating. "Our children need to know we don't prefer one over the other, that they are all special, and that one doesn't come before or after another. I didn't want Matthew or DJ believing they exist to sustain Lucy that they purpose is mercenary, that they are less important instead of equal."

"And what about Lucy, Mac?" Harm asked. "Do you want her to feel less important because regardless of motive you put your needs ahead of hers? You always have since you got sick!"

"Harm," Mac said softly. He needed release but his words were unnerving.

Harm continued through Mac's verbal stop sign. "You just had to have the third baby. Never mind the pain I had to go through watching you suffer, never mind Lucy was terrified you were going to die, never mind your nearly did leave those children without a mother three separate times, you wouldn't give it up, regardless of who got hurt and you nearly did it again. You didn't want Matthew to think he was a milk cow for Lucy, you were afraid of losing two of the kids, so you decided losing one would be a tolerable exchange! Never mind my feelings about it, never mind Lucy's. Protect Mac, not DJ, not Matthew, yourself that's who you made that choice for, no one else! If that takes my baby girl away from me I'll never forgive you…on her life I swear I'll never forgive myself."

Harm dropped onto the sofa as he finished his speech and buried his face in his hands harsh deep sobs coming from his chest. Since Matthew's birth Harm had felt the weight of his responsibility as a father and friend. Mac's recovery was slow but complete but as most new mothers did she struggled with hormones and emotions. Harm needed to stay in control, to keep his head and now it was finally catching up with him.

Mac hurried to Harm's side and knelt beside him. "Oh, Harm. This isn't your fault. There was nothing you or I could have done. This just happened. It isn't right, it isn't fair, but simply is. I wish every day I had made different choices about the endometriosis, the divorce, Mic, but maybe just maybe there is a reason I made those choices. If I had that surgery we wouldn't have our son and maybe he had the key to Lucy's survival. I know he's the key to us finding each other again."

"Grams always said you got to take the hand you're dealt," Harm sighed through his tears. "But even with her faith as it was, even she couldn't wrap her mind around the injustice of burying your own child. You expect to outlive your parents, some of your friends, perhaps your spouse, but not your babies. If I'd been a better father, a better husband…"

"You are an amazing father," Mac insisted. "And a warm considerate loving husband who went to Mexico in too much pain to think straight and made a mistake. Just like when I got drunk in Arizona at 18 and married Chris just like when I lied about being sick. We both made some huge mistakes, Harm, but getting married to you, having your babies was not among mine. I couldn't design a better father for my children than you and I mean that.

Harm reached out and pulled Mac into his arms so he could bury his face in her chest like he used to do when he was sad. "I won't…I can't lose her Mac. I need her."

"We won't lose her," Mac said firmly. "We'll fight with her for her if we have to, and we'll win. After all, Lucy is all Rabb."

Harm laughed just a tiny bit, "I'm sorry about what I…"

"Don't be," Mac replied. "There's truth in it. Don you need some water or tea?"

"No, but I'd…Can I stay here tonight? Can I hold you like we used to just tonight?" Harm asked softly.

Mac replied with a soft smile, "There's nothing I'd want more."

With that Mac rose from her place at Harm's side and took his hand into hers. Harm rose as well in response to her light tug and followed Mac to their bedroom for a long overdue rest.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry this is a day late, we had a hectic weekend. As usual I own nothing but the Rabb children and the typos. Thanks for reading. I look forward to your reviews.**

**Chapter Nine**

Even in the comfort and security of Mac's arms, Harm found it nearly impossible to fall asleep, and it seemed once he did Matthew or Lucy would require their parents' attention. It was two hours past staff call when Harm finally managed to get into JAG. Once he arrived he scarcely had the chance to put his briefcase down before the General's yeoman appeared in his office doorway.

"Captain, General Cresswell requests your presence ASAP, Sir," the young marine announced.

"Thank you, Corporal," Harm replied. "I'll be right there." Harm hurried to put his papers in order then proceeded to the general's office.

"Go in, sir," the corporal said the moment Harm appeared.

"Captain Rabb reporting as ordered, Sir," Harm said in greeting standing at attention.

"Stand easy," replied General Cresswell. "Have a seat."

"General, I'd like to apologize for my tardiness," Harm began. "Lucy had chemo yesterday and since Matthew was born…"

"I'm not worried about that, Captain. How is Lucy doing?" Cresswell asked.

"Not good, Sir," Harm replied. "Mac and I took our boys yesterday to start the screening for bone marrow transplant."

"So, it's come to that," the general sighed. "I'll keep her in my prayers. On another matter, Captain, as of yesterday, you have no more leave time on the books until your anniversary date. I realize your family needs you, but being short staffed as it is your absence weighs heavily on our office. I requested compassionate leave on your behalf, but as of now SecNav has denied that request."

"I knew I was close, but this really couldn't come at a worse time,"Harm sighed. "Once we have a match Lucy will need…."

"That takes some time and I will not give in on the additional leave request, but for the time being I'll need you to beat your duty station for the required number of hours," the General replied. "That will give you a certain amount of flexibility."

Harm simply nodded then rose, "Aye, aye, Sir," he stated in reply.

"Dismissed," General Cresswell declared. "Send the Colonel my best."

Harm closed the door behind him and nearly ran over Bud as he made his way back to his office. "Good morning, Sir," Bud greeted after dodging the taller man. "How's Lucy today?"

"Exhausted not unlike Mac and I," Harm replied. "How was DJ last night?"

"He was well behaved as usual, sir," Bud replied. "He was very clingy though and he kept asking Harriet questions about what heaven is like."

"He overheard AJ ask if Lucy was going to heaven," Harm explained. "I told him she might but we were going to try to help her. I think he's beginning to realize how sick Lucy is and what that means. I'll speak to him again."

"It's all right, Sir," Bud assured him. "Harriet spoke to him and he settled down. I'm sure she'll mention it to Mac when she brings him home."

"Mac's not dealing with this too well," Harm confided. "I'm trying to help her but it's futile. I feel that same fear."

"So be afraid together," Bud advised. "There's nothing I admire more in you than how you care for your family, how protective you are, but you can't do that at your own expense. That's how you go in trouble. Mac needs you, your children need you, and you need them too."

"Well said, Bud," Harm agreed. "I'm off to the brig to take a witness statement, but if Mac or and doctor's office calls get me immediately."

"Will do, Sir," Bud replied and headed to his office.

March 12, 2007

Rabb Residence

1624 ZULU

"I don't want to Mommy," Lucy protested as Mac attempted to persuade her to eat the yogurt cup she was offering. Lucy hadn't had much of an appetite lately.

"I know, baby, but you need to eat so you can get better," Mac reasoned. "Come now, take a bite for Mommy."

Lucy sighed but opened her mouth anyway. "That's my girl," Mac praised. "And how about one for Daddy?"

Mac loaded the spoon again but the doorbell rang before she could get it in Lucy's mouth.

"Coming," Mac called as she made her way to the door and opened it to Harriet, DJ, and the younger Robert's kids.

"Lucy, look who it is!" Mac announced trying to entice the child who received so little enjoyment of late.

"Hi, Aunt Harriet," Lucy smiled softly as the younger kids ran off to play.

"Hi, sweetie pie," Harriet replied. "Kids indoor voices okay?"

"You want some tea?" Mac asked inviting Harriet into the house. The younger woman had become invaluable to Mac since before she and Harm divorced and more now that Lucy was so sick.

"Sure," Harriet replied. "I was hoping you'd ask because I need to tell you something."

Mac could tell by Harriet's face she was worried about something, "What's wrong?"

"Couple small things but you should know," Harriet said sitting down at the table. "First, I talked to Bud earlier. He's really concerned about Harm. I wasn't supposed to know this but General Cresswell informed harm he's out of leave time. Bud thinks that really shook him up because when Harm come out of the office his face was pale and he was limping a bit."

"I noticed that earlier, but I didn't say anything," Mac sighed. "He's exhausted. He's not handling this well. After her appointment he come back here to help and really vented some things. When he was finished he sat down on the couch and cried like a baby. I'm terrified of what could happen to Lucy but I'm beyond that when it comes to Harm's reaction to it God forbid." Mac kept her voice low and glanced at the couch where Lucy was already sound asleep after only three bites of yogurt and half an hour awake.

"He's strong," Harriet comforted. "I'll help both of you anyway I can. Bud too."

"Then get Bud to insist that Har get some real rest," Mac sighed. "He's hasn't bene the same since his last punch out, you know…long bouts of bronchitis, achy joints, and after his bout of pneumonia last year he contracted septic arthritis and whether he admits it or not if left some permanent damage in his left leg. I worry for him, he runs nonstop until he crashes always has and sooner or later he's not going to get back up."

"So does, Bud," Harriet nodded. "Isn't it funny the things that drive us crazy about them are the things we love the most. Bud would have died if not for his stubborn streak. Harm too."

"It's that streak that nearly killed him last year," Mac recalled. "He refused to be admitted to the hospital. I remember it like yesterday, Harriet. He was so pale, so weak he couldn't swallow his pills, and his breathing I've heard softer death rattles."

"But you got him through and you have Matthew to show for it," Harriet smiled. "He got your through his delivery. If only you could see yourselves as we see you, a team, the perfect match if only you'd admit it."

"I used to think so," Mac sighed. "I never stopped loving Harm, not even at the height of our divorce and custody battles, not for a minute did I stop, but he did I think."

"No, Mac," Harriet said shaking her head. "I know why you think that, because Harm was happier with Ana than you were with Mic but while I think Harm did love Ana, it was never like you. I saw it plain as day at his party last year and so did she. Stop doubting."

"You're right, Harriet," Mac acquiesced. "Really. I just don't want to keep making these same stupid mistakes."

"It's only stupid if you don't learn from it, Mac," Harriet replied.

"I know I learned from Harm," Mac agreed. "You said there was something else."

"Yeah, I think all of this," Harriet glanced over to Lucy's still form on the couch."Is finally getting to DJ. He barely let me or Bud move last night and he kept asking me about Heaven."

"Harm explained why we needed his help for Lucy," Mac replied. "And I think he senses our fear about what's going to happen I'll have a talk with him."

"We are still praying for you, Mac," Harriet replied. "And of course whatever you need, just call."

"I will," Mac agreed. "Please tell Bud to keep his eye on Harm at work okay?"

"I won't have to," Harriet said smiling softly. "But I will anyway."

March 13, 2007

Rabb Residence

0116 ZULU

It was after 8PM and Harm still wasn't home from JAG. He has told Mac he'd spend one more night at the house until the worst of Lucy's side effects had passed. Still, given how tired he was it was possible he'd forgotten and had gone to his apartment, so Mac called there only to receive no answer.

Lucy had been bedded down for the night just after supper and Matthew was asleep in his swing so Mac turned her full attention to DJ as she tucked him into bed.

"Okay, Little Sailor," Mac said smiling softly. "Here's your plane? Are you snug?"

"I'm snug," DJ replied cuddling his stuffed toy. "Mommy?"

"What, sweetie?" Mac asked smoothing her son's hair.

"Why does Uncle Bud live with AJ and Jimmy and Daddy live in the partment?" DJ asked stifling a yawn.

"Because Uncle Bud and Aunt Harriet are married and Daddy and I are not," Mac replied. "But we both love you very much.

"Aren't mommies and daddies married all the time?" DJ asked.

"Not all the time, DJ," Mac sighed. "Mommies and daddies should be married when they have their babies," she explained. "Because it takes a lot of very special love to get a baby into the mommies tummy, but sometimes things happen and the daddy and mommy need to live apart like daddy and I do."

"Why did you need to live 'part?" DJ asked exhibiting all of his Rabb like qualities.

"Because daddy and I made some mistakes and made each other very sad and angry and we needed a time out," Mac explained. "But we are trying to fix our mistakes so we can all be happy okay?"

"Okay, mommy," DJ nodded his mind appeased for the moment. "I love you."

Mac leaned down and kissed DJ's cheek. "I love you too, Little Sailor."

Mac clicked the night light on and the lamp off before leaving DJ to his dreams and going to the kitchen to wait for Harm. Mac focused her mind on household tasks, unloading and reloading the dishwasher, brewing water for tea, changing the trash bags, as she waited for Harm to arrive home

The headlights from Harm's Lexus finally reflected off the window pane as Mac sat feeding Matthew his late night snack. She looked at the front door with concern and expectation. She was sorely disappointed when Harm finally opened the door.

The skin of his face was flushed and dark bags of exhaustion hung beneath his eyes. His usual stance was slumped and his left leg dragged noticeably behind his right one.

"My God, Harm!" Mac gaspd adjusting Matthew so she could hurry to the door. "Why are you so late? What's wrong?"

"Really long day," Harm sighed. "Really tired."

"What's wrong with your leg?" Mac asked though she was sure she knew. "Is it from last year? The arthritis?"

"Probably," Harm sighed. "Sure is painful enough to be. It'll ease up as soon as I get some sleep. Don't worry. How's Lucy?"

"She hardly ate a thing and slept mostly," Mac replied. "Was the General upset you were late?"

"No, but he told me I've exhausted my leave time so I'll have to report daily until SecNav grants compassionate leave time," Harm sighed. "Any news from Dr. Thomas?"

"Not yet," Mac sighed. "Ellen called and said they'll have the results by noon at the latest. If one of them matches this nightmare can be over."

"And if not we keep looking," Harm said with exaggerated confidence. "Of all the people in the world someone has what we need to save our daughter. And we will find them. We will."

"Yes we will," Mac agreed disconnecting Matthew and handing him to Harm for a burp. "Go see Daddy, sweetie," Mac crooned when the boy protested.

"Hey, Little Seaman," Harm greeted smiling. "Got a big boy burp for Daddy?"

"If you can keep him occupied I'll run you a hot bath and check on Lucy," Mac said smiling at Harm holding their youngest child.

"A warm bath is exactly what I need," Harm agreed. "Thanks Mac."

"Sure," Mac smiled. "I'll be right back."

Mac went to the master bedroom to begin running the warm bath. She filled the tub with therapeutic sandalwood scent then made her way to check on DJ and Lucy.

Mac found DJ sleeping soundly with his favorite toy under his arm. She smiled to herself, so quickly was DJ growing in some ways, but in others he was still a little boy. Mac looked in on Lucy next. The sleeping child was shivering so Mac closed the space from the door to Lucy's bed to add another quilt to the coverings. Mac was used to that by now, Lucy so often need five or six blankets to keep warm though nothing she or Harm had become use to since Lucy's illness could prepare her for the sight that met her eyes.

Lucy was sleeping curled up tightly making tiny whimpering sound she made when in pain. The "My Little Pony" sheet she clutched in her hand though was what caught Mac's attention. The yellow material was soaked red with blood pouring from Lucy's nose and mouth like water from a faucet. Mac reach out to wake Lucy to find her baby's pajamas and pillow cases were soaked as well. Mac rolled Lucy over and put a hand to her cheek to wake her daughter like she did every morning. Lucy did not stir at her mother's touch and Mac found the usually soft skin cold and dry.

With her heart pounding in her chest Mac called out for Harm as loudly as possible to insure he heard her, "Harm, call 911!" she shouted before grabbing Lucy into her arms and holding her tightly. Mac slowly rocked her little girl back and forth whispering in Lucy's ear, "You hold on, Baby. Mommy's here so you hold on. Please baby. Mommy's got you and it's going to be okay," she promised her sleeping daughter wondering on a lark if she was reassuring Lucy or herself.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Here is the next installment. You have been great in your reviews and support for this fic. I'm so excited to post each week. JAG fans are the best! Once again I own nothing but the typos I'm sure I have missed even with reading it twice. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 10**

Harm placed Matthew in his swing when he heard Mac's cry and moved as quickly as he could toward the sources of the sound grabbing the cordless phone as he went. "What's wrong?" he asked breathlessly.

"I don't know. She's bleeding all over and she's ice cold," Mac said as she continued to rock Lucy gently in her arms. "I can't wake her up."

Harm nodded and dialed while joining Mac on Lucy's bed so could be close to both his girls.

"911, what is your emergency?" the operator asked when the call was connected.

"My name is Harm Rabb. My daughter Lucy is having a severe nose bleed. She's being treated for leukemia and my wife found her with blood, cold and nonresponsive," Harm explained with the military proficiency of the Captain he was. "We need help. She's only seven."

"Okay sir, I'm dispatching police and EMS to your home. I have 2114 Maple Tree Blvd as your home address," the operator confirmed. "Now what I want you to do is sit your daughter upright so she doesn't get blood into her lungs or stomach, and then wrap her in blankets to keep her warm. Are you holding her?"

"My wife is. She's rocking her," Harm replied focusing on the operator and not on the sight before him. "Talking to her."

"Ask your wife to stop rocking her and keep her very still, but keep talking to her because she may be able to hear you. I'll hold the line until the police arrive."

"Mac," Harm said softly rubbing her arm. "Mac, Sweetie you need to stop rocking Lucy."

"She's scared. I rocker her when she's scared," Mac murmured softly.

"I know you do honey, but the operator said she has to be kept very still, okay?" Harm reasoned. "Once we get the bleeding to stop you can rock her as much as you want. I promise but for now we need to listen to the dispatcher, so please stop okay?"

Mac agreed through tears and Harm slipped off the bed slowly, "I'm going to get more blankets. Keep talking to her."

Harm was back in an instant with a large quilt in his arms, the phone tucked between his ear and his shoulder. "Where's the EMT crew? " He asked wrapping both Mac and Lucy in the large quilt he'd brought from the master bedroom. Mac's face was nearly as white as Lucy's was and Harm could tell by the like quake of her shoulders that she was no far away from shock herself.

"Police just radioed their arrival," the operator replied as Harm heard the swift knock on their front door.

"Manassas PD," the officer called as harm hurried to let them in and scoop up Matthew who had been awakened by the knocking and the shouting from the other side of the door.

"This way," Harm directed the officers, then the medics who arrived on the coattails of the cops."

"Long time no see, Mr. Rabb," one of team greeted. At a glance Harm recognized the older man as one of the men that had been out for Mac numerous times during the height of her illness. "Fortunately."

"Yeah," Harm nodded rubbing Matthew's back as the baby wailed letting his fear and displeasure at such a rude awakening be known to all around him.

The younger of the team, most likely another trainee given the experience that accompanied the seniority of the older medic, froze at the sight of Mac and Lucy huddled together each stark white and in their own little world. The older medic, Ray, moved into the room bringing the stretcher with him. He knelt on the bed in front of Mac and spoke in the firm soft tone of one who had years of experience at this sort of thing.

"Mrs. Rabb," he began gently. "Let me see you daughter."

"No, she needs her mother. You aren't' taking her away from me," Mac argued. "She's mine, you can't have her. I won't let you take her," she declared and held Lucy tighter.

Harm put his hand on Mac's shoulder, "He has to take her Mac," Harm soothed. "Lucy needs the hospital honey. Let them help her. You can go with her. Please, let them help her."

"He won't take her away?" Mac asked shyly not at all in control of her thoughts or actions.

"No, he'll just take her to the hospital," Harm comforted. "I'll get DJ dressed and meet you okay?"

Mac nodded. "Okay," Mac told the medics as she relinquished her hold on Lucy so the medics could take her. "Please help her."

"We'll do all we can," Ray assured her gently putting Lucy on the stretcher and rushing out the door with Mac along at his heels.

Harm dressed Matthew first and secured the boy in his seat before walking DJ and hastily putting his coat and shoes on the sleeping child. Once both boys were safely in their car seats, Harm called AJ from his cell phone as he rushed to meet Mac at the hospital.

"Chegwidden," the retired Admiral barked reverting to his military behavior when startled.

"AJ, it's Harm. Did I wake you?" Harm asked. It was late but not so late that AJ would have been asleep.

"No, I was reading. What's up?" AJ asked on full alert given the stress he heard in Harm's voice.

"Can you meet us at Manassas General?" Harm asked breathless.

"What happened?" AJ asked already putting on his tennis shoes in preparation to leave. "Is it Lucy?"

"Yeah, Mac found her in her bed in a pool of blood. They went ahead to the hospital in the ambulance and I have the boys," Harm replied. "We really need your help."

"I'm on my way, son. Focus on getting to the hospital in one piece and find Mac. I'll meet you and we'll make out a plan," AJ said calmly. "One step at a time son."

"Thanks, AJ," Harm sighed before ending the call.

**March 13, 2007**

**0429 ZULU**

**Manassas General Hospital**

Harm found Mac as soon as he got inside. She was still holding Lucy's blanket and standing with a young woman in a casual suit with an ID badge on her lapel.

"Is this your husband, Ma'am?" she asked gently when Harm appeared.

"Harm Rabb," he replied for Mac."How's my daughter?"

"I'm sure she's getting the help we can give her but I'm here to help you. I'm Lynn Michaels with the Crisis Assistance Program," the woman replied.

"Crisis what?" Harm asked.

"Crisis assistance," Lynn replied. 'I sit with patients or their families, seek information, get coffee, assist in power of attorney issues, anything that may need to be done that a family member should not have to focus on in a situation like this one. Is anyone able to come and pick up your other children?"

"Yeah, our friend is on his way," Harm replied. "Where can we sit and wait?"

"Chairs, but she refuses to move," Lynn replied glancing at Mac with compassion in her eyes.

"Give us a minute alone," Harm requested. "Can you keep an eye on DJ?"

Lynn smiled at the tired preschooler but spoke to Mac first. "I'm going to walk DJ down the hall, but we'll be where you can see him, okay?"

Mac looked from Lynn to DJ to Harm. "Not away from me," she directed.

"No, just where you can see," Lynn assured her before taking DJ's hand and leading him down the hall promising to show him a book about dinosaurs on a nearby table. DJ was a sweet child and he wasn't afraid of strangers if his parents were close. He easily trusted Lynn. That was a bit surprising to Harm but a welcome relief at the same time. He needed all his focus to help Mac.

Harm moved to stand directly in front of Mac's field of vision. He reached out with his free hand and squeezed her shoulder,"Mac," he said softly. "Mac, honey, let's go sit down and wit for AJ okay?"

Mac shook her head, "No, I need to be with Lucy. She needs me."

"Yes, she does," Harm agreed. "She needs you to focus and take care of yourself so you can be with her later. I know you're scared honey. I am too. Let's go sit down with DJ and Matthew and we can hold hands and wait for the doctors, okay?"

"She was so cold," Mac said with slightly more recognition and clarity in her eyes. "She was so cold and still that I though…" Mac's voice cracked and she began to sob and shake. "God, Harm. What if I didn't check on her? What if I didn't check?"

The force of Mac's grief drove her to her knees as she broke down in tears. Harm set Matthew's carrier on the floor and dropped to Mac's level ignoring the pain shooting through his hip. He leaned against the wall and pulled Mac into his arms cradling her head against his chest as he stroked her hair. "It's going to be okay, Mac," Harm soothed. "You'll see. It'll be okay, no matter what I'll get you through this. I promise."

"She's my…my baby," Mac sobbed holding onto Harm for dear life. "My baby…what are we going to do? How…"

"Harm! Mac!" AJ called out as he saw the terrified parents on the ER floor. He broke into a run his heart pounding with fear at what the sight before him could mean. "What do you know?"

"Nothing, they're still working on her," Harm replied as he continued to comfort Mac who was finally calming with his touch.

"Where's DJ?" AJ asked.

"He's with the crisis assistance counselor," Harm replied looking down the hall to where DJ was being read to by Lynn Michaels.

"I called Bud and Harriet," AJ informed them. "She's going to come for the boys so I can stay here with you. Bud can inform Creswell at staff call…"

"I need to be at JAG, AJ," Harm sighed. "I'm out of leave and my family leave was denied pending appeal. We're still considered in war time and we're shorthanded"

"I'll handle that, too," AJ assured him. "Why don't we go wait in the waiting area? It will be more comfortable," AJ offered Mac his hand and eased her out of Harm's embrace and off the sterile floor. Harm was grateful for AJ keeping Mac distracted long enough for him to get off the floor without causing himself too much pain and embarrassment. Harm picked up Matthew's carrier and quickly joined Mac on the sofa in the waiting area reserved for critically ill ER patients. They sat in silence, hand in hand, awaiting news.

Finally, just as Harriet rushed through the double doors of the ER and headed towards them Harm and Mac saw the doctor step out and call for them. "Mr. and Mrs. Rabb?"

"That's us," Harm replied taking hold of Mac's hand and rising to greet the doctor. "How is she?"

"We've been able to stop the bleeding which was our primary concern, but she lost a lot of blood in that hemorrhage which has put her body into a state of hypovolemic shock."

"Is that serious?" Harm asked squeezing Mac's hand.

"Yes, in any case that amount of blood loss is worrisome; in Lucy's case it is extremely serious. We have her on a transfusion regimen and hopefully that will turn her around for now," the doctor explained. "But that's only a band-aid cure at this point. We ran some tests and Lucy's white count is immeasurable, she's in crisis. Who is her oncologist?"

"Dr. Jacobsen," Harm supplied. "Doctor, our sons were tested as potential marrow donors. Dr Jacobsen will have the results this morning. Can we proceed with that given this development?"

"Mr. Rabb, in my job you see a lot of things, some minor, some severe, some unpredictable. I have always believed medicine is part art and part science which allows for a certain degree of uncertainty in some situations," the doctor explained. "In this case, however, there is no uncertainty, without a transplant being done and soon, Lucy will die, that is a medical fact."

Harm shuddered at the harshness of the doctor's words, "And if we find a donor?" Mac asked choking back her sobs as tears started to fall down Harm's cheeks.

"As weakened as she is, she'll likely not make it through the cycle," the doctor said grimly but frankly. "I'll put a call into Dr. Jacobsen and he'll advise us on how to proceed. I am sorry I can't give you better news I really am."

"Thank you," Harm managed. "When can we see her?"

"We'll move her up to isolation in the PICU. Once she's settled you can see her," the doctor replied before disappearing behind the double doors labeled Authorized Personnel Only.

"Oh dear God, Harm," Mac cried sobbing into Harm's broad chest. Harm held her tightly, but was unable to offer her any support or comfort for his own heart was breaking at the thought of losing his baby girl.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Once again I own nothing but the typos which I hope I caught. Thanks for your interest. I look forward to your feedback.**

**March 13, 2007**

**1325 ZULU**

**JAG Headquarters**

"It's not at all comm. For the General and the XO to both be late," Lieutenant Socha commented to those gathered with him around the JAG conference table.

"Captain Rabb is almost never here before 1000 anymore," Bud reminded them. "Besides he probably won't…"

"Attention on deck!" the Staff Sergeant at the door commanded announcing the General's arrival.

"As you were," General Creswell replied before taking his seat. "I apologize for the delay. I know you all have a lot of work to do and not a lot of time to do it, however I've just come from a briefing with retired Admiral Chegwidden and SecNav regarding an issue that directly impacts our team here at JAG OPS," he explained. "Some more than other," he continued looking at Bud and Mic at the far side of the table.

"As you all are aware, Captain Rabb's daughter has been battling leukemia for the past six months. As a result of that and other matters he has used a lot of leave time and as of now has no more time left over," Creswell outlined. "On its own that's enough of an issue, but last night Lucy Rabb was rushed to Manassas General and later this morning she'll be admitted to the Children's Hospital at Northeast Georgetown in grave condition."

Creswell paused to allow the new to penetrate before going further. "Her doctors have made it clear unless she received a bone marrow transplant she will likely not see the end of the month and even with that procedure she has slim chance of pulling through this thing. For those of us who are parents that kind of news is our worst nightmare. Having said that however Captain Rabb has made it clear he has no intention of shirking either of his duties. That dedication deserves reward which brings about the plan we have devised during the briefing.

"Captain Rabb's XO duty will be temporarily handled by Commander Brumby and his case load will be divided amongst the junior attorneys who will be supervised by Lieutenant Commander Roberts. We will all be extending our house time by three hours, 90 minutes in the morning and 90 minutes in the evening," the General outlined. "In exchange Captain Rabb will forfeit wages for the unsupported leave. Questions?"

"Sir," Mic began. "Those doctor's and treatments do not come cheap with Colonel Rabb not working they won't be able to keep their heads above water if the Captain is not receiving pay."

"I understand, Commander, but that is the only way SecNav will authorize the extra leave time," Creswell explained.

"Then I'd like to give him my leave, Sir," Mic stated. 'If we all do that with even a few days…"

"I'll do it," Bud declared.

"So will I," added Lieutenants Socha and Quinn.

General Creswell beamed with pride at the selflessness of his team. "I'll clear that with SecNav," he replied before continuing the meeting with JAG business.

**1509 ZULU**

**Northeast Georgetown Children's Hospital**

"They finally got her settled," Harriet told Bud when he'd called to check in with her. "Harm's going to talk to Lucy's doctors with Mac then head over there."

"He doesn't have to, honey," Bud replied. "The Admiral, General Creswell cleared it with SecNav for us to divide Harm's duties."

"What's the quid pro quo?" Harried asked knowing there would be one.

"He forfeits all pay while he's not at his station," Bud replied.

"They can't afford that," Harriet sighed. "Unless he asks his folks for help."

"He won't have to do that either," Bud said still baffled at the idea. "We're all exchanging some leave days and giving them to Harm."

"That's a great idea," Harriet agreed. "Sometimes you surprise even me."

"I wish I'd thought of it but actually it was Commander Brumby," Bud admitted. 'I'm still floored. It seems his conscience had been bothering him lately about how he handled Lucy's diagnosis with Mac, but regardless, he'll be by in only a bit for Harm to initial some papers we need for an Article 32 so be prepared sweetie."

"Yes, sir Commander," Harriet replied laughing slightly. "Hey, Matthew's hungry. I have to go. I love you."

"Love you, too," Bud replied before hanging up the phone.

Harm and Mac once again were seated in the waiting room waiting for an update. Dr. Thomas arrived shortly after Dr. Jacobson did and now both were examining Lucy and test results from Manassas.

"He could be wrong right?" Mac asked hopefully referring to the ER doctor they'd seen earlier. 'He's not a specialist. He doesn't know for sure."

"ER doctors are really well rounded, Mac," Harm sighed. "Don't get your hopes up until Dr. Jacobson says he was wrong."

"I just don't want to lose her," Mac said softly. "But at the same time I don't want her to suffer like she's been. If only this was a legal decision, like Solomon, then we'd be sure she'd make it if we told them all we really want is what is best for our baby. That really is all I want Harm."

Harm nodded, "I understand. Let's see what the doctors have to say before we talk anymore. I'm going to get a cup of coffee. As soon as we talk to Dr. Jacobson I have to go."

"No you don't," Mic said as he approached the couple. They had been so deep in thought they hadn't seen his approach.

"Excuse me?" Harm asked in disbelief. "What the Hell are you doing here Brumby?"

"I need your signature on some paperwork. General Creswell has made me his XO in your absence," Mic replied.

"I won't be absent," Harm argued. "I'm out of leave and we can't afford the loss of benefits. I'll be there by lunch."

"Admiral Chegwidden and General Creswell met with SecNav early this morning. He agreed to emergency leave without pay if the rest of us worked longer hours and took more cases," Mic explained.

"We can't…" Mac began but Mic cut her off.

"We know that's why each of us at JAG is sacrificing leave days and giving them to Harm," Mic replied. "Forty-five in all. If you need more I have another 20 I'll gladly surrender and I'm sure others will too."

"That's sweet, Mic," Mac replied. "But why are you doing this now? Why not before when we were together?"

Harm answered for him. "He was protecting something he believed was his own, his own child. There's not another feeling in the world than that urge, the drive to keep your baby from harm, at anyone's expense. You know that Mac."

"In spite of that, my actions were childish and downright cruel. You didn't deserve my contempt and neither did Lucy," Mic admitted. "I should have supported you then, and I did not. All I can do now is make things easier for you."

"I don't know what to say," Harm replied nearly speechless at Mic's actions.

"Then don't say anything," Mic replied. 'Let's go over these papers so you can focus on the little one."

The paperwork Mic brought occupied Harm about ten minutes nearly passing enough time for Drs. Jacobson and Thomas to finish reviewing Lucy's chart. The duo had just approached Mac when Harm returned.

"It's not good," Dr. Jacobson began gently. "The stress put on her body by the blood loss ahs cost us very precious time. Lucy's heart and lungs are beginning to show signs of stress as are her kidneys. Now, organ failure has not occurred, it is on the horizon, but we are not there yet."

Harm squeezed Mac's hand, "What about the bone marrow transplant?"

"Dr. Simms was right when he said that Lucy will die soon without it," Dr. Thomas replied. "And in all likelihood she will anyway given the stress of the procedure. Still we are operating at 100% verses98%, that 2% is something. What you need to decide is do you want to chance putting her through a very taxing drug regimen and shorten her time or do you want to take her home and let nature take its course."

"That's hardly a choice, Doctor," Harm barked. "Let her die or torture her for some fraction of hope? Did one of the boys match?" he asked hopeful.

"No, unfortunately not," Dr. Thomas replied. "We'll test both of you and if you have direct relations alive, we'll test them, but let's only go through that if you wish to attempt the graft."

Mac looked at Harm's tear stained cheeks and met his eyes, 'We've never backed down before; not start now. 2% is better than 0."

"That's what I would choose," Dr. Thomas admitted. "It happens every day. Let's get your blood drawn and then you can see her."

"You can test me too," AJ offered from where he'd been listening.

"And me," Harriet added. "And our kids."

"And I as well," Mic supplied. "I'll tell the General. I bet a lot of folks will be screened."

"I'll ask mom and Frank," Harm said.

"The more the better," Dr. Thomas smiled. If only every case could see this kind of generosity.

Twenty minutes later Harm and Mac donned hospital garb and made their way to Lucy's bedside. She was still and pale but when she saw it was her parent's underneath the hospital gowns, she smiled.

"Hi, baby girl," Mac smiled reaching out to smooth the tiny wisps of hair still remaining on Lucy's head.

"How are you feeling, Button?" Harm asked taking Lucy's hand in his.

"Sleepy," Lucy murmured. "Why am I here?"

Harm and Mac exchanged glances over Lucy's head. Mac replied, "You got a little sicker last night, honey and you needed to come to the hospital so Dr. Jake could help you, okay?"

"I don't want to stay here," Lucy protested as she began to cry. "I want to go home, mommy. Please, I want to go home."

"Ssh," Harm soothed holding Lucy's frail little body close to keep her still. "Ssh, I know you want to go home, Button. Daddy knows, and you can really soon but for now you need to stay and rest here, okay. Mommy or I will be here all we can like before. I promise."

Lucy whimpered a bit more against Harm before her strength failed her and she fell asleep in her father's arms as he rocked her.

"I can sit with her, Harm," Mac offered. "You need some rest."

"So do you," Harm sighed sliding Lucy back onto her bed. "It's going to be a hard road ahead no matter what Mac. I don't want this for her anymore, she doesn't want it anymore, but I can't let her go,"' Harm declared with tears in his eyes. "I can't let her go, she's my baby girl."

Mac slipped her arms around Harm and cradled his head near her breast. She was sore from needing to feed Matthew but she ignored that for the time. "After she wakes again we'll ask AJ to stay and we can sleep. You need to call your mom too. She should be here."

"That's a good idea," Harm agreed holding tight to Mac feeling safe in her familiar embrace. As they pulled apart AJ knocked on the window and motioned for them to come out of Lucy's isolation room.

Curious, Harm and Mac stopped outside to be met by cameras and a crew from ZNN.

"What is this?" Mac asked upon seeing the news crew outside Lucy's room.

"I called in an old favor," AJ replied. "We're going against the clock here, Mac. You've helped so many people over the years, maybe now someone can repay you, if they know what's going on that is." AJ stopped and turned his attention to the correspondent.

"Good afternoon," the reporter began. "We are borrowing some time from our afternoon programming to share with you a heartbreaking story in need of a happy ending. In a small isolation room here in the brightly lit hallways of Northeast Georgetown Hospital seven year old Lucy Rabb is clinging to life after fighting a six month battle with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. Lucy is the only daughter of Navy JAG Corp Captain Harmon Rabb, JR, the only son of Vietnam War POW Lieutenant Harmon Rabb and his wife retired Marine Corp Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. "

"Lucy was first diagnosed last fall in the third stage of the disease, having suffered from Central Nervous System metastases that have left her whole body nearly paralyzed. Convention chemotherapy treatments have failed in bringing about a remission much to the chagrin of her doctor's and parents."

The reporter turned to Dr. Thomas who was waiting to say her piece, "Dr. Thomas is a pediatric hematologist who has been working on Lucy's case from the last few months alongside award winning oncologist Dr. Jacob Jacobson. Dr. Thomas, what precisely is needed for Lucy to have a chance at recovery now that traditional treatments have been exhausted?"

"Well, as you have said, common therapy has not been effective in Lucy's case. That does not mean we have not gained some ground against the cancer, but it does mean that it still has enough of a foothold over her body that she cannot continue to live with it as it is now. This little girl has fought a long battle and a brave one, but her body is failing her. Her only chance at this point is a bone marrow transplant."

"And when will you be doing that procedure, Dr. Thomas?" the reported prompted.

"We have tested Lucy's brothers and have not found a match that is close enough to be used safely. We have begun testing her parents, family friend, and even members of the hospital staff; however, matching bone marrow is difficult to do. There are very few individuals that have the six point match necessary for use and 25% of the time that match is a sibling. Since that is not the case with Lucy we are literally looking for a needle in a haystack. Still, we won't stop looking until we have a match."

"Thank you, Dr. Thomas," the reported acknowledged. "As you've just heard a bone marrow transplant is Lucy Rabb's only chance at life at this late stage of her illness. We are here sharing this story with you in hope that donors maybe out there unaware of the child who needs their blood to stay alive. If you wish to be tested as a potential donor you can report to Northeast Georgetown's bone marrow drive or call the number on your screen to locate a nearby facility. This is Dan Reardon for ZNN."

**A/N: In the next installment, Harm and Mac are reunited with some old friends while family members arrive to offer support. A donor is found, but will Harm and Mac accept the risk that accompanies that donation.**


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Sorry for the delay I had the flu last week. Another chapter will be up Monday as usual. Once again, I own the mistakes, everything else I just borrowed. Enjoy.

Chapter 12

1648 ZULU

Southern California's Museum of Emerging Artists

La Jolla, CA

Trish arrived at her gallery that morning like any other morning and like all other mornings her assistant and close friend Nora was early and seated watching a news program on ZNN. Nora was politically as liberal as Trish was conservative; still they respected each other enough as friends and colleagues to overlook that.

"You're late this morning," Nora observed as Trish entered a poured herself some coffee.

"Frank had an awards dinner in Los Angeles last night," Trish replied. "What time is that sculptor due?"

Nora was about to answer when the ZNN report about Lucy came on the screen. Nothing in the report was overly remarkable at first until Nora picked up the last name "Rabb" from the broadcast.

"Trish, isn't your granddaughter's name Lucy?" Nora asked.

Trish nodded her confirmation as Nora instructed, "Listen."

Trish turned ghost white as she heard Lucy's doctor describe how near she was to losing her only granddaughter, but shock and fear was quickly replaced by anger.

"I can't believe Harm didn't tell me it was this bad," Trish said her shock evident in her ton. "I should be there for him, for her. Nora, I need to go home and get a hold of Frank. We will be leaving for Washington on the next plane."

0314 ZULU

Northeast Georgetown Children's Hospital

Isolation Ward

Mac placed the pink tasseled bookmark in the page where she had left off reading when she noticed Lucy had fallen asleep. Both Harm and she had been with Lucy since moments after the ZNN broadcast. In return for exclusive scheduled interviews at a later time regardless of the outcome, the crew had promised AJ not to stalk the family that he had enlisted their aid to help. As soon as the camera crew left, AJ had retired for home promising to sit with Lucy so Harm and Mac could rest that night. No sooner had AJ left then Lucy awoke with a pain filled scream.

Harm and Mac put their masks on as fast as they could and rushed to their child's beside. Lucy was crying from the intensity of the pain she felt in her back and legs. Harm reacted without thinking to his daughter's distress. He slid his large body beneath Lucy's small one, scooped her into his arms and held her tight rocking gently as he did so. The more Lucy cried and begged to go home the tighter Harm held onto her repeating over and over again, "Daddy knows, Button. Daddy knows," as if his empathy could ease the child's suffering. An hour and 10mg of Demerol later, Lucy's pain eased along with Harm's hold on her tiny frame though even as the both dozed he didn't' let go of Lucy's hand.

Mac eased hr way over to Harm after placing the book on the table and shook his shoulder, "Come on, Flyboy. Sleep time is over."

"I wasn't sleeping," Harm protested. "I was…"

"Sawing wood, Sailor," Mac laughed. "Come on AJ will be back soon. We need to pick up Matthew and head home. She'll need us well rested for the next part."

"Yeah she will," Harm sighed wiping his hands over his face, his usually handsome features haggard with fatigue. "But I don't want to leave her. She might need us now."

"We won't be far and AJ will call us if necessary," Mac assured him. "You're no good to her if you're sick yourself with exhaustion, Harm."

Harm nodded reluctantly and rose from the cramped hospital chair stretching sore muscles as he did it. "We love you, Button," he whispered kissing Lucy's cheek before following Mac out the door.

Given the hour Harm and Mac didn't expect much activity in the waiting area or the corridors except that staff and the families of other children traveling to their own waiting areas by way of the one Harm and Mac used. Their family and friends would all be home for the most part, reading bedtime stories, saying prayers, so it caught both Harm and Mac off guard when they entered the PICU waiting area to find it full of people, some more familiar than others.

AJ had returned and stood conversing with General Cresswell, Admiral Morris, Admiral Boone, and Captains Pike and Ingalls. In the far corner was Skates, Tuna, and Karma, no doubt talking shop or swapping Harm stories. Sturgis was holding court with Captain Flagrear and Commander Eustis from the Watertown along with their spouses.

Terri Coulter was taking with Harriet and Fanny Allamatula while Bud conversed with Mike, Bug Bud, and Sgt. Major Kroan with Gunny and Private Rivera flanked by Gunny's four sisters completing the circle.

In the center of the waiting area Trish and Frank conversed with Clayton Webb and Analiese. Harm could tell by the stone set features on his mother's face she was not happy about being left in the dark.

Harriett was the first to spot Harm and Mac and halted her conversation with Terri. Big Bud caught sight of them out of the corner of his eye and nudged Bud and Mike who also fell silent. The room was practically noise free by the time AJ approached them and whispered, "They all got tested. They all want to be here for you."

"That's…"Was all Mac managed to say before Trish started towards them, he displeasure clear.

"Mom, I…" Harm began once Trish was in earshot.

"Don't talk," Trish ordered. "There really isn't much to say."

"I know and I'm sorry," Harm said tiredly. "Can we discuss this somewhere else, please?" There's a dayroom down the hall.

Trish agreed and began walking in the direction the signs and colored arrows indicated. Harm turned to Mac, "Will you be okay with me gone for a bit?" he asked.

"Yeah," she assured him. It's not like I'll be alone. Go work this out with your mom. I'll come for you if anything changes."

Harm followed his mother's path to the bright day room where parents and their recovering children could got to interact once the danger and isolation periods had passed. It was empty now affording Trish and he the privacy they needed.

Trish had gotten their a few paces ahead of Harm and was angrily pacing the room like a caged tiger. As soon as Harm's steps halted, Trish whirled around and glared at him, "Why didn't you tell me it was like this? Why didn't you tell me immediately?!"

"I don't know," Harm sighed. "The truth is we've been so busy with Lucy and Matthew and trying not to neglect DJ's needs through all of that, it really just fell through the cracks. That and calling you to fly out here because of what's happened would make it real. I don't want this to be real, Mom."

"Well it is," Trish sighed. "It is real and it is happening and ignoring it or denying it won't change that fact. You need a support system to get through this Harm and by the looks of you that need is not being met."

"Harriet, Bud, and AJ have shouldered a huge support role, Mom," Harm countered.

"I don't mean that kind of support," Trish clarified. "I mean a person to talk to and confide in about what you are feeling."

"I talk to Mac," Harm replied.

"Do you do it without a lawyer?" Trish asked sarcastically.

"We are trying to reconcile, Mom," Harm informed her. "We have been since Matthew was born."

"And that's another thing," Trish sighed. "Where is Matthew's father? Why are you taking responsibility for someone else's child when one your own needs…"

"He is one of my own, Mom," Harm replied. "He's my son."

"Your son?" Harm, I know you may feel thtat way especially with things changing between you and Mac, but…"

Harm cut Trish off halfway. "Matthew is my biological child, mom. He was conceived last year in Utah after Mac came out to help me when I had the pneumonia. I only remember bits and pieces of the night he was made; all I know is he's nothing short of a miracle. He was conceived naturally against all odds, carried to term inside a badly scarred uterus, and born large and healthy in a filthy parking garage bathroom minutes before his mother's uterus rupturs and she nearly bleeds to death in my arms."

Harm's eyes misted with tears as he remembered the horror he felt at the growing pool of Mac's blood. He really believed all children were miracles, but Matthew had survived so many obstacles already in his short life. Harm nearly convinced himself Matthew would match Lucy's marrow type and continue the trend. He'd taken the news that Matthew did not match harder because of that belief. "I really though he'd match, mom. " Harm murmured softly as the tears began to fall.

Trish inspite of her anger went to him immediately. Regardless of age, status, mistakes, faults, or anything else Harm was Trish's only baby and her instinct to soothe and protect him was still strong than any ill feelings.

"I'm really sorry, Mom," Harm sighed once he collected himself.

"I am too," Trish replied. "But this talk can wait. We'd better get back."

Over the next few days, Harm, Mac, Trish, Frank and the extended JAG family kept a constant vigil. A few of the donors shared blood type compatibility and were waiting on further tests. Regardless, Dr. Thomas convinced Harm and Mac to begin the treatment needed to prepare Lucy for the graft once the match was found. Her reasoning was that at this point, Lucy would not survive without a transplant much longer. If they waited until a certain match was found, her body might not handle the preparation and all the work would be in vain.

The doctor's kept Lucy sedated most of the time, he increased nausea did not cause her further pain that way. Both Harm and Mac did their best to visit DJ daily and bond with Matthew while avoiding too many encounters with Trish. Her arrival had been welcomed and she and Harm seemed to have settled things, but her demeanor towards Mac was not improved. There was a lot that needed to be handled and very little time or energy to focus on those topics. Lucy needed every ounce of her parents' attention and they gave it to her.

Nearly a week passed since Lucy's admission to the hospital and nearly 100 donors had come to help lend support, though out of all of them none matched the full six points.

Day after day, Chaplain Turner and Sgt. Major Kroan prayed for a miracle for Lucy and her family. Finally, on the eighth Dr. Jacobsen asked for a meeting with Harm and Mac along with Dr. Thomas. Other were terrified about what they would say.

March 21, 2007

1809 ZULU

Offices of Dr.J. Jacobsen

Both doctors could tell Mac and Harm were nervous so Dr. Jacobsen delivered the news as soon as they were seated. "We found a match," he said smiling at the relief in their faces.

Both gasped with joy and relief and embraced at the new this of the huge victory and small ray of hope in this terrible ordeal."

"Who is it?" Mac asked. "We have to thank…"

"Mrs. Rabb, hold on a minute," Dr. Thomas interjected. I seriously disagreed with Dr. Jacobsen for even telling you this at this point."

"What do you mean? Isn't the match definite?" Harm asked.

"It is definite, Captain, but it's also useless. We can't proceed beyond this point."

"Wait a minute," Mac broke in fixing a stern Marine glare on both doctors. "You bring us in here and tell us you have a match, the only thing that will save our little girl and then in the next breath tell us we can't use it. Explain that to me, please."

"We are not in agreement on this issue," Dr. Jacobsen replied. "I feel it should be up to the donor whether or not he takes the risk or not. Dr Thomas feels there is an ethical issue involved precluding that option."

"At this point, I don't give a damn about ethics, I'm even starting to debate whether or not I give one about morals," Harm said sharply. "This is my baby's life. Who is this person? I'll talk to them, convince them, I'll pay them if I have to do, but I am not going to let ethics medical, legal or otherwise interfere with my daughter's only chance. It's her ONLY chance."

"We understand that," Dr. Thomas replied. "But there health risk to the donor is too great for me to consider going further. We have more time, we can keep searching the registry, there are a lot of options still…"

"You know there aren't," Harm argued. "Or you'd never have spoken up in the first place. Who is the donor? Can you at least tell me that? Is it one or our friends, colleagues..."

"No," Dr. Jacobsen replied. "It's not."

"Then who is it?" Mac pressed her maternal instincts going into overdrive, prepared to fight for the blood of the individual holding the key to saving Lucy's life if she had to do that.

"It's Captain Rabb," Dr. Thomas finally disclosed to them being greeted only by two pairs of wide eyes and stunned silence.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Real life has been crazy. This chapter is short but I wanted to get it out. I look forward to your reviews. The next one is half done and will be up shortly.

Once again I don't own anything but the typos and I tried to catch them. Thanks and enjoy.

Chapter 13

"Wait a minute," Harm demanded once he recovered his voice. "If I'm a match and I'm healthy, why can't I donate?"

"There are previous factors that prevent us from using you as a donor," Dr. Thomas explained. "Specifically the complications listed in your file regarding a bout of pneumonia last year."

"He made a full recovery," Mac protested. "I know. I was there."

"No, he didn't," Dr. Jacobsen replied. "After your sons were eliminated as donors and we began testing you and other family members we requested with appropriate authorizations, copies of your most recent physicals and fitness evaluations from Bethesda. The latest X-ray of the Captain's pelvis and spine show that permanent damage was done by the infectious arthritis," he explained.

"As you know that condition tends to flare when the body is under physical or even emotional stress, those extremes could cause an autoimmune response in anyone. The issue here is the area that received the most damage is the area we need to graft from for the transplant."

"Okay, fine, so my legs swell for a few days," Harm acknowledged. "That's a small price to pay for my daughter's life."

"At best your legs swell, Captain," Dr. Thomas parried. "At worst you suffer another full blown flare-up resulting in further damage to your weight baring joints. There's also a risk of systemic sepsis, a serious blood infection that kiss many in their prime every day."

"Can't we combat it with some kind of antibiotic?" Harm asked squeezing Mac's hand as she was beginning to cry. "I'm all for caution and prevention, but even if you sat there and guaranteed that my donating would be fatal I'd still want to know where I sign. If you continue to combat me on this," Harm said holding Dr. Thomas' gaze with an ice blue stare. "I'll make inquiries into exactly when those results were available."

"We did not withhold the results longer than permitted give our difference of opinion," Dr. Thomas replied. "Regardless, this is not a procedure I feel it's necessary to perform at this risk level. The likelihood is…"

"I'll take likely over certainly any day," Mac retorted feeling her maternal fight clawing to get out of her heart.

"All right then," Dr. Thomas sighed. "I'm sure Dr. Jacobsen will take excellent care of Lucy and you as well, Captain. Please just before you do something irreversible, think it through, consider your sons, they deserve their father in their lives."

"Dr. Thomas, if I have to put my baby girl in the ground knowing I could have helped her and didn't my sons will not only lose Lucy but me as well," Harm explained. "I'm doing this for all of my children, doctor. I hope someday you'll understand what that feels like."

Dr. Thomas was quiet for a moment. "I wish you luck, Captain," she said before leaving the office closing the door behind her.

"What do we do now?" Mac asked. "Can you do this procedure?"

"I can," Dr. Jacobsen replied. "I want you to know that medically I agree with Dr. Thomas' position, the less than 1% risk to donors is higher for you Captain, at nearly 20%, still I believe you have the right to choose between a 20% complication for you or a 100% certain death for your daughter. Any parent has the right to decide if their child needs them to do this and I want to give you that option."

"Thank you," Harm said. "So when do we do this?"

"Lucy will be ready tomorrow afternoon, we'll prepare you tomorrow evening and do it first thing the next morning," Dr. Jacobsen replied. "We'll keep you 48 hours for monitoring instead of the usual 12-24 and if all goes well you and Lucy can look forward to recovering together this spring. Use this next day to be sure this is the choice you want to make."

"I am sure," Harm affirmed. "Thank you so much, doctor. This chance is everything to us."

"You're welcome. I need to make rounds, feel free to use the office to discuss this before informing everyone else of the decision." Dr. Jacobsen replied before leaving them for his work.

Once they were alone Harm let out the breath he'd been holding, "Don't try to talk me out of this Mac," he warned.

"Wasn't going to," Mac replied. "If I'd been the one that matched, I'd be doing the same thing you're doing."

"But…"Harm added for her.

"I'm scared it will be for nothing," she sighed. "If the graft doesn't take and something happens to you I don't know how I'd survive that. Or worse, if it does take and Lucy recovers a part of her will always feel guilty. No matter what I d, what we do, we're going to lose something."

"The risk factor is only 20%. It's more than normal but not at all insurmountable," Harm reminded her. "Dr. Jake is a good doctor. I'll be okay and so will Lucy. I know it."

"I pray you're right," Mac sighed. "What are we going to tell people?"

"Nothing," Harm replied. "And before you ask I have several reasons. First, nothing matters except I'm a match and that's what counts. Second, I don't want to debate my decision with anyone especially my mother. And finally, all that's going to happen is our little girl is going to be able to live to grow up, nothing else. This is a great thing Mac. Don't worry and spoil it."

Mac wanted to tell Harm it was impossible for her not to worry about him because he meant so much to her and they had finally turned a corner in their relationship, but she held her tongue. She didn't want her concern for Harm to overshadow her joy at being able to continue to fight the leukemia for her daughter's life or her pride at the selfless gesture Harm was demonstrating by refusing to consider anything besides being Lucy's donor.

As they walked back to the waiting area that had become home to so many over the last week Mac raised on question she wasn't sure harm considered.

"Harm, you know, God forbid you do have complications, it could mean your wings," Mac said softly. "Did you think about that?"

"Yeah, for a split second and the truth is, that's all it deserved," Harm replied. "I meant what I said before Mac. If we lost Lucy, I don't want to know what I'd do. I don't think I'd ever be able to go on from that. As much as I love DJ and Matthew, even as much as I love you, I really don't think I could handle her loss."

"Hopefully you won't ever have to find out," Mac replied softly. "I love you too."

Harm paused midstep and turned to face Mac. Her eyes were puffy and dull from lack of sleep, her hair was limp and lacked shine from hasty showers and no conditioning, and her perfect marine figure was a bit fuller that it used to be but she was still the most beautiful woman in the world to him, and had always been no matter what.

Harm tenderly cupped Mac's cheeks between both of his hands, using them like a frame around her face. He held her gaze for a moment before leaning down and taking Mac's mouth with his in a kiss far more passionate than he'd given her up until this point in their reconciliation. Mac responds in kind, feeling the familiar pull of attraction and connection that she'd felt since she's first touched Harm in the rose garden.

Harm pulled back for a breath, "We'd better share the news with everyone," he sighed and took Mac's hand again as they walked to the waiting room to share their good fortune with those they loved.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thank you so much for waiting for this installment. I have started a new job and my boss gave me my first real project with a very tight deadline. We are a sales company and he needed demographics for the entire region that includes all of Texas, Mississippi, Alabama and Florida. Texas alone took me two weeks…lol. We've put that project to bed, so now I have more time to focus on my true joy in life once again. I have finished up through chapter 20 and I'm wrapping my story lines together. Originally this was only to be about 30 chapters, but it may be more since I've have to cut the chapters differently that I planned.

I hope you enjoy this. As usual I own nothing but the mistakes.

Chapter 14

AJ sat in fully sterilized garb watching Lucy sleep. When harm had announed he was Lucy's marrow match everyone gathered breathed a collective sigh of relief. For the first time Lucy would have a chance at making it through the battle they had all fought for so long. Elation was the only word to describe the emotion of the friends and family in that waiting room except when applied to Harm and Mac, and that disturbed AJ. It disturbed him deeply, for the two who should be the most joyful, were very nearly sad.

AJ pondered that inconsistency until a gentle knock broke his concentration. A quick glance showed Lucy was sound asleep so AJ rose and quietly slipped from the room.

"Hi, AJ," Analise greeted with a warm smile. "How's the little one?"

"The same," AJ replied. "She gets her last high dose chemo in the morning and if all goes as planned, she'll get her transplant the next day."

"Great! They found a donor!"Analise beamed, honestly happy at the news.

"Didn't have to look far," AJ replied. "It's Harm."

"Harm? AJ, Harm is the last person that should donate bone marrow," Analise said in shock. "It's far too risky, they'll never let him do it."

"He's doing it, Ana," AJ confirmed. "Signed the papers and all. He's her last chance and he knows it. Besides donor risk is minimal."

"Not for someone with Harm's history," Ana countered. "He's prone to joint inflammation and infection since before I met him. Twice while we were dated he had problems with that and his blood pressure…its dangerous fo r him AJ. It could kill him."

"I'm sure the doctor's know his history and I'm sure…"

Ana spoke again, "Harm knows his risks, but he'd do it anyway. We're both parents, we'd do the same thing. I'm worried for Mac. This could be very rough. Lucy's health will be fragile, she'll be hospitalized at least 30 days for the graft to take and to prevent infection, Harm will at best need some recovery time, and the other two children will need their mother's security. Mac's going to be severly over worked."

"We've gotten then through rough spots before and we'll get them through again," AJ replied firmly. "I appreciate you letting me know about thie kind of chance Harm's taking."

"You can't help when you don't know you're needed, can you?" Ana sighed. "Keep me posted, okay? Let me know if there is anything I can do. Give them my best."

AJ smiled. If Harm and mac were not a perfect match with a long history AJ woul dhave court martialed Harm for letting Ana go. She wasn't only smart and pretty, but she was a truly sweet and honest person who cared about other people. That was sadly a very rare quality.

"I sure will," Aj said. Then, "Ana, Lucy is down for the count. Would you care for a cup of coffee?" he asked.

Ana smiled he face lighting up with genuine happiness, "I would," she agreed nodding her head. "Thank you."

Mac lay awake counting Harm's steady breaths as she lay curled into his side, her arm across his torso with his arm around her shoulders. It had been nearly a year since they had been intimate like this, and even longer since they'd both remembered sharing in the special way. Reglecting back on the previous hours Mac chastised herself for succumbing to the familiar pull of Harms' weyes and body when seeking comfort. He'd offered her woreds, soft whispers of reassurance and security when her sobs had woken him and drew him to her side, but she wanted more, needed more than words could provide. There were so many emotions warring within hier for precedence, Mac was unsure how she should feel.

Once Harm had taken her into his arms all of the old urges came back. Mac buried her face in his chest rubbing her cheek up and down while intermittenly placing butterfly kisses on the sensitive bare skin. The more Harm coaxed her to talk the more responsive Mac became with a voice unique to Harm's ears. When he validated her feeling of fear with understanding she clung to him peppering his flesh with urgent fevered kisses telling him clearly it was his loss she was afraid of at that point.

After returning Mac's passion more out of biological instinct than anything else, harm led her to the bed to join him in trying to sleep, reminding her she probably wouldn't be doing much of that for the next few days since he wouldn't be able to assist her in child care while he was being monitored. That provoked feelings of respect and admiration in mac which she conveyed with long exaggerated kisses while stroking Harm's back as one might do a to a show dog, her touch conveying love and pride, drastically different than her earlier despiration.

Somewhere between intense fear and overwhelming pride was the true source of Mac's feelings. There was no way she could feel emotions so deep without admitting they were fueld by love. When Matthew was born they admitted they never stopping loved each other but had struggled in rebuilding their relationship, both too scared to fully commit just yet. For Mac at least, that barrier was scaled whenHarm returned her affection with touches and kisses of his own leaving them as they wre now, naked, connected, and for the moment, emotionally satisfied.

Mac detected a change in Harm's breathing but didn't move. He knew she was awake though and he spoke quietly."Are you regretting this?"

"No," Mac said honestly. "It was beautiful as always. I'm not regretting it."

"That's what's wrong?" Harm asked. He knew her too well.

"I…We went backwards instead of forward," Mac sighed. "We…I didn't talk about what I felt, I…You had to pull it out of me and even then I didn't talk. I should have but I didn't."

"I'm just as guilty, Mac," Harm soothed. "I didn't exactly protest the thing. Besides that though, just because we have to communicate verbally doesn't mean we can't physcially. It is unilateral coummunciat that got us here in the first place."

"I'm just so scared that now that we've finally found each other again, I'm going to lose you. It's not fair. We already lost so much of our dreams and our plans," Mac sighed. "It's just not fair."

"Unfair would be if we lose our daughter," Harm corrected. "Or is something happened to Lucy or DJ. Everybody has challenges and hard times; this is one for these hard times. We can let it beat us and control us or we can use it it to heal our realtionship and make it strong that it's even been. If we don't take this chance for what it is worth, that would be incredibly unfair to everyone."

"I just want this whole thing over," Mac sighed snuggling closer. Harm tightened his arm around her and paced a tender kiss on her forehead. "Thirty six hours, honey."

"Thirty-four hours, nineteen minutes," Mac corrected laughing slightly feeling the tension drain from her body as she allowed herself to succumb to the pull of sleep.

Over the next few days Harm spent nearly every minute he could with Lucy, DJ, or Matthew. He knew it would be a while before he was able to be with his children in the manner he was accustomed to being with them. Mac had convinced him to explain the procedure to DJ and Lucy leaving our the risk to his health of course. Lucy wasn't able to acknowledge her father's words very much, the high dosage of chemo leaving her exhausted, but DJ understood his father's words and expressed excitement that only a preschooler would be able to muster in this situation.

The evening before the procedure, Harm was admitted to the hospital. Mac had visited with him for a while and saw to his comfort in the small bed but left to feed Matthew and relieve Harriet from sitting with Lucy. With Mac occupied, Harm called HQ and requested Mic stop by the hospital after he secured for the day.

Harm had though long and hard about his choice, but in the end he felt that Mic was far enough from the situation to objectively carry out his request without emotional pleas and disclosures. Mic's being the acting XO in Harm's stead was a plus. Just after supper time, Mic arrived at the hospital and greeted Harm.

"It's been awhile since I saw you in the postiion," Mic commented. "I hope it's worth it."

"It's worth it to know we tried if nothing else," Harm replied. "Mic, I asked you to come here because I need you to do some legal work for me. I need the utmost discretion and confidentiality. I do not want Mac, Bud, or anyone to know why you are here and what I asked of you unless it is necessary."

"Harm, I understandbeing in the hospital for anything is a drag but you aren't having brain surgery or something," Mic observed with a trademark Australian chuckle.

"I could, for me this procedure carries a lot of risk and I want to have things mapped out in case there are any problems or complications," Harm explained. "Let's get to work; I don't want Mac to know I'm even thinking of this."

What Harm did not know was at the same time Mac was having a conversation of her own with Harriet. When Harriet had seen Mac approaching Lucy's room she slipped out to speak with her friend about something that had been on her mind since Harm had made his announcment.

Mac smiled when Harriet met her at the door. "How's she doing?"

"We finished reading a book and now she's sleeping again," Harriet replied. "Mac, you have a minute?"

"Since she's sleeping, yeah, what's up?" Mac asked following Harriet to the waiting area.

"What don't we know?" Harriet asked bluntly once they were both seated.

Mac sighed, "I was wondering who'd catch on to this first. I should have guessed it would be another mother, another wife."

"I'm also you best friend," Harriet said firmly. "There is nothing you can't tell me and there is nothing that I'd ever, ever judge you for doing or not doing when it comes to your children. You know what is best and when it comes down to it, you make the right choices."

"Coming from you Harriet, that means more than you could possibly know," Mac smiled, tearfully. "There isn't a minute in this entire thing that I don't second guess myself about the choices I made since I got sick. I think, if I'd told Harm first we'd have trusted more, if I had the hysterectomy like I was told to maybe we could have saved our marriage, and maybe if we saved our marriage we might have noticed something was wrong before it was too late and the lives of two of the most important people in my world were left hanging in the balance. I always wonder about that Harriet."

Harriet set her arm around Mac's shoulders and let her friend cry a few moments before asking, "Two of the most important?" She raised her eyebrow.

"It's dangerous for Harm," Mac sighed. "That's why Dr. Thomas quit, because he insisted on donating even though it's risky. She wouldn't do the procedure and it's only with a lot of reservations that Dr. Jacobson is doing it."

"Dr. Jacobson is a good doctor and Harm is strong," Harriet comforted. "He might have had some problems, but he's recovered from them and is doing fine. I know it's scary, I still fret over Bud and his leg and things but it comes down to this, we can be mothers to our kids, we can't to our husbands. We have to trust their judgement. We can get in their faces, we can stand in front of them, but when it comes to things like this, to our children, we need to stand behind them. At least, when their right."

Mac laughed at that and wiped her eyes. "I feel better now that someone knows Harriet. Harm thinks everything is going to be fine and maybe it will be, but I feel a lot better knowing that someone besides me will be prepared in some way for what might happen tomorrow or in the next days."

Harriet nodded, "Harm's positive, he's also practical. I'm sure if he feels the need to address any of this, he will."

Harriet's words had comforted Mac's fears but she still found sleep difficult that night. Harm managed only by the aid or exhaustion and some light medication, but before he knew it, morning had come bringing with it what he'd waited for since hearing Lucy's diagnosis the past fall, his daughter's chance at life.

Next chapter: The procedure takes place while Mac gets advice from a stranger who has different view of things. We find out how Harm and Lucy have fared.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Wow, over six months since my last update. Still, I do plan on finishing this story and hope to deliver all that my readers hope for which is mainly a resolution between Harm and Mac. The new character introduced in the beginning of this chapter will be important later as we progress away from Lucy's illness and move towards normalizing things in the Rabb family's life.

I hope you enjoy. The next three chapters are already written and I am working on the fourth so I hope to be a lot more regular with updates in the future. As usual, I tried to catch the mistakes but apologize for the one's I missed.

Chapter 15

Mac slipped quietly into the chapel. It had been several hours since Lucy and Harm had been taken to surgery and she could no longer sit with Trish and Frank and the others and wait in silence.

Bud had the foresight to plan an outing to the zoo for DJ and his children so Mac could focus on waiting for news and tending Matthew's needs. Mac thanked God for the friends she and Harm had in Bud and Harriet Roberts.

As she made her way to the front of the chapel she noticed she was not alone; a man was kneeling at the row of candles near the first pew. He looked deep in prayer and even in the dim light Mac could see lines of anguish around his eyes and mouth. It was clear to anyone with eyes this man was in deep pain. Mac forgot in her own trials sometimes that others ached also, perhaps more deeply than she did.

In her thoughts, Mac didn't realize she was staring at the man until he rose and turned to meet her gaze. Mac blushed with embarrassment, "I'm sorry. That was incredibly rude of me."

"Not a problem," the man replied. "Imagine anyone in this place has more on their minds than manners not that yours were lacking Mrs…"

"Rabb. Sarah Rabb," Mac replied. "You can call me Mac, everyone does, Mr…"

"Tony," he replied. "Just Tony. Would you like to sit or do you want to be alone?"

"I'll sit," Mac replied sliding into a pew. "I'm sorry to disturb you."

Tony sat beside her and sighed deeply. "You didn't. I was disturbed long before you arrived, Mac. This place disturbs me; the whole need for its existence disturbs me."

"Your son or daughter?" Mac asked.

Tony shook his head, "My son but he'll be fine. All was successful. My wife called me when Donny was admitted for his appendix. I was with my friend across the way at hospital on 10th street. A dear, dear friend…"

"I have a few such friends. I hope he will be will as your son is," Mac replied.

Tony shook his head and fresh tears sprang to his eyes. "She won't. She tried so hard, my heavens she tried so hard for so long but she can't do it anymore. She's too weak and in far too much pain. She's been nearly since it started and until it affected her work no one even knew she was sick. I was her partner and I never even noticed. She would have noticed if it were me, she always noticed."

"You are a police officer or…?" Mac inquired at the word partner.

"Yeah, DC Police. I worked homicide for nearly 15 years with the same partner. He burned out badly one day and up and quit without notice or warning or anything. The next week I met Cyndi for the first time, and she has been the best partner and friend since that day. She would never have missed it if things were reversed. Not ever."

"My husband and I, we didn't know that Lucy was this sick either until she wanted to play soccer," Mac recalled. "All I really remember is the look on Harm's face when they told us. He tried to hide it, to be brave and stoic, an officer, a pilot with ice in his veins, but while he listened to the doctors words this mask of pure horror settled over his face and it hasn't lifted at least not enough that he can hide it from me. Sometimes, these things just aren't noticeable or maybe we don't want to notice them."

"You'd think a woman who loses both breasts to cancer not to mention her pride, her independence, her dignity would show horror in the face of that, would show fear, but she hasn't once done so not one time. I have deeper respect and admiration for her now that I ever did before and God knows I did respect her, but now, no I realize she likely is the bravest person I have ever known."

"It must be very hard facing this without the person you love," Mac replied. "I fear now I may face my daughter's dying without Harm and I know I couldn't bear that."

"Is your husband ill as well?" Tony asked.

"He's not but he was last year and that complicates his donating bone marrow to our daughter," Mac replied. "And if it fails and Harm's health fails I don't know how I'll move from there and be the mother my boys deserve. I could with Harm but I cannot without him. I know that."

"You will," Tony assured her. "You can and you will. I see in your eyes the same heart, the same spirit, that I see in Cynthia's eyes even now. That spirit gave her three years she may not have had without it and it will give you many, many years as a mother to your children regardless if it be three children or two. It will give you the courage to fight and the wisdom to know your own mind. If I were ever sure of anything I'm sure of that."

Tony took a deep breath, "Do you pray, Mrs. Rabb?"

"More than anyone knows," Mac replied.

"Let us together now," Tony offered holding his palm out so Mac could take his hand. She smiled and did so squeezing it tightly as they both prayed from the depths of their souls.

After they were finished Tony slid out of the pew and helped Mac follow until they were both standing. "You said Cynthia was not your wife?" Mac clarified as they slowly made their way up the aisle to the door.

"She is not," Tony admitted.

"But you love her?" Mac clarified. "Anyone can see you do."

"I do," Tony replied. "Marriage changes love, Mac. I 'm sure you knew that."

"I knew that life changes marriage, changes the people in marriages, but it should never change love, Tony," Mac replied. "For a long time I was foolish enough to believe love between two people could be changed, damaged, eradicated even, but I learned through my daughter's illness that when the right kind of love exists between the right people that it can't. You deserved to be honest in your heart. I should have been; things might be very different if I had been."

Tony reached into his wallet and removed a business card which he handed to Mac. "Let me know how your journey ends. I will pray each day it will be different than mine."

Mac reached into her own pocket and handed Tony one of her own cards. "If things do happen to change for you, or if you need to talk to someone who can…try to understand, let me know."

Tony smiled and was gone leaving Mac in a very different place than before she'd seen him. Mac was still mulling over the impact of the meeting with this stranger when Harriet appeared, "I knew you'd be here. Dr. Jacobson is waiting for you."

Mac sprinted to the surgical waiting area where Dr. Jacobson waited to give her the news of Lucy and Harm's condition. Her heart was in her throat the entire way and her observant eyes studied the doctor's manner from the moment she saw him. He betrayed nothing in his stance or expression to cause Mac any alarm.

"I'm sorry doctor," Mac replied as she reached him. "How are they?"

"They both did very, very well," Dr. Jacobson replied smiling. "Lucy breezed through and she is in isolated recovery, things look really good with regard to the graft though we'll closely monitor her. Harm did fine during the surgery. He does have some marked swelling at the graft sight and on that limb but that's nothing we didn't expect to happen. We'll monitor his vitals over the next 48 hours especially blood pressure and temperature but I am very confident he'll heal normally."

"Thank you so much," Mac choked through tears clogging her throat. "When can I see them?"

"You can come back with me now and see Harm," Dr. Jacobson replied. "Lucy needs total seclusion for the first day but she'll be sedated so it won't be distressing for her to be alone. You can peak at her but you cannot visit until tomorrow."

As badly as Mac wanted to see her baby, she understood this was best and nodded her consent to Dr. Jacobson.

"I'd like to see my son as well, doctor," Trish said from her place just behind Mac.

"Of course, Mrs. Burnet.," Dr. Jacobson acknowledged. "As soon as he is in his room you may see him but for now, Mac, come along with me."

Dr. Jacobson led Mac behind the Authorized Personnel Only doors to the recovery area. "We are taking a lot of precautions so he has a lot of monitors and machines attached to him that donors don't typically have attached to them. The leg is visibly swollen so we are elevating it. You can see the outline of the swelling through the covers so try to be alarmed. He'll be coming out of the anesthesia soon so let us know if he has pain. He's just through there."

Mac appreciated the doctor explaining things to her and preparing her though after seeing after his last punch out, nothing could be a total shock. If not for the array of machinery attached to Harm, Mac would have thought he was sleeping. His handsome features were pale but he looked peaceful and free from pain.

Once Mac reached the side of Harm's fed she reached out to gently caress his forehead under the hairline. She did for several moments until she felt him begin to stir under her tender touch. Mac smiled down at Harm and learned closer to be sure he'd see her at his side.

"Hey," Harm murmured his mouth as dry as cotton. He licked his lips to try and create some moisture.

Mac noticed Harm's discomfort and reached for ht cup of ice chips by the bed. She spooned some between his lips and dabbed his cheeks with a moistened cloth.

"Better?" Mac asked gently. "You did well, Harm. You both did very well."

"You see Lucy?" Harm asked. "Is she hurting?"

"I can't see her yet but I'm sure Dr. Jacobson is making sure, she isn't hurting sweetheart. He is trying that for you too."

"Not working too well, leg hurts," Harm murmured. "Head hurts."

"Your leg will hurt, there is a lot of swelling in your hip," Mac replied. "Do you need something for it?"

"I can take it for now," Harm replied sleepily. "Just going to close my eyes."

Harm was asleep before he finished speaking Mac smoothed his hair back again and placed a kiss on his lips. "Sleep well, Sailor."

Mac left Harm to rest and went to face the barrage of questions from concerned family and friends. Understandably, Trish was first.

"How is he?" she asked the moment Mac came through the doors.

"Drowsy. He's gone back to sleep but his color is good and he's resting and not in pain," Mac replied. "As soon as he is in a room, I'll make sure Dr. Jacobson let's you and Frank see him."

"I appreciate that," Trish replied her hostility for her former daughter in law barely concealed.

"Well," Frank sighed. "It will be awhile yet Trish, so let's get a coffee, hmm?"

Trish agreed and Mac breathed a sigh of relief before sinking into a chair next to AJ. The retired Admiral looked at her intently, "You need to deal with that, Mac, if you and Harm will have any hope of reconciliation."

"I don't have any issue with Trish, AJ," Mac replied. "I'll gladly talk it out but she needs to be ready to hear what I have to say or it won't matter."

"But it will, Mac," AJ said insistently. "It will matter to your children, Harm's children. It will matter to Harm even if he doesn't say so. She 's still his parent, the only one he has."

Mac nodded, "I understand. They went for coffee, I think I'll just go and try to talk to her."

In the hospital cafeteria, Frank and Trish were having a similar discussion about the tense relations between Mac and Trish.

"How long are you going to carry this grudge, Trisha?" Frank asked over coffee.

"There is a lot more to it than that, Frank. She nearly destroyed my son, left him that Brumby character, and kept my grandsons and granddaughter from me," Trish reminded him.

"Harm had a role in that too Trish," Frank pointed out. "His custody of the kids freed up a lot since he moved back to Virginia not to mention you were less than charitable to him about certain aspects of Mac's illness and his role in it."

"I saw what it was doing to my son and my grandchildren," Trish argued. "It was destroying Harm from the inside out and there is no telling the damage Lucy and DJ will have from the experience all because she wanted what she wanted. As a parent, a mother, I have the right to be upset by that."

"Of course you do, but I talked with Harm a good deal since we arrived here and he is fully prepared to reconcile with Mac regardless of the outcome of Lucy's situation and raise their children together like that last year never happened," Frank explained. "If he's prepared to do that you need to be so as well because if you don't and you continue to hold past events against Mac you will lose your son as sure as we're sitting here."

"Harm said that?" Trish asked shocked and hurt at Frank's candid revelation.

"He didn't have to Trish, it is already clear as day by the way he kept us in the dark. I know he said he was distracted and that's probably true, but he admitted to me he also felt it would make the situation worse, the tension between you and Mac. It did before and it is now. You can't breathe in the same room with you two that air is so thick!"

"She destroyed my son, Frank and the anger I feel towards her, that is not going away because Harm decides to forgive and forget," Trish sighed. "She hurt my baby, my only child and as much as you love Harm, you will never understand that, a man, a father, can't ever know that kind of…"

"Fury," Mac offered from where she was standing after going in search of her in-laws. "It's fury. It's blind white-hot murderous rage, so strong, reason cannot suppress it," Mac softly looked at Frank. "And she's right in saying a father can't know, can't understand but I do understand Trish. I do understand because I'm a mother too. I have made my mistakes, I've had my selfish moments, and I hurt my children in ways that haven't even been revealed yet but Heaven help the outsider that hurts a hair on their head."

Mac reached up and brushed a tear off her cheek, "So believe me, I understand why you feel like you do about me because I hurt Harm so deeply throughout our marriage, but please understand this too, while there is no anger a mother can feel that is strong than from harm coming to her child, there is no pain greater than knowing a decision you made brought your child hurt. Harm loves you very much and in spite of all I've done he loves me and this rift between us is agony for him."

"Agony?" Trish spat rising from her chair nearly shaking with anger. "Agony! How dare you preach to me about Harm's pain when you are to blame for all of this! You lied about your illness for months; you refused to have the surgery your doctor and husband wanted you to have, you wanted one more baby even though you couldn't care for the two you already had! You pushed him away again and again then when he sought what he didn't have from you, you manipulated him and played the martyr!"

"I know, I…" Mac began but was cut off by Trish's continued assault.

"And as if that weren't enough you drag him through a bitter divorce that made him so sick he could have died then adding insult to injury lie about the baby you carried until you were nearly dead! Were you ever going to tell him or were you going to hide it from him as the final blow?"

"I always intended Harm to know about Matthew and I know how wrong it was for me to do the things I did," Mac acknowledged. "But I love Harm and he loves me in spite of all of the things you said I am sorry for the pain it caused and I want the pain to end for all of us."

Mac moved a bit closer to Trish. "I came to see you and ask we let bygones be bygones, talk this through, and start out again like I'm doing with Harm. It is him I want that for not me. I want Harm to have you; I want our children to have you and you to have them. Please think on this, Trish?"

Tears were falling from both women's eyes by the end of the exchange, but Trish slightly nodded in affirmation. "I can't promise I'll let it be but I will try for Harm and the children."

Mac smiled, "In that case, why don't you come get acquainted with Matthew until you can visit Harm."

Trish looked over at Frank who silently urged her on, "Alright," Trish replied. "I'd love that."

Frank cleared off the table before following the two women back to the waiting area. He knew getting her anger out helped Trish a great deal and while there were a lot of deep wounds only time could heal he felt confident for the first time all were on the road to becoming a family again, a circumstance that soon would be more important than anyone may have guessed.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the latest chapter and for sticking with me. I'd be very interested in opinions regarding how Mac and Harm are relating to each other in this phase of their relationship. I hope have the next chapter up this weekend. As always, I only own the Rabb children, any non JAG characters, and the typos I missed proofing this.

Enjoy!

Chapter 16

Two Days Later

"So, it looks like everything went as planned, doesn't it?" Harriet asked Mac as they shared supper at the hospital cafeteria.

"Too soon to tell long term, but the immediate outlook is really positive, especially for Lucy," Mac replied. "I'd feel better if Harm's leg wasn't so swollen but he's gotten clean reports otherwise."

"But?" Harriet led knowing by the way Mac was fidgeting something else was on her mind.

"I just wish I could shake this feeling that we aren't in the clear," Mac sighed. "I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"It's only natural after the rollercoaster you've been on these last few years," Harriet sympathized. "It'll take awhile before you won't feel like you need to be on constant alert."

"As you are aware, a mother of a preschool age boy is always on constant alert," Mac laughed. "But relaxing to the point of worrying about skinned knees and mud puddles will take time, I know. It isn't even so much that as things between Harm and me."

"I thought those were improving," Harriet clarified. "It looks that way."

"Oh, they have improved a lot through this," Mac assured her. "That's the problem. Lucy's illness forced us together, it forced us to talk, to work with one another, but now that she's hopefully on a road to remission we could lose all of that."

"Only if you allow that, Mac," Harriet replied. "Bud and I never felt for one minute the two of you should have been apart and Lucy, DJ, and Matthew exist to show you that."

"I know," Mac agreed. "And if Lucy's illness was the catalyst it took for us to find our way maybe it was worth it, but I'm still so scared that Harm and I will fall apart again. Even with all the insanity surrounding our lives lately Harm hasn't moved back home, he still has the apartment and all the separate things he needed after the divorce."

"Did you ask him to move back in with you?" Harriet asked. "You initiated the divorce, perhaps you need to initiate the reconciliation as well. He won't rush you, which you know already."

"When Matthew was born we talked about dating, moving slowly, and he's mentioned it over the last few months, but with Lucy we never really did anything about it. Now, after what's happened I think we moved beyond that. I think we are ready for more than just dating and after the other night I think Harm is too, but…"

"The other night?" Harriet asked. "What other night?"

"Two nights before the procedure Harm and I were together like we were before. We made love and it was beautiful and committed, not rushed or strained. It was like none of this ever happened," Mac replied. "We fell asleep after and held each other all night. I don't want that to stop, not ever again."

"Then tell him that," Harriet encouraged. "When you go visit him later make sure you tell him that."

"I did tell him how special it was," Mac replied. "But I didn't ask him to move back in at home. I will do that when I see him tonight," Mac decided and smiled.

"And of course tell me everything when I come back in the morning," Harriet decided.

"Believe it or not, the minute you came to our house after seeing Lucy's pediatrician last summer I told Bud it would lead to this moment.

Robert's Home

Late August 2006

Harriet slid her wedding ring back on her finger after applying lotion to her arms, legs, and hands before sliding into bed. Bud had already done so a few minutes earlier so Harriet curled in close to him. Bud slid his arm around her and whispered, "I know, Sweetie."

"I heard it, but I can't believe it," Harriet sighed. "What they must be going through?"

"They are both terrified I can say that much," Bud sighed. "And more than that, they seem like they declared a truce almost in light of this mess."

"Something happened in Utah, I know that for sure," Harriet sighed. "And now they are leaning on each other, that's good I think."

"Sweetie, they are both in relationships with other people. The time has passed," Bud began but Harriet cut him off quickly.

"Bud you know there aren't two people in this world more suited to be together than Harm and Mac," Harriet said firmly. "We knew it before they did."

"Yeah, we did, but Harriet, they put each other through Hell in that custody battle," Bud sighed. "You didn't talk to Harm a lot during that time, but I did and I know the pain he was in at the thought of losing the kids. And when it happened, I was terrified I'd lose my friend, he was so depressed. I don't know if he could go through all of that only to put it aside and start over with the person that caused his pain."

"Bud, I know Harm is your friend and the divorce really got out of control, but Mac had help getting where she got in all of that," Harriet reminded him. "Still, I think we know best that nothing can bring two people together like the love of a child or the loss of one."

Bud squeezed Harriet tightly and placed a kiss on her hair, "You're right, honey and if anyone can find the way through this they can. They've beaten the odds before this."

"And they will again," Harriet said firmly. "I know they will."

Northeast Georgetown Hospital

Children's Wing

March 2007

"And it looks like we were right," Harriet smiled. "I know you're scared to trust him again, to ask him to trust you, but you never let fear keep you from going after what you wanted, this is not the time to start doing that. Is it?"

Mac knew Harriet was right, at least about talking to Harm and using the circumstances for some good. That part about fear, Mac wasn't so sure about that, she'd let fear creep in more times than even she could enumerate.

The talk turned to other topics as Mac and Harriet finished their suppers. Mac fed and played with Matthew before sending him home with Harriet until bedtime. Once Harriet and the baby had gone, Mac checked on Lucy to find her sleeping. She then made her way to Harm's room.

Northeast Georgetown Hospital

0043 ZULU

Harm was flipping channels trying to find something to watch on the hospital issue TV. He should have been released that day but the swelling in his right hip had increased and spread to his knee and ankle on that side and to the left hip. He knew the risk but he felt the doctors were being just a bit too cautious.

"Knock, knock," Mac called brightly as she entered the private room.

"Hey," Harm greeted with a huge smile. "Good, something more interesting than Wheel of Fortune."

"Hey yourself, Sailor," Mac greeted with a smile of her own. "How are you feeling? Other than bored?"

"Feeling fine, Mac," Harm replied. "Really, I feel perfectly okay."

Mac sat down beside Harm on the mattress. The motion of the mattress under Mac's weight sent pain shooting through his leg. Harm tried but he couldn't hide the small grimace of pain from Mac's watchful eye. "Not perfectly," Mac sighed. "You're hurting. Is it bad?"

"No, not too," Harm replied softly. "How's our girl?"

"Better," Mac replied. "She has more energy already. Dr. Jacobsen is very optimistic the graft will take and we can focus on recovery and rehabilitation."

"Yes," Harm sighed. "That road will be long and difficult, I'm afraid. I'm still terrified that we're going to lose her, Mac."

Mac gently wiggled closer to Harm and carefully laid her head on his chest. "We will someday, honey," Mac replied making slow circular motions on the planes of Harm's chest through the hospital gown. "A long time from now, when she's grown up with her beautiful curly hair and perfect skin and gorgeous Rabb eyes some man will come and take her away as his bride. We'll be so happy for her but sad for ourselves and then we'll remember these last seven months and smile because there were times when we both thought she'd never make it to her eighth birthday."

"I hope we'll still have our memories when that time comes because she is not dating until her fifty-eighth birthday," Harm laughed. "When I can see her, then I'll be able to relax all the way."

"I'll ask Dr. Jacobsen tomorrow," Mac replied. "You need to focus on getting well yourself. Lucy already asks about you almost non-stop. She'll want her daddy as much as she can get him while she recovers."

"I know," Harm agreed. "I should be out of here already. They are just being too careful. I feel fine."

"Good evening, Captain," Harm's evening nurse greeted as she came into his room with a small medicine cup. "Dr. Nelson would like you to take these and drink a cup of water, please."

"What is it?" Mac asked before Harm had the chance to do it.

"Tylenol," the nurse replied pouring an 8 ounce cup of water for Harm to wash the pills down. "Our reading shows just a slight fever, not even triple digits, but with the extra swelling we can't be too careful, can we?"

"No, I guess not," Harm grated out angry the nurse mentioned the swelling in front of Mac. He didn't want her worry increasing anymore than it already had when the doctor decided not to discharge him.

"What extra swelling?" Mac asked. "What is she talking about, Harm?"

The nurse could tell by Mac's reaction and the annoyance on Harm's face that she severely over stepped her boundary regarding the patient's privacy, even if the woman snuggled beside him was his wife. Quickly, she left Harm to fend for himself.

Mac slid off the bed once the nurse left and now stood with her hands on her hip, her mother mode, "Well, Harmon David?" she asked firmly.

"The leg they grafted from is swollen more than it should be at this point, but it's nothing to worry…"

"More? Let me see," Mac declared pulling the covers off Harm's legs in spite of his effort to hold onto them. For the first time since the procedure she had a look at Harm's exposed leg. It was nearly impossible to tell one bone from another, none of the joints were visible with casual inspection, and the flesh was a mottle mess of stretched skin and engorged blood vessels. In all the time Mac spent nursing Harm for his first bout with infectious arthritis, she had never seen his legs or arms look the way his right leg did now. "Nothing?! My God, Harm! This is…"

"Mac," Harm tried to intervene but failed as Mac began to question him about his left leg and arms.

"The left hip is a little swollen," Harm replied shifting to show her the relatively normal looking joint. "See?"

Mac dropped into the chair next to the bed as Harm quickly covered his legs with the sheets. It was disturbing to him to see his condition and her knew it was even more so for Mac.

"Why didn't you tell me it was like that?" Mac asked. "Why did you keep me in the dark about that? This is serious Harm! I should have known about it."

"You should be focusing on taking care of our children," Harm replied. "Lucy, DJ, and Matthew need your energy and attention. This is what it is. It can't be changed."

"I am focusing on our children," Mac argued. "And one of the things I need to do for them as their mother is make sure their father is healthy and strong."

"This is only temporary, Mac," Harm sighed. "The doctors are on top of it. We knew it was possible when we did the procedure. I wouldn't care if my legs fell off as long as Lucy got what she needed to win this battle."

"I know that," Mac sighed as her anger softened. "I really do." She rose and slid back up next to Harm. "But I remember how you suffered in Utah with this and how agonizing your pain was and I couldn't help. I'm just getting you back, I'm…" Mac trailed off as her voice choked up with tears.

Harm slid his arm around Mac's slight shoulders and held her to him, "I know. But I feel okay, Lucy is getting stronger, you and mom are working on making peace, we're all right. Now, snuggle up close and we can see what trouble the world got into today."

Mac nestled into Harm's side and rested her head on his chest. Harm wrapped her warmly in his arms and occasionally he'd drop a tiny feather kiss on her hair as they listened to the day's headlines shaking their heads at some of the topics the networks deemed "news worthy". Secure in Harm's embrace, Mac nearly drifted to sleep but a local new story peaked her attention and she sat up to listen more closely.

"A member of DC's finest died today at the cancer center of Northeast Georgetown Hospital. Thirty-five year old homicide detective Cynthia Fox Morgan lost her battle with cancer earlier today," the reporter stated. "With me now is Detective Morgan's partner and friend Detective Anthony Morano. Detective, we are terribly sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," the man Mac knew as Tony said to the reporter. "Cyndi is…was an excellent partner and a cherished friend. She fought this thing for a long time, a lot of it alone, without telling anyone, without complaining, but she never gave up, she…she fought until her last breath, but with all of us, her family behind her. She deserved better than this, she had so much to give, nothing, no one will ever take her place in our hearts, in my heart. I…We loved…We all loved her very much and we'll miss her every day, but we're all better for knowing her and having been part of her life."

Tony wiped tears from his cheeks as the reporter took the microphone back, "We are told Detective Morgan did not have any relatives or family members outside of the Metro Police Department. They are asking, in lieu of flowers, donation be made to Cancer Therapy and Research Center at the University of Health Sciences in San Antonio, TX whose tremendous efforts helped Detective Morgan extend her life expectancy from six months to over one year. I'm sure her friends and community are grateful for the extra time they had with her. From Georgetown, this is Alice Klein, WINS news."

Mac couldn't stop the tears from falling as she listened to the report. Harm noticed immediately and looked at her questioningly, "What's wrong?"

Mac sniffled, "I met that man, Tony, in the chapel the day of the surgeries. We talked for a little bit, but I could tell how much her loved her, Cynthia. He's married with a son but when he talked about her, his partner, I saw you before all this madness and the Hell we put each other through. The look in his eyes was like the look in yours before, full of love, and I want that again. I want you to love me that way again, deep in your heart, soul mates…"

Harm reached out and brushed a tear off Mac's cheek. "We are soul mates, Mac. Nothing, not illness, not infidelity, divorce, other lover's can change that and none of those things ever changed how deeply I love you. If it did, we'd be in different places wading through this with other people at our sides instead of each other. We're in this together, Mac."

"Are we together, Harm? Are we really in spite of it all?" Mac asked holding Harm's gaze with her own. "Because sometimes it doesn't feel like that."

"Mac, if this is about the leg thing…" Harm began.

"No, Harm. It's not about that, at least not only about that!" Mac replied her anxiety pushing her voice to raise louder than normal. "It's about the other night and all the nights before that where we slept close to each other, safe and secure from the world, and about so many nights in between when I would wake up and reach for you only to find myself alone."

"Mac, calm down and tell me what you are trying to say," Harm soothed. "Because if you are saying what I think you are, you aren't alone."

"I'm saying I want us to be a family again, all the way," Mac replied. "I don't want the kids spending half their time in a DC apartment and the other half at our house in Manassas. I want our children, all of them to be with both of us all the time. Once you and Lucy are well and we finally bring her home, I want, I really truly want you to come home too."

Harm offered a tender flyboy smile and reached for Mac's hand. He grabbed it and pulled her closer before placing a soft kiss on her lips. "I love you, Mac, and all I want is to be with you and our children for the rest of our lives. More than anything that's what I want too, for us to be a family again."

Mac returned Harm's kiss and gently slide her hands along his arms to cup his cheeked. She always loved the combination of smooth skin and stubble only instead of that pleasant feeling, she felt an unsettling dry heat radiating from him.

"Harm," Mac pulled back to look into his eyes. They were clear and showed no hint of the fever she felt in his skin. "What? Too scratchy?" Harm asked laughing.

Mac decided not to ruin the moment by fussing and stroked his cheek again, "No, I just wanted to look at you."

"I'm flattered, but I'd rather kiss you," Harm replied pulling Mac back into his arm. Mac opened her mouth and enjoyed the feel of Harm's lips on hers, the warmth of his hands running over her back, and the safety she felt with him near her. It had been years since she had felt that with him, even before they divorced and Mac cherished it. She leaned into him, trying to show him her trust but the spell was broken all too quickly when Harm pulled out of the kiss with a startled cry of pain as Mac's hand brushed against his swollen leg.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Mac soothed immediately sliding off the bed.

"It's okay," Harm smiled gently. "Sit back down."

"I can't," Mac replied. "I have to go. Is there anything I can get you before I leave?"

"Stay," Harm replied as more of a statement than a request. "After all we've said tonight I don't ever want to spend another night away from you."

"I'd love to stay more than anything but I have to feed Matthew and get DJ to bed," Mac sighed. "And you won't rest as well with me here."

"I won't rest without you here," Harm countered flashing a full blown Rabb pout that neither Lucy or DJ could rival. "Go feed Matthew and see if DJ can stay with Bud and Harriet. My mom would love to watch Matthew, I'm sure of it. Please, just for tonight?"

Mac could never resist that pout. "Okay, I'll go feed Matthew and ask Bud to DJ. Then I will ask your mom to see to Matthew's needs for tonight. If they all agree, I'll come back and stay, okay?"

Harm smiled and nodded his agreement as he shifted his body in bed. He bit down on his lip to keep from crying out at the sharp pain that coursed through his legs and arms but failed when a moan escaped his lips.

Immediately Mac was there helping him move the rest of the way before easing his back against his pillows. "I'm going to have your nurse call Dr. Nelson. You shouldn't be in this much pain."

"It's okay, Mac," Harm soothed breathing hard from exertion and pain. "It'll pass once I rest a while. Go feed our son." Harm's eyes slid closed.

"Okay," Mac relented but if this hasn't subsided by the time I get back we're calling your doctor. I mean it," Mac said firmly but tenderly.

"Aye, aye, Ma'am," Harm laughed, smiling at Mac as he felt the pain start to ease.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Here is the next installment, and on the day I promised. Let's hope that can be a pattern. Thanks for the feedback, it is always appreciated. I hope you like this next part, and of course there is more to come. If some of you are finding this a bit boring, I assure you there is plenty of action to come. I'd love to hear what you think.

Chapter 17

Neither Harriet or Trish denied Mac's request for baby-sitters so after reading to DJ and expressing milk for Trish to feed Matthew, Mac returned to Harm's side. He was sleeping but jolted awake when he sensed Mac's presence. He greeted her with a gentle smile and invited her to sit beside him on the bed.

"How's the pain?" Mac asked gently taking his hand. "Your color is terrible."

"Pain's getting worse," Harm admitted. "Lay with me?"

Mac smiled, Harm was always very clingy when he was sick or hurt. "I will after I call your doctor. Breathe deeply and try to relax," Mac said gently. "I'll be right back."

Mac easily located the nurse who in turn called Harm's physician. While they waited for the doctor's response Mac sat with Harm holding his hand in hers and rubbing the top of his head gently, trying to comfort him as the pain built up in his back and legs.

Half an hour later the nurse appeared with a syringe and a moist wash cloth. "Here we go, Captain," she said energetically. "Dr. Nelson ordered some Demerol. He'll be here to see you first thing in the morning but in the mean time this should help keep you comfortable. Are you staying, Mrs. Rabb?"

"Yes," Mac replied. "How long will that take?"

"Not long," the nurse replied. "This should help soothe him until the medication takes effect." She handed Mac the moist cloth and retrieved a basin of cool water from the bathroom sink.

"Thank you," Mac said taking the items before turned her attention to Harm.

With a tender touch Mac wiped Harm's brow and cheeks cleaning the perspiration that had built up because of the pain. "Try to let the pain go," she whispered softly. "Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth and feel the pain go each time you exhale."

Harm tried to do like Mac asked but the mental energy he needed to breath normally was failing him let alone breathing in a calculated way. "Can't…can't focus like that," Harm said after several failed attempts at the exercise.

"Sure you can," Mac encouraged stopping her work with the cloth. "I'll help you."

Mac sat on the edge of the bed and took both Harm's hands into hers, thankful his wrists and fingers did not appear swollen. She gently ran her thumb across his knuckles and spoke very softly, "Look at me, Sweetheart," Mac coached. "Look at me, focus on my eyes and breathe in deeply."

Mac demonstrated her request hoping her rhythm would get through the haze of Harm's fatigue and pain and help him concentrate on breathing in a way Mac knew would help him to feel better until the medicine worked.

After trying for about three minutes and having no real success Mac knew the exercise was futile. Mac slid up the side of the bed each movement brings soft moans of pain from Harm and a loud series of beeps from his blood pressure monitor as the numbers climbed in response to her movement.

Mac slid off the bed entirely and moments late Harm's nurse and a staff physician hurried into the room. "Move aside, Mrs. Rabb," the nurse instructed taking Mac's place at Harm's side obeying each of the doctor's curt instruction until finally the monitors quieted and leveled off, an indication Harm was safe in the realm of sleep.

"What happened?" Mac asked insisting she have the information that moment. "He was doing so well?"

"His doctor is going to have to discuss it with you further, but what occurred here was a physiological response to pain," the doctor explained. "The cardizem he takes for his blood pressure is not strong enough to control a spike like that. I've given him a stronger pain killer and an injection to control his blood pressure. The combination will keep him sedate until morning when Dr. Nelson can examine him."

"But he's okay?" Mac asked.

"HE's fine except for the infection in his joints taking a pretty strong hold," the doctor replied. "Nothing more than that is wrong I assure you. You should go home and rest. He'll sleep the next eight hours or so."

"All the same, Harm wanted me to stay with him so I think I'll just sit with him,' Mac replied already reclaiming her perch near Harm's head. "Thank you for helping him."

"Goodnight, Mrs. Rabb," the nurse said softly leaving the pair alone and closing the door softly behind her hoping both her patient and his wife would find some peace.

Mac must have dozed off during the long night because a burst of breast milk shocked her awake the next morning. Mac quickly checked her internal clock and realized it was after 0700. She quickly glanced at Harm still sleeping peacefully and looking more relaxed that he had the last night.

Quietly Mac slid out of the bed and moved to the bathroom to clean up the mess on her blouse. Matthew would probably be wide awake by now so once she was finished in the bathroom she placed a call to Trish to check on him.

She answered on the 2nd ring surprisingly alert given and Matthew's erratic sleeping habits, "Good morning, Rabb residence.'

"Hi, Trish," Mac greeted. "I'm just checking on Matthew. Was he okay?"

"He was a perfect little angel," Trish replied. "Except when he's hungry. How's my son?"

"He's sleeping now but things were rough on him last night," Mac replied. "Dr. Nelson will be about for rounds inside an hour then I'll be home to change. I want to talk with the doctor about the increase in Harm's pain and swelling and make sure he is on top of things."

"Of course you do,' Trish replied. "Frank and I are fine with Matthew. Take your time and tell Harm we'll see him later."

"Will do," Mac replied. "Thanks again for watching Matthew."

"It's our pleasure," Trish assured Mac. "Mac, no matter what happened before or what may happen in the future…Frank and I will always be ready to help you and Harm. I think part of why things got so out of hand was because I didn't take the time to help. I wanted to, but I was judgmental instead of helpful. I'm sorry."

"I'll forget it if you will and start fresh," Mac replied. "I'll be home as soon as I can."

Mac ended the call and hurried back to Harm's room to find him awake and conversing with Dr. Nelson.

"Mrs. Rabb, good," Dr. Nelson said. "I was just talking to Harm about releasing him this morning."

"With that leg and after last night?" Mac fussed. "Are you sure he's ready?"

"A lot of what happened last night is due to stress and less the less than comfortable accommodations for a man' of Harm's stature," Dr. Nelson replied. "I'd like to set up a visiting nurse to monitor the swelling, blood pressure, and administration of inject-able pain meds and some home healthcare assistance to help with his daily tasks until he's back on his feet. Once the swelling goes down, I'll reassess the joint and determine whether physical therapy is necessary. What Harm needs now is rest and that is not easy to get in a hospital," Dr. Nelson explained.

"You can say that again," Harm laughed. "And I feel better, Mac. I really do. So when can I leave?"

"A nurse will be in to help you get dressed and into a wheelchair and later today a social worker will call you at home to set up the nurses and the home health aide. I don't see why you won't be out of her late morning."

Dr. Nelson took his leave after answering Mac's question leaving Harm and Mac alone. Harm was smiling his trademark flyboy grin at the idea of going home. Mac, on the other hand was less than pleased and Harm knew it. It was written all over her face.

"Smile, Mac," Harm teased sensing her tension. "It's good news."

"I know Harm, but I'm not sure you're ready to go home just yet," Mac said honestly. "You didn't see yourself last night. You wre in so much pain you could barely breath, your blood pressure spiked and the was sitting in bed in the hospital. Your, for lack of a better term , "good leg" is purple from swelling so bad it has no shape to it, how on earth can yousay or your doctor say you are ready to go home?"

"The same ways you did after surgery," Harm replied. "I helped, AJ helped, and we didn't have outside help like what Dr. Nelson is setting up for me. Mac, if you aren't ready for me to come home, if what you said last night was in the moment, say so and I'll go home with AJ." To illustrate his point, Harm lifted the receiver and started to dial.

"Put the phone down," Mac sighed and moved closer. "I meant every would I said last night. I want you to come home so much, I just…I'm just worried about you and your health and I'm worried about everything."

"I know you are, Mac," Harm replied. "I really do and I understand how you are feeling. I felt that way too but I let my fear ruin us. I was so terrified you'd be taken from me that I pushed you away. I tried to put you inside a plastic bubble so nothing could hurt you and I ended up hurting you so deeply, Mac," Harm swallowed the emotion choking him. "I am going to be okay, we will all be okay, but please do not make my mistakes, neither of us could stand that again."

Mac placed her hand on Harm's thigh and nuzzled him with her cheek. "I don't want any more pain, for any of us. I want you home so I can care for you and be with you, I just don't want anything to happen to you."

Harm took Mac's hand into his and held her eyes with his, "I'll make a deal with you. You try to relax about me being discharged and I will be very upfront and honest with you about how I feel, what my legs looks like, and what my mobility is like. What do you think?"

"I think that would be precious," Mac replied. "Rest until the nurse comes. Moving with your legs swollen like that has to hard."

"It's not easy," Harm agreed. "Are you going to visit Lucy while we wait or maybe change your shirt?"

"Funny," Mac laughed. "I will go see Lucy and check back with you after a bit. If the nurse comes to go over you instruction, page me."

"Okay, honey," Harm agreed leaning back to rest against the pillows while he waited to be released.

Children's Ward

Dr. Jacobsen was just completing Lucy's morning exams when Mac arrived. She was usually there by the time Dr. Jacobsen arrived for rounds.

"I am so sorry I'm late," Mac replied moving quickly to the door to her daughter's isolation room.

"It's fine, but she's been asking you for and Captain Rabb?" the doctor replied.

"Harm had an episode of pain last night so I stayed with him," Mac replied. "Dr. Nelson is releasing him today even after that spiked his blood pressure."

"Dr. Nelson is not as cautious as other orthopedists regarding infections arthritis cases but he's an excellent physician. If he feels Harm's ready to leave, he's ready."

Mac relaxed with the reassurance from a doctor she knew well, "When can Harm see Lucy?" Mac asked.

"I'll review his records and make sure there are no red flags and then I can allow him to see her, in a gown and mask of course," Dr. Jacobsen replied. "Go see your daughter. I'll go check on Harm."

A few minutes later Mac was clad in sterilized garb and ready to enter Lucy's room. Lucy's eyes lit up when she saw Mac and frail, thin arms moved slightly, a motion Mac and Harm learned over the months signaled Lucy's desire for a hug. Mac was more than happy to oblige her, "Good morning, baby," Mac greeted warmly pulled Lucy close to her as she sat on the bed. "Did you have a good sleep?"

"Yes, mommy but I missed you this morning," Lucy replied cuddling close to her mommy. "And I miss Daddy all the time."

"I know, sweetie," Mac comforted. "I'm sorry I was late this morning. I was visiting Daddy. He needed Mommy a bit today too."

"When can I see him? I miss him," Lucy said sadly burrowing closer to Mac.

"I don't know baby," Mac replied. "But I promise as soon as Dr. Jacobsen says it is okay, Daddy will come see you and hold you and spend time with you, okay, angel?"

Lucy nodded then asked, "But why isn't he here now like you?"

"Baby, you remember how you needed blood from Daddy to help make you better? Well, part of what they had to do to get some of his blood meant he needed to stay with the doctors for a few days and make sure he was okay," Mac explained. "As soon as he can, Daddy will be here. I promise."

"How long will that take, mommy?" Lucy asked showing signs of the stubborn child she had always been. Her questions made Mac's heart soar.

Before Mac could answer the door squeaked and opened to reveal Harm in sterile cloths in a hospital issue wheelchair covered in plastic. "Is now soon enough, Button?" Harm asked moving the chair to Lucy's bed as fast as he could. Mac could hear the smile in his voice.

"Daddy!" Lucy exclaimed with more excitement and energy than she'd been capable of in months.

Harm reached for Lucy and with Mac's help transferred the child to his lap. "My baby," Harm sighed, relaxed with his daughter safe in his arms. "Lucy Bear, how do you feel? Are you okay?"

"Not yucky," Lucy answered which was her best state of being at the time. "I missed you Daddy."

"I missed you too, Button," Harm sighed content to have his precious girl in his arms, alive, warm, and somewhat better than she had been before the transplant. "I love you, Lucy."

Mac felt tears sting her eyes at the reunion she was witnessing between Harm and Lucy. The love Harm had for their children ran deep but his bond with Lucy was almost cellular, one of the strongest she'd ever seen. Lucy leaned her cheek against Harm's chest and listed as he talked quietly to her, telling her an old sea story of AJ's. Soon Lucy drifted to sleep and was moved from Harm's embrace to her bed.

"She'll sleep awhile now," Mac told him. "You about ready to get out of here, Flyboy?"

"I don't want to leave her. I missed holding her so much," Harm sighed. "But yes, I am sick of this place and I have sons at home to hug. We'll come see her tomorrow, right Mac?"

Mac pushed Harm's chair out of Lucy's room, "I'll come back later, but you and I can come together tomorrow, okay?" she said helping him remove the gown and other clothing he'd had on over his sweats. Mac frowned at how tight the pants were on both legs but let it go remembering Dr. Jacobsen's words. "Can you walk on that leg?" was all the only thing she asked.

"Yeah, it hurts like anything but I can us it. It's heavy," Harm replied. "Getting into this thing, I think I got a taste of what it might feel like to be pregnant and have to drag all that extra weight around all the time. I've even got the swollen ankles and the desire to eat strange food," he joked.

"Harm you always eat strange food," Mac laughed. "As for the rest of it, not even close."

Mac dropped a kiss on Harm's cheek before she began to push his chair down the hallway, the first step of a long journey of putting their lives back together.

Coming in Chapter 18: Harm begins his recovery at home but finds it is harder than he thought it might be. Mac gets a call from a friend in need of her help, but will that take her away from home when she is needed most?

Suspected publish date, Sunday, November 8.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Once again I do not own any of the characters from JAG. I hope I caught all the typos. The action will pick up again next chapter. Have a good week!

Chapter 18

March 26, 2007

Outskirts of Manassas, VA

0424 ZULU

It was easy for Mac to get Harm out of the hospital and into the SUV with the nurses' help, but getting him from the SUV to the house was another matter altogether. She pulled into the driveway and quickly left the car to move around and help Harm. He'd removed his seatbelt and opened the door but waited for Mac before attempting to get out of the vehicle.

"Let me try myself. I don't want to hurt you," Harm said.

"Just because I resigned my commission does not mean I stopped being a marine, Harm," Mac replied. "I hauled your six around with a lot less help from you than I have now. Put your hands on my shoulders."

Harm had doubts about Mac's ability to help given the extra weight in his legs but he promised to let her assist him and he wanted to start his new life with Mac keeping his promises. Harm put his hands on Mac's shoulders but she pulled back before he moved.

"Harm?" Mac asked. "Can you walk that far once we get you out of the car?"

"I don't have much choice," Harm sighed. "I'll focus my weight on the left side."

"You could sit here awhile so I can call Harriet to bring Bud's old wheelchair," Mac offered.

Harm shook his head, "No, I can't sit out here that long. My leg's cramping up as it is. Let's just do this."

"All right," Mac replied. "Keep your hands on my shoulder, press your weight down evenly and slide off the seat until your feet hit the ground. Don't push, just let the leather work with you. On three…1…2…3…"

Mac flexed her knees in order to bear as much of Harm's weight as possible and used her arms to steady his tall frame until he was out of the SUV and standing on his feet. He bit back a groan of pain but didn't succeed in hiding it from Mac. He covered with a smile, "We're still a good team aren't we, Ninja Girl?"

"Should never have been any other way," Mac replied as they began the slow trudge to the front door. "Go slowly, Harm. You're breathing too heavily. I know it hurts and you want it over but go slowly. Please."

Harm slowed his pace a bit but was still winded by the time they reached the front door. Trish had been watching Mac and Harm as they approached the door and opened it once they had come up the small steps in front of it.

"Mom?" Harm said somewhat surprised at her presence. "What are you doing here?"

"Watching my grandson," Trish replied moving to the side so Mac could continue to help Harm into the house. "I'm so glad you are home, darling."

Harm smiled but concentrated on his steps.

Mac was doing the same as she felt Harm lean more heavily on her with each passing moment. He was drenched in perspiration and gasping for breath. "Do you want the couch or the bed?" Mac asked certain he'd need sleep.

"Couch…" Harm breathed. "Need to relax."

Mac nodded, "Trish, can you get me the pillow from the hall closet, the long firm body pillows?" Mac asked battling to support nearly all of Harm's weight as they approached the couch.

Harm nearly collaspsed onto the couch once he finally reached it and completely relied on Mac to move his legs onto the pillows Trish had retrieved for him. Mac fussed with each leg lifting it only as much as she had to before setting it down on the softness of the pillows. Finally she moved the cushion from the recliner and settled it behind Harm's back before leaning down and pressing his cheek to her breast in comfort and murmuring soothing nonsensical sounds to him as she would Lucy, DJ, or Matthew when scared or in pain.

"Thanks Mac," Harm sighed leaning into her softness and reaching for the hand not busily stroking his hair.

Trish had been watching Mac tenderly administer to Harm, making sure he was warm, safe, and as comfortable as possible. The more she observed the shift in roles between the two of them and the pure love with which Mac was caring for Harm, the more anger left her mother's heart. As Trish made a mental note to tell Mac she felt that way the phone rang. Trish automatically reached for it. "Rabb residence."

"Mrs. Burnett, this is Harriet," Harriet greeted identifying herself out of habit. "I'm sorry to bother you but I was hoping you or Mr. Burnett could come and pick up DJ."

"Sure we can," Trish replied. "Is he okay?"

"He's fine if not a little upset. We just got to the zoo and AJ's school called. He's sick and is being sent home which means we have to leave before we did anything more than eat lunch," Harriet sighed. "But what can you do?"

"Well, Frank and I can meet you at the zoo and take the children through it. We can give them supper and drop them off home later. That will give you some time with AJ," Trish offered. "Mac just brought Harm home from the hospital so I may or may not have to bring Matthew but either way we'd be thrilled to help out. You have done so much for my son and my…Mac, it's the least we can do."

Mac heard part of Trish's words as she poured some bottled water into a cup for Harm. Once Trish hung up she asked, "Is DJ okay?"

"Yes, little AJ is sick so I told Harriet that Frank and I would take the younger ones around the zoo an given her a little time with him," Trish replied. "Do you want me to take the baby?"

"No," Mac replied. "Big AJ is staying with Lucy most of today and Harm really wants to spend some time with Matthew so I'll keep him here. "Thanks for all your help. I mean it. Frank too."

"Just take care of my son, Mac," Trish replied. "He needs you."

Mac nodded in silent agreement to Trish request and brought Harm the cup of water he'd earned during the walk from the car to the couch. Not five minutes later Trish and Frank were gone leaving Mac and Harm alone together save Matthew.

"Can I get you anything else?" Mac asked as she watched Harm struggling to find a comfortable position.

"Yeah, if you could help me into the bedroom I'd appreciate it. I can't get situated on this couch," Harm sighed moving his legs off the pillows.

Mac was there immediately helping him into a sitting position then providing a frame with her arms for Harm to lever himself from the cushion. The trip to the bedroom was easier than the one from the SUV only because the distance was shorter and the house warm enough to eliminate the excess bulk of jackets and gloves. Once Mac had Harm seated on the bed she went back to the living room to grab the pillows and the baby monitor.

"Matthew's sleeping pretty hard, isn't he?" Harm asked sliding onto the bed. He groaned in pleasure when he felt his body relax.

"He's a good baby most of the time," Mac smiled. "Except when he is hungry and you are not fast enough then, he's his mother's child."

Harm laughed lightly and let Mac manipulate his legs onto the pillows. She sat next to him and took his shoes off his feet. They gave some resistance and once Mac removed Harm's socks she knew why. The walk had caused severe swelling in Harm's right ankle and some slight swelling in his left. On both feet the impression of the sneakers lacing was visible on the skin. Mac gently took Harm's feet into her lap and traced the patterns with her fingertip.

Harm sighed at her touch, "Feels nice, Mac," he replied relaxing a bit into the pillows.

"I'm glad," Mac murmured softly. "It just want to help you, this is because of what you did for Lucy and I…"

Harm opened his eyes and met Mac's gaze, "You don't owe me anything Mac. She's my daughter too and I'd do it again in a minute even if I knew what the aftermath would feel like. It's okay."

"No it isn't," Mac argued. "You are in pain and I want to help. Wait here," Mac said thinking of a way she might be able to help. "I'll be right back."

Mac gently laid Harm's feet down on the mattress and hurried into the bathroom. She pulled out a bottle of peppermint massage oil, the coolness of the oil would feel nice on his fiery joints while the peppermint would ease the aches along with of course, her touch.

Mac took the oil and a basin to the bedside table. "Okay Sailor," Mac smiled. "Let's get you into some shorts and a tee-shirt. You can't rest in those sweats."

Mac was right. The pants that usually fit well were too tight and cutting off his circulation. Harm eagerly allowed Mac to peel the clothing off flinching as the material moved over his skin, as it seemed even the nerves were swollen with the infection . It only took ten minutes until Harm was lying on two large towels wearing only his boxer shorts and a tank top undershirt.

The minute Mac opened the bottle of oil and poured some onto her hands, Matthew decided his parent's had ignored him long enough. Mac laughed, "He's got your timing, Sailor. I'll be right back. You can help me feed him."

Harm had bonded well with all three of their children, but Matthew seemed the closet to him at this point in his little life. Through information learned from AJ, Bud, Harriet and even Harm himself, Mac had learned it was Harm who fed and swaddled Matthew from the time he was born. That was role she had filled with Lucy and DJ, and it was a role Harm willingly handed to her the moment she was able, he knew how important breastfeeding was to Mac and to their son.

"Hi, little boy," Mac cooed to the baby lifting him from his crib. "Were you a good little boy for Nana Trish? You were…:

Mac continued to talk to the baby until she had brought the bundle to the bedroom. "Here's your Daddy. You missed him, huh?" Mac asked softly sitting down with a pillow and the boppy pillow Harriet had given her when Lucy was born.

"He got so big in three days," Harm laughed watching his son suck greedily from Mac's bosom.

Mac noticed Harm's intense eyes on her and looked up with a raised eyebrow.

"You know, they day I first met you I thought I had never seen a more beautiful woman in my entire life and I probably would never see one like you again," Harm confessed. "But each time I watch you do this, hold one of our babies to you so warm and close, nothing can hold a candle to that Mac."

Mac blushed and studied Matthew's peach fuzz head. Harm was rarely so articulate outside the court room except with the children. His adoration made her smile. "Sometimes I can't believe he's real," Mac confessed. "His birth is sketchy to say the least in my case anyway and his conception is nonexistent in your memory."

"Bits and pieces have come back to me since then but most of it is dulled by what must have been very strong drugs," Harm chuckled. "He's really going at it huh?"

"At this rate he'll be in his 6-9 month clothes at 5 months like DJ was," Mac agreed. "Harm, I never said I was sorry for letting you out of the loop on his paternity from the beginning. Things with Mic were already out of control by the time I found out I was carrying, and then when Lucy got sick I got scared."

"Scared of what?" Harm asked gently running his thumb over Mac's cheek.

"Scared that you might try to take him from me, scared that Mic would hurt Lucy or me…"

"Mac, Mic is a jerk and a walking test cast of male finishing schools, but I don't believe even for one minute that he'd have hurt you. Lucy, on the other hand, I had those fears myself for a few passing minutes when I saw the marks on her but I don't think he'd ever have hurt her physically either. He felt threatened. He had what he always want and he was afraid too, afraid of losing it," Harm sighed. "And I empathize with him."

"Where the heck was my mind the day I filed for divorce?" Mac asked herself aloud.

"A lot of pain, Mac," Harm answered. "We both made terrible mistakes, we both hurt each other, but sometimes I think you and everyone else forgets I had the affair, I lied about it, and I wasn't there when you needed me most and no amount of blame, anger, conjecture is going to change that."

"No, nothing can change that," Mac agreed. "But you did try. I was the one who dragged the family into court, pushed you to the breaking point, this," Mac gestured with her free hand toward Harm's leg is my fault. If you didn't go to Utah you'd never…"

"I'd never have gotten sick, you don't know that. I'd not have had the stress level or blood pressure problems, we don't know that," Harm comforted. "What we do know is we wouldn't have Matthew and I'd go through all that Hell again if it means we'd have our son."

Mac disengaged the baby and lifted him to her should to burp patting his back until he spewed a tiny bit of milk onto the rag. After a moment of silence she said, "I realize that, Harm, but every day of my life I rethink so many of the choices I've made and it doesn't paint a very pretty picture. I just cannot seem to stop the what ifs from rolling around in my mind and in my heart."

"What if doesn't get it done, Mac," Harm comforted. "If it did we'd spend out entire lives thinking What if we'd wished for something else, a catch 22."

Matthew started to fuss in Mac's arms, squirming and kicking his little legs back and forth. Mac began to slowly rock the boy back and forth gently to soothe him but he worked himself into a full blown wail anyway. Harm reached out to touch the top of the baby's heady and rubbed it lightly, "What is it, Baby?" he asked in a tone her used exclusively for their children. "Mommy fed you really well, what's wrong?"

As Harm talked Matthew cried louder and pulled his legs all the way back before kicking them out and repeating the same movements as he cried. Mac watched her son's movement and realized what was wrong. "Harm, take him please."

Harm slid back on the bed a bit and took Matthew laying him tummy first across his lap. He'd seen Lucy do this when she was Matthew's age and knew what would work. Harm began to make slow circles on the baby's back increasing his pressure lightly with each pass gently easy the tummy ache away by slowly working the gas out.

While Harm eased the baby's tears Mac went to the kitchen to put some supper in the crock pot. She wasn't sure what Harm would want to eat so she decided on chicken and rice, always a safe bet.

She called AJ and checked on Lucy happy to know her little girl was sleeping safely and feeling as well as she had in a long while, before returning to Harm and Matthew in the bedroom.

Harm raised his finger to his lip when Mac entered, "He's down for the count," Harm whispered still rubbing the baby's back.

"I'll put him in this swing," Mac whispered. "I'll be right back. Try to rollover onto your stomach if you can."

Unlike the last leg injury Harm had after his crash in 2001 his back wasn't the issue so rolling over was an easy enough task for him. He had it accomplished when Mac came back into the room.

"Do you feel any better being stretched out on the bed?" Mac asked taking the oil into her hands and rubbing them together lightly.

"Yeah, the cramping is better but the heat and aches are the same," Harm replied.

"Well hopefully this will help," Mac replied and placed her hand gently on Harm's right hip and began to rub the oil into the red, fiery skin. She could feel the collection of fluids under the skin.

"Is the pressure okay?" Mac asked softly as she worked the oil into the skin.

"Fine, Mac," Harm replied. "Feels good actually. Now I understand what you meant when you kept asking me to touch your stomach when we made love after you were diagnosed."

"I did?" Mac asked, so much of that time was fuzzy for her.

"Yeah, especially after things happened with Annie you would say it feels so nice when I'd touch your stomach, kiss you belly button...Ah, that feels incredible," Harm sighed as Mac worked her hands down his legs towards the back of his knee.

Mac worked nearly an hour massaging the painful spots on Harm's legs. By the time she was finished he was sound asleep, his face peaceful. She covered him with a blanket and placed a kiss on his brow before slipping out of the room to check on their dinner.

Harm slept for the next few hours so when Matthew started to fuss Mac rushed to grab him and quiet him down so he wouldn't disturb Harm. As she sat nursing the baby, rocking him from side to side and kissing his brow Mac basked in the glow of this quiet time with him that she had missed out of thus far, time she loved beyond measure with Lucy and DJ as babies. Mac was so focused on her baby boy she nearly didn't grab the phone fast enough when it rang.

"Rabb," she said in a hushed whisper.

"Sarah?" the caller asked confirming he'd reached the right number. "It's Tony Morano from the chapel."

"Oh, hi Tony," Mac replied shifting the baby from her right breast to her left. "I'm sorry about Cynthia. Is there anything I can do?"

"Actually, yes there is, Sarah…Mac," Tony replied. "I need a lawyer. I've been arrested for manslaughter."

Chapter 19: Mac meets with Tony to try to help his situation, Harm continues to recover but has difficulty once Trish and Frank return to La Jolla. I'll try to update again next weekend.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Sorry for being a day late on updating I had a crazy week. I'm excited to hear your reviews. Once again I don't own any standard JAG characters. I apologize for the typos.

Chapter 19

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

1913 ZULU

Mac's mouth felt as dry as cotton at the shock of Tony calling her at all nevermind calling her for her legal services. "Tony, where are you?" she finally managed to ask.

"Precinct 12, DC police," Tony replies. "I'm so sorry to bother you about this but I need a lawyer that I haven't worked with in my career."

"Given your position and what I suspect you've been arrested for allegedly doing I understand," Mac sympathized. "Keep quiet and wait until I get there. I'm leaving Manassas now."

Mac hung up and quickly turned the crock pot to a lower setting, bundled Matthew in his jacket and hat and scribbled a note for Harm so he would know where she had gone. As she laid the paper on the pillow beside him, the rustling woke him from his uneasy sleep.

"Mac?" Harm queried in the vulnerable lost voice he used when waking from sleep unexpectedly.

"Ssh," Mac murmured. "Go back to sleep. I need to run out for a bit."

"Is it Lucy?" Harm asked instantly concerned.

"No, Lucy's fine. AJ's with her. It's a long story but I'm needed at Metro PD. Detective Morano from the news last night requested my help. He's been arrested probably in connection with his partner's death."

"He asked you to defend him? He met you for what? Ten minutes?" Harm asked a bit confused.

"More than that and we talked a lot in that short time," Mac explained. "Anyway I barely know what's happened yet, but I suppose if he asks…"

"Do you think taking on a case is really the best idea now, Mac?" Harm asked moving over onto his side, then remembering why that was a bad idea, rolled onto his back.

"I'm not taking a case exactly, all this is will be conferring, helping him through the questioning phase and helping him find another lawyer," Mac replied. "I feel I need to do this, Harm."

Harm capitulated with a nod, "Be careful, Sarah and leave Matthew home with me, please. I'll look after him."

"You can barely look after yourself let alone a 3 month old baby," Mac sighed touched at Harm's desire to have time alone with their youngest child.

"I don't want you bringing him to a jail, Mac," Harm argued. "I won't get up, just leave some milk in the cooler with the plug in warmer and his diaper bag on the bed. Mom and Frank will be back soon anyway."

Mac thought a moment then agreed. "Okay, but please don't get up unless you have to do so and if you do…" Mac's voice trailed as she went into their closet and pulled out his case from his previous injury. "Use this."

"Put that away, you know I have that thing," Harm grumbled.

"No deal, Sailor. If you are moving around this house with anyone besides me here, you are using this cane," Mac said firmly with her hands on her hips. "No arguments."

Again Harm relented but grumbled under his breath.

"Good boy," Mac praised laughing lightly. She cooed to Matthew as she removed his outdoor clothes. "You too, baby. You be a good boy for your daddy. Mommy loves you." She dropped a kiss on both their foreheads and donning her coat left for D.C.

12th Precinct D.C. Police

Washington D.C.

March 26, 2007

2032 ZULU

The station was crowded but Mac had no trouble locating a desk sergeant to help her. "I'm Sarah Mackenzie Rabb. I'm here for Tony Morano," she told the gentleman at the desk.

"Detective Morano isn't available right now, ma'am, but I'm sure another…" the sergeant began before Mac cut him off at the pass.

"The detective called me, Sergeant. I'm his attorney," Mac clarified. "Please direct me to him now."

The Sergeant nodded now understand Mac's purpose and lifted the phone. "Escort please. Tony's lawyer is here."

Five minutes later Mac was in an interrogation room complete with two way mirror and heavily guarded door. Tony was escorted in sans handcuffs and shackles, then they were left alone.

"Thank you for coming so quickly," Tony said clearly grateful by the tone of his voice. "This whole thing is a nightmare."

"I understand it is difficult for you, but you need to tell me what happened," Mac directed all of her lawyer's instincts coming in full force. "Start with today before you got arrested."

"Well, Cyndi didn't have family and since I was her partner I was going to handle her funeral and such. I went to see if they were ready to release her this morning and our ME said he was going to hold her and run an autopsy and toxicological," Tony replied. "I said no, we all knew how Cyndi died. I was there with her and she deserved more dignity than that after all she'd been through since she got sick."

"Understandable, sure but what prompted the autopsy in the first place?" Mac asked.

"Her doctor requested one," Tony replied. "Supposedly she hadn't demonstrated any of the clinical signs that she'd be dying as quickly as she did or something like that. He ordered a screening of her blood right after she died and then once he got the results he requested the autopsy. The tox showed enough Demerol, morphine, and hydrocodone to bring down a woman twice her size."

"So someone clearly helped her death along?" Mac clarified. "And the powers that be suspect you."

"I was with her when she died, her last few moments. She'd asked me before to help her out of her pain," Tony confessed. "She'd begged me to help her, to let her go but…I couldn't, I didn't want to lose her, I didn't have the guts to do what she needed me to do for her."

"So why did they decide to arrest you?" Mac asked. "It seems extreme based on a preliminary report."

"I implicated myself arguing against the autopsy," Tony replied. "I'd have arrested me too based on that, the report, and the missing hydrocodone in the evidence locker."

"What missing hydrocodone?" Mac asked taking notes.

"A case of mine dealing with abuse of prescription drugs, the evidence bottle was missing, turned up that way the day Cyndi died,' Tony replied. "And since there was hydrocodone in her system…"

Mac sighed, "Okay, even with that there is enough doubt I probably get you released on ROR, especially given your position. Now, I'll asked you this once and only once and I expect you to tell me the truth. I can handle whatever might come out if I'm prepared for it but it is crucial that you don't lie to me about anything for any reason," Mac explained. "Now, did you help Cyndi die by giving her an overdose of narcotic drugs?"

"No, I did not," Tony said firmly. "But whoever did deserves a medal."

"An opinion I'll advise you to keep to yourself," Mac replied before continuing with her questions.

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

March 26, 2007

2309 ZULU

Trish heard Matthew's cries the moment she opened the door. Mac's car was not in the driveway so she hurried in the direction of the sound.

"Harm?" she called to her son hoping he'd hear her over Matthew's wails.

"Yeah, come in," Harm called over the din of his son's screams.

Harm was sitting in the reclining glider rocker using his left leg and back to rock the chair to and fro while nestling the baby to his chest. "What's wrong with him?" Trish asked going to take the boy from Harm, but he waved her off.

"Gas again," Harm sighed. "He did this earlier too after Mac fed him."

"Where is Mac? With Lucy?" Trish asked.

"She probably is now but she had an errand to do earlier," Harm replied lifting Matthew to his shoulder to rub his small back.

"Hi, Daddy!" DJ greeted storming into the room. "I got a tiger head at the zoo today!"

"You did?" Harm asked with enthusiasm. "I bet that was because you were a good boy for Nana and Papa Frank."

"Yeah, I was good," DJ replied. "I got Lucy a bear head for when she comes home. Why is he crying, Daddy? I'll share my tiger head with him."

Harm smiled softly at DJ, "That is very nice of you, DJ. But that is not why he's crying. He's crying because his tummy hurts. Do you want to help Daddy make him feel better?"

DJ nodded and Harm asked Trish to take the baby so he could gently life DJ onto his lap before taking the squalling infant back into his arms.

"Harm, Mac left some supper in the crock pot. I'll see to that," Trish said smiling at her son and grandsons. "Call me if you need anything."

Harm nodded before he began gently directing DJ on how to rub Matthew's tummy to relieve his gas pains.

Trist went to the kitchen to stir the supper while Frank finished a phone call. When he hung up he joined Trish in the kitchen and hugged her from behind, "Everyone okay?" he asked.

"Yes, it sounds like Harm is getting Matthew quieted down. It's so sweet seeing him holding both his boys like he is in there. He's such a wonderful father, but he had a good teacher."

"If Harm Sr. was as good a father as Harm Jr. I'd imagine so," Frank replied.

Trish turned in his arms. "I wasn't talking about Harmon, Frank. I'm talking about you. No matter what Harm did you always gave back love, patience, and understanding whether he knows it or not he's who he is because of Harmon, because of me, and because of you."

Frank gave Trish a quick kiss and a squeeze. "Thank you for that."

Trish turned back to the supper and asked. "Who was on the phone?"

"One of my junior VPs. I'll need to be heading back tomorrow," Frank replied. "You'll of course be staying."

"Actually, I'll head back as well," Trish replied. "The gallery has a big show coming up and it isn't fair to expect Nora to handle it on her own now that Lucy has responded so well to the transplant and Harm is recovering and on the mend. Besides, he and Mac need time on their own. We'll visit after Lucy comes home."

"Are you sure?" Frank asked knowing how upset Trish had been over Lucy's condition and Harm's silence on the subject.

"Yes, I'm sure," Trish replied smiling.

"I'll arrange the flights then," Frank agreed and went to call the airlines.

Northeast Georgetown Hospital – Children's Wing

Washington D.C.

March 26, 2007

2046 ZULU

As Mac approached Lucy's isolation room she was greeted by her daughter's tears and AJ's stern voice.

"I don't care what what her doctor ordered or what your credentials are you are obviously upsetting this child and I was you to cease this minute!" the retired Admiral was telling a nervous looking young man in scrubs and sterile garb.

Mac quickly donned her own gown and mask and entered Lucy's room. Lucy was being held against AJ's chest crying and hiding her face in his neck.

"What is going on in here?" Mac asked once she was inside the room.

"We're having a slight disagreement, Mrs. Rabb," the young man replied.

"Slight? I heard your disagreement all the way down the hall," Mac replied. "What started all this?" she asked AJ while reaching to take Lucy from him. "Come to Mommy, Sweetie," she crooned her tone changing with each query or comment.

Mac sat on the visitor's chair and began rocking Lucy in her arms. She arched her eyebrows, "Someone speak, please."

"He hurt me mommy," Lucy cried safe in her mother's loving arm.

"I was doing my job, Mrs. Rabb," replied the man AJ was about to fillet.

"And that would be?" Mac queried.

"Therapy, ma'am. I'm Peter Richmond, physical therapist," he replied. "Dr. Jacobsen requested Lucy be evaluated from professional rehabilitation for her legs and arms and rebuild as much strength as we can."

"That's the first I've heard of it," AJ replied.

"Dr. Jacobsen discussed that with Harm and me but I didn't know her evaluation was today or I would have been here," Mac replied. "And that doesn't explain what I heard or why she is saying you hurt her, Mr. Richmond."

"Lucy's paralysis resulted from cancer attacking her spine, not from an acute trauma, she still has some feeling in her legs and arms so it hurts when the muscles contract or spasm. Unfortunately it is par for the course and something we'll have to deal with going forward," Peter explained. "That is what occurred when Lucy got upset."

"Tell her what you did after that, sir," AJ ordered. "Tell her what you did when she started to cry."

"Nothing, I…" he began.

"Nothing my foot! You pressed on and pushed her until she made herself sick," AJ said clearly disgusted. "And when she asked to stop you all but scolded her."

"Paraplegic patients tend to seek an out from the pain, and battle…" Peter began.

"Mr. Richmond, that is where you are wrong. She is not a "paraplegic patient". She's a little girl who has been through a lot in the last six months. She needs patience and understand and tenderness and nothing else," Mac declared her protective instincts flaring in Peter's direction. "I understand you have a job to do but if your method is strictly the one you demonstrated today I will be asked Dr. Jacobsen to assign another therapist. No one scolds my child but my husband or me. Is that clear?"

Mac's tone left no room for debate and Peter wisely decided to leave and let things settled down.

Mac's presence quickly calmed Lucy which in turn settled AJ's mood. They both remained to help Lucy with her supper, then since AJ volunteered for bedtime detail, Mac left for home to handle the task of bedding down her sons and her husband before getting much needed rest herself.

Coming in Chapter 20: Harm's recovery is threatened by his own confidence. Will Mac be able to juggle Tony's case and her family obligations.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: I hope everyone had a good week. Over the next few days I'll be completing a timeline of events for Can We Ever Get Back to Before? and Let's Be Us Again. I plan to revise the first chapter of Let's Be Us Again with events up until it begins. I will also be adding timestamps to the previous chapters of Let's Be Us Again.

The next update will be next Sunday. I look forward to your feedback.

Chapter 20

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

March 27, 2007

0104 ZULU 

Mac arrived home to see Trish and Frank in the midst of packing their suitcases. She was surprised they were leaving so soon.

"Hey," Mac greeted removing her coast and hanging her keys on the hoo. 'You leaving already?"

"In the morning, we both have business matters to see about and since Harm and Lucy are doing well…" Trish replied. "How is she tonight?"

"Better now," Mac sighed sitting on the sofa. "She had her first post-operative PT session that did not go well. When I left though AJ had her snuggled with him getting a bedtime story. How's Harm?"

"Last I saw he was reading to DJ," Frank replied. "Matthew should be hungry again soon. Trish fed him after supper."

"Thank you," Mac said sincerely. "Thank you for all you've done."

"It's what families do,"Trish replied with a smile before Mac went in search of Harm.

Mac found Harm with DJ on his left knee reading Where the Wild Things Are. Tris had bought him the book at the zoo. Mac waited until Harm finished before entering so she would not disrupt them.

DJ saw Mac the moment she came through the door and slid off Harm's laps. "Mommy!" he cried and ran to her.

"Hey, Little Sailor," Mac smiled dropping down to hug her son. "Did you have fun at the zoo?"

"Yeah, I got a tiger head," DJ told Mac before recounting all the things he'd seen and done at the zoo.

Harm and Mac shared a smile. It was nice for them to see DJ happy and excited after a day of simply being a kid.

"Sounds like you had ag ood time. Did you say thank you to Nana and Papa Frank?" Mac asked. DJ was having a little trouble mastering manners.

"Yes, Mommy," DJ answered proud he remember what he'd been told.

"That's my boy," Mac praised."Now run along and get ready for your bath. Mommy will be right there."

DJ scampered off while Mac leaned down to kiss Harm's cheek. "How's my Big Sailor?"

"Feeling better," Harm replied. "But I'm pretty tired."

"As soon as I get the boys into bed I'll help you get settled okay?" Mac asked gently.

"Sounds wonderful. Home care will be here in the morning to help me get showered and all but not until after mom and Frank leave," Harm told her. "Go put the boys down. I'll be waiting."

Two hours later DJ and Matthew were both settled for the night and Mac turned her attention to Harm's comfort. He had gotten himself into the bathroom and into a clean pair of sleep shorts on his own. He was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for Mac to help him get comfortable.

"I'm sorry," Mac sighed when she saw him waiting there. "Matthew is so fussy tonight."

"Yeah, he cried nearly an hour after I gave him a bottle," Harm replied. 'All the stress you've been under could be affecting your milk."

"I won't deny it's a possibility,' Mac sighed caressing Harm's cheek. "You look so tired."

"So do you. You need to be going easy still Mac. You aren't totally recovered from Matthew's birth," Harm reminded her covering the had on his cheek with one of his and bringing hers to his lips.

"I can't exactly slow doen right now though, can I?" Mac asked somewhat cynically.

"You can sleep in tomorrow. I'll ask AJ to bring me to the hospital after the home care aide leaves and I'll sit with Lucy," Harm offered.

"That would be lovely Harm but I can't. You need to stay off your legs and get over this flare up. Besides, I need to speak to Dr. Jacobsen about Lucy's therapy before court," Mac replied.

"Court?" Harm asked. "So you are going to defend him."

"No, but I'm going to represent him at the bail hearing," Mac replied. "They completely jumped the gun here, Harm. I'm not even sure why he was arrested so quickly. The case is circumstantial at best!"

"Mac, I think it's great you want to help but…"

Mac cut him off. "It's not only that, Harm. I miss it."

"Miss what?" he asked watching her get ready for bed beore coming to his side to him get his legs onto the mattress.

"Work. I miss the Corp, I miss JAG, I miss court rooms and clients. I even miss the reporters. I miss it all," Mac confided.

Harm reserved comment while Mac helped him slide into bed. His left leg was looking better but his right was still terribly swollen from the hip to the foot, the latter a new development.

Harm you need to keep you legs up, sweetie," Mac scolded gently. "Your mom said you were in the chair for hours."

"I needed to rock Matthew, Mac," Harm sighed. "It'll go down soon. Stop worrying so much. It's fine."

Too tired to argue Mac nodded and placed the body pillows under Harm's legs before sliding into bed beside him. "Is this okay?" she asked as an afterthought unsure of Harm's desires for this point in their new relationship.

"More than okay," he replied. "I misssed this just like you were saying you missed being a lawyer. I understand, I just don't…"

"No,"Mac said firmly with a hint of sadness.

'No what?" Harm queried unsure of Mac's sudden change in moods.

"No you don't understand. You can't understand," Mac declaring clarifying her meaning and growing upset. "I can't even begin to explain this to you Harm."

"Maybe not, but I know what it's like to give up doing what you love. I missed JAG a lot especially last year," Harm offered with sympathy.

"You missed JAG but you were still in the Navy. You still had your career and your future," Mac sighed. "When I left JAG for the SecNav's office five years ago I missed being yourt partner, but I was still a Marine, I was still a lawyer, but when I resigned I lost all of that."

Harm nodded to let her see he was hearing her clearly before taking her hand, "That was the choice you made, Mac, to say home with your family."

"But that's it, don't you see?" Mac declared. "I wasn't given any choice Mic decided all of that for me and I let him, just like I let you make the "big decisions" when we were married."

"I may have made decisions but you had choices Mac," Harm defended as he often did when the talk turned to such things.

"I did with you, Harm," Mac replied. "And later I was so focused on getting pregnant I didn't even think about what it would mean for me when I left the Corp, I didn't even consider it when Mic said it was what he wanted me to do. I was just so sick and so tired and sick and tired of being sick and tired that I just did it. It was his condition, but I see now it was also his control."

"Mac," Harm sighed. "I know how sick you were probably more than anyone and I know how badly you wanted to have a baby…"

"Once I resigned I had some back pay and the child support but I relied on Mic for everything else," Mac replied seeming to ignore Harm's statements. "After Utah when I knew I was pregnant and I knew it was your baby there were so many times I wanted to leave but I couldn't. I needed him and he knew it. In all the ways I failed as a mother that was probably the worst way."

Mac bit here lip to keep from crying but at the feeling of Harm's warm hand squeezing her own and the sensation of his thumb caressing her knuckles her resolved crumbled and tears flowed.

"Hey, now easy," Harm soothed. "Come here. Come here," he whispered and eased Mac against his chest holding her in close. "You may have made mistakes, Mac. We both made mistakes and we both will again, but never, ever were you a failure as a mother, not ever."

"He treated Lucy so horribly. He made her afraid and I I'd let him…I…I had nowhere else to go."

"Ssh," Harm soothed. "Its okay, Mac. It's over. You did the right thing when it mattered, you did. But you were wrong about one thing," Harm whispered kissing her hair lightly. "You had somewhere to go. You could always have come to me, Mac. You could have come to me."

"You had Analiese," Mac sighed. "And we were long over by then except for Matthew. I'd made my bed and I had to lie in with Mic and then alone…"

"You're not alone anymore, Mac," Harm assured her holding her closely. "If you want to go back to work because you want to then I'll support that, but if it's because of any other reason, I'll take care of it. I will."

"I know, but I miss being a lawyer. I really do miss it and I want to help this man, Harm. I think he's innocent but I won't do it without your blessing," Mac told him from the safe and warm place next to his heart.

Harm reached and lifted Mac's chin so he could give her a soft kiss. "You have it, Mac. I can tell it's important to you. You do what you need to do and I'll be behind you, 100%."

Mac's eyes glowed at Harm's words. It had been a very long time since Mac felt as loved and safe as she did at that moment.

Harm kissed her jaw line gently, "Now, how is our daughter?"

Mac recounted the episode she'd witnessed at the hospital after she'd left the police station. Mac made it clear when Harm's fatherly defenses rose in response to the reports of his daughter's pain that she planned to have the therapist dismissed posthaste.

Harm nodded his approval then couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Mac asked.

"I'm just thinking of that poor therapist," Harm replied. "After having to deal with AJ and you in your "mommy mode", the poor sap is probably in corner somewhere talking to his toes."

"We made ourselves clear," Mac replied stifling a yawn.

"All right, Ninja Girl," Harm replied. "Sleep. The morning will be here before you know it."

Mackenzie Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

0651 ZULU

March 27, 2007

"Waaaahhh!" came loudly over the baby monitor jolting Mac from a sound sleep. It felt as if she had just drifted off but now her son was demanding her attention. Harm was still sleeping beside her so Mac slide from his hold, turned the intercom off, and hurried to tend her crying baby.

Lifting Matthew from his crib Mac held him close. "Ssh, sweet boy,' she cooed. "You'll wake up the whole house. What's wrong with my boy? Do you have an empty tummy?"

Mac undid her nightgown and sat with the baby at her breast. He suckled a few minutes before squirming and squalling louder.

Mac hurried to close the bedroom door so the noise wouldn't wake Trish, Frank, or DJ. Mac walked with the baby on her shoulder bouncing him, rocking him, murmuring to him, do anything she could think of to calm his tears to no avail.

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

0855 ZULU

Harm woke up with a shooting pain in his leg. He jerked a moment then tried to settle himself down so he wouldn't disturb Mac. He glanced over to insure she was asleep only to find her space empty and the sheets cold.

Harm listened carefully and heard Matthew's cried through the bedroom door. Gingerly, Harm maneuvered off of the pillow cocoon and disregarding his cane at the side of the bed made his way to the nursery in search of Mac.

"Please Matthew," he heard Mac plead desperately. "Please stop fussing, Sweetie. Mommy's tired and I know my boy is too. Aren't you my love? Ssh, my sweet boy. Mommy's here. Mommy's here."

Harm eased the door open and stepped inside the room. "So is Daddy," he said quietly moving toward Mac and the baby. "Is he okay?"

"He's been at this for over two hours," Mac sighed. "Harm, where is your cane? You shouldn't be up and certainly not without the cane?"

"I'm fine, Mac," Harm countered. "Let me take over. You need to sleep. You look awful."

"I'll be okay," Mac sighed."I wouldn't sleep any way with him crying and you on your feet. You are sick, you need to rest."

"I know and I did until about 15 minutes ago when I woke up and you were gone," Harm told her stepping even closer to her and their baby. As he did he stumbled and had to grab onto the crib railing for support.

He tried to bite back a cry of pain at the motion but failed under Mac's gaze of scrutiny. He knew even if he succeeded in muffling the groan, she'd know anyway.

"Harm, please…" Mac sighed as Matthew began to cry harder at the mother's distress. "Please go back to bed before you hurt yourself.'

"I lost my footing," Harm argued. "It's fine. Let me take the baby and help you please."

"It is not fine and I can't calm him down with you in here scaring me!" Mac retorted. "Now go back to bed. I'll bring him with me and go too but please don't stay up anymore, please."

Seeing Mac close to tears from exhaustion, fear, and frustration Harm reluctantly agreed. "Okay, its okay, Baby. I'm going to sit in the chair and rock Matthew. Don't get upset, please. You are so tired, you need to sleep, sweetheart."

Mac nodded and followed Harm as he made his way back to their bedroom. As Mac watched him fight for each step she lost her battle with tears and let a sob escape.

Harm stopped and turned to smile at her and let her know by that and his expressive eyes that everything, including his leg, would be okay.

In the coming chapters: Harm's pride and stubbornness cause him a severe setback. Mac returned to the law as Tony's attorney and romance looms for AJ in the wake of a tragedy that may also threaten Harm and Mac's relationship.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: I hope that everyone had a great holiday. Special thanks to Jan so reading this and correcting my legal and grammatical errors. The timeline I promised has been posted at the beginning of Chapter 1. I look forward to your comments.

Next update December 6.

Chapter 21

Superior Court of Washington D.C.

Moultrie Courthouse  
500 Indiana Avenue, N.W.  
Washington, D.C.

March 27, 2007

0849 EST

Mac sprinted down the marble hallway of Washington D.C.'s Superior Court house. She had overslept and had hit the traditional Beltway traffic on her way into the city. She could not believe that for the first time in her entire legal career she'd slept so deeply and soundly the night before a hearing. It was a testament to how tired she was from running from home to hospital tending to the needs of her family.

It was something Mac supposed she'd best get used to having to do if she decided to go back to work. Her performance and feeling after today would greatly impact her decision.

Tony was sitting on a bench just outside the court room doorway with an armed police officer at his side. Mac reached the pair and smiled reassuringly at her client. "I am so sorry I'm late," Mac said quickly, her embarrassment showing on her face and in her speech. "My baby was up crying nearly the entire night."

"They let your daughter go home," Tony smiled. "That's wonderful."

"No, not Lucy," Mac corrected. "She's doing well; I'll be visiting her once we're through here. I was speaking of my youngest child, Matthew. He was born three months ago tomorrow."

" That's precious," Tony began but was interrupted by a call of "Dad!" as his own son came up next to him with a woman Mac guessed to be Tony's wife on his heels.

"Hey, Kiddo," Tony smiled. "Cassandra, Robert, this is my lawyer, Mrs. Sarah Mackenzie-Rabb," he said introducing Mac. "Mac, this is my wife Cassie and my son Rob."

"Nice to meet you both and I'm glad you're here today," Mac replied. "In light of the arguments the prosecutor is likely to submit to try to get the judge to deny bail or set it really high, a show of support from Tony's family is vitally important."

Cassie nodded, "I'm not sure that I even understand all of this. I certainly don't understand Tony's not choosing our family attorney."

"I have a wealth of criminal trial experience, Mrs. Morano. I was Chief of Staff at the JAG Corp headquarters and legal liaison to the Secretary of the Navy before retiring to spend time with my family," Mac offered as conciliation to the understandably nervous spouse. "I can assure you that in addition to experience, I have personal knowledge of what it is like to care for or care about a person with a terminal disease. I met Tony while my daughter was having a bone marrow transplant."

"Wait a second, Mom," Robert spoke up looking at his mother. "She's one of the ladies on ZNN. This one reporter did a story about her kid needing the surgery. My school did a drive for it."

Mac smiled, "That was very nice of them. Thank you and please if you'd write down the name of your school I'd love to acknowledge them."

Robert wrote the name on a gum wrapper and Mac slid it into her briefcase. The next moment the docket was called and all eyes were on her.

"Case number 14991-CR the United States versus Anthony Morano," the clerk read aloud. "Arraignment your honor."

"Very well," the Judge said adjusting his glasses so he could read the charge sheet. "Anthony Morano, you are charged with one count of felony manslaughter in the death of Cynthia Morgan, one count of tampering with evidence, and one count of theft of a controlled substance from a police storage facility. Ms…" The Judge paused. "I do apologize. I do not have a name listed for the defense counsel."

"Sarah Mackenzie- Rabb, Your Honor," Mac replied. "I'm serving as counsel to Mr. Morano. I am a member of the bar in Washington D.C., as well as Maryland, North Carolina, and Virginia."

"Thank you for that clarification," the Judge replied. "Your client is charged with offenses I have just specified. Do you wish to enter a plea?"

"We plead not guilty to all counts and all charges, Your Honor," Mac replied.

"Your Honor," the Prosecutor said rising from his chair. "In light of the seriousness of the charges, the United States requests that bail be set at $1,000,000."

"Ms. Mackenzie-Rabb, $1,000,000 bail is acceptable for the level of the alleged offenses?" the Judge queried.

"No, Sir, it is not. My client has been a member of the D. C. Police force for 17 years. He has been a dutiful and law abiding citizen of Washington D. C. his entire life. In light of his profession and personal integrity along with the fact that he has family and ties in the area, defense requests ROR."

The prosecutor rose, "That is absolutely out of the question," he said firmly. "Mr. Morano's ties to the police would only assist his ability to flee the jurisdiction, especially in light of the victim's ties to the police force as well."

"Your Honor," Mac replied. "Mr. Morano is Ms. Morgan's only family, he is in charge of her funeral arrangements and estate. Additionally, regardless of the fact that my client maintains his innocence of these charges, these allegations are all related to one specific instance that is not going to come about again. We do not consider ROR a risk nor do we consider it an uncommon request given the circumstances of this case."

The Judge nodded, "I'm inclined to agree with Ms. Mackenzie-Rabb on this one. Defendant is hereby ordered to surrender his passport to the bailiff and is released from custody pending a preliminary hearing in this court room, three weeks hence. So ordered."

With a bang of his honor's gavel, it was done and Mac felt the exhilaration she had so badly missed when she'd won a legal victory. Tony quickly embraced her before doing the same to his son and his wife.

Mac studied Mrs. Morano's body language. There was something seriously amiss within the structure of that marriage; Mac certainly knew that, she'd seen it inside of her own. She filed it away for consideration and began to advise Tony of the next step in the process.

Northeast Georgetown Hospital – Children's Wing

Washington, D.C.

March 27, 2007

1133 EST

Mac walked down the corridor towards Lucy's room with a bright smile on her face. She felt vindicated after the morning in court and breakfast with Tony and his family. She was finally beginning to understand the unique relationship Tony had with Cynthia and even more importantly, she was beginning to see the resentment Cassandra Morano had for her husband's partner. Still, Mac could not think of a single scenario surrounding Cynthia's death that made sense without Tony's involvement. Though, regardless of that fact, she believed instinctively in his innocence.

Mac changed into her sterile clothing and pushed open Lucy's door to find a frazzled looking Bud in attendance.

"Hey, Bud," Mac greeted. "Where's Harm? He was supposed to come over after his nurse left this morning."

"I don't know where he is, Mac," Bud replied. "AJ was here when I arrived and he headed out like a…"

"What Bud?" Mac asked keeping her voice soft so she'd not wake her sleeping daughter.

"I…Like a man with a date, Mac," Bud responded. "He said he had a meeting in the cafeteria but before he got on the elevator, he bought some flowers from the machine by the bathrooms."

"He's spending enough time here," Mac said ruefully. . "Might have caught a nurse's fancy. Or maybe he ran into Dr. Walden again?"

"Beats me, all I know is I missed staff call and the General will forgive it once but he ordered me to be there by 1300," Bud replied. "I tried calling Harm but he didn't answer. I figured he was probably asleep."

"Yeah that might be it," Mac sighed. "How long has she been out?"

Before Bud could open his mouth to reply, Lucy stirred and opened her eyes, "Mommy?" she greeted and smiled.

Mac reached out and smooth her hand against Lucy's cheek, "Hi, baby. Did you have a good nap?"

"Yes, I was really sleepy," Lucy said shifting about in her bed just a bit.

"You want to come up more, Lucy?" Mac asked her knowing what each little shift and wiggle meant.

Lucy nodded her head and Mac lifted her into a hug before propping her back up with a couple of extra pillows. "There you are, baby," Mac smiled and fixed Lucy's covers. "Did you eat breakfast?"

"Yes," Lucy replied. "Uncle Bud helped me. Then Celia came in and we did exercises."

"You did?" Mac asked glancing sideways at Bud.

"Yeah," Bud replied. "She seemed very nice and took her time with Lucy. AJ briefed me on what happened the last time."

"Thanks for helping out, Bud," Mac replied. "Lucy, say thank you to Uncle Bud."

"Thank you Uncle Bud," Lucy recited dutifully. "Where's Daddy? Uncle AJ said Daddy was coming today."

"Well, Daddy and Mommy were up really late last night with Matthew so he's probably sleeping a little late," Mac reasoned.

"Mommy, it's 11:51. That is really late to sleep," Lucy said using her internal clock for the first time in nearly three months. Mac couldn't help but smile at this sure sign Lucy's health was improving.

"Would you feel better if Mommy called Daddy and woke him up?" Mac glanced at Bud asking him with her eyes to contact Harm himself regardless of Lucy's answer.

Lucy thought a minute, "We can let him sleep. Can he come and read me a story later?"

"I'm sure he'd love to do that, Lucy," Mac replied. "You want to watch a DVD with Mommy?"

While Mac kept Lucy occupied Bud slipped out of the hospital room unnoticed by the little girl. He went outside as fast as he could and dialed the Rabb's home number. He was met with two rings and the answering machine, a sign the previous messages had not been listened to since he'd first called at 0900. He tried Harm's cell phone next and received his voice mail on that line as well. Bud glanced at his watch and knew he'd not have enough time to drive from the hospital to Manassas and back to Falls Church, but everything inside of him was screaming for him to do just that.

On his way to the parking lot Bud called General Cresswell.

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, VA

March 27, 2007

1209 EST

The General's new yeoman knocked on his door, "General Cresswell, Sir," he said when permitted entry. "Commander Roberts is holding on line one. "

"Thank you, Corporal," the General replied. "Dismissed."

The General lifted his receiver, "What's going on, Commander?" he asked.

"Sir, request permission to drive to Captain Rabb's house in Manassas," Bud said quickly.

"Why would you need to do that, Commander?" the General asked.

"Captain Rabb was due at the hospital by 1000, Sir. He still hasn't arrived and he hasn't answered his phones or checked his messages. Mac is with Lucy, his parents left for California this morning, and Harriet is at home with AJ," Bud replied. "I'm concerned the Captain may have gotten hurt and he's home alone with Matthew, Sir."

"Harm is home alone with that little baby?" the General asked, a bit surprised.

"Yes, Sir," Bud replied. "Mac said his health aide was supposed to help him get dressed and put him in a taxi to visit Lucy. Admiral Chegwidden was going to take pick Matthew from himup and keep him until Mac was available but none of that occurred because Harm never arrived at the hospital."

The General sighed, "Very well, Commander. Permission granted but be here earlier tomorrow and plan on doing so for the remainder of the week."

"Aye, Sir," Bud replied and closed his phone once the General had disconnected their call.

Bud made the 45 minute trip from the hospital to Manassas as quickly as he could and thanked the heavens the traffic was light that afternoon. He

whipped into the driveway and hurried up the path to the front door. On the mailbox a note was posted: a "Sorry We Missed You" note from the Virginia Metro Area Home Health Association. Bud's heart sped up in his chest.

Bud reached into his pocket and pulled out his key to Harm and Mac's house and slid it into the lock. He turned it quickly and pushed the door opened. The first sound he heard was Matthew's screams, aside from that there was dead silence.

Bud followed the sound of Matthew's crying to the master bedroom. He figured Mac had left the child in there so Harm would not have to walk around much. When Bud pushed open the door, his heart dropped to his stomach, and he gasped to himself, "Oh, my God!"

Coming Up in Let's Be Us Again: Harm requires a risky operation that may cost him his career, his flight status, or his life. Mac keeps vigil over Harm and Lucy and seeks AJ's help with Tony's case. AJ finds love in the wake of tragedy.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Thanks to all of those who have read and reviewed this piece and stuck with in over long hiatus. Thanks to Jan for letting me bounce ideas off of her and for assisting me with legal procedure. Please let me know what you think of this new installment and what is planned for the future.

Next Update December 13!

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
The Outskirts of Manassas, VA  
March 27, 2007  
1314 EST

Matthew was in his carrier red faced and angry, flailing his tiny arms and legs up and down. If that wasn't disturbing enough, Harm's condition was far worse. Harm was lying on the floor halfway between the bed and the bathroom. There as a small trickle of blood coming from his head and his leg was totally misaligned from the rest of his body. Bud reached down to shake Harm awake but jerked his hand back at the fever in his friend's skin.

"Harm!" Bud shouted at his fallen friend. "Harm, can you hear me?"

When Bud received no reply her hurried to pick up the crying baby and cuddled the boy to his chest. "Ssh, now, Matthew," Bud said gently. "Uncle Bud is here and Daddy will be okay. Let's just go over here and make a phone call. We're going to make a quick phone call."

Bud kept rocking Matthew as he dialed 911 trying to get the baby to settle down. The operator answered and Bud described what Harm's condition and the circumstances that could potentially aggravate such a fall. When he was assured the ambulance was on its way Bud put the phone on speaker and began gathering supplies for Matthew. He'd had just enough time to change his diaper before the sirens announced the arrival of the medics.

Bud watched as Harm was assessed, his neck was stabilized, his back strapped to a back board, his temperature taken and recorded at over 104, and his blood pressure almost nonexistent. Bud tried to keep himself calm so he wouldn't upset the baby but when he heard the medic radio to the emergency room they were arriving with a male in "critical condition" Bud's resolve wavered and he hugged the infant a bit too tight bringing a wail of protest from the bundle in his arms.

"Where are you taking him?" Bud asked as the team loaded Harm onto the stretcher and began moving towards their ambulance.

"Prince William to stabilize, probably Bethesda after that," one of the medics replied. "If you are coming you need to follow with the baby. Are you his next of kin?"

"No, that's his wife…his ex-wife, Sarah Mackenzie," Bud replied prepping Matthew to go outside in the cool March air.

"Call her, they'll need her at the hospital to decide on how to treat him," the medic informed Bud. "Be careful driving with the baby."

Bud secured Matthew's car seat into the back seat of his car and with his heart in his mouth dialed the Admiral's number, this was not the type of message Mac needed to get at Lucy's bedside. It wasn't the type of message she needed to get at all.

Northeast Georgetown Hospital  
Cafeteria  
March 27, 2009  
1339 EST

AJ listened intently to the young woman in front of him. She was soft spoken and smiled often but she knew her business and had no problems letting others know of her confidence.

"As long as they keep babying her, AJ, the more problems she's going to face and the more problems they are going to face," she was saying.

"I know, I know but they have all been through so much the last couple of years, and even without that, Harm would put that girl in a bubble to protect her from anything bad happening to her," AJ sighed. "I know he feels like he failed her because she got sick, I know it. I think that's why he donated the bone marrow even though he knew it was likely going to cause enough damage to cost him his flight status, if not his entire Navy career."

"We can't put prices on children, AJ," was the gentle reply. "Especially not Harm."

AJ nodded in agreement. If anyone besides Mac knew the depth of Harm's sense of duty and loyalty to his children it was this woman sitting across from him. She was the one who tended him when he came to her exhausted from long days and sleepless nights, she was the one who held him when he cried out of fear for his little girl's life, and ultimately she was the one who stepped away and let him be the father Lucy needed to get through the ordeal.

"Analiese…" AJ began then paused when his cell phone rang. He checked the caller ID window. "I have to take this…Chegwidden."

AJ listened intently to the frantic, out of breath Lieutenant Commander on the other end of the phone. Bud Roberts had grown up so much since he first joined JAG but every once in awhile, when something really frightened or shook him, he'd revert to the babbling hyper young man of old. "Take a breath, Commander," AJ advised. "Where did they take him?"

AJ waited a beat then asked, "Did they have any idea what happened or…You did the right thing, I'm at the hospital having lunch I'll go up to her immediately and make sure she gets there safely. Until then…Call headquarters and ask the new yeoman, that Corporal something to fax the power of attorney forms to that hospital and have them follow those directives until I get there. In the mean time, try to calm down so you don't upset the baby anymore than he already is."

AJ disconnected the call and rose from that table, "That was Bud Roberts. Harm was just rushed to the hospital in Manassas ."

Analiese jumped from the table, quickly paid the cashier on the way out, and followed AJ to Lucy's isolation room. Instead of dressing in the required sterilized garb, AJ lifted his fist and knocked on the door.

Mac was reading to Lucy who was curled up next to her mother dozing off to the soft tones of Mac's voice. Mac jolted when she heard the knocking and shot out of bed to open the door before it disturbed Lucy's half asleep state.

"AJ, she's resting!" Mac whispered in annoyance. "You know not to knock on this door. What…"

"Mac, I do and I'm sorry but I needed to get to you as fast as I could," AJ said gently neither he nor Mac noticing Analiese had followed him upstairs.

Mac could tell by the gentle tones AJ was using to talk to her that something was wrong. Her heart sped up in her chest and her stomach churned, "It's Harm, isn't it?"

"Bud went to your house to check on him and he found him unconscious. He doesn't know what happened to him, only that he has a very high fever and it appeared his leg was broken," AJ explained gently. "We need you to go there right now, okay. I'm going to drive you."

"But Lucy…She…" Mac began the urge to rush to Harm's side and tell him everything was okay as he'd done for her countless time overwhelming her.

"I'll stay with Lucy," Analiese volunteered from behind AJ. "She knows me and we can catch up a little bit."

Both Mac and AJ stared at Analiese in surprise, but Mac's expression quickly turned to shock and finally to relief. She had entrusted her children to Analiese in the past and she felt she could do so again. Lucy would sleep, Harm needed her at his side and that was where she intended to be.

"Thank you, Ana," Mac replied. "She has to be isolated and you'll need to make sure she does her exercises and eats at least half of her supper. I'll be back to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight. And please, don't mention a word of this to her, she's been through enough."

"I won't say anything," Analiese assured Mac. "Give Harm my best and try not to worry about things here. I'll keep AJ in the loop on how she's doing."

Mac nodded and smiled her thanks. If she hadn't been so scared for Harm, she would have questioned AJ about Analiese's presence and the comment she'd made about keeping AJ in the loop, but Mac wisely chose to let it go and focused her energy on Harm and helping him through this crisis.

Prince William Hospital  
Manassas, VA  
March 27, 2009  
1501 EST

Mac rushed through the ER doors with AJ on her heels. She saw Bud pacing with Matthew cradled against his chest and Mic off in the corner speaking with a doctor. Mac looked at AJ with her brows knitted and approached Bud.

"Bud, how is he? What do you know?" Mac asked rushing the shocked Lieutenant Commander.

"He's in bad shape, Mac. I don't know much of anything, Commander Brumby might have a better idea, he brought the Captain's paperwork…"

Mac had already headed for Mic and the doctor. When she reached them she didn't even stop to take a polite approach, "I'm Sarah Mackenzie-Rabb. I'm Harm's wife."

"Mrs. Rabb," the doctor greeted gently. "Commander Brumby was just telling me you were most assuredly on your way. We have a lot of talking to do."

Mac nodded, "Thanks for bringing the paperwork down personally, Mic. We both appreciate that."

"I drew up this new agreement myself and Harm had made some very specific alterations to the one he'd had before those changes were made. I wanted to make sure there was no misunderstanding," Mic replied.

"Mrs. Rabb," the doctor began. "Your husband has requested an Albert Jethro Chegwidden be in charge of all of the medical decisions specific to the termination of life support and heroic measures and has appointed you his general power of attorney for all other options and while this is a very serious condition, I do not feel we are in need of Mr. Chegwidden's intervention at this point. Commander Brumby concurs."

Mic nodded, "I'll be right over there with Bud, Sarah." He offered her a comforting smile and left the doctor and her to talk.

"What happened to Harm?" Mac asked worrying her hands together. "Can I see him?"

"You'll be able to see him for a few minutes. Mrs. Rabb, your husband was brought into the hospital exhibiting all sign of sepsis. His medical records indicate he suffers with septic arthritis and Commander Brumby informed me he recently donated bone marrow to your daughter."

"Yes, he did," Mac clarified. "He's suffered for it too. His legs are both infected, the right horribly so and the left has been weaker since he contracted the infection last year. He's had some pain but nothing as serious as when he was first sick with this."

The doctor nodded, "We aren't sure if the fall and fracture happened first and released infection into the blood stream or if the infection leaked into the blood, raised his fever and that ultimately led to the fall and it's likely we won't know for sure unless Harm can tell us. What I do know is that his right hip is fractured and he has some compression of the lumbar vertebrae."

"Harm's a fighter pilot, he does have some disc erosion and some misaligned vertebrae," Mac replied so the doctor had the full picture.

"This isn't from carrier landings or ejections. This is from a relatively tall man falling and dropping all of his weight on some fragile and damaged bones. We won't know the severity of the spinal involvement until he's more coherent and there is so much edema around the pelvis and into the knee joints that we can't see for certain on our x-rays if there is spinal cord involvement," the doctor explained. "What I do know is he's going to need a new hip on the right side, probably the left as well, but surgery of any kind is dangerous in a person with a history of septic arthritis and even riskier in a person with an active infection."

"Can't you wait until the infection subsides?" Mac asked calling upon her marine training and her maternal instincts to remain calm and rational in spite of the terror she was feeling on the inside.

"We could, but that would cause the bones to begin to heal incorrectly and could reactivate the infection since he'd already be weakened by the surgery," the doctor sighed. "My best suggestion is to operate now so that if we bring him through this, we don't have to become invasive to his system again."

"If…" Mac croaked feeling a lump of emotion. "There is no if doctor. That is Captain Harmon Rabb, Jr., Top Gun, Judge Advocate, Recipient of the Silver Star and two DFCs. He doesn't believe in ifs and neither do I. Now, if you feel that operating now will give him the best chance of recovery WHEN he gets well, I'll consent to that, but first I want to see him."

"I'm not sure if he can hear you," the doctor told her as he lead her to one of the isolated exam rooms. "He is very weak and has an extremely high fever. He might not make much sense if he does have the energy to speak to you."

Mac nodded her head, "Thank you for the warning," she said before turning the knob and entering Harm's room.

He was white as a sheet, which was probably the thing she'd remember most from this day in years to come. He had a bandage on his forehead, he'd probably hit his head when he fell. His nurses had placed ice packs at his pulse points and a wash cloth sat abandoned in a basin on the tray table. Numerous IV lines had been set up and a central line was visible through the hospital gown. The EKG was recording a steady but weak heart beat and the blood pressure monitor was showing only double digits.

Mac took a deep breath and slowly approached Harm. She reached for his hand and held it in both of hers frowning at the heat and dryness in his sick. She raised the hand to her lips and placed a kiss on each of the cracked knuckles before placing it back on the bed.

Mac tested the water in the basin and found it still cool. She took the wash cloth and began dabbing at Harm's cheeks and forehead whispering as she moved the cloth with tenderness, "Harm. Harm, can you hear me, sweetheart?"

Harm made and incoherent murmur. Mac moved the cloth over his chest and back up to his forehead then tried again, "I'm here, Harm. I know you're so sick right now and I know you had to be scared but I'm here with you and it's all going to be okay. I love you so much and I'm not going to leave you, I promise you that. I hope you can hear what I'm saying so you'll know that I'll…"

"Cn…ear…Mac," Harm croaked barely opening his eyes.

"Good," Mac replied. "Do you have any pain?"

"urtssss om," he managed opening his eyes wider. "Looozie?"

"She's fine," Mac assured him. "Analiese is keeping her company so I can be here with you. Bud and AJ are spoiling Matthew and General Cresswell will see to it DJ is taken to Harriet's. Everyone is where they need to be, Captain."

"Wha happon?" he asked his speech terribly slurred by the medications and his fragile state.

"You had really bad fall and you got sick but the doctor is going to fix you right up and you'll be good as new," Mac explained keeping her voice as cheerful she could. "So you rest and let the doctor's do their work. I'll be right here with you the whole time and I'll be with you when you wake up, okay?"

Harm moved slightly as if trying to get a hold of Mac's sleeve. Mac knew what he wanted and leaned closer to him. "Luv…you, Mac," he whispered softly touching her cheek before letting his eyes close and the medications take him back to a blissful, painless realm of peace.

"I love you, too," Mac whispered gently placing a kiss on Harm's feverish brow.

Mac carefully left the room making sure she didn't let the door slam and went to join AJ and Bud in the waiting area. As soon as she approached them she reached out for Matthew and held her baby to her breasts.

"Where was Matthew when you found Harm, Bud?" Mac asked worried the baby might have been hurt when Harm fell.

"In his seat on the bed," Bud replied. "He was screaming his head off but he was okay."

"Thank you so much, Bud," Mac said smiling her thanks as she rocked the baby. "If you didn't go when you did, I should have been there…"

"Mac," AJ began softly. "You were…"

"I was in court helping a perfect stranger instead of being at home with husband and my son when he needed me!" Mac snapped.

"Mac, you were doing what you and Harm do best," AJ comforted. "You can't be watching everyone every minute of the day. You have a lot on your plate right now…"

"All the more reason I shouldn't have taken on more," Mac sighed. "Harm's doctor said he's going to need hip surgery, back surgery, and if he comes through that okay he's likely going to need months of therapy to get back on his feet. I still have Lucy needing me…'

"And you still have your friends, your family here to help you," Bud reminded her. "We are here for you; we will be here for you no matter what and we'll be there for Harm, no matter what."

Mac smiled at AJ and Bud, at a loss for words at her friends' show of support. AJ reached out and slid his arm around Mac's shoulders, "Just remember that, Mac. No matter what."

**In Chapters 23-25: Harm faces surgery for his injuries and continues to fight against a deadly infection. AJ helps Mac on Tony's case. Frank reveals what ****Harm has been keeping from Trish**

**Later: Harm faces a long rehabilitation alongside his daughter. AJ supports Analiese after a car wreck. Mac and Harm's new relationship is threatend by his medical challenges.**


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Thanks to Jan for taking time to proofread this for me and offer suggestions.

A/N 2: The complication Harm suffers during this chapter is based upon a real life experience. It happened to my Godmother last year after similar surgery and totally altered her life. I wanted to bring attention to this too common occurrence.

Chapter 23

Prince William Hospital

Manassas, VA

March 27, 2009

1754 EST

"Here," AJ said handing Mac a cup of hot tea and packet of shortbread cookies. "I know you don't want to eat but you need to have something in your stomach."

Mac took the tea and cookies. She held the beverage in her two hands but placed the snack on the chair next to her. "Thanks, AJ. They should have told us something by now. Why won't someone tell us something?"

"They'll tell us as soon as there is something to tell, Mac," Bud comforted. "Really they will. I know it's hard to wait, especially when you don't know what's going on behind those doors."

"We've been through so much," Mac sighed. "We deserve a break, he deserves a break. He was doing a good thing. He was doing what any good parent should do, whatever it took to make sure his daughter survived. He shouldn't have to pay for that!"

"I agree, Mac," AJ soothed sitting beside her. "But getting upset isn't going to bring the news any faster. This is a common operation. There's nothing to worry about until there's something to worry about, all right? Just try to relax."

Mac took a deep breath and sipped at her tea but nothing seemed to distract her mind from the time that was passing. Every moment without news seemed interminable…

1909 EST

Finally, the doctor came out of the restricted area and called out for Mac. "Mrs. Rabb, come with me please," he instructed and beckoned for her to meet him in the hallway away from AJ and Bud.

Mac was out of her chair like a rocket being launched into space. She quickly glanced at AJ and Bud asking them silently for their good thoughts.

"How is he?" Mac asked the moment she was close enough to be heard. "Is he okay? When can I see him?"

"Let's talk in my office, Mrs. Rabb," Harm's surgeon replied leading Mac to his small office outside the operating room. He indicated that Mac should sit down in one of the leather chairs in front of his desk and then he took a seat beside her.

"Harm came through the surgery as well as I expected he would. Aside from the underlying arthritis he was in fairly decent health before all of this began and that is likely what saved his life. Still, he's battling a severe and strong infection and it will be an uphill battle for him," the doctor explained.

Mac nodded, "But he'll be able to get through that. I know it. Then, he'll need what, rest…?"

"Yes, and plenty of it," the doctor nodded. "But that is the easy part. The physical therapy he'll need to regain functional mobility of his right leg will be extreme as will be the therapy he'll need for his left leg. The one piece of good news is there is no spinal cord involvement and once the swelling subsides he won't experience any nervous system impairment."

Mac breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank God. Our daughter is beginning her physical therapy, she had ALL with spinal metastases. I'm not sure with Harm's other joint issues that he could go through all that."

"It won't be easy on any of you, Mrs. Rabb," the doctor warned her. "Least of all you. He'll need care and lots of it at first while he's healing and regaining strength and it's not uncommon for men in his position to struggle with depression, especially given the fact he's a pilot who is going to lose his wings."

"I think he knew that when he chose to donate the bone marrow," Mac sighed. "When can I see him? He'll probably wake up frightened if he doesn't have feeling or mobility in his legs. That happened for a short time once before, only a few hours, but he woke up nearly terrified."

"He's in recovery, but I can take you in to see him," the doctor said rising and gesturing for Mac to follow him.

Mac sat at Harm's bedside for hours waiting for him to stir or to wake up from the anesthetic. In all that time she didn't see many hospital personnel tending to him and it worried her. Finally, just as she was about to call a post-op nurse, Harm began to stir.

Mac reached out for him and gently ran her hand over his brow. It was still scalding hot but not as dry. "Ssh," she soothed when he let out a soft moan of pain. "Ssh, I'm here. It's all right. I'm right here."

Harm didn't open his eyes or respond more than a little by moving his cheek closer to the inside of Mac's forearm. "Can you open your eyes for me?" she asked sweetly. "Can I see those beautiful blue eyes?"

Harm heard Mac's soft voice pleading with him. She wanted him to do something but he couldn't understand what she needed from him. His body felt hot, scalding from the inside out and all he wanted to do was escape to a place that was cool, without pain…but he didn't have pain, his entire body was light and he felt himself drifting farther away from Mac's voice and soothing touch. He didn't want to do that but that, like so much else, was beyond his control.

The shrill beeping from the heart monitor was the first indication that something was wrong but it didn't hit home for Mac until a team of doctors and nurses ran into Harm's cubicle. One nurse literally pushed Mac aside and into the corner of the room.

"His BP is nearly bottomed out!" the doctor exclaimed in upset. "He's got no posterior tibial pulse. Get a vascular surgeon to the OR stat and someone call anesthesia!"

"What is going on?" Mac asked finally moving from the back of the room toward the flood of personnel near Harm's bed. "What are you doing to him?"

"Mrs. Rabb, have a seat in the waiting room. I need to get him back to surgery right away," the doctor replied.

"Oh no, you don't have to do that! Not without telling me what is wrong!" Mac insisted. "If you can't then someone tell me what is being done to my husband!"

"I'll send a PA to the waiting room directly," the doctor replied. "I have to get him back to the OR right now." And with that the doctor pushed Mac aside again and ran beside the gurney to the elevator.

Mac took a long shaky breath and turned her steps toward the waiting room. Bud and AJ were sitting on the chairs there along with Harriet, General Cresswell, and DJ. The minute DJ saw Mac he took off running to her, "Mommy!"

Mac dropped to her knees and caught her little boy into her arms and held onto him for all she was worth. She crushed the child to her chest and rocked them back and forth until DJ started to squirm.

Mac released the boy and took his hand leading him back toward the group of friends that sat waiting. "How's Harm doing?" Harriet asked.

"He's uh, back upstairs for a little bit," Mac said skirting around the truth so DJ wouldn't get upset. AJ noticed her tone and her words and knew she needed to speak freely. "DJ, why don't you ask the General to take you to get a soda for Mommy?" he suggested and DJ beamed.

The General, who did have a soft spot for kids, took the boy by the hand knowing the retired Admiral would fill him in later.

"What happened, Mac?" Bud asked as AJ settled a paternal arm around her shoulders.

"He came through fine, and I was sitting with him, talking to him, but then his monitor went off and all these people rushed inside his room, shoved me aside…The doctor called for a vascular surgeon and told me to wait here for his PA. I don't know what's happening to him and the doctor wouldn't tell me anything before he…he took him back upstairs."

AJ nodded to confirm he'd heard Mac's words and said in his most autocratic tone, "Well someone sure as Hell is gonna tell me," before leaving Mac in Bud and Harriet's care and disappearing behind the doors marked "Authorized Personnel Only."

"He's going to be okay, Mac," Harriet comforted, offering Mac a warm hug. "But if AJ, Bud and I are here, who's with Lucy?"

"Analiese," Mac replied. "I think she and AJ are…"

"No way," Bud said shaking his head. "She's too young for him."

"No she's not," Harriet argued. "If they care about each other, then age is just a number. If they are dating or together, I'm glad he's found someone to make him happy."

"Mac, why don't I go over to Georgetown Hospital and visit with Lucy," Bud suggested. "She might start to worry if too many of her regular visitors aren't there."

Mac nodded, "Yeah that's a good idea, Bud. Thanks. Once AJ gets back I'm going to call Trish and Frank and see if maybe she can fly back out here for a few days. I can't be in two places at once."

Before Harriet could answer AJ returned from his mission and knelt in front of Mac's chair. "Okay, I tracked down a nurse and she found out some information. Apparently, an artery in Harm's leg was cut while they were replacing the joints on the right side but because it was cut by a drill and not a scalpel it knotted itself off instead of spurting and caused Harm to lose oxygen and blood to the lower part of his right leg. They have a team of surgeons up there now trying to repair the vessels. They didn't say how long it will take."

"They should have been watching him!" Mac exclaimed angrily. "That's why they have a post-op nurse, to check for these things before they get to this point. What does this mean for him now?"

"Mac, I don't know," AJ replied. "I wish I had more answers for you."

"Maybe…" Harriet began. "Let me try to contact Commander Ferrera. She's doing a tour state side at Bethesda. Bud visited with her last week. Maybe she can give us an idea of what to expect."

Harriet pulled out her cell phone and punched in the doctor's number while Mac watched Matthew sleeping in his infant seat and watched DJ run back toward her in childlike innocence. As much as she loved her children, it was times like this when she wished for a few minutes it was possible to stop being a mother or a wife, and simply be a person scared and praying for someone she loves. Prayer…She'd done that so often in the recent months and while it didn't always comfort her, at least it was something to do.

AJ noticed Mac's folded hands and her bowed head. He touched her shoulder lightly, "They have a chapel if you'd like to be by yourself for a while."

Mac shook her head. "If I go there I'll probably leave with another client."

"Excuse me?" AJ asked confused. He knew nothing about Mac's return to the workforce.

"When Harm and Lucy were in surgery this last time, I went to the chapel. I met a man there, a police officer, whose partner was dying of cancer. He was arrested yesterday for manslaughter. I was representing him at his bail hearing this morning. That was where I was when Harm…" Mac bit her lip to keep from crying.

"You were doing your job, Mac," AJ comforted. "Being a lawyer is in your blood. It gets inside of you, it lights you up, and I can tell it makes you feel wonderful when you help a client who was wrongly accused or put a criminal behind bars. I saw that part of who you were dying a slow death these last few years and I am thrilled that you want to bring it back again."

"I did miss it, but I can't continue as his lawyer now," Mac sighed. "I can't do that to him, it won't be fair. Harm and Lucy are going to take up every minute of my time and then there's Matthew and DJ. It's another case of giving up what you want to do for what you have to do, but that's what a mother does, isn't it?"

AJ nodded, "Yes, that's what a good mother does and you're a wonderful mother, Mac. But you have to take care of yourself before you are any good to Harm or Lucy or anyone. I could tell in the last few days something was changing in your heart and in your mind, Mac, and you need to do this, you need to take this case and do what you are trained to do. And I'll be there to help you."

Mac looked at AJ with her brows knitted in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that your children are as close to grandchildren as I'm likely to get in this life, and you and Harm are like my daughter and son. I'm going to help you all I can at home and at work, so you can continue to assist your new client and support Harm and Lucy in their recoveries. What do you think?" AJ asked with a wink. "You think your client will mind having the former JAG as co-counsel?"

Mac smiled brightly at him, the weight of worry lifting just a bit at his support and partnership. "I think once he sees what you can do for him, I'll likely be fired."

AJ simply laughed but quickly stopped when Harriet approached. "Okay, I was able to reach Commander Ferrerra and she told me that it a common problem to have during a hip replacement, but the longer the limb goes without blood the more likely it is there will be some kind or paralysis or death of that part of the leg. She said they'll have to do a graft, take a portion of a larger vessel and reconnect the broken pieces so that blood flow to Harm's foot and calf resumes. She recommended we get him transferred to Bethesda ASAP."

"As soon as he's stable, Harriet," Mac replied. "After all she did for Bud, Harm will be lucky have Commander Ferrerra looking after him."

Harriet smiled at her friend and nodded. She couldn't have agreed more.

In the coming chapters: Harm copes with the complications he's suffered during his surgery. Mac digs deep to be all she can be for all who need her. AJ consults with Tony on his case. Trish is angry when she learns of Harm's complications and Frank reveals a secret to give her some perspective.

And Later: Analiese's life changes after a car wreck. Lucy and Harm begin recovering at home but one has a smoother trip than the other. Mac and AJ work to clear Tony's name.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: As promised, this Sunday's update. I am going to try very hard to get an update next Sunday, but I will be away for the holidays so it might be early or delayed by a day or two. Still, there will be an update next week.

Thanks to Jan for proofreading this and assisting with characterization.

Please let me know what you think.

Prince William Hospital

Manassas, VA

March 28, 2007

0314 EST

The hours ticked by with little word on Harm's condition. Bud returned shortly before midnight and reported Lucy was feeling stronger and resting comfortably. General Cresswell and his wife had taken DJ home with them for a "camping party" with Mikey and Cammie. Harriet was sleeping fitfully on Bud's shoulder. AJ was rocking a sleeping Matthew, and Mac was pacing the waiting room like a caged tiger.

Finally, a tired, weary looking doctor came out of the restricted area. "Rabb. Relatives of Harmon Rabb," he called out to those in the room.

"Here," Mac said quickly rushing to the doctor. "Is he okay?"

"You're Mrs. Rabb?" asked the doctor. Mac assumed him to be the vascular surgeon.

"Yes," Mac replied and looked over her shoulder towards AJ. She motioned with her eyes for him to join her and he immediately did as she asked. "This is Retired Rear Admiral AJ Chegwidden. He's named on Harm's POA as one of the persons who can make medical care decisions."

"Mrs. Rabb, Admiral, we have Mr. Rabb in the SICU. He came through the operation all right but given he's fighting infection and spent a long time under anesthesia we are taking every precaution. I was able to graft a second vessel from Harm's left leg and reattach the two halves of the artery that was damaged in his right leg. He's looking at a long recovery and I'm afraid I can't speak intelligently about the function he'll have in the right leg until he wakes up and we can communicate with him."

"You might not be able to speak intelligently regarding Harm's case, but you can no doubt tell me what the likelihood is," Mac said bluntly. She was getting sick of doctors skirting around details and putting people off because they didn't feel like dealing with them.

"Given the amount of time the limb was without blood flow, it's highly unlikely he'll walk on that leg again without assistive devices. What types of devices remains to be seen," the doctor replied flatly. He hated guessing; families always held him to his estimate even when he had no way of knowing for certain and told them that.

Mac nodded. "Thank you for your candor. When can I see him?"

"He's not going to be awake for any length of time for a good while yet. Ten to twelve hours is my best estimate. My suggestion is for you to go home and get some rest. He'll need your strength," the doctor answered, holding Mac's gaze with his.

Mac shook her head. "No, thanks all the same but I don't want him to wake up alone. I…I did that once and it was nothing as severe as what Harm is facing. I want to be with him every minute until he's awake and knows he's going to be all right."

"Mrs. Rabb, he's not going to be all right. He's facing months of rehabilitation and even in the best of circumstances…"

AJ cut the doctor off. "He's breathing. He's got both legs, both arms, steady heartbeat… Am I correct?" he asked pointedly.

"Yes, but…"

"No buts. He's going to be fine as long as he's alive, we'll get him through anything else," AJ declared firmly. "Now, if you would please let Mrs. Rabb sit with her husband, I will clear the rest of the family from the waiting area."

The doctor tried to hide the eye roll that automatically generated at the Admiral's orders but he acquiesced nonetheless. "All right, Mrs. Rabb," the doctor sighed. "I'll have a nurse come and get you once he's in his cubicle. In the mean time, try to relax."

The doctor turned on his heel and left Mac and AJ standing just outside the locked double doors. "I'm going to go and call Trish and let her know what happened," Mac told AJ smiling at the tender way he was holding her baby boy. "Then I'll need to get a message to Tony and tell him I can't make our breakfast meeting."

"I'll go to the meeting," AJ assured her. "You focus on Harm, DJ, Matthew, and Lucy at least until you're able to reach reinforcements. I'll try to get word to Francesca. She's due in Washington early next week for a photo shoot. Perhaps she can extend her stay and be available to help you both out as well. I know she's been wanting a break and a "family situation" would be a good excuse."

Mac shook her head. "Thank you, AJ, but don't trouble Francesca with this, please. I feel bad enough as it is, with my and my family's problems consuming everyone else's lives."

"You aren't doing anything we aren't permitting you to do, Mac," AJ comforted. "Go call Trish. This little guy is starting to smack his gums; he'll want you sooner than later I should think."

Mac nodded and moved quickly outside the hospital door to place her call to Trish and Frank.

Burnett Residence

La Jolla, CA

March 28, 2007

0030 PST

Frank and Trish had just settled themselves in for the night, or what remained of it, when the telephone rang. They looked at each other but late night calls were not uncommon in Frank's business. He answered the phone, "Frank Burnett."

"Frank," Mac said softly, the worry and the strain evident in her voice. "It's Mac. Um, I don't know how to tell you this. I…"

Frank sat up in bed, "Take your time, Mac," he encouraged, speaking her name so Trish would know who was on the other end of the phone.

Slowly and without shedding the tears that burned the back of her throat, Mac explained the entire horrible story to Frank. She told him of Bud's discovery, both of Harm's operations, and the outlook for his recovery before asking quietly, in a calm and reserved tone for any and all help they could give her.

"He's going to okay though, right?" Frank confirmed as Trish began to motion for him to give her the phone. Frank though better of that though, given Mac and Trish were running very high on emotion.

Frank listened to Mac repeat the doctor's prognosis then sighed, "It'll be okay, Sarah," he said in the gentle fatherly tone she's heard him use towards Lucy and DJ. "I'll speak to Trish and rearrange my schedule. We'll both get there as soon as possible. Tell Harm to hang in there and that…that we love him."

Frank hung up the phone a few moments later and turned to meet his wife's angry eyes. "Why didn't you let me talk to her?" Trish demanded.

"Because she's upset and it's always been easier for her to talk to me when she's upset," Frank replied. "Harm needs us to fly back to D.C. It seems he had a fall yesterday and fractured his right hip. There was a complication during the surgery they did to repair the damage and they have him in SICU now since he was in surgery such a long time."

"Why did he fall?" Trish asked. "What was he doing that he was able to fall?"

"Mac said she thinks that he was trying to go to the bathroom," Frank replied. "That or tend Matthew. She wasn't home."

"Well where was she?" Trish asked angrily, shooting out of bed and going to her closet to begin packing.

"She didn't say, Trish," Frank replied. "Probably with Lucy."

"A lot of other people visit Lucy," Trish pointed out. "Mac should have stayed with Harm if she knew he was going to be by himself. Lucy is never by herself. Mac and Harm make sure of that. Mac should have made sure Harm was not by himself if he couldn't walk without falling."

"Mac couldn't have known he was going to fall, Trish," Frank replied. "No one did."

"Still, she needs to be more responsible. If Harmon is going to be foolish enough to try to fix things with her, she needs to be more responsible for what happens to her family," Trish declared. "He shouldered that load for over a year and the thanks he got was his heart stomped to pieces, his children stolen away, and a depression so bad he was willing to let himself die from pneumonia. If Mac had paid more attention to Lucy instead of focusing on how she couldn't have another child when she had two beautiful children already, Lucy's cancer might not have advanced like it had and Harm wouldn't have had to donate bone marrow he was in no physical condition to donate!"

"We don't know that Trish," Frank attempted to calm her down. "Besides, Lucy spent a good deal more time with Harm before she was diagnosed than she did between the divorce and when he was in Utah. He had no idea."

"Of course not," Trish snapped. "How could he? He was trying to move on with his life while watching Mac carry a baby he assumed was another man's. I don't care that Matthew is Harm's child, she never told him that until it was almost too late! Harm did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment from her, Frank. He took care of Mac and supported her ridiculous desires for another child when it was killing her family, especially Harm, and she threw him to the dogs until she needed him again."

Frank let out a long sigh. "Trisha, I've tried to keep my promise to Harm this last year and not tell you what he confided to me about the divorce, but I can see I don't have any choice. If you go back to Virginia in the mood you're in now, you'll be of no help to anyone."

"I…" Trish opened her mouth to protest.

Frank cut her off mid-syllable. "Let me finish! There's no doubt that Mac made a lot of poor choices, but so did Harm. Mac might have kept her illness from him, she might have ignored his counsel, she might have pushed him away from her, but nothing she could have said or done could justify something that Harm had done and told me about long before divorce was even on the radar."

"I find that hard to…" Trish began.

Frank interjected again. "I know you do. Just please listen. Not long after Grams' death, Harm confided the cause of the distance we saw between Mac and him. They tried to hide it but they couldn't hide it from me. When I asked him about it, he told me that the August before he'd had an affair while he was TAD in Mexico."

Frank paused and let his words penetrate Trish's brain. When she stopped packing and sat down he continued, "It was with a former girlfriend and she told Harm their encounter resulted in a pregnancy. Harm didn't know if he should believe her or not but he did help her through a scare after a fall down the steps and he did see the baby when she was born."

"Does he…Was the baby…" Trish tried to ask, reeling from Frank's news.

"No, she wasn't his, but as you can imagine the affair and pregnancy, all the waiting, all the questions, put stress on the marriage," Frank explained. "The last straw for Mac though was when Harm was with this woman in the ER when she was waking up from major surgery."

"Harm told you all of this?" Trish asked part surprised and part thrilled that her son had finally started to confide in his stepfather.

"Yes, we've talked a lot since Grams died and more since we went to see Lucy," Frank replied. "Now, I'm not saying Mac's innocent, she made mistakes, lots of them, but so did Harm. They are both trying to bury the hatchet and move on with their lives and no one, not even you, has the right to stand in the way of that."

Trish was silent. It was her nature to protect her child, her only baby, from anything that hurt him. Sometime though, she supposed it was possible to let that urge blind one to the truth. "I just want him to be happy and safe. That's all I've ever wanted for him, Frank."

Frank moved to Trish's side and held her tight. "He's happy with Mac, Trish. She's the other half of his heart. And he'll get through this. With Mac, you, me, all his friends and family by his side, he'll get through it. You wait and see."

"Can you…"Trish began.

"I'll call the airlines and I'll stop by the museum to talk to Nora in the morning. Once the show is over and my meetings are finished for the weekend, I'll meet you in DC," Frank outlined his plan for her. "It'll be fine. Why don't you call Mac and tell her reinforcements are on the way."

Prince William Hospital

Manassas, VA

March 28, 2007

0439 EST

Harm's doctors had finally let Mac go back to be with him just five minutes before her phone rang. She's given it to AJ so nothing would interrupt her time with Harm. She was determined that her face would be the first thing he saw when he woke up from the anesthetic.

When the phone buzzed, AJ answered. "Chegwidden," he sighed into the receiver forgetting in his fatigue he wasn't answering his own cell phone.

"Admiral?" Trish asked, not entirely certain she'd dialed correctly. "It's Trish. Harm's mother."

"Mrs. Burnett," AJ said shaking his head at his mistake. "I'm sorry. I'm holding Mac's phone for her. She's in with Harm."

"How is he?" Trish asked. "Did he wake up yet?"

"I don't know if he did that. Mac is with him, but he's doing well," AJ replied.

"Mac called for us to come back out there and I'll be on the first flight to Dulles from San Diego," Trish replied. "Which hospital is he in? Bethesda?"

"No, not Bethesda just yet. He's in Prince William near their house. Once he's stable we'll move him to Bethesda. They have an excellent vascular team ready to oversee his recovery," AJ informed Trish. "Do you…Why don't I have Mrs. Roberts retrieve you from the airport?"

"Oh, no. There is so much she's doing already. I'll find my way, AJ, thank you," Trish replied. "Tell them I'm on my way, okay?"

"Will do," AJ affirmed as if receiving an order from a CO before he ended the call.

Harm's SICU Cubicle

Mac sat beside Harm's bed holding his left hand in both of hers. The nurses had told her he should be coming around in the next few hours so Mac made a point of keeping her hands on him and her voice close to his ear. She traced his left ring finger with her right index. "I keep imagining the day when I'll slide your ring back on this finger," Mac confessed to Harm's sleeping form. "I don't care how fancy it is or how we do it but I want to be your wife again so badly. I only hope you want that too," Mac whispered kissing the knuckle of his left ring finger. "You know what I was thinking about the other day…That leave you took after Lucy was born. Harmon Rabb, handyman extraordinaire, bested by a baby bed…"

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

October 3, 1999

1319 EDT

"Damn it!" Harm swore as the frame on the baby's crib collapsed for the fourth time.

Mac couldn't help but laugh from her position near the doorway. "Couple months on a carrier and my officer and gentleman reverts to a crass old sailor."

"This is not funny, Mac," Harm said his voice with a hint of warning and lot of humor. "I can fly an F-14 but I can't put together a baby bed."

"She's not going to be big enough for the bed for another few months, Harm," Mac reminded him gently. "She'll be fine in the cradle you made for her."

Mac began to close the distance between them and winced at a twinge of pain left over from their daughter's seemingly endless birth four day ago.

"Should you be up and around so much?" Harm asked reached to pull Mac to his chest. "She gave you a rough time of it."

"Yeah she did," Mac replied. "But I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. She's so beautiful, Harm." She began to choke up for what seemed the millionth time since their daughter was born.

"She looks like her Mommy," Harm smiled and rubbed Mac's arm gently. "Seriously, Mac. You had a rough pregnancy and a difficult delivery. I want you to get some rest, okay?"

Mac shook her head and clung to Harm. "No, I don't need to rest. I just want to be with you. It's going so fast and in another 9 days, 10 hours, 40 minutes, and 39 seconds you'll be leaving for the carrier again."

"I wish I didn't have to go back, Mac," Harm whispered against her hair. "I know it was my choice, and my dream, but when I held her for the first time and she looked up at me, it was like she knew who I was. I realized then she's my dream, not a Tomcat, not a carrier…You and our baby girl, that's my dream come true. That's what I'm going to tell the CAG when I report back for duty and what I'm going to tell the Admiral before I leave and hope he'll take me back at JAG."

Mac smiled from ear to ear and pulled back enough to look into her husband's face. "I think he'll be glad to have you back. But if not…" She frowned and burrowed close to him.

Harm reached down and lifted her chin so he was looking directly into her eyes. "If not, I'll make it work. I'll find a position in a civilian firm or teach at a university. We'll make it work as long as we are both here to raise our family together."

Prince William Hospital

Manassas, VA

March 28, 2007

0532EST

Mac felt a tear drip down her cheek, followed by another, then another until she was nearly sobbing. She held her breath and wiped at her cheeks with the back of Harm's hand, frightened at how hot his body was. "I'm holding you too that, Harm. Do you hear me? "

Harm's hand twitched in her grasp in recognition of her voice. He murmured, "Yeah, you're yellin'. I hear you."

Mac gave a nervous laugh. "Was I yelling?" she asked, her voice a few tones softer. "I'm sorry. How do you feel?"

"Heavy. Stop yelling. I can hear you," Harm weakly turned his head to get away from the sound.

Mac lowered her voice to the lowest level possible, "Is this better, sweetheart?"

"Better," he sighed. "What happened? Punch out?"

Mac moved to sit beside Harm on the bed. She reached out her left hand and ran her knuckles back and forth over his cheek. "No, you didn't punch out. You fell at home and hurt your leg. Do you remember?"

"Matthew?!" Harm gasped rising up off the bed partially in fear of what had happened to their little boy.

"He's fine. Bud gave him a new diaper when he found you," Mac soothed. "Do you remember why you fell?"

"Tired," Harm whispered his voice slurring.

"I know. Rest now. I'll be here," Mac comforted.

"Hot," Harm complained drifting quickly back to sleep.

"I know," Mac comforted. "Just rest now. I'll be here."

With another soft sigh, Harm fell asleep.

Chapters 25-27: AJ meets with Tony to get the facts of his case. Mac tells Harm of his condition and comforts him in his frustration. Lucy and Harm are discharged and work together to regain their health. Analiese is in a wreck that costs her very dearly. Will she seek AJ or Harm's arms for support?

In later chapters: Harm struggles to adjust to life with limitations, Francesca returns to the states with a secret, and Mac crosses paths with someone from the past.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Thanks to Jan for her skills as a proofreader and for her advice on the legal portions of this chapter. My apologies for the delay in publishing this chapter. I hope you all had a happy holiday. Next update January 3, 2010.

M Street Diner

Washington, D.C.

March 28, 2007

0841 EST

Tony had arrived for his breakfast meeting with Mac about half an hour early. Things in his house had been suffocating since Cynthia's illness and had become even worse since her death and his arrest. Cassandra was pushing him to change his plea to guilty, work out a deal, pack up, and move to start their lives over again, but Tony couldn't do that. He had not done to Cynthia what everyone except Mac believes he had done and even if he had done it, in his eyes, there was no wrong in it.

By 8:35 Tony was nervous. Had Mac decided to give up on the case? Had she changed her mind about his innocence? He decided he'd wait another ten minutes before calling her.

Six minutes later a deep male voice spoke to him, "Mind if I join you?"

"Actually, I'm meeting with someone," Tony began but his "guest" sat down anyway.

"I know. You're meeting me. AJ Chegwidden, Rear Admiral, JAG Corps, USN, retired," AJ replied in introduction. "I'm sitting in for Mac."

"You…You're THE AJ Chegwidden," Tony smiled in recognition. "Many of my colleagues have photos of you on their walls."

"Dart boards?" AJ asked flatly.

"Mostly. Yes, sir," Tony nodded.

"That's the way I like it," AJ smirked. "Now, Mac spent most of last night filling me in on what you'd told her about your partner's illness and death. She thinks you're innocent and to her that's always mattered. To me, I really don't care if you did it or not as long as I have enough information to keep from looking like I have my head stuck up my six when we're in court."

Tony nodded. He liked this man's straightforward approach. "Is everything okay with Mac?"

"Harm had emergency surgery last night, he had some bad complications and Mac doesn't want to leave him," AJ informed him. "But the fact she considered it for even a fleeting second says a Hell of a lot to me about the impression you've made on her, Detective. Now, as I said, I'm not going to ask if you are innocent or guilty. I don't care. What I care about is that one of the best lawyers I've ever met believes in you and in your innocence very strongly. Why don't you start by telling me what you remember most about your partner?"

"What I remember most…?" Tony asked mostly of himself but the astute retired SEAL heard the skepticism in the younger man's question.

"You have concerns about my interview skills?" AJ asked with a hint of a challenge in his voice.

"I shouldn't considering your prestige and former duty station, Sir, but after all my years in the field memories don't count for an easy acquittal, or any acquittal for that matter," Tony replied taking a long sip of coffee.

"With the evidence we have at this point, it isn't likely we can win this case on the merits," AJ explained. "While the evidence they have is circumstantial, there is enough to make the tangible conclusion you played a role in Cynthia's death. The drugs in her system came from an evidence locker in your precinct and were from a case that you worked. You visited Cynthia constantly and were many days her only companion. There is enough to connect you to the crime. You had a motive, ending Cynthia's suffering, you had opportunity as you were often the only visitor she had, and you had means according to her physician and the ME. To win, we need to focus on the human side of this. We need to show the jury a sick, suffering woman who deserved better than what she'd been given by her doctors. We need to convince them what happened to Cynthia was in her best interest thus making it irrelevant whether you are guilty or not."

"I'm not," Tony said emphatically. "Like I told Mac, I wish I'd had the guts to do it, but I didn't. She asked me daily for nearly three weeks to help her out of her pain and all I did was sit with her and hold her as close as I could manage. I didn't have the nerve to do what she really wanted me to do because I didn't have the strength to let her go!"

AJ nodded, "Detective, in order to get a "not guilty" verdict, we are likely going to have to expose the nature of your relationship to the court. What exactly was your relationship with Cynthia? Were you merely partners and friends? Or was it more than that?"

"I know it's usually a trite phrase but we were soul mates," Tony said wistfully. "About two years ago, Cassandra, my wife, got a job offer in Raleigh. She took it but I was on track to make Lieutenant so I stayed in D.C. with our son. It was hard at first, keeping those kinds of hours and raising a kid, keeping him in line and Cyndi helped me a lot. We'd been friends since we were partnered and after all the favors she was doing for us I invited her to the house for supper once, then twice, the before we knew what happened it just became a given that Cyndi would come over on Friday for linguine and clams."

"Was your relationship sexual?" AJ asked.

"Not at all, never," Tony said at once. "But those dinners meant a lot to us, Cyndi, Rob, and me, in fact, it was her absence from those meals that tipped me off something was wrong. At first I thought she had a boyfriend, she was wearing new clothes and more makeup and she didn't come for Friday dinners anymore, but it turned out she was sick. She'd gotten new clothes to hide the weight loss, changed her makeup to hide the fatigue, and skipped dinner to avoid me studying her too closely. I only learned she was sick because she fainted in my office one day with a 102 degree fever."

AJ continued to listen to Tony's story taking copious notes in order to prepare a defense. He liked Tony and he could see in his eyes the love and the loss he felt for Cynthia. As he listened to the man's story he couldn't help but let his thoughts drift to a Manassas hospital room where another set of soul mates were facing another difficult challenge.

Prince William Hospital

Manassas, VA

March 28, 2007

0938 EST

Mac had just finished nursing Matthew when Harm stirred from sleep. She quickly handed the infant to Harriet's waiting arms and rushed to his side. She lifted his hand into hers and nuzzled on it with her cheek as he began to turn his head from side to side letting out small moans and sighs.

After a minute Harm opened his eyes and looked at Mac with clarity and fear.

"You're okay, Harm," she comforted. "I'm here, you're okay."

"No," Harm replied shaking his head. "No…no…"

"Yes," Mac soothed. "It's okay. I know you are scared but it'll be alright. I promise. Can I…Do you want some water?"

Harm nodded. His mouth felt like sandpaper and his body ached except for his legs. They'd been so painful the last few days that he'd prayed for relief of any kind, but now the pain had given way to nothingness and that frightened him more than he thought possible.

Mac brought a pink plastic hospital issue cup toward the bed and put a bendy straw into it before offering it to Harm. He sipped it gratefully but slowly as she calmly instructed him to do. Once the water settled into his dry mouth he spoke, "What's happened?"

"You had an operation," Mac said gently. "You've been very sick for almost two days and you still have a fever. "

"My leg," Harm sighed shifting and trying to move his right leg. "Can't feel…can't move it."

"I know," Mac replied softly. "I know. You had an operation to fix your hip and there was a complication. That's why you can't move or feel your leg right now. But you'll be okay, sweetheart. "

"What complication?" Harm asked licking his lips.

"I can't explain it very well," Mac said honestly answering Harm's query. "The doctor will tell you after you've rested some more and are up to hearing it. Just try to rest."

Harm squeezed Mac's hand. "Lucy?"

"She's doing well," Mac assured him wiping his forehead and cheeks with a cool cloth. "I called your mother and she'll be here soon to help until you're home again. I don't want you to worry about anything now, okay? Just rest and save your strength for getting well."

Harm reached for Mac's hand. She caught it and held tight meeting Harm's gaze and smiling.

"I love you , Mac," he told her gently, softly clinging to her hand and closing his eyes as sleep claimed him once again.

"I love you too," Mac whispered kissing the back of Harm's hand before lowering it to the bed, laying her forehead upon Harm's chest, and breaking down to cry.

1615 EST

Mac was surprised at the amount of tears she had inside of her. She'd cried with her face pressed next to Harm's body, hers tears being absorbed into the mattress. At some point she must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew a gentle hand was on her back. Mac lifted her tear stained face expecting to see Harm's blue eyes looking back at her but his eyes were still closed in sleep. She turned to see the hand's owner and found Trish's maternal gaze looking back at her.

Mac wasn't sure how to react to her former mother-in-law's sympathetic gaze. So often since the divorce Trish had stared at her with such recrimination that now the soft, loving expression brought tears once again to Mac's eyes. Trish reached out her arms towards Mac and she, exhausted, fell into their safety.

"It'll be all right, Darling," Trish murmured in comfort. "Everything will be all right."

In Coming Chapters: Harm and Lucy recover together with one more successful than the other. Analiese leans on AJ to see her through a personal tragedy. Mac questions Trish's new attitude and evidence comes to light that may set Tony free.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: I hope everyone had a great holiday season and I wish everyone health and luck in 2010. Thanks to Jan for proofing this and for her contributions regarding matters of the military. We are still transitioning in this chapter but see then note at the end for previews of upcoming chapters.

Chapter 26  
Bethesda Naval Hospital  
Bethesda, MD  
April 30, 2007  
1323 EST

Mac arrived at the hospital right before Harm was to be discharged. He'd spent a week in Prince William Hosptial recovering from surgery before being transferred to Bethesda for more corrective surgery on his legs. CDR Ferrerra had taken over his case and both Harm and Mac were pleased with the treatment he'd received under her care. Today was a red letter day for the Rabb family. Both Harm and Lucy were being discharged from their respective hospitals and for the first time since Matthew's birth all five Rabbs would be under the same roof for more than just a night.

Lucy had made remarkable strides in her recovery. She had recovered use of her arms and couldn't wait to see her father and wrap them around his neck. Mac had tried to explain to Lucy why Harm hadn't been to visit her but she knew seeing her father would be a shock to the child no matter how prepared Mac tried to make her. Harm had lost an incredible amount of weight, more than he had during the bout with pneumonia that left him with the chronic joint infection, and as hard as he tried he'd not been able to regain the use of his right leg. It was hard for Mac to see and she knew it would be tough on their daughter.

In truth, seeing Lucy would be a shock to Harm as well. She'd gained back some of the weight she'd lost during her chemotherapy and was able to maintain an upright posture much longer than she'd had been able to for months. The biggest surprise though would be the hug she'd planned to give her father whom she'd missed so desperately these last weeks.

Mac offered Harm a beautiful smile when she entered his room. He was dressed in a wind suit and sneakers sitting in the wheelchair that was now his only source of mobility without extreme effort. It had been difficult for him to learn how to depend on people, especially on Mac for things he'd normally done for himself and for her during her long illness. Still, the tenderness and trust that was growing daily in their relationship made all their trials worth the while and allowed Harm to offer Mac his trademark flyboy grin when she arrived at the hospital.

"Hey handsome," Mac greeted and leaned over to kiss Harm's lips gently. "You ready to go home?"

"I've been ready to go home since I got here," Harm replied leaning into her kiss. "Did mom get Lucy already?"

"No, AJ is bringing her home. Your mom is going to help me get you disinfected before Lucy arrives. Dr. Jacobsen says since you've been in the hospital you need to completely wash down before you share breathing space with her. She's still so sensitive."

"You could help me by yourself," Harm sighed. "I don't know why Mom stayed this long. It'll put more stress on us with her interfering."

"Your mother has been an incredible help to me during this whole thing," Mac said in defense of her former mother-in-law. "I want you to be appreciative and respectful to her. Once you and Lucy are settled and we get back into a routine she'll be on her way back to California and we can get on with our reconciliation."

"Still, I'm a grown man. I don't want my mother helping me take a bath. There is something about that which is too pathetic for me to stomach," Harm declared.

"Okay, I'll ask your mom to mind Matthew and DJ while I help you. But you won't be getting a bath at all if we don't get you out of here. Did the nurses help you pack all your stuff?"

"Yeah, and therapy was down to give me the schedule for my physical therapy. They said Commander Ferrera gave you the occupational therapy charts yesterday," Harm told her releasing the brake on his chair as Mac put the bag in his lap.

"She did. Are you sure you want to do the in home therapy? It might be easier without me and the kids underfoot," Mac suggested.

"Yeah but then you'll be running back and forth between the house and here and I'll have to do the whole disinfection thing every day to be around Lucy and it isn't worth it," Harm sighed. "Maybe DJ can help Lucy or stay at Harriet's and Bud's during the PT. There is less of him to disinfect."

"Soon we won't have to worry about any of that anymore," Mac said smiling. "Soon she'll be well again and so will you."

"You know what the doctor said, Mac," Harm countered her optimistic attitude. "I'll be lucky to walk on this leg again unassisted. And unless I can do that, unless I can do everything I should be able to do, things will never be the same."

"They said you'd never walk again before Harm," Mac reminded him. "Twice if I remember and you showed every one of them. You'll show them now, I know you will."

"I was younger then," Harm sighed. "And the prognosis after my last punch out wasn't this grim. It'll be what it will be. What I really have to remind myself of is that I did this for all the right reasons, consequences be damned, because as long as Lucy and the boys are healthy and alive and with us everything else is chopped liver."

"That's right," Mac agreed. "Now let's get you home. Lucy has a surprise for you when we get there."

"I just can't wait to see her," Harm said grasping Mac's hand as she took hold of the handles of his wheelchair. "It seems like forever since I held her."

"I know, Sailor," Mac sighed. "I'll be good for you two to spend some time together. Ready for action?"

Harm nodded emphatically. "You bet!"

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
Manassas, VA  
April 30, 2007  
1521 EST

It took Mac awhile to get Harm home and cleaned up for Lucy's arrival. She'd just about got him settled in the recliner in their bedroom, "You did really good," she complimented before laying her head on his chest. Harm dipped his head and dropped a kiss on Mac's forehead.

"I had help," he said gently wrapping an arm around her and holding her to him. "Sometimes, I think back on everything we've been through since you got sick and I think how God could have been so cruel to put us through all of that, but then we have a moment like this when we're closer than we've ever been in our lives and it all seems worth it. I'd do it all again, I'd go through all of that Hell again if it meant we'd end up as a family."

Mac nodded her agreement, "I wish we could have found our way without all the pain and I wish we could have had our entire dream fulfilled but nothing we had before even on day one was as deep or as special as this. I love you so much and I know you know I'll be here for you through all of this no matter what. I want you to know if this gets too hard for you, if you feel like you can't keep doing it, it will be okay with me for you to say stop." The physical therapy the last month had been terribly hard on him, and Mac wanted to make sure he knew he didn't have to keep pushing himself if he was truly ready to quit.

Harm nodded, "After some of those days in Bethesda, I was ready to say stop, but our boys are too young, Lucy is going to be getting well again and I'll need to be at my best, but I love you for saying that Mac. I love you for wanting to stay a team."

"One of the best teams, Butch and Sundance, right?" Mac said smiling and leaned over to place a kiss on his lips. She lifted her mouth from Harm's seconds before the door opened and AJ announced their arrival.

Harm was excited to see his daughter and had wanted to wait for her in their living room but Mac insisted he remain in their bedroom. She needed time to prepare their daughter for his changed appearance, she'd said, but something inside of him told Harm that was not the case.

Mac dashed to greet AJ and Lucy at the door. She could never stop smiling when she saw her daughter free from tubes and wires and healthy enough to be in her own home once again. She reached out to take Lucy from AJ's arms and into her own. "Oh, my girl!" Mac smiled broadly. "Did you have a nice trip home, angel?"

"Yes, Uncle AJ and I sang Christmas carols," Lucy told Mac excitedly.

"A little early Uncle AJ?" Mac asked raising her eyebrow.

"I don't think so, Mac," AJ replied. "It is never too early to remember Santa Claus is watching all year round."

Mac nodded again, "You want to visit with Harm for a bit, AJ?" Mac asked.

"Actually, I have an engagement but I'll be over tomorrow. We need to talk about the Morano case. The DA is offering another deal and I'd like us to be united on that before we talk to our client."

"Sure, call me later and we'll set up a time, okay?" Mac said moving Lucy to her other hip. "You ready to see Daddy, angel?"

Lucy nodded and wiggled to get down into her wheelchair. "Do you remember how we practiced this, Lucy?" Mac asked settling her daughter into her pink chair.

"Yes, you'll wheel me to see Daddy, then you'll put me on his lap and I'll give him the biggest hug in the whole wide world!" Lucy recited. "Mommy, is Daddy still sick?"

"No," Mac shook her head. "But his legs have a boo boo so he can't walk around easily right now. He's been working really hard to get better though so he's lost a lot of weight but he's going to be just fine, okay?"

Lucy nodded again. "I'm ready to see him, Mommy. I missed him sooooooooooooo much."

"I know, baby," Mac sympathized. "Let's go see your Daddy."

Mac pushed Lucy's wheelchair into the bedroom where Harm waited to see his daughter. "Here's your Daddy, Lucy Bear," Mac told her daughter gently and Lucy offered a thousand watt smile. "Want to sit on his lap?"

Harm reached out for Lucy immediately, his throat clogging with tears. She looked wonderful to his eyes. In his father's eye, she'd been beautiful since she was a blob on an ultrasound screen but to see her with color in her cheeks, with hair sprouting on top of her head and without the hollow angular look to her cheek was a dream he'd feared would never come true.

Mac lifted Lucy onto Harm's lap and immediately Harm held her tight. "Oh, you feel so good, Button," he declared, holding Lucy tight knowing he'd be content if they stayed just like that forever. Neither Harm's heart nor his head was prepared for what happened next. Lucy wiggled a bit and slid her arms around his neck and held onto him for all she was worth. Just a month ago she'd been too weak to do more than move her shoulders up and down and now she had her arms around him hanging on tight. Try as he might, Harm couldn't help the tears from falling from his eyes or a sob from escaping his throat.

Lucy felt Harm shoulders start to shake and pulled back to look at her father in confusion, "Why are you sad, Daddy?" she asked, her lip quivering at the thought of her father being upset.

Harm smiled through his tears, "I'm not sad, Button. I'm just so happy you're home. That's all. I love you so much, Baby Girl."'

Harm held her tighter and Lucy laid her head on his chest and kept hugging him until both father and daughter had fallen asleep in the reclining chair. Mac had been watching this tender scene from the doorway. Once she noticed both Harm and Lucy's breathing had leveled off, she closed the door quietly and went to the kitchen to begin making supper.

After laying the foundation for vegetable lasagna Mac sat down with the checkbook and began to pay some bills. Even being careful, on only Harm's income it was getting harder and harder to meet their obligations. She'd have to transfer more money from their savings in order to cover the mortgage payment. Mac pulled up the balance in the savings account and was relieved to see it was enough to make a few more payments. She moved the funds, submitted the payment, and clicked send.

Mac began to calculate what they could and could not afford over the next few months while Harm was recovering. CDR Ferrerra had said it was likely he'd never make it back to full duty and had made it clear his flying days were over except for possibly "Sarah." Mac wasn't sure how he'd handle that. Still, they'd have to figure something out before they were out of time and out of money.

The front door opened and Trish came in with DJ and Matthew. DJ ran off to play and Trish laid Matthew in his swing before finding Mac in the kitchen poring over the family finances. Trish couldn't see what was on the screen in front of her, as Mac studied the numbers and tried to force down her anger at both Mic and herself for his pushing her to leave the Marine Corps. If she'd stayed in their combined income would be more than enough to support the five of them now that they were all under one roof again and they could continue to sock away a goodly amount to carry them for awhile if Harm was unable to stay on active duty and ended up with a reduced disability retirement income. Without two incomes their savings were being rapidly depleted and they'd be in serious trouble in another few months. There was only one thing to do…she'd have to find herself a job and soon before Harm figured out they were in financial trouble. That was all he'd need with the prospect of a long recovery staring him in the face.

"And so I finally told the doctor DJ was an alien, and that's why he eats so much," Trish said when it was clear Mac hadn't heard a word she'd said since she'd come into the kitchen.

"What!?" Mac exclaimed jolting out of her reverie.

"It's about time you heard what I said," Trish laughed. "You were in another world. Is something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine," Mac replied. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Harm and Lucy are napping in our room. Why don't you go wake them up?"

"In a minute," Trish agreed, sitting beside Mac. "What's wrong? Something, I can tell."

"It's…With Harm and Lucy and the boys…I'm thinking about everything that needs done to help them both get back on their feet and making sure I give DJ and Matthew the attention they need," Mac sighed. "Who am I kidding that I can do this huh?"

"You can do this," Trish encouraged. "You can. Look at everything else you've accomplished in your life. A Marine officer, a lawyer, a wife and mother..."

"Thanks Trish," Mac smiled in gratitude. "I needed to hear that."

"My pleasure, honey," Trish said offering Mac a squeeze on her shoulder. "I'll get Harm and Lucy for supper." Trish took a step toward the door then paused. "Mac, I just want you to remember no matter what's happened in the past or what happens in the present or the future, if you need anything, anything at all, Frank and I are here. Remember that okay?"

Mac nodded her agreement and set about cleaning up the table for dinner.

Mac had to put a leaf in the dining room table to accommodate two wheelchairs and bedtime took longer than usual given that Lucy needed a lot of extra help, but even with that when Mac slipped into bed beside Harm that night, she had every reason in the world to smile.

**In Chapters 27-30: Harm and Lucy's recovery continues but if Harm's watchful eye going to hinder her progress? AJ and Mac find a lead in Tony's case. Financial pressure forces Mac back to work. Analiese is involved in a wreck the after effects of wish change many lives.**


	27. Chapter 27

Home of AJ Chegwidden

McLean, VA

May 1, 2007

0709 EST

AJ entered his home after his morning jog to the scent of freshly made biscuits and sausage gravy. It had been years since someone had made him breakfast, at least breakfast that was edible. He followed the aroma to the kitchen where Analiese stood in one of his US Navy T-shirts stirring the gravy to prevent it from sticking to the bottom of the pot.

AJ came up from behind her, slid his hands around her waist and kissed her cheek, "Biscuits and gravy! My favorite!"

"Maybe, maybe not, you haven't had it this way before, I'm sure," Analiese said smiling before scrunching up her nose. "You need a shower, mister."

"I need a lot of things, but a shower is probably a prerequisite for all of them,," AJ replied. "Smells different. What did you put in that?"

"I used maple sausage instead of the regular kind. That's the way we do it west of the Blue Ridge Parkway," Analiese explained, pouring some milk into Maggie's sippy cup.

"That's not the way we do it in Texas," AJ scowled playfully, but he doubted he'd like this variation on a country cooking classic. Still, it was only the third time Analiese had spent the night and he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"I know, but trust me. You'll like it," she assured him.

AJ smiled and kissed her cheek. I'd better get to the showers so we can engage in some of those activities I mentioned while Miss Maggie takes her nap."

"That sounds great, AJ, but I'll have to take a rain check on most of those activities though. I have an early session this morning. A twenty-eight year old kid had a stroke, left him with complete left hemiplegia."

"I don't know how you do it every day," AJ sighed, sitting at the island dabbing the perspiration from his eyes with a towel. "See people at the lowest point in their lives, stay encouraging and kind enough to win their trust but firm enough to keep control. It is amazing, what you do for people."

"Likewise," Analiese nodded. "Coming out of retirement to help a man get off on manslaughter charges, the countless hours you spend helping Harm and Mac, the way you love Francesca and how you are with Maggie…"

"I'd not have come out of retirement if Mac honestly didn't totally believe this guy is innocent," AJ sighed. "And the more I think about this case, I can feel in my gut that she's right."

"Dying of cancer is not easy on anyone," Analiese said softly, remembering her husband's death. "Perhaps it is hardest on those left behind. But if he's innocent, then what?"

"Mac and I are going to go over our notes today and see what we can find," AJ informed her as he slid off the stool. "The evidence is there somewhere; all we have to do is to look."

The timer sounded and Ana reached down to take the biscuits from the oven. "Breakfast in ten minutes. Go get washed."

AJ hurried in the shower so he could enjoy his breakfast with Analiese before she had to leave for work. These last weeks with her in his life had been some of the happiest he'd known in a long time and he took delight in her baby daughter reminding him of his own precious girl at the tender age of two.

Ana had just finished putting the meal on the kitchen table when AJ joined her. "I've been meaning to ask you what your impression is of Harm's chances of making a full recovery."

"Mac recently asked me the same thing," Ana said, placing gravy on her open biscuit. "I told her that in most cases recovery depends a lot upon early therapeutic intervention and the patient's own will power. In other cases, especially spinal injuries but with other nerve cell injuries as well, it also depends on the nerve cells' ability to heal and reroute instructions. In Harm's case, his leg lost the oxygen and blood supply needed to keep the muscles and nerves alive and functioning. A lot of the muscle in his leg is dead and much of the nerve is as well."

"So, in short…" AJ queried watching Maggie destroy the biscuit on her high chair tray.

"In short the answer is no, he'll never recover full use of the leg and foot," Ana stated plainly. "He'll likely recover some of it, he'll be able to work in therapy long enough to walk with a brace and crutches or a cane, he'll be able to drive a modified vehicle, and once he can leave the cane behind him and rely on just the brace he can probably even play ball with his kids, but his running, flying, superhero days are over and gone. Mac took that pretty hard when I told her that part of it. I'll never forget the look in her eyes. She'd come to me for help, she wanted me to see something in all those films and notes and scans the other doctors and therapists didn't see, but it was what it was and I had to tell her that. She's afraid what he'll do when he realizes it even though he knows it's all worth it now that Lucy is doing so well."

"He'll never regret his choice," AJ agreed. "But it is nice to know he'll get his independence back again too. He hates having to ask for help with anything."

"I know," Ana sighed. "That is ultimately what caused us to end our relationship; sure, he'd come to me for advice, but not for what really mattered. Still, I have to say, I'm glad it did end."

AJ reached across the table and took Ana's hand. "Me too."

Ana held onto AJ's hand and smiled at him for a moment before leaning over and meeting him halfway for a kiss.

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

May 1, 2007

1011 EST

"I can't do this," Harm proclaimed angrily at the physical therapist Bethesda had sent to their home.

"You have to concentrate, Captain," LT Gina Rainer, the Navy's appointed home therapist told him. "It isn't going to be easy."

"Nothing I've ever done has been easy, but this is impossible," Harm snapped. "Enough of this; teach me how to do stuff so I don't have to constantly ask my wife for help like our children do."

"Captain, until you master control of the muscles in your calf and foot, you'll have balance problems that will significantly impede your recovery," Gina countered. "You are the pilot, I am the therapist…"

"You're also about to be relieved of this duty. I'll be requesting someone else be sent out ASAP!," Harm snapped. "You can go."

Gina sighed. Captain Rabb was going to be a difficult patient. He had accomplished so much in his career and in his life that any limitations were doubly frustrating to him. Still, he had the ability to overcome this latest setback, if he focused, worked, and kept his patience.

While Harm was giving the young lieutenant a hard time over his workout, Mac was sitting at the kitchen table with AJ going over their notes on Tony's case.

"If we had another scenario to bring to the judge it might work," Mac sighed. "But we don't even have the shadow of another plausible scenario for Cynthia's death."

"What about suicide?" AJ asked taking a bite of a banana.

"Not a bad idea," Mac agreed. "We'll need to speak to her doctors and find out if she had the physical strength to carry out that kind of thing on her own."

"She might have had an accomplice, helped her get the drugs," AJ suggested. "Maybe even our client?"

"You think he's lying about his innocence?" Mac asked. She was sure AJ agreed with her that Tony had not killed his partner.

"No," AJ replied. "But we asked him and the police asked him if killed Cynthia, if he helped her die. We never asked him if he provided the means for Cynthia to help herself die. We need to know if he did or didn't for a fact before it comes out in court and bites us in the ass.

"What about the wife?" Mac asked. "She had access to Cynthia as her partner's wife; she might have visited her. She had a relationship with her, at least a minimal one, and she was likely very jealous of all the attention Cynthia was getting from Tony."

"That's as sure a bet as anything," AJ acknowledged. "I think offering the wife as a possible suspect is the way to go for now, we need an aggressive strategy. If we can find some way to establish access to the evidence locker…"

"The evidence theft could be coincidence," Mac offered.

AJ nodded, "It's an idea. I feel a bit better now with some ideas on this, but it still isn't enough. We're going to need to do a lot more leg work before we propose any theory other that counters the one the prosecutor is offering to a jury, but for now let's take a break. Now, how are you handling things with everyone home?"

Mac didn't get a chance to answer before Gina stormed from the bedroom with her workout mat under her arm.

"Problems, Lieutenant?" Mac asked the younger woman.

"With all due respect, Ma'am," Gina replied. "Captain Rabb is the hardest headed patient I've ever had. He won't do anything he's asked, and only wants things on his own time. He's relieved me of my duties, Ma'am."

"Let me talk to him," Mac offered. "He's adjusting, he's…"

"Made up his mind," Harm said entering the room in his wheelchair. "You've done all you are going to do here, Lieutenant, thank you. Mac, can you help me please?"

Mac gave Gina a look of apology and went to Harm. He'd turned himself around and pushed his chair near the bed by the time Mac arrived.

"What do you need, Harm?" Mac asked, a bit upset with him for firing his therapist but trying to be understanding.

"Help back into the bed," Harm sighed. "And before you say anything about how I should do it myself, I'm exhausted from her 'roll your ankle, control your hip', if I could control the damned thing I wouldn't need her, would I?"

"Language," Mac scolded. "Lucy and DJ both repeat everything they hear us say, especially DJ."

"I thought Mom had them corralled in the back room," Harm offered as a minor line of defense for his faux pas.

"She does, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be mindful of it," Mac countered before turning the tone of her voice soft and low. "I'm sorry it's so hard, honey. Remember, what I said."

"Yes, but I'm not ready to be an invalid for the rest of my life," Harm groaned, totally frustrated. "I'm ready to learn how to move on, not play stupid games with overgrown teenagers."

"Hey," Mac said firmly, kneeling so she was eye to eye with Harm. "I know you are upset, I know you are frustrated, tired, and even angry, but you need to start showing some respect and appreciation for the people trying to help you. That includes your mother and your therapists. If Gina isn't the right one for you, we'll find someone else, but they need to have the controls in this thing, they are the experts here like we are in court. Got it?"

Harm nodded and reached for Mac. She sat on his lap and let him burrow his head near her breast. "I'm just scared, Mac. I'm scared this is it and I'll be a burden on you and everyone else. I'm scared if I do get well I'm out of the cockpit, maybe even the Navy, and I'm scared someday you'll resent me for the choice I made."

Mac cradled Harm's head to her body, "You listen to me. They are many feelings in my heart right now regarding all of this. Fear that you'll not recover, fear that Lucy might not achieve a long-term remission, pain at what you are going through, anger at your surgeons for not being more careful, even guilt for being at court with Tony instead of home when you needed me, but not for one solitary second of one minute of one day do I resent you for choosing our daughter's life above your own. For that I have nothing but admiration, pride, and the deepest love I've ever felt for you. I love you so much Harm. Flying or grounded, officer or civilian, walking or sitting down, I love you, that never changed no matter what and it never will, no matter what. Okay?"

Harm reached for Mac's hand and held it inside his own. He squeezed it firmly and lifted his head for a kiss. When they broke apart he whispered with firm conviction. "I love you, too."

Mac winked playfully. "You'd better. Now, you want back in bed to rest or…"

"Yeah and later we need to talk about Lucy's schooling," Harm reminded Mac. He'd mentioned wanting to home school Lucy and teach her himself until she caught up and then send her back to school with her class in September, but Mac changed the subject each time he brought it up in that capacity.

"We will talk about it before I meet with the Superintendent on Monday," Mac consented. "But for now you need a nap and AJ and I finish brainstorming. I'll call Bethesda for you in a little while and request another therapist be assigned for you."

Harm nodded and let Mac slide off his lap. It took her about five minutes to get him into bed and make sure he had everything he needed to be comfortable. He fell asleep almost immediate and Mac went to rejoin AJ.

"Back to his old self I see," AJ chuckled. "Never would follow orders."

"He's scared and frustrated," Mac sighed. "I'm trying to talk to him and help him through it, but I'm not sure he's really listening to me. He wants to get up and run right away, he's not satisfied with the baby steps he needs to get through this. This is the third therapist he's "fired" since this started."

"I know," AJ sympathized. "And I know the outlook for him is not the full recovery we are hoping for it to be, Mac. I also know he is capable of regaining so much more function that he has already."

"He knows that too, AJ. It's just hard on him. He wants everything to be just like it was before and it can't be like that. He's still being open with me, but it's only a matter of time before that changes and he'll start shutting me out of his life."

"He needs to be more involved in the day to day aspects of life around here," AJ advised. "It's hard for a man of action to sit by and do nothing but fight to regain skills he's had since he was 2. Trust me that was a part of why things failed with Marcella. Maybe bring him in on the case?"

"Not a bad idea, but he needs so much strength to work on his therapy, when he keeps a therapist that is," Mac sighed. "We need someone who won't be run off by him. Maybe Bethesda can send a drill sergeant this time."

"I'm not sure how you'll feel about it, but what about Analiese?" AJ asked cautiously, unsure how Mac would react to Ana being in such a close proximity to Harm. For his part, AJ had no worries about Ana and Harm getting back together, but Mac might be more sensitive.

"No," Mac replied firmly. "And it has nothing to do with their past or anything like that, it's just that the therapists from Bethesda are…"

"Free," AJ finished, finally placing the look of worry just behind Mac's eyes. "I'm sure you could work something out with her, Mac."

Mac nodded, "And I might take you up on it, let's just try a few more from Bethesda before we call in favors."

AJ nodded, that was good enough for now.

After breaking for lunch, AJ and Mac went back to working on Tony's case and resolved to schedule a joint meeting with their client in order to review their strategies and determine if anything might have come to his mind that would be beneficial. They also planned that Mac would speak with Cassie Morano, woman to woman, so she could try and get a sense of Cassie's feelings about Cynthia, Tony's relationship with Cynthia, and Cassie's feelings about Cynthia's death.

When AJ left shortly before 1800 Mac sat down on the sofa for a breather before making the evening meal. She thought that with Harm beside her she'd have slept like a baby but instead she'd lain awake all night staring at the ceiling and listening to his breathing. She laid her head back against the couch, closed her eyes and sighed heavily. The craziness that was her life was beginning to take its toll on her, but no matter, she'd get through it somehow. Harm had done it for her so much longer than she was doing it for him, she could keep going. Mac was just about to get up and begin rounding up her family for supper when she felt a gentle touch on the crown of her head. Mac opened her eyes and turned towards the gentle touch and delighted in it before asking, "Why didn't you call me to help you?"

Harm shrugged, "Getting out of bed is easier than getting into bed. Besides, I had a good nap. Why don't you go lay down, Mac?" Harm offered gently. "I know you didn't sleep much last night."

"How…" Mac began.

"I felt you moving around half the night, honey. I was awake too. That's probably why that nap felt so good," Harm confessed.

"Hurting?" Mac asked leaning into the soft caresses Harm was making on her head.

"Thinking," Harm replied. "Worrying."

"You're supposed to let me worry, remember," Mac scolded playfully.

"Yeah, well…Can't help it," Harm sighed. "Things are just really messed up. As many things are back to normal, you and I for example, so many things are still…"

Mac reached for Harm's free hand. He caught hers and squeezed. She returned the gesture and kissed his knuckles, "We'll get through it, we'll muddle through, or fake it, or what ever we need to do to come out on the other side better than when we went into this. Sometimes, we'll just need a little help."

"Like AJ?" Harm asked.

"Like, AJ, Harriet, Bud, your mom, each other…" Mac clarified. "How about you go relieve your mom on kid duty and get you daughter and sons washed up and I'll make some Tuna Helper?"

Harm offered her a smile and squeezed her hand, glad she was asking for his help with even this mundane chore his mother could have easily taken care of herself. He placed a kiss on her palm and released her hand, "Sounds like a good idea to me. I'm starved."

"Good, you need some meat on those bones," Mac quipped. "Maybe I should make Hamburger Helper."

Harm placed both hand over his heart, "Surely you jest," he chuckled. "I'll eat better, I promise. I'll need my strength for the SEAL you're likely to request to deal with my sorry six."

"Actually, I was thinking you needed a Marine," Mac laughed as Harm quickly left the living room to collect his mother and children for a family meal.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Once again a huge thanks to Jan for her comments and proofreading. I do not make any money off of this, though some of it is written at work so I guess in a round about way I do, LOL! Enjoy.

Given the way this chapter ends, 10 plus reviews gets a bonus chapter. Enjoy!

**James Madison Elementary School  
Manassas, VA  
May 7, 2007  
0920 EST**

"Will you stop fidgeting? You look fine," Mac scolded Harm for continually fussing with his clothing while they waited outside the counselor's office at Lucy's school.

"I don't feel fine," Harm complained. "None of this feels right."

"That's because it doesn't fit you right. You lost too much weight," Mac pointed out. "Still, let's concentrate on Lucy and learning what we have to do to get her back on track with her schooling. I'm hoping she can start going to school again in September."

"So do I, but I've told you what I want to do in the interim, Mac," Harm said firmly, unhappy that Mac was not as supportive of his determination to home school their daughter as he'd hoped she would be.

"And if everyone involved thinks it's best for Lucy, we'll go with it, but we need to make sure we aren't going to be harming her adjustment from being sick to being well again by isolating her."

Harm pointed at the name on the door. "That woman isn't going to think my teaching Lucy is best for her," Harm snapped. "She's liable to make some other ridiculous accusation about me like she did before, when you were sick."

"If I recall, I put her in her place when she did that and I'm prepared to do it again," Mac responded in her best no-nonsense tone. "Now just calm down and wait quietly, please."

Harm mumbled something under his breath he was sure Mac wouldn't be able to hear, but to his astonishment and chagrin, she did.

"Stop acting like an overgrown baby and I won't have to treat you like one," Mac replied hastily just as Mrs. Porter, the school secretary, stepped into the hallway.

"Mr. and Mrs. Rabb," she said in a heavy Charlestonian accent. "Follow me."

Harm let Mac take control of the wheelchair so she could maneuver it into and around the counselor's narrow corner office. Harm and Mac were both surprised and delighted when they were not met by Dr. Crimmins' cool, seemingly accusatory gaze but by a much more compassionate looking young man. He was joined by Lucy's principal, Mr. Dougherty and her second grade teacher for the short time she'd gone to school the previous fall, Miss Wilson.

The principal spoke first, "Captain and Mrs. Rabb, it's nice to see you again. Have a seat please."

Mac did so after moving Harm's wheelchair next to an empty chair. "If you don't remember her, this is Miss Wilson, whose class Lucy was in briefly last fall, and this is the newest member of our counseling staff, Dr. Travers. He's filling in for Dr. Crimmins while she is on an extended leave. I've asked them to join us."

"That's fine. Thank you," Mac said quietly, studying Harm's posture as he looked at the officials sitting across from them. She knew he was uneasy about the wheelchair and knew he was dreading questions about his limitations.

Dr. Travers began to speak. "We've reviewed Lucy's school and medical records and with Mrs. Rabb's consent, spoken to her oncologist. He feels Lucy is making definite strides towards a full remission and recovery, but states in no uncertain terms she is absolutely not in a condition to attend classes in a normal environment the rest of this school year."

Dr. Travers looked at Harm and Mac for clarification. "That's right," Harm confirmed. "She's had a bone marrow transplant which has left her immune system completely decimated. It will take a long time for her to be able to be around others safely. That is why I feel it's best if I take on the responsibility for Lucy's education until she is well enough to return to the classroom. I have the time to do it because I'm completing my recovery from having been the bone marrow donor." Harm gestured vaguely towards his legs and the wheelchair, hoping to give the impression that his condition was strictly temporary.

"I see," Dr. Travers said nodding. "Mr. Dougherty and Miss Wilson I believe have an alternative idea in mind for Lucy."

Miss Wilson began to speak. "Yes, we do. We believe that Lucy would benefit from a more direct approach to her education, mainly a visiting home tutor who would come to your home, three times per week for three hours each day and teach Lucy the lessons in the same format they are taught in the classroom. It would be ever so effective once she rotates back into the classroom environment."

Mac began to nod her head and was poised to open her mouth to address her concerns about the sterilization requirement when Harm interjected, "That's a wonderful idea, Miss Wilson, but this teacher would need to undergo a complete physical examination to insure he or she was not ill before being sent to our home and would need to be totally disinfected before having contact with Lucy. Even Sarah and I need to constantly disinfect ourselves before we have contact with our daughter in our own home. I do not see why a person should have to go through that rigorous a routine when I am at home, capable and willing. I'm a Naval Academy graduate and a lawyer – I believe I'm quite capable of teaching the second grade curriculum. My plan is to devote 5-6 hours a day to schooling, with breaks of course, for physical therapy and rest, to ensure Lucy is ready to start third grade with her class in September and not have to repeat part or all of the second grade year. That's very important to Lucy and to us, that she not be "put back" a year. A tutor three times a week for only three hours each time just isn't enough – the next school year starts in barely four months. If I am missing something here, please let me know."

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
Manassas, VA  
May 7, 2007  
1113 EST**

"Harm, come on," Mac called after him once they arrived back at the house. "The school gave their permission for you to teach Lucy, I told you if they did so I'd support you and I did. What is the problem?"

Mac was legitimately confused. Harm had made his case to the officials at Lucy's school and she had not objected or argued the point when they agreed to his home schooling their daughter to prepare her for third grade with her class. Still, the entire way home Harm hadn't said two words to her or at least he hadn't said anything that wasn't laced with hostility.

Harm whirled his chair around to face Mac, his blue eyes blazing with an emotion she hadn't seen in a long time. Anger, anger at her. "You should have backed me up today!" he fired at her. "Instead of holding me back. I'm trying to do what…what's best for Lucy and her own mother is fighting me every inch of the way!"

"Harm, I'm not fighting you on any of this," Mac parried, very unsure of Harm's motivation for this attack. "All I said was we needed to make sure the school would allow it, given the home school requirements and more importantly we need to make sure we did what was best for Lucy."

"We are what's best for Lucy!" Harm thundered. "You and me, and that's all!"

Trish appeared in the kitchen from her post in the family room. Matthew was napping in his infant seat and would be disturbed by his father's harsh voice. "Harm, keep you voice down," Trish admonished. "Matthew and Lucy are napping, please!"

Harm lowered his voice. "I don't see why we needed to bring in all of these outsiders. We'd probably be better off if we handled everything ourselves from minute one but no, you had to have this "support system" thing you read in some damned magazine."

"Harm, look," Mac said trying to keep her voice soft and low. "I don't know what has you so upset but I wish you'd tell me what's wrong so we can talk about it, so I can make it better."

"You can't make it better, Mac!" Harm said quietly, the anger giving way to resignation. "Damage is done, it can't be fixed."

With that Harm maneuvered his wheelchair into the bedroom, leaving Mac confused and disheartened standing alone in their living room.

With a deep breath Mac gathered her wits about her and went to check on her children. She found Trish watching television with the sound on mute and the captioning running across the bottom. "Hey," Mac greeted and sat down next to her mother-in-law.

"Hi, how did it go at the school?" Trish asked clicking the television off with the remote.

"Fine," Mac replied. "Harm made his case to Lucy's teacher and principal, they made an exception regarding Virginia's home schooling requirements allocating his Academy education and law school degree to the level of a masters' degree in education, and promised the lesson plans, textbooks and supplies will be delivered tomorrow."

Trish nodded, "I think it will be good for both of them. She's asked me all day when she could see her father. It's hard for her knowing he's here in the same house, and having to be separated much of the time. Still, I know Harm's careful about how much of his disability he'll reveal to the children, especially Lucy."

"I know," Mac sighed. "And it's not so much Harm as it is me, Trish. I know I have to let him see the kids whenever he wants to see them but he's so unpredictable right now."

"Yes, what was that about?" Trish asked. "I've never heard him shout at someone like that."

"He has but never over something so minor and never with the kids in earshot unless he was goaded along by yours truly," Mac admitted, her disappointment in her own actions showing. "I don't know what I did."

"I don't think you did anything, honey," Trish soothed. "He just needs to adjust. This is hard on him."

"It's hard on me too, Trish," Mac said quickly. "Do you think it is easy to watch him struggle to do things anyone else his age can easily do? Do you think it is easy to lie next to him at night, feel him try to move, and have him end up crying in pain? That's not easy at all!"

"Nobody is saying it is," Trish offered as appeasement. "Mac, why…"

"Can you keep an eye on everyone for awhile longer?" Mac asked. "I need to get out for a bit. I'm going to go get some lunch. I'll bring something back for the kids, you, and Harm."

"Sure I can," Trish replied quickly, sensing Mac was on the edge and needed a release. "Take your time."

Mac offered Trish a smile as a thank you then quickly headed out of their neighborhood towards a strip mall she frequented with Harriet. She stopped at the Beltway Burger that had just opened there and enjoyed her favorite, a Double Cheeseburger with the works and a large milkshake, before strolling from store to store trying to get her head around Harm's behavior and actions. When she passed the Barnes and Noble Bookstore, Mac stepped inside and found the Self-Help section. She was looking for something, anything that might help her learn how to be there for Harm in all the ways that mattered during his recovery, but in the end, it wasn't something that held the answers Mac was seeking, it was someone.

**Barnes and Noble Bookstore  
Manassas, VA  
May 7, 2007  
1249 EST**

"Well, if it isn't Colonel Mackenzie," Chaplain Turner greeted as he approached Mac from the True Crime section of the bookstore. "Let it never be said preachers only read the Bible. How is your charming little princess?"

"Chaplain Turner," Mac said with a bright smile. She turned and offered the older gentleman a slight hug. "She's well, she's doing very well. Thank you."

"We remember her in our prayers every day and she's still on the prayer list for Sunday meetings," Chaplain Turner told Mac. "She is such an inspiration to so many. Harmon as well. I have known that boy since he was 20 years old and I never doubted he'd be a wonderful parent."

"He is that, a wonderful father," Mac agreed. She was still plagued by feelings of guilt each time she admitted that, she'd said such terrible things to and about Harm's parenting during the divorce.

"Sturgis told me that he's had a rough time of it," Chaplain Turner said inviting Mac to sit down with him on a nearby sofa in the center of the store. "I don't hear from him very often but when I do he is always telling me of things with your family, the Roberts, and his other academy classmates he's remained friends with all these years."

"Sturgis is a very proper officer," Mac said taking the offer of a seat and chat with someone on the outside of the circus in her life. "But he is an excellent friend. Thanks to you and his mother, of course."

Chaplain Turner chuckled, "Of course. Now, perhaps you tell me why you are out seeking help from books written by telepsychologists looking more exhausted than you did the days your child was walking in the valley of the shadow of death."

Mac didn't want to air her family troubles in public, but the soft tone of Chaplain Turner's voice and the inviting way in which he spoke made the words and feelings flow from Mac's lips like a river. The entire time Mac worried, raged, speculated, and second guessed, Chaplain Turner remained silent, open, and supportive. When she'd finally finished letting things flow from her heart she felt lighter and more energized than she had in months.

"Mac," Chaplain Turner finally spoke when he was sure she'd totally unburdened her soul. "I know it's hard. I know it is so hard to see Harm as he is right now and I know you feel like it's your fault. I also know you are terrified that Harm does too, but you know what, I'd bet you he doesn't. I bet that hasn't even crossed his mind."

"Then why is he so angry at me?" Mac asked, honestly confused and deeply hurt by Harm's moodiness.

"Because it is easier than being angry at himself," Chaplain Turner replied. "Think about it for a minute, all the things that happened. They didn't stem from one event in your marriage, but it seems to those outside and in that they did. I bet you that boy has some serious guilt on his heart and nowhere to put it. I think what he really needs is for you to understand, to listen, and to help him."

"I am helping him," Mac said preparing to defend herself against an upcoming accusation.

"Not help him with physical tasks," the Chaplain clarified. "Help him with the spiritual one, help him forgive himself, Mac. That's what he really needs. He needs to know you forgive him, that Lucy forgives him, and that it is okay to forgive himself. When he does that, I haven't the slightest doubt he'll begin to heal in all the ways he needs to do to get on with his life."

Mac thanked Chaplain Turner for his advice and considered everything the wise old gentleman had said as she picked up lunch for the rest of the family and drove home.

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
Manassas, VA  
May 7, 2007  
1348 EST**

Mac arrived at the house with two Beltway Burger bags loaded to the gills with good smelling, great tasting, awful for you food and one bag with two California Rolls and a cup of Miso soup. The first sound that greeted her ears when she entered the house was not the peaceful quiet that usually existed during the day but Lucy's heartbroken sobs, Matthew's high-pitched wails, Trish's soothing tones, and somewhere in the middle of it all, Harm's most gentle voice. The only person in the house truly silent was DJ as he was occupied with an activity book and crayons.

Trish hurried to take the food bags from Mac and hand her Matthew who was screaming for sustenance not topped off with a rubber nipple. Mac quickly undid her blouse and placed the baby's lips to her breast, bringing relief to her child and to herself. This was the answer to Matthew's tears, but Mac looked to Trish for an answer to Lucy's.

"We were doing her therapy like we always do this time of day and I guess something I did hurt her because the next thing I know she's hysterical and Harm's descending on me like a vulture," Trish revealed to Mac as she unpacked the lunches. "I take it the sushi is for my son?"

Mac nodded, "I wanted to get him something I know he'll really enjoy. Where are they?"

"He's got her in your room," Trish said nodding in the direction of the master bedroom.

Mac with Matthew firmly attached carefully walked to the bedroom and peeked in the doorway. Harm had Lucy on his lap, cradled in much the same way Matthew was against her chest. He was gently rubbing her arm and hair with his hands and speaking softly as the child calmed herself down from a fit to whimpers.

"Daddy knows it hurts you, baby," Harm empathized with Lucy. "I know you don't like to do those exercises and I don't like to see you do them because I know they hurt you, but you need to work on your legs, Button. You worked on your arms and look what you can do now that you couldn't before. Tell me, what things can you do since you worked on your arms?"

"Eat by myself," Lucy said sniffling. "Brush Colleen. Give you and Mommy hugs. Hold Matthew…"

"There, you see all those important nice things you can do," Harm affirmed. "How about we make a deal, okay?"

Lucy looked up at him, Daddy usually made good deals. "Okay," Lucy agreed.

"If you work really, really hard with Mommy and Nana Trish, Daddy will go to your therapy with you at the hospital when you go," Harm offered. "Remember you've asked me to go with you? Well, if you work on your legs at home like we ask you to do; I'll go to all your therapy outside the house. Do we have a deal?"

Mac felt her heart drop to her toes. Harm was not going to be an asset to Lucy's physical therapy sessions at the hospital. If anything he's be a hindrance. It broke her heart to see what her daughter had to endure during those sessions but Harm's connection to and protectiveness of Lucy was so much deeper than hers, seeing it would shatter him, or worse he'd intervene as he had so many times before when she worked on Lucy's legs.

Earlier that week he'd come in from the bedroom during an exercise session and pushed Mac away from Lucy's bed so hard she'd nearly fallen. Still, perhaps being a more integral part of Lucy's recovery would be good for him, if she could just persuade him not to interfere. After all, Harm was the reason Lucy now did her PT session at the Children's Hospital; he'd disturbed her in home sessions with her therapist so often Dr. Jacobsen felt it was less of a risk for Lucy to go to her sessions as an outpatient than to continue as she was at home and risk permanent loss of function in her legs. Still, as long as Mac was attending at a hospital, the staff would assure she was able to complete her routines as prescribed.

"Deal," Mac heard Lucy say as she slipped her still thin arms around her father's neck.

Harm squeezed her close to him, "That's my good girl. Besides, I'm sure you want to be running and playing with all your friends again as quickly as possible, right?"

Lucy nodded but before she could say anything further Mac spoke.

"Hey, you two," Mac greeted them with a forced smile. "I brought us all a special lunch. Come on to the table."

Harm wheeled himself and Lucy to the table then let Mac move the child from his lap to her own wheelchair. Harm smiled brightly when he saw the lunch Mac had gotten just for him and even ate a French fry DJ offered to him so he could "fit in his clothes and stuff."

Still, Mac could feel the anguish and pain radiating off of him in waves.

About halfway through lunch, Lucy announced, "Nana, Daddy is going to go to my hospital therapy with me if I'm good for you and mommy when we do it at home. Can we do it again after lunch?"

"Well, we can finish it, sweetie," Trish replied. "As soon as your meal is settled, all right?"

"Harm, why don't you tell Lucy what else you'll be doing with her?" Mac suggested in an effort to show Harm she supported him in his desire to teach Lucy.

"Oh, that's right. Lucy, Mommy and I went to your school today to talk to Mr. Dougherty, Miss Wilson and Dr…." Harm began.

" No!" Lucy cut him off. "I'm not going back to her. I hate her!"

"It isn't nice to say we hate someone, Lucy," Harm scolded gently. "Besides, Dr. Crimmins wasn't there. We met a new doctor, Dr. Travers. And guess what?"

"I can go back to school?" Lucy piped up hopefully.

"Well, probably in September if Dr. Jacobsen says it's okay, but until then, they agreed that I'll teach you all your lessons at home, just you and me. What do you think of that?" Harm asked, his eyes shining for the first time in over a week.

"Really!?" Lucy was clearly thrilled at the idea. "You'll really be my teacher and we can spend the whole day together?"

"Yes, Button, we can," Harm confirmed. "But you have to do your work just like it was a regular schoolroom, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy," Lucy agreed, her face glowing with happiness and excitement.

"Can Daddy teach me too?" DJ asked as he mopped up a pile of ketchup with his burger bun.

"No, Buddy," Mac handed him more fries to dip into his ketchup lake. "You'll go to day care with Jimmy and to summer camp like last year. Remember you went swimming and to the lake…"

The conversation flowed effortlessly the rest of the meal and true to her word Lucy went with Trish right after lunch to finish her workout before dropping off to an exhausted sleep.

Harm went to the bedroom to search the internet on useful home schooling techniques while Mac prepared for an afternoon of brainstorming with AJ. They had set up a dinner meeting with Tony and Cassie at the house for Thursday and they needed to be prepared.

**1553 EST**

Mac and AJ had been working for a little over an hour when his cell phone rang. It was just before 4 o'clock so AJ was surprised to see Jeannie, Analiese's sister's number on his caller ID screen. He and Ana were due to have supper with Jeannie and her husband that night about 6:30. There was no reason she'd be calling him now instead of Ana unless…."Chegwidden," AJ said trying to hide the trepidation in his voice in case he was simply over reacting.

Mac looked at her former CO and friend and knew immediately that whatever he was being told was not good news. She tried to respect his privacy and not listen to his responses which merely consisted of "I understand," "Uh-huh," "Which one?" and "Oh my God." When he ended the call with "I'm on my way," Mac rose and stepped between AJ and the door. He was in no condition to be on his way anywhere if the tremors in his hands and the pallor of his face were any indication.

"Mac, I have to go," AJ exclaimed, trying to get past her.

"I gathered that, but let me drive you wherever you need to go," Mac offered. "You're pale as a ghost and you're shaking. Who was that? Is it Francesca?"

AJ shook his head, "Uh, no. It was Jeannie, Analiese's sister. Ana's been in an accident, she and the baby were in an accident on their way home."

"Oh God," Mac gasped then reached to comfort her friend with a warm hug. "AJ…are they okay? Did she know anything?"

"Nothing," AJ said numbly. "Nothing except they are both hurt, both in surgery, and both critical."

"All right, I'll get you to them as fast as I can," Mac assured him. "Just let me get a few things and we'll go."

Mac quickly went to tell Trish what was going on and then to ask Harm if he wanted to go with them. He declined but asked for updates the minute Mac had any. He'd go later and visit but felt it was AJ's place to be with Ana and his place to be with Mac, with his family. Minutes before they were ready to leave AJ's cell rang again. "Jeannie?" he asked his voice hopeful and dreading all at once.

AJ listened to Jeannie speak then closed his phone and let go a cry of anguish the pierced Mac to her very soul. She rushed to AJ's side and took his hands, "What did she say?" Mac asked praying that her gut was wrong for once.

"They uh…couldn't save her," AJ said flatly, gathering his SEAL training and discipline to get through the shock. "She's dead."

**In coming chapters: AJ grieves for the loss of someone close to him and has difficulty focusing on Francesca and Tony's defense. Mac relieves AJ of his defense burden taking more on herself while the Rabb family's financial troubles place more strain on relations between Mac and Harm.**

**And later: Harm takes over for AJ in Tony's defense, Lucy challenges her father to a bet, and Mac takes a job outside the house where she encounters an old nemesis.**


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: As promised, a bonus chapter! Thanks to all who took the time to leave a comment. I have received comments this week from many loyal readers who always take the time to say a word, and from those who I know have been with me the entire journey that prefer to remain silent. All of those comments meant a lot to me. So, which ever type of reader you are, thank you for your investment in this nearly epic work and I hope as we go forward you will not be disappointed. I will look forward to bringing all of you to the end of this chapter in the Rabb family's life whenever that may come.

As I've said before I have the end written in my mind and know exactly where it will come, I hope I have all of you and more with me when we reach that point.

Special thanks to Jan for her suggestions and proofreading and to my roommate and fellow JAG fan for putting up with endless hours of JAG DVDs and taking pet duty two nights in a row so I could finish this chapter.

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

May 7, 2007

1614 EST

Mac took AJ by the forearms and pushed him back gently towards the sofa. He resisted her at first but only half-heartedly. When Mac spoke softly and assured him they'd leave for the hospital in only a few moments, he capitulated completely and let her sit him down on the sofa. Mac knelt in front of her former CO, surrogate father, and dear friend and took both of his hands into hers, tugging just enough to force him to make eye contact.

"AJ?" Mac began around the lump of emotion building in her own throat. "AJ, we…"

"I don't know how I'm going to tell her," AJ began before Mac could complete her inquiry. "She's going to wish she'd died with her. I'm not sure…"

"AJ, was it Maggie? Did Jeannie say it was Maggie?" Mac asked for clarification.

AJ nodded, "Yeah. It was Maggie, she uh, they don't know exactly what happened to her yet just that she was too small for her body to handle the damage." AJ moved to rise, "I have to go Mac, I have to get to Ana. I need to be with her when she wakes up and asks if her baby's okay."

"I'll take you to her in a minute, AJ," Mac assured him. "I just want you to take a couple deep breaths and let this sink in a minute before we leave. Just sit and take a couple deep breaths. I'm going to catch Trish up on what happened then we'll leave."

AJ nodded again and Mac hurried to whisper the tragic news to Trish. When Trish asked about Harm, Mac assured her she'd handle telling him herself when she got back from taking AJ to the hospital.

George Washington University Hospital

Washington, D.C.

May 7, 2007

1753 EST

The traffic on the highway was no worse than on any other Monday but it seemed to deliberately crawl at half the speed it should have as Mac navigated the drive from Manassas into Washington D.C. By the time they reached the hospital AJ had gathered his wits about him and was outwardly ready to handle anything that came at him.

Mac dropped him off at the entrance to the ER where he sought directions to the OR waiting room. The room was empty except for Jeannie and AJ rush towards her for an update on Ana's condition. "How is she?" AJ practically demanded when he found Ana's sister at the far end of the room.

"She's just out of surgery," Jeannie replied, her face showing the trauma and fear she'd endured the last few hours. There was evidence of tear tracks on Jeannie's characteristic over made up cheeks and mascara stains on the handkerchief she clutched next to her heart. "They removed her spleen and repaired the damage to her lung. It collapsed, they suspect from being punctured by a broken rib. I'm sure they'll tell us for sure now that she's fixed up. They said she'll be fine with rest and respiratory therapy. It's her heart I'm worried about, AJ. When she lost Michael, I was terrified for her and Maggie, Mama and Daddy even came down for awhile to stay with her but nothing healed her, until she met Harm and then, you. She was just starting to live again, really live again and now her daughter…"

AJ nodded, "I know, Jean. I'll take care of telling her. I know you'll want to be with her but…"

"Yes," Jeannie agreed. "And I appreciate you telling her, AJ. I really do. I was with her right after her husband died …She'll want you to be with her for this AJ. I know she would…we should be able to see her in a while."

AJ led Jeannie to a group of chairs a bit closer to the entrance to the Family Waiting Area so that Mac could locate them. She was coming through the doors just as AJ sat down and hurried to him. "I had to park in the far lot in order to be able to stay an indefinite time," Mac explained.

"Thanks Mac," AJ said flatly, tired, worried, but grateful Mac was there. "Jeannie, this is Sarah Mackenzie Rabb. Mac, this is Ana's older sister Jeannie."

Mac extended her hand and Jeannie shook it lightly. "I'm sorry to meet you under these circumstances," Mac said softly. "What's the latest news?"

AJ filled Mac in on Ana's injuries and prognosis for a good recovery then together the trio waited until Ana could have visitors. Once the OR nurse called the family member to Recovery Mac prepared to leave. She gave AJ a hug, "I'm going to head home now and fill Harm in on what happened. Call if you need anything, if either of you do."

AJ offered a small smile, "I will. Thank you, Mac."

Mac returned AJ's smile with one of her own and with a reassuring squeeze of his hands, she left for home.

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

May 7, 2007

2038 EST

Mac had decided to treat herself to another inexpensive supper alone before going home to break the sad news of Maggie O'Conner's death to Harm. He'd come to love that little baby nearly as deeply as he did Lucy, DJ, and Matthew and Mac knew he'd deeply grieve her loss, especially with the fear of Lucy's death still so close to their minds and hearts.

When Mac finally made it home she found the kitchen near spotless, Lucy and DJ's lights turned out, Trish's light shining under the guest room door, and Harm sound asleep in his wheelchair with Matthew in his arms.

Matthew turned his face toward his mother's scent and fussed to be held by her. The baby's squirming in his arms caused Harm to wake and automatically try to soothe the infant.

"Ssh," Harm whispered to his son. "Ssh, Daddy's here."

Mac moved so she was in Harm's line of vision. "So is Mommy. I just got home, I have a feeling he's hungry."

"You'd know that the best of anyone," Harm laughed and handed Mac their little boy. "How's everything at the hospital? Ana and Maggie, are they okay?"

"Ana will be okay eventually," Mac said softly trying to cushion the blow of Maggie's death with as many hints as she could muster. "AJ and her sister Jean are with her and they'll help her through this."

"What about Maggie, Sarah?" Harm asked, his voice taking on an edge with his nervousness. Mac could tell the depth of his fear by his use of her given name.

"Maggie didn't make it, Harm," Mac said as quickly as possible. "She was just hurt too badly for them to save her. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I know she…"

Harm held out his hands as if to stop Mac's words. "Stop. Just, just stop for now, I don't want to hear any of that or…" He paused and took a deep breath. "I mean Jesus! She was just a baby. She was only a baby. My God!"

"Harm, I have no idea what you must be feeling right now," Mac said gently trying not to judge him for his reaction to the situation.

"Mac, I need a minute. Would you finish feeding Matthew in his room?" Harm requested, his voice choked with tears he was trying desperately not to shed.

"Of course," Mac agreed, lifting the baby and quickly taking him to the nursery to be fed, changed, and rocked back to sleep.

It took Mac just under an hour to get Matthew back to sleep. She wasn't surprised though, when she found Harm sitting in the same place as he had been before she'd left only this time he had barely dried tear tracks on his cheeks. Mac approached him carefully, as she might a wounded animal, unsure of how he'd react to her offers of comfort, security, and love, he'd been so unpredictable lately. Still, Mac couldn't stand the thought of Harm in pain without at least trying to offer comfort and love.

When he didn't move towards or away from her as Mac approached, she reached out and touched his unshaven cheek, stroking lightly, brushing her thumb along the tear stains. "You should come to bed," she whispered keeping up the hypnotic rhythm with her fingertips. "You have a busy day tomorrow, with therapy and Lucy…"

Harm leaned into Mac's touch and lifted his eyes to hers. Mac could see the warring emotions in the blue orbs and knew what Harm needed and wanted from her without one word from his lips.

"Yes," she whispered so softly Harm could barely hear her. "If that is what you need, yes. Let's get into bed."

Mac took control of the situation and pushed Harm's wheelchair to their bedroom. She set the brakes once it was directly next to the bed but instead of bending to help him from the chair she knelt at his feet and lay her head upon his lap just for a second before reaching out to undo his belt buckle and untuck his shirt.

Harm grasped Mac's hands to stop their work and pulled her closer to him. Mac sensed his desire and wrapped her arms around his neck parting her lips slightly to receive his kiss. Harm always used kisses and touches to speak the feelings in his soul he couldn't find the words to describe out loud. In his kiss tonight, Mac felt so much coming from him: pain, anger, fear, but more importantly trust, gratitude, and love. As Mac returned Harm's kisses she tried to convey the feelings of comfort, acceptance, and commitment to him, his recovery, and everything about him that made him the man she loved. It was a lot to say in just a kiss, so as Harm pulled her closer Mac began to run her hand up and down his chest, once, twice, three times before resuming her task of removing his shirt.

As Mac unbuttoned Harm's shirt and pushed it off his shoulders she had to bite back the gasp that was always on her lips when she saw him unclothed. The time in the hospital had wreaked havoc on his physique but Mac still found him desirable and attractive. She knew that soon he'd be well again, walking and playing with their children, and re-developing his solid wall of strength for her to rest her head upon at night.

Harm shivered at the feeling of Mac's hands on his bare chest. She'd always had the ability to take his breath away with a single movement or touch. He responded to her gestures by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to him, cherishing the feel of the one woman he loved above all else safe in his arms, close to his heart.

If someone asked him later exactly how he and Mac managed to transition him from his wheelchair to their bed without breaking the contact they both needed so desperately, Harm wouldn't be able to answer with any certainty. All he knew was that two hours after he'd received some of the worst news of his life, next to Lucy's illness and Mac's divorcing him, he lay with Mac's body wrapped around his, limbs entwined with one another so tightly they seemed to belong to only one person. Mac had her head nestled in the crook of Harm's arm, her hand tracing the circumference of his left nipple and playing with the curls on his chest.

Harm crushed Mac to him with the arm he had wrapped around her shoulders and softly stroked her arm. Her skin was so soft and always had the sweetest scent. He dropped a kiss on the top of Mac's head and cuddled her even closer.

"What are you thinking about?" Mac asked enjoying the closeness of Harm's body even more so because the reason was not medical in nature.

"So many things Mac," Harm whispered into her hair. "I'm remembering a night like this one less than a year ago, at Ana's. Maggie's breathing was coming through the baby monitor, nice and peaceful, when all of a sudden she let out a wail loud enough to wake the dead and nothing Ana could do would settle her down. I took her just to give Ana a break really and held her in snug and close like I did with Lucy and DJ and slowly but surely she stopped crying and fell asleep in my arms. That was always a precious experience for me, to hold a baby and make her feel safe enough to sleep in my arms…"

Harm's voice cracked again, remembering that Maggie was dead and Mac placed gentle kisses along his chest in comfort. "You've always had a way with babies, especially little girls."

"Watching Lucy battle the cancer and after her first treatments going home to Ana and Maggie…It was so hard to look at that happy, chubby, little baby and remember when Lucy was like that after seeing her huddled in your arms vomiting and crying," Harm confessed. "It seems kind of odd doesn't it, that the strong, healthy baby is gone and the weak, sick little girl is still alive and getting better all the time. Life is funny that way."

"Yeah, it is," Mac sighed. "But, and I want you to remember this whenever you are feeling down, that weak, sick little girl would be dead if it wasn't for you loving her enough to put her needs before your own, and no matter what happens the rest of our lives, I will never stop being grateful for that. Never."

"I've told you before and I will again, no matter what function I regain or don't, no matter if I'm out of the cockpit or the Navy, no matter if I live with pain in my legs for the rest of my life, I will never regret what I did, not ever," Harm declared. "I loved Maggie, Mac, and if things had worked out differently, if Ana and had I stayed together, if you and I had remained apart, I might have come to feel a father's love for her, but she'd never have been mine, ours, she'd never have been what Lucy is to me. As much as I love our sons and I do…"

"I know," Mac said, shushing him with a finger to his lips. "You don't have to tell me. I can see it and it's part of what makes me love you so much."

Harm squeezed Mac closer to him and kissed her hair once again, "I love you, too, Mac, more than at any other time in my life, and I've loved you from the minute we met."

Mac's eyes misted over at the declaration from Harm. She knew he loved her but to hear him say so in the afterglow of their lovemaking always struck a chord deep inside of her heart. Mac continued to lay curled into Harm's side as the sleep he'd earned with all he'd done that day and night claimed him, making his chest rise up and down in a hypnotic rhythm soothing even Mac's worried and weary soul into the peaceful realm that was sleep.

**Coming Soon: Ana begins her recovery with AJ, Harm steps in to help with Tony's defense, Lucy struggles with her schoolwork and clashes with Harm, and Mac considers taking a job at Maureen McAuliffe's firm. (For those who may not recall, Maureen was Harm's divorce attorney.)**

**Later: Francesca arrives in need of help, Harm confronts Mac about the family finances, and Cynthia's killer is revealed.**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Tissue Warning! This chapter deals with the aftermath of Maggie's death. **

**I do know own the characters of JAG, this is just for fun. Thank to Jan for her suggestions, comments, and proofreading.**

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
Manassas, VA  
May 13, 2007  
0814 EST**

Mac rolled over and stretched her arms out to the sides. On one side her arm came in contact with air, on the other side it connected with cold sheets. Mac opened her eyes and scanned the bedroom for Harm. He had been able to get himself in and out of bed for a few weeks but she usually felt or heard him moving.

A quick check of her internal clock told Mac told her it was after 8 AM and a contemplation of the heaviness in her chest told her that Matthew had been due to eat over an hour ago. Quickly, Mac swung her legs over the side of the bed and donned her robe. She slid her feet into a pair of old house slippers and went in search of her husband and too quiet children. At first Mac thought Trish had taken the family out for breakfast, but she quickly remembered that Frank had come to town and the couple had spent the night at the Watergate Hotel in Washington, D.C.

As soon as Mac opened the bedroom door she could smell the tantalizing scent of waffles, bacon, coffee, and cinnamon rolls. Following her nose and her stomach, Mac went to the kitchen to see Harm and the children seated at the breakfast table all sporting genuine Rabb smiles. Across the kitchen counter was a construction paper banner sporting the words, "Happy Mother's Day!"

Mac could tell Harm had done the lettering because it was clear and precise. Lucy had signed her name on the top corner. Harm had spent a good amount of his teaching time helping her learn to make letters in cursive script, something she still struggled with given the fine motor coordination it required. DJ had drawn a picture of the family, he was quite the little artist and Mac could tell one family member from the other very easily. Matthew had contributed with his tiny hand and foot prints above and below the word "mother." Mac was deeply touched.

"Oh my goodness!" Mac exclaimed going to her family with her arms wide open to hug them all. DJ slid off his seat and started running towards her. He collided with her leg and held on tight. Mac leaned over and lifted DJ into her arms hugging him to her as she carried him towards the rest of the family. She set DJ down in his booster seat and leaned over to hug Lucy and Matthew before finally placing a loving kiss on Harm's lips. "Thank you all so much," Mac whispered around the emotion in her throat.

Harm took Mac's hands into his and met her eyes, "Thank you, Sweetheart. Now… how about some breakfast?"

"I helped make the batter," Lucy said, rolling herself into the proper place.

"I got the sauce out," DJ announced.

"Syrup," Harm corrected. "The word for what we have on waffles is syrup."

"It looks like sauce," DJ defended.

"It does, doesn't it?" Harm agreed. "Syrup is another word for sauce, a very sweet sauce."

DJ accepted his father's explanation and waited to be served his breakfast. Harm served Mac first, it was after all her day, then gave the proper portions to each of the children before settling himself at the head of the table and beginning to eat his own breakfast. Mac had to pause halfway through the meal to change her clothes. The excitement of the morning and Matthew's contentment had temporarily distracted her from the need to express some breast milk. Still, this time with her family, happy and together, was worth it, especially in light of the knowledge that just a few days ago, two very strong men had sat on the sofa with tears of grief for one mother's child who was not with her this Mother's Day and would never be with her again. In remembering that, Mac again felt a pang of sadness for a woman she didn't know well but who had been an important part of her family's life and if AJ had his way, always would be.

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
May 11, 2007  
2042 EST**

"And they lived "Happily Ever After"," Lucy read proudly before closing the book of Fairy Tales Harm was using to help her with her oral reading skills "The End!" Lucy shifted on Harm's lap," Daddy?"

"Yes, Button?" Harm answered cuddling her close to him.

"Why do the stories always end when the princess gets married?" Lucy asked. "Why don't we see them have babies and do things like real people do?"

"Well, Lucy," Harm sighed. " When you're a little older you'll understand a bit more about things like that then you do right now, but for a lot of people, the things that happen before a couple gets married, like dates and balls and parties, that's the fun part people want to hear about and remember because it's special. Not that having babies and a family isn't, but there are things that couples do as parents that aren't very interesting to read about in a book. Things like helping with homework, giving a bath, changing a messy diaper like the one Matthew made earlier. You wouldn't want to read a book about that, would you?"

Lucy emphatically shook her head, "NO. That was stinky."

Harm laughed, "That it was. Now, let Daddy put you back in your chair and you say goodnight to Mommy and Nana. Then it's bedtime, okay?"

"Yes, Daddy," Lucy agreed and held still so Harm could move her into her own wheelchair.

As Lucy moved towards the living room where Mac was nursing Matthew and Trish was reading a book, the door bell rang. Mac and Trish looked at each other quizzically; it was very late for anyone to be calling on them.

Trish was about to get up when Harm came into the room behind Lucy. "I've got it, Mom," he said going to the door while Lucy continued towards her mother.

Lucy caught sight of the visitor before Harm had a chance to greet him or invite him inside so she brightly announced the identity of their evening caller, "Uncle AJ!"

"AJ," Harm greeted quietly. He could see the weariness around the retired Admiral's eyes, a weariness he'd worn too often in his own. "Come on in. Lucy, come say hi and goodnight to Uncle AJ. It's bedtime."

Harm knew how much his daughter loved AJ, but he could sense the older man's need for adult companionship and candid conversation.

AJ met Lucy halfway and lifted her out of her wheelchair. "How is my girl, huh?" he asked, holding her close.

"Good," Lucy replied snuggling into her favorite 'uncle.' "Daddy is teaching me how to do handwriting and minuses with three numbers on the top."

"Do you like having Daddy as your teacher?" AJ asked as he carefully set Lucy back into her chair.

'Yeah, he's funny," Lucy said giggling as AJ tickled her tummy.

"That's one word for him," Mac piped up. "Say goodnight to Uncle AJ, Lucy. You have therapy in the morning so let's get you into bed."

Harm smiled at Mac, grateful that she was taking care of Lucy even though it was his turn. Trish realized by the look on AJ's and Harm's faces that they needed to talk to one another, so she excused herself as well, leaving the two men alone. Harm wheeled himself to the kitchen table and motioned for AJ to join him. "You want some coffee or something?"

"Got any Scotch?" AJ asked sarcastically knowing Harm and Mac never had anything stronger than beer in the house, and that was locked in a garage refrigerator.

"I don't think that's the answer," Harm sighed. "In fact I know it isn't. How's Ana doing?"

"She's recovering well," A J responded, accepting the can of soda Harm offered in place of anything stronger. "She's coming home from the hospital tomorrow and Jeannie and I think it's best she stay with me instead of alone in her apartment or at Jeannie's with their kids around, so that's what we're going to do for now."

"How is she otherwise?" Harm asked knowing the depth of Ana's love for her daughter. He'd seen it so many times, and of course, Maggie had been all Ana had left of her life with Michael. Losing her was in a way like losing him all over again.

"She's all over the place," AJ sighed. "Really, she'll cry and sob like it's the end of her world, and I realize it is, then the next minute she'll calm and tell me she knows Maggie will be okay because she's with her Daddy now and he'll take good care of her forever."

"I can't imagine what she's going through, AJ," Harm admitted sadly. "I got close a few times with Lucy and then once with DJ, they had Mac bring in the priest for him, but I just have no idea what I'd feel in Ana's place. I don't mind telling you I've been doing my fair share of crying for that little girl. Have you?"

AJ looked up at Harm, his expression almost one of surprise. Why would he be grieving for little Maggie? She was Ana's daughter and it was his job as Ana's companion, lover, and friend to support her and see her through these dark times. It wasn't his place to focus on his own grief. "I didn't have that relationship with Maggie, Harm," AJ offered as an excuse. "You knew her a lot longer and in a different way."

Harm's eyes had misted over in talking about Maggie and a tear slid down his cheek. He wiped at it quickly, this was AJ's moment whether he would admit it or not, this was his time to feel.

"Doesn't mean I loved her any more or any differently," Harm countered. "Doesn't mean you loved her any less."

AJ swallowed hard, the conversation bringing up emotions he preferred to keep hidden. He rose from the table. "Ana is coming home tomorrow and I had a lot of things for Maggie at my house, a high chair, some little clothes and toys and books and DVDs; there are also some diapers and I was wondering if you'd mind, you can use what you want for Matthew and put the rest away for him when he's older or you can give it away. I don't want any of it going to waste and I don't want Analiese to see it, it'll only make it harder on her."

"Sure, bring it all in and Mac will have a look at what we can use. I think it's a good idea. We'll hold onto it for awhile," Harm agreed. "Need a hand?"

"Nope, I just piled everything into the high chair and toy box. I'll just be a minute," AJ murmured, making a hasty retreat.

It took AJ only ten minutes to gather the items from his SUV and bring them inside. Harm asked AJ to leave them in the living room until he had a chance to talk to Mac about where she wanted them to go.

He was worried about AJ. He knew the spot in his heart for children was softer than cotton, he had to be hurting both for Ana and for himself. While AJ worked Harm relocated to the living room. He was getting stiff sitting in the wheelchair so he maneuvered himself from it to the sofa. He loved to sit there at night and think. There was a perfect view of the bookshelves that Mac had rearranged to make room for landmark photos of their children. She'd started with Lucy's ultrasound picture, the hospital portrait, and continued to the picture she'd taken of Lucy in Harm's arms the day they'd both come home from the hospital.

DJ's photographs were on the middle row and Matthew's were on the bottom. He'd made a mental notation to show Mac's handy work to AJ when he got back.

Harm heard the door close and turned his head. AJ saw the empty wheelchair and smiled brightly, "Hey, you're getting around a bit, huh?"

"Not really, not yet, but I've learned to use what I have to make up for what I don't," Harm sighed. "It'll get there. Grab your soda and have a seat."

"I really need to be going," AJ protested but sat down next to Harm anyway without the can of soda.

"I wanted you to see what Mac did with that old bookshelf Admiral Boone stuck us with when we got this house," Harm told him chuckling at the memory of Mac's face when the huge piece of antique furniture was delivered.

"Oh would you look at that?" AJ smiled. "And there is plenty of room to add more as they grow. That is a wonderful idea, but Mac was always talented like that. "

"Hey, I've got my share of artistic talent," Harm chuckled scanning Mac's handiwork again. As he did a new photograph Mac had added caught his eye. It was one taken at his last birthday party with Lucy on one of his knees and Maggie on the other. Harm remembered how his heart had swelled holding both of the precious little girls in his life warm, close, and safe and his eyes began to burn with tears.

AJ continued looking at the pictures for a moment but turned his head when he heard Harm bite back a sob. AJ's face softened a minute, "Lucy's getting well son," AJ comforted before following the path of the younger man's gaze.

A minute later AJ's eyes fell on the picture that tugged at Harm's heart. He'd taken the photograph and remembered very well the events of the day. What he noticed then and now was the sharp contrast between the two little girls on Harm's lap. Maggie sat there bright eyed, rosy cheeked, and with a full head of unruly curls flashing a winning smile that mirrored her mother's exactly. Lucy sat with her bald head covered by a baseball cap AJ had bought for her and her pale cheek resting against her father's shoulder. When the photo was taken less than a year ago no one would have ever believed that today they would be grieving for the smiling, chubby-cheeked little girl with curly brown hair and raising the sick hollow-cheeked little girl with the totally bald head. It just went to show how strange life really could be at times.

AJ felt his throat tighten and tried to keep his mind on other things, on other happier times. He continued to look at the pictures of Lucy, DJ, and Matthew, many of which he'd taken only to have his eyes fall on one of Lucy at her third birthday party. She had a noise maker in her hand and chocolate cake across her face while flashing a megawatt smile. She looked so happy and carefree. AJ wondered fleetingly if that was how Maggie would have looked when she celebrated her third birthday in January. Now he'd never get to know.

At some point during his musings AJ must have released the tight grip he'd had on his emotions because suddenly his cheeks felt wet and Harm had placed a strong hand on his shoulder. AJ turned to look into Harm's eyes and saw his grief and pain mirrored in the ice blue gaze. Both men were crying silent tears, each understand the feelings of the other. Not a single word was spoken, no words were necessary from either man; each father fully understood the feelings of loss and helplessness that were dripping in rivulets down the other's face.

As quickly as the emotions had risen and fallen, they were gone. AJ rose from the sofa and thanked Harm for his help with Maggie's things, then quickly left for home to prepare for Ana's homecoming.

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
Manassas, VA  
May 13, 2007  
0851 EST**

"You're thinking about Ana, aren't you?" Harm asked Mac when he noticed she was not finishing her waffle with her usual gusto.

Mac nodded, "My heart breaks for her, Harm. It truly breaks for her."

**AJ Chegwidden's Residence  
McLean, VA  
May 13, 2007  
0928 EST**

AJ stepped out of the shower in a pair of running pants and a t-shirt. Ana looked up at him from her position in his large comfortable bed. He walked towards her and sat down beside her.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," AJ greeted gently brushing a piece of hair off her forehead. "How do you feel?"

"Achy but a little less tired," Ana replied. "You smell good."

"Thank you. I hoped you'd like it. I used your shampoo," AJ joked and Ana laughed lightly but soon grimaced in pain.

"Easy, honey," AJ soothed. "You aren't up to much laughing just yet. How about some breakfast? I'll make you anything you want."

"I'm not hungry AJ," Ana sighed. "All I really want…"

AJ knew where this was leading, "Ana, you couldn't have handled the trip to Schuyler in your condition. The roads are better up there but they're still bumpy and uneven. You wouldn't have been able to withstand…"

"I know," Ana agreed. "I just wanted to see my family so badly, that's all."

AJ nodded and snuggled Ana close. He didn't want to remind her she'd be seeing her parents in a few days time if she wasn't thinking about it that second. "I know, I know."

"AJ, would you mind bringing me the phone? I'd like to call Mama before we get to watching all those movies you rented for us. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean I shouldn't wish her a Happy…" Ana's voice caught and broke a moment but she recovered quickly and offered a shaky smile.

"Not at all," AJ replied."That's a wonderful idea. While you talk to your mom I'll go…"

"No!" Ana protested urgently. "No, please stay with me while I call her. Please, AJ."

"Ssh," AJ soothed. "Okay, Sweetheart. Okay, I'll stay. Just let me get the phone and you can dial her."

Ana punched in her parent's number then waited as the phone rang. "Hello, Williams residence," Ana heard through the receiver.

"Hey Paul," Ana greeted her older brother. "Back from church already?"

"Just back," Paul replied. "How are you feeling? Ribs healing up?"

"Slow but sure," Ana told him keeping her words short so she'd not run out of breath too quickly. "I'm calling for Mama."

"Sure, hang on," Paul said and hollered for their mother to pick up the phone.

"Hello," Mrs. Williams said taking the phone from her son.

"Hi, Mama," Ana began. "Happy Mot…"

That was all she could manage before dissolving into tears and curling tightly into AJ's arms. She let the phone drop to the mattress and turned her head away. AJ lifted the abandoned handset and spoke, "Mrs. Williams, this is AJ Chegwidden. Ana can't talk just now, she's not quite up to that but she wanted to call and wish you the best today." AJ chose his words very carefully so as to avoid saying the word "mother" in Ana's hearing.

"Thank you for tending to her, Mr. Chegwidden," Ana's mother said clearly grateful to this man for caring so much about her daughter. "Let Ana know that her Daddy and I will be down Wednesday to help her with the service and things. We wanted to be there sooner but the business just didn't allow for that when things were postponed like they were."

"I'll make sure she knows," AJ assured her. "I understand about business. I missed a lot of things being in the Navy as long as I was. I'll look forward to meeting you and Mr. Williams though I wish I wasn't, given the reason."

Ana's mother agreed with that and soon the call was ended. Ana had dozed off while AJ was speaking to her mother, which gave him a moment to call and speak to Mac about their Wednesday dinner with Tony and Cassie Marino. The meeting had already been postponed once and AJ hated to leave Mac in the lurch but he had to be with Ana when her parents arrived. Perhaps Mac could change the meeting.

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
Manassas, VA  
May 13, 2007  
0959 EST**

"Hello?" Mac said cheerily into the phone. Once she'd gotten her feelings about Ana off her chest Mac had enjoyed the meal Harm and her children had made for her.

"Hi, Mac," AJ said smiling at how happy her voice was. She'd earned a nice Mother's Day. "You're having a special day over there?"

"Yes, we are," Mac said beaming from ear to ear. "How is Ana doing?"

"She's up and down," AJ answered. "She tried to call her mom and that didn't go well. She's asleep now which is why I'm calling. Ana's parents are due in on Wednesday to see her and help with the service and everything so I can't make the meeting with Tony and Cassie. I know how important it is that we double team them to find out what's what in their marriage but…"

"You have to do what you have to do," Mac agreed, fully understanding. "Don't worry about it at all, AJ. I'll find a substitute."

The call ended and Mac looked over at Harm who was supervising DJ's haphazard effort at wiping down the table. Mac went to Harm and slid onto his lap. "I'll miss doing this when you get out of this thing," Mac laughed lightly kissing him on the nose. "I need a favor Sailor…"

**In coming chapters: Harm and Mac team up to clear Tony of Cynthia's murder. AJ clashes with Analiese's mother and father. Harm and Mac's financial issues begin to cause concern while Harm's slow recovery frustrates him.**

**Later: Francesca arrives with a secret only to learn her father's has one or two of his own. Mac takes a job and encounters and old nemisis. Lucy begins to make strides in her recovery but Harm resists doing so regarding his.**


	31. Chapter 31

**_A/N 1: Thanks to Jan for reading this over to catch my many typos and for helping me stick with a regular schedule. Please see author's notes at end for coming attractions and an important announcement. Please indicate in your reviews or PMs how you would like me to handle the modifications that may be necessary. You are all loyal readers and I want to try to please all of you._**

**Tony and Cassie Morano's Residence  
Cleveland Park, Washington D.C.  
May 16, 2007  
1640 EST**

"I just don't understand why I have to go," Cassie protested for the third time since Tony had informed her of Mac's request that she join them for dinner to go over the defense. "It's your case, I'm going to support you not matter what, but that doesn't mean I have to be there to strategize over it."

"I don't know why she asked that you come Cassandra, but she did and she's the attorney. If she wants you to be there at the dinner, you are going to be there," Tony said firmly. "Don't forget to use the special shampoo and soap in the shower."

"What kinds of people require you to wash with a certain kind of soap?" Cassie grumbled under her breath but not soft enough for it to escape Tony's hearing.

He came up close to her and practically hissed in her ear. He couldn't believe this was the woman he'd married 18 years ago. She'd been so different since she'd moved back home. "The kind who almost buried their child a few months ago and are still watching her fight like a dog against leukemia, but will still take time out to help me become free from this stupid murder charge. Those kind of people."

Cassie didn't say anything more after that, she simply took the shampoo and soap and went to take her shower.

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
Manassas, VA  
May 16, 2007  
1645 EST**

"Harm, honey, please relax," Mac commanded as she watched Harm fuss with the cheese and cracker display for the tenth time since he'd begun preparing it.

"I want it to look right, Mac," Harm protested. "It might be one of the only things I can still do around here so at least I can do it well."

"Harm, are we going to go down that road again?" Mac asked trying to keep her frustration at Harm's new "I'm useless" attitude in check. She needed his entire brain on duty tonight and couldn't afford to have him off sulking.

"Why not?" Harm snapped. "That's what you're always telling me."

"What am I always telling you?" Mac asked, totally uncertain of what he meant.

"Harm, you can't do that, let me do it," Harm parroted. "Or 'Harm, I can stir that sauce, you'll tire yourself out.' The list goes on forever, Mac."

"I'm trying to help you get well," Mac replied trying to reason with him. "You need to work yourself to get there, I agree, but you also need to eat right and to rest. I want you to be chasing Matthew around this house when he starts walking and you won't be able to do that if you don't start taking care of yourself."

Harm nodded, "I'm sorry, Mac," he sighed. "It's just very hard to go from fighter pilot to this. Sometimes I forget it's just as hard on you."

Before Mac could accept or acknowledge Harm's apology the phone rang. He reached over to answer it, "Rabb," he said in greeting. He paused while the caller spoke then, "Hey, Maureen. You were probably the last person I expected to be calling me. What's up?"

Mac bit down hard on the inside of her cheek. She'd seen an ad on-line for a criminal law position at Struchen, McAuliffe, and Clark, the same firm that had represented Harm in the custody battle, and had applied on a lark hoping she'd get a chance to interview. After talking several times with the staffing firm that represented them, Maureen McAuliffe's assistant finally called her for a phone interview. Now, it appeared Mac had advanced to the final step in the process. Their financial situation was getting tighter by the week and while Trish had offered a generous loan, Mac could not bring herself to accept just yet. She knew that Harm's pride would suffer a huge hit at the knowledge she had to go back to work and hoped to have the job offer before telling him. It appeared fate had other ideas.

"Mac," Harm's voice broke into Mac's musings. "Phone's for you."

Mac took the receiver and listened carefully to what Maureen was telling her. Half of her mind was on Harm and what she'd say to him when he asked why she was looking to go back to work, but this was too important for her to make a mistake. "Friday at 11 AM is fine, Ms. McAuliffe. Thank you."

Mac turned the phone off and glanced at Harm who to her surprise was smiling at her. "Got the interview, did you?" he asked

Mac nodded, "Yes, Friday at 11 AM," she affirmed. "I was going to wait until I knew I'd get the interview…Wait, how did you know I was trying for an interview."

"You should use a password if you don't want anyone to see what you're working on, Mac. The screen came up when I went to check my email. You'd been on before me and didn't log out, so I saw your resume and the cover letter. I'm so proud of you, honey. C'mere."

Mac hurried to Harm and sat on his lap. "I really am going to miss this when you are out of the chair. I've got the best seat in the house ready and waiting anytime, anyplace."

Harm claimed Mac's lips in a deep kiss and held her tight. "Go finish getting Lucy ready, I'll keep an eye on things out here."

Mac slid off Harm's lap and went to Lucy's room. The little girl was struggling with her hair ribbon, trying to make it stay in the baby fine hair that had begun to cover her scalp. "Do you want Mommy to help you?" Mac asked from the doorway seeing Lucy's frustrated expression; she'd seen it too often lately. It was an exact copy of her father's.

"I can't get this bow in my hair, Mommy," Lucy complained, complete with a trademark Rabb pout.

Mac smiled at her daughter, "I know, Baby. Let me help you, okay?"

Gently Mac took the bow from Lucy and placed her hands in the little girl's hair. Mac smoothed it into shape and expertly secured the bow in its place. She turned Lucy around so she could look into her daughter's soft blue eyes. "You are so pretty, Baby."

"Oh, no I'm not," Lucy protested fervently.

"Oh yes, you are," Mac countered gently. "With those big blue eyes and gorgeous smile and a cute button nose." Mac tipped her head forward and rubbed her nose on Lucy's.

"And stringy hair and no lashes and ugly fingers," Lucy pouted, pulling away from her mother.

"Oh, Lucy," Mac sighed sadly. "Sweetheart, your hair is growing back more everyday and soon you'll see you have eyelashes and fingernails again. Those things only happened because you were sick, the medicine made that happen. But you know what?"

Lucy shook her head, still frowning, "What?"

"None of those things makes you any more or less beautiful," Mac tried to explain. "Being beautiful doesn't come from pretty hair or long eyelashes or even beautiful smiles. It comes from what's inside of you, what's down deep in your heart. That's what really counts."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better," Lucy challenged her mother.

Mac raised her eyebrows and replied with gentle firmness, "I'm saying that because it's true. Now, why don't you go get DJ and help Daddy in the kitchen while Mommy gives Matthew a new diaper before he meets the company?"

Lucy nodded and rolled herself down the hallway, calling for DJ to get ready and go to the kitchen. Mac laughed at the drill sergeant tone in her little girl's voice. She might make a decent Marine yet.

**1938 EST**

Tony and Cassie seemed to have enjoyed the meal Harm and Mac had prepared for them and it was clear that Cassie loved children and education. She and Harm had talked almost the entire supper about ways that he could help Lucy stay focused on her studies and progress through the material more quickly. Now, though, Trish had returned home and was taking the children through their bedtime rituals so the adults could talk about Tony's defense.

"Mac has enlightened me as to the murky details surrounding Cynthia's death," Harm began biting the tip of his chocolate covered strawberry. "First, Tony, I really owe you a thank you for supporting Mac the day of the bone marrow transplant. Your talk meant a lot to her and to me." Harm looked at Mac when he said this, eyes shining with more emotion than he ever readily expressed in front of anyone outside their tight inner circle.

"I think it was clear we were both in a considerable amount of pain that day," Tony acknowledged.

"I was never really aware of any of my children actually having surgery," Harm said setting the bait he felt might reveal the answers Mac needed to go further in her case. "Mac and I were divorcing when Lucy had to have her tonsils out and I wasn't informed that was going on until after it occurred and then of course this time I was under anesthesia at the same time Lucy was so I never had to actually sit through that. I can imagine how hard that is, even for something like appendix or tonsils…"

Mac shook her head. He was going right for the jugular on this case hoping to expose Cassie and Tony's feelings about Cynthia in one fell swoop. She listened intently, watching as Harm turned his steel aviator gaze on both Morano spouses.

"Robert is our only child," Cassie offered as an excuse for Tony's behavior when he'd encountered Mac in the chapel. Mac could tell by her tone and phrasing that she prayed that was the reason for Tony's upset that day, but everyone in the room knew that it wasn't.

"Mrs. Morano, " Harm said flatly. "I have three children who I love more than my own life. In fact, I am in this wheelchair because of a sacrifice I made for my daughter and I do not regret that decision for a single second. Still, I find it very difficult to comprehend that a man with the street experience of a D.C. homicide detective would be as moved by the idea of his otherwise healthy 14 year old son having his appendix removed. Mac was a Marine; she's seen a lot of tough things in her life and met a lot of tough people, but what happened in that chapel left enough of an impact on her that she told me about it months later. I'm sorry, as much as Tony must love your son, that couldn't have been the only reason he was in the chapel that day. It just wasn't."

"With all due respect," Cassie began.

"Cassandra," Tony interjected. "He's right. You know he is." He nodded at Harm. "Robert is my world, like I'm sure your kids are, but added to the worry for him was the knowledge that Cynthia had weeks or maybe just days left to live. She was in horrible pain, that's all she'd say when I was visiting her - how much pain she was in and how little the medication was helping her. "

"Hard to hear, isn't it?" Harm asked. "Mac was diagnosed with endometriosis almost four years ago and seeing her in that kind of pain was torture, absolute torture for me. There was nothing I could do for her, nothing I could say, just nothing, and I've heard the pain from cancer is so much more intense. I saw Lucy …" Harm's voice trailed off.

"She begged me daily to put her out of her misery, to help her, to do anything to help her," Tony confessed to Harm as his throat choked up and his voice cracked with tears.

"He spent every minute at that hospital with her," Cassie sighed, clearly still upset about that fact. "That wasn't enough for her but he did it anyway."

"Someone had to be there for her, Cassie," Tony defended wearily, as if it was second nature.

"Doesn't mean it had to be you," Cassie retorted and pushed her seat back from the table, retrieved her jacket from the coat rack, and walked out the door.

Mac looked at Harm and after only a second of hesitation followed Cassie outside leaving Tony and Harm to finish their talk, man to man.

"All I'm saying is I know what it's like," Harm said. He truly did sympathize with Tony having to watch someone he cared about suffer so much. "It's just us here now, no one else to overhear, no one who might get hurt. It's hard watching someone you love like I love Mac or like you loved Cynthia in that much pain isn't it?"

Tony nodded, dark eyes filling with tears. "She begged me," Tony confided to Harm. "God, how she begged me."

"And you helped her, didn't you? You didn't actually administer the medication but you gave her the pills so that she could medicate herself. You did help her like she asked you to do? Didn't you?" Harm pressed. "All you had to do was get her the medicine. She was strong enough, stronger than you were, once you brought her the drugs all she had to do was swallow them right?" Harm continued. "Mac and AJ aren't here, Tony. It's just you and me, all you have to do is say 'Yes' and this whole thing can get a lot easier. Tell me the truth, and we'll help you, but you have to tell me the truth."

Tony's sharp brown eyes met Harm's ice blue ones. He took a deep breath and held Harm's gaze. "All right," Tony agreed. "I will."

**_A/N: Sadly, I recently found out that I will be beginning another round of chemotherapy for the cancer I've been battling these last few years. I still plan to update regularly though that might mean more updates of shorter chapters or regular length chapters 10 days apart instead of 7 days, but it will not mean I'll resume my long hiatus between postings. I am dedicated to finishing this story and updating regularly. Please share with me which posting method you'd prefer and I'll do my best to work with it._**

**_I hope to post 32 shortly which will deal with Harm and Mac discussing the supper with the Moranos and AJ making the acquaintance of Analiese's family. Thanks for reading._**

**_Coming Soon: Harm continues to dismiss Lucy's therapists as well as his own. Will it take his little girl to teach him a valuable lesson? Mac starts a new job as Tony's case comes to a close._**


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: Thank you for reading and for understanding my current situation. I'll now begin updating when chapters are available but I will do my best not to have any long pauses without notice. Please enjoy.

Special thanks to Jan for proofing this and helping me when I write into a corner.

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
Manassas, VA  
2020 EST  
May 16, 2007

Cassie was in tears by the time Mac caught up with her at the end of the driveway. Mac took a few running steps and intercepted her before she retreated into her car. "Cassandra, wait!" Mac used her given name hoping to somehow connect with this puzzling woman.

Cassie stopped and turned to look at Mac. "I'm sorry," she whispered in apology. "I shouldn't have run out like that. It's just…"

"I know what it feels like, Cassie," Mac empathized. "I know what it feels like to think of your husband with another woman. It makes you mad, it makes you sick, it even makes you crazy sometimes, but mostly it just makes you hurt, doesn't it?"

"Tony swore he never slept with her even when I was working in Raleigh, and I believe him. Tony's Catholic, devout Catholic, he'd never blatantly betray our vows like that," Cassie explained, swiping at her tears. "But he loved her so much more than he loves me. She's dead two months and he still cries for her like it was yesterday."

"Harm swears he didn't love her," Mac said echoing Cassie's confession to fit her own situation. "It wasn't even an ongoing thing. Just a one night stand with an ex-girlfriend at a dirty motel in Mexico, but it was enough to rip a lot of old wounds wide open again and get them bleeding. Finally, everything we'd sat on over the years, every hurt feeling, every wounded bit of pride, it all festered and we dragged each other nearly to Hell and back."

"But you seem so devoted to each other," Cassie said, honestly thinking Mac was pulling her leg. "You don't have to pretend…"

"Who's pretending?" Mac held out her left hand and exposed her bare ring finger. "We're trying to put our lives back together for Lucy, for DJ and Matthew, even for ourselves, but we're a long way from there."

"Sometimes I'm not sure if what I have with Tony any more is worth saving," Cassie sighed. "It's a betrayal no matter what but I'd think there's some difference between a raunchy one nighter and waking up at night to hear your husband dreaming and the name he's calling isn't your own. After a time or two of that you end up hating yourself, wondering what you did wrong. Later, you end up hating her for giving him what you obviously can't, and finally you realize who's really to blame. Still, that's how I know he didn't kill her. He's too selfish, he wanted her with him as long as he could have her, never mind her pain or mine."

Chegwidden Residence  
McLean, VA  
The Same Time

"Are you sure you feel up to this?" AJ fussed over Analiese. It was the first time since the accident she'd sat up all the way for more than a few minutes at a time.

"Yes, stop worrying," Analiese assured him. "I'm so sick of staring at the bedroom ceiling. Besides, the view is much better from this angle." She laughed just a little bit.

"I see,"AJ smiled at the sound of Ana laughing though it only lasted a second. The pair was quiet for a few minutes then AJ spoke up, "It's been a long time since I've met any parents, in this capacity anyway. The last time didn't go too well."

"My parents are Virginians born and bred, you'll be fine. Virginians like everybody," Ana teased in an effort to calm AJ's poorly concealed case of nerves. "Anyway, I'm dating you, not my family. I'd never have made it through this without you."

"I'm just giving you what I wish I'd had when I needed it," AJ confided. "I guess there is something to that old saying, "Do unto others…"

Their conversation was cut short as headlights reflected in the window and car doors were heard closing.

After a minute footsteps were heard on the porch and the doorbell rang. AJ rose to from his perch on the arm of the chair Analiese occupied and went to greet their guests.

The moment AJ opened the door it was clear to see Analiese looked nothing like her mother, she was her father's daughter through and through. Jeannie on the other hand favored Mrs. Williams. AJ was curious who the other six Williams children looked like.

"Mr. and Mrs. Williams, I'm A…" AJ began only to be cut off by Mrs. Williams.

"AJ's father, of course," she said with a smile. "It's nice to meet you. My daughter speaks very highly of your son."

AJ turned beat red with a mixture of anger and embarrassment. He'd expected Ana's parents to question the difference in their ages but he'd never thought he'd be mistakes for his father. Thinking quickly and thanking God for many years of military training in thinking fast, AJ formed his reply. "I'm glad that she does, ma'am. I've tried to be there for her through this ordeal. I'm doing my best though I don't know her very well yet, we've only been seeing each other for a few months."

It was Mrs. Williams' turn to blush as Mr. Williams stepped into the house and offered his hand to AJ. "Good to know you, Sir," he greeted with the bearing of the NCO he was.

"Likewise, Mr. Williams," AJ replied taking the man's hand.

"I think we can forego the Mr. and Mrs. formalities," Mr. Williams said. "I'm Len and she's Mae."

"AJ," he echoed with a nod. "Analiese is in the back room there at the end of the hall. Can I get you coffee or soda?"

"Coffee is fine with me," Len agreed. "Mae?"

"I'll have a Scotch," Mae nearly squeaked out, still trying to recover from her embarrassing faux pas and the surprise that her daughter was involved with a man old enough to be her father.

"She'll have coffee as well," Len interjected. "Let's go see Ana."

AJ retreated to the kitchen and began making the coffee. While he waited for the pot to brew he reached into his freezer and pulled out a nearly full bottle of Vodka. He poured two fingers into a glass and stared at his distorted reflection in the stainless steel fridge doors. "Here's to meeting the future in-laws," he grumbled and downed the shot in one gulp.

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

May 16, 2007

2254 EST

"I'm telling you, Mac, that man is guilty as sin," Harm declared as Mac helped him get comfortable on their bed. "I think he was almost ready to confess it to me too, but then he backed out at the last second."

"Harm, you are wrong about this," Mac said, giving voice to her disagreement as she tucked the blankets around Harm's legs. "You didn't see him that day in the chapel or at the precinct. He's grieving for her so deeply, he couldn't have been the one who hurt her."

"I don't think he hurt her Mac," Harm sighed shifting to get comfortable. "I think he helped her. I don't think for a second he belongs in jail, but I do think he took or helped Cynthia take her life. I really do."

"Harm, honestly," Mac sighed. "Cassie is the one responsible for this, I can feel it in my bones. This was a woman watching her husband sit vigil by his dying partner day after day when he should have been home with his family, never mind the emotional strain it put on him and their marriage. I don't care who you are, it's difficult to go through all that."

"I know," Harm said very quietly. "I know what it's like to sit beside the woman you love and watch her suffer in pain. I know what's it's like to sit by your child and watch her waste away. I know what it feels like to able to do NOTHING to help them, to stand by, watch, and feel totally useless!" As Harm's emotion built so did his voice until he was nearly shouting. Mac was taken aback for a moment at the sharp contrast in his demeanor.

"Harm," she said gently. "Try to calm down; you shouldn't be…"

"Mac, don't tell me to calm down. I can't calm down, because…" Harm's voice tapered off into silence and he swallowed hard.

"Because?" Mac probed.

"I don't want to talk about this now," Harm said sounding almost dejected, like he had when she'd asked him to leave or when Lucy had been diagnosed with leukemia. Mac wanted nothing more than to take him into her arms and hold him tight only when she went to do that Harm turned away.

Mac knew when Harm got this way it was best to back off and let him simmer down. She leaned in and placed a kiss on his temple, "I'm going to get changed and check on the children. I'll be in soon."

Harm nodded and slid himself down in the bed preparing to simulate sleep.

He couldn't tell Mac all the things in his mind, he just couldn't. If she knew what this case and discussion were doing to him he'd lose her forever. If she only knew the thoughts that crossed his mind, she'd never let him near her or their children again.

**In the coming chapters: Harm reveals some secrets close to his heart, AJ discusses his intentions with Ana's father while her mother tries to persuade her to return home. **

**And later: Francesca arrives in need of her father's help, AJ proposes to Analiese, and Cynthia's death proves to be more sinister than one might suspect.**


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: A huge thanks to Jan for proofing this and helping me out of corners when I get stuck on something.

This chapter deals with sensitive subject matter, please read with caution.

I am going to try very hard to get a chapter our by Thursday before I have minor surgery but incase I cannot the next scheduled update will be on or about February 28th. Thanks for everyone for your prayers and good wishes.

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence**

**Manassas, VA**

**May 17, 2007**

**0121 EST**

Matthew's cries came over the baby monitor awakening Mac from a much needed sleep. Quickly she reached out to turn the sound off so Harm wouldn't be disturbed. He hadn't been sleeping well at all lately and he needed every minute of rest he could get in order to heal.

Mac slipped on her robe and hurried to the nursery to meet her youngest child's need for a fully tummy or a dry diaper.

"You have your mommy's sleeping habits, don't you sweet boy?" Mac asked her youngest child as she set him at her breast to nurse. "We'll have to have a talk about this waking up at night bit if Mommy goes back to work. Yes we will," she cooed softly as she rocked, hoping the gentle rhythm would ease the tiny boy back to sleep without much time or effort.

Tomorrow was going to be a rough day at the house; she could already tell by the way Harm was acting. The doctors had advised her to give him time, give him space, let him adjust, but it seemed the more time passed the more frustrated and angry he became. And now his bizarre reaction tonight while discussing the case. He had a lot bottled up inside of him and with Harm that was a recipe for disaster.

Mac lay Matthew back in his crib and placed his coverlet over him to keep him warm. She peaked in on Lucy and DJ to make sure they were still sleeping peacefully, then went back to her own bedroom.

It was clear the moment Mac opened the door that Harm was in the throes of a nightmare. He was lying on his back shifting restlessly every which way, his brow was dripping with perspiration, and his breathing was shallow and way too fast. Mac hurried to his side and tried to wake him.

At first she touched his exposed shoulder with feather light pressure but her touch only seemed to make him more agitated. She increased the pressure and called to him, "Harm. Harm, wake up. It's a only a dream. Come on now…"

It took several minutes of gentle words and firm shakes before Mac's voice broke into Harm's dreams and he jolted awake crying out, "Lucy!"

Harm sat up in bed so quickly when he woke that he nearly knocked Mac onto the floor. He turned his head right and then left and then right again until his wide, terrified eyes fell on Mac's face.

"Ssh," Mac comforted reaching out to pull Harm close to her chest like she would the children. She pressed his cheek against her heart and began a slow hypnotic motion, swaying to and fro while murmuring in his ear. "Ssh, ssh, it's all right," Mac whispered. "It's all right. It was only a bad dream. Lucy is fine; she's in her bed sound asleep, she's fine. Try to slow down your breathing, all right? Just concentrate and try to slow it down."

Harm listened to Mac's voice but really only heard the sound of her tone not the actual words. Still, as her hands stroked his back and her body moved just enough for him to detect a rhythm, Harm was able to calm down enough to speak.

"Oh, Mac, I'm so sorry," Harm confessed from the safety of her embrace.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Harm," Mac soothed. "Just try to relax. Do you want some water or a cup of herbal tea, maybe? Will that help?"

Harm shook his head, "Nothing will help, Mac. Nothing except holding my baby girl in my arms is going to help."

"She's sleeping," Mac reminded him. "But I'm sure tomorrow she'll let you love and cuddle her as much as you want, okay? Do you want to tell me about your dream?"

Harm pulled away from Mac's chest so he could see her face. The look in her eyes was one of concern and tenderness, there was no sign of anger or disgust, but he knew it wouldn't last. "No, but I think I probably should. Could you get me a glass of water first?"

"Of course I can," Mac agreed. "Why don't you lie back, get comfortable, and then when I come back you can tell me anything you need to tell me, all right?"

Harm nodded and let Mac push him back against his pillows before she hurried to the kitchen to get him a glass of ice water. When Mac returned she handed him the glass and frowned when she saw he was still shaking from the effects of his dream. She had to hold the glass steady in order for him to take a sip without spilling water down his chest onto the sheets.

Harm turned his head away when he'd had enough water and Mac placed the cup on the bedside table. Wordlessly she got up and walked to her side of the bed and climbed up onto the mattress not ceasing her movement until she was curled up next to Harm's body. His breathing had evened out but his heart was still pounding in his chest.

Mac slid her arm across his waist and held on tight, showing her love and support and letting Harm know she was there with him whenever he was ready to talk. Finally he swallowed, took a deep breath and began.

"I don't know what you are going to think when I tell you this, Mac. It's not something that even matters now I realize, but everything we've talked about today and the last few days just brought all of these old feelings back up again," Harm said in a flat monotone. "Did you ever think about what you'd do if Dr. Jacobsen couldn't help Lucy or if we didn't find a match in time?"

"Sometimes," Mac said from her cocoon in Harm's arms. "I didn't let myself focus on it too much."

"I didn't want to let myself either, but I did. It started when you had just given birth to Matthew and I was taking care of her alone. She'd ask me constantly to make it stop hurting, to let her go home, to fix it, all of the things little girls expect their daddies to be able to do for them. Of course all I could do was hold her and love her and I did that, that's not the nightmare. The nightmare starts later."

"When does the nightmare start, Harm?" Mac asked, her heart aching for the pain she heard in his voice.

"At her doctor's office," Harm sighed and with Mac close to his heart, he began to tell her what haunted his dreams…

_**Office of Dr. J. Jacobsen**_

_**Washington, D.C.**_

_**Early March 2007**_

_**1030 EST**_

_Harm and Mac were seated side by side across from Dr. Jacobsen's desk. Harm had gotten Lucy set up with a video to watch while she received her treatments and hurried back just as the doctor had requested. He and Mac had talked the night before about what they would say if Dr. Jacobsen delivered bad news, but no amount of preparation could have prepared them._

_The stoic look on the doctor's face was something they'd become accustomed to seeing and had that look been present they wouldn't have worried, but instead of an emotionless mask, the doctor's expression clearly showed his empathy and sadness for the couple seated before him._

"_It's not working," the doctor said shaking his head. "We've succeeded in battling back the secondary cancers in the spine but we haven't even made a dent in the ALL and her last test results show there is more soft tissue involvement and more bone involvement. It's time to stop."_

"_Stop?" Mac asked incredulously. "How can we stop when you said the ALL is still…"_

"_Try to understand, the chemotherapy treatments are doing nothing more than prolonging the inevitable. Her body is just too weak and too damaged to battle this anymore," Dr. Jacobsen replied. "Our focus now must shift from trying to kill off the cancer to helping Lucy through this next part. I know this isn't easy to hear, but I wouldn't even suggest this if I thought for one second there was something else we can do. The BMT option is out now as well, she'd never survive the preparation for it. We're at the bottom of our barrel. Lucy's fought hard enough, it's time to let her rest and enjoy the time she has left without the burden of more chemotherapy and its side effects."_

_Mac had started to cry the moment the doctor said "stop" and while she was doing a remarkable job of containing her emotions Harm knew her control was fragile and so, he took it upon himself to ask the hard questions. "How long is that, Doctor? Weeks, months, what?"_

"_Based on these results three months at the most," admitted. "It won't be easy on her given the extent of the spread, but this is the best thing, the necessary thing."_

_Harm reached out and put his arm around Mac's shoulders. "We knew it could happen, I guess we were just hoping for a miracle."_

"_There aren't many miracles in this business, Captain," Dr. Jacobsen said sadly. "As much as I wish there were. There are some decisions to be made now regarding the palliative phase, for example, do you wish to utilize hospice care and if so in home or in a facility? If you want, you can talk it over and let us know."_

"_I want her home," Mac spoke up firmly. "If my baby girl is going to die it's going to be in her own bed with us right beside her."_

"_I thought as much. We'll need to have a hospice nurse visit your home and determine what types of equipment will be needed to keep her comfortable and make sure this is a peaceful process for her. " _

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence**

**Manassas,VA**

**May 17, 2007**

**0209 EST**

"Oh, Harm," Mac sighed sadly, her heart aching for him having actually seen all of those events play out in his mind, in his nightmare. "I can't imagine what that might have been like and I can't imagine what you must feel like having to live through it in your dreams. But that's all they are, Harm, just dreams. Lucy is going to be fine and she'll have you to thank for that. And you will be too. I truly believe that."

"You would have done the same thing," Harm said not wishing to be given credit for doing something it was only natural that a parent would do.

"I mean convincing me to agree to the testing in the first place," Mac clarified. "I don't know what was in my head saying no."

"You were only frightened. It was natural, just like it was natural for me to do anything I had to do to take away her pain. That's what makes this dream so horrible," Harm confessed.

"What? That you couldn't take away her pain?" Mac queried placing tiny kisses on his chest while continuing to move her hand up and down over his heart.

"No, it was that I could…"

_**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence**_

_**Late Spring 2007**_

_**0314 AM**_

_Harm sat in the glider rocker cradling Lucy in his lap. While the news was hard on both parents, Harm seemed to have a harder time accepting his daughter's fate. After Dr. Jacobsen had delivered the shattering news, he had recommended maximum leave to General Cresswell, who as a father himself was supportive and accommodating. Since that day in March Harm spent nearly every moment with Lucy as if his strength could somehow be transmitted to his precious daughter._

_He'd heard Mac up and about a short time ago, no doubt taking care of Matthew's need for a late night snack and a fresh diaper so it wasn't a surprise when she pushed Lucy's door open and came inside. Still, it felt like she was intruding._

"_Harm, are you going to come to bed?" Mac was usually able to convince him to sleep for a short while when Lucy did but the last few nights the only sleep he'd gotten was in that rocking chair beside Lucy's bed._

"_No, I'm going to stay with her," Harm replied softly so he wouldn't disturb the few moments of peaceful rest Lucy was able to get. "You can go back to bed."_

"_I think I'll sit with you for awhile if you don't mind," Mac responded cautiously sitting down on Lucy's bed. Harm could be downright hostile at times when Mac tried to spend time with him and Lucy. He said not, but deep down Mac knew he blamed her for their daughter's terminal fate. _

"_If you want," Harm said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. "She had a hard time today. They won't increase the amount of boosters she can have through the PCA or raise the morphine dosage, they're afraid it would depress her breathing more than it already has."_

"_They can't give her more medication if they know it'll hurt her," Mac reasoned feeling every ounce of her daughter's pain as well as Harm's in her heart. "Dr. Jacobsen said it won't be much longer now."_

"_That's what he said last week and the week before that and the week before that," Harm reminded her, his tone clipped. "I never thought I'd see the day when I wished one of my children would die but there isn't a minute of the day anymore when I'm not wishing that for her."_

"_I pray for that too, " Mac admitted softly. "Chaplain Turner…"_

"_Pray?" Harm scoffed. "Pray? Who do you pray to, Mac because I have no idea how to do that anymore? I appreciate Chaplain Turner coming by and it's great that he's helping you and DJ but I don't think I can listen to one more speech about the loving and merciful God he talks about. What kind of merciful God would allow a thing like this to happen to a child? You know I was never a religious man, but I did pray. Grams always taught me that whenever you needed someone all you had to do was say a prayer and your best friend would be there to hear you and for a long time, through my crashes, searching for my father, our life together, our children being born, your illness, the divorce, Lucy's illness and Matthew's birth I did that. I'd do it every day sometimes ten or fifteen times but now I sit here with her and I laugh at myself because for all that time I doubt my words were reaching anybody. Anytime when I had needed help, needed that safe feeling Grams told me I'd find when I was talking to God I was reaching out to a power that was kind, that cared. No caring God would ever do this now matter what we've done, He'd never do this to a little girl."_

"_Harm, I know you're angry but…"_

_Harm cut her off sharply. "Mac you have no idea the feelings I have in my heart right now. I'm afraid to voice them because I know the damage it will do. I don't want the last days of her life to be filled with anything but love and as much peace as she can find."_

"_I don't either Harm," Mac agreed. "But I also don't want her to spend her remaining time with us without her father because he made himself sick sitting up all night and day. You can't take care of Lucy if you're exhausted Harm, and you are. At least let me hold her and lie down in her bed. Please."_

_If not for the pleading look on Mac's face Harm would have said no immediately, but he knew she was right, he did need to rest so he could be there for his daughter as long as he was able to be. Lucy awoke just before dawn with a bout of breakthrough pain. Harm was up and out of bed like a shot and had her in his arms before Mac had a chance to react to what had happened. _

"_Daddy's got you, Baby," Harm whispered into Lucy's ear as he held her close to him and rocked her slowly in the same rhythm he'd done since she was tiny. "I'm right here, Button. Daddy's here and Mommy's going to get you some more medicine. Yes…"_

_Mac had hurried to the medicine cabinet once she'd come awake enough to realize what was going on and was back with a morphine tablet in seconds. Harm coaxed Lucy awake enough to swallow the pill and they both sat holding her until she finally stopped crying and dozed off to sleep._

_It broke Mac's heart to have to leave every day, even for a short time, but it was important that she remain as active in DJ's life as she could. There was one child to bring to a peaceful end of life but there were two others to raise and protect. Harm seemed to have lost sight of that, she wasn't able to do that. She was a mother; she had to find time and energy for all of her children._

_While Mac was out and about with DJ and running the necessary errands to keep the household functioning, Harm sat with Lucy. The cycle repeated itself for two more weeks until one day when Mac brought DJ home from the Roberts to find Harm sitting on Lucy's bed cradling her body to his chest with huge tears streaming down his cheeks._

_It took Mac only a moment to realize why. She rushed over to Harm and Lucy hoping DJ would stay occupied for a minute until she was able to decide how she wanted to handle this. Reaching out with shaking hand she whispered, "Harm?"_

_Harm's red teary eyes met Mac's and he gladly pulled her into his embrace. Mac placed a gentle kiss on Lucy's forehead then pulled back just a bit, in time for to hear Harm softly confess, "I'm sorry, Mac. I couldn't take it anymore, I'm so sorry…"_

**Mackenzie-Rabb Residence**

**May 17, 2007**

**0244 EST**

"So you thought about that too?" Mac asked reaching out to brush the tears off of Harm's cheeks. He'd been crying for the past little while as he relived the feeling of loss that haunted his dreams.

"You?" Harm asked confused. He'd never have thought that Mac would ever have considered anything like helping Lucy die if the cancer wasn't doing so quickly enough to bring her peace. "I'd never…"

"It killed me to see her suffering," Mac admitted, the tears clogging her throat making her voice hoarse. "If we were going to lose her anyway…"

"All this time I've held this inside, I was so afraid of what you'd think of me, of what kind of a father I am to have even considered…Since she came home this last time and now that she's getting well those thoughts have been haunting me, the 'what ifs' have been spinning around in my head and I couldn't seem to break free of that. This dinner tonight and all of the talk about Cynthia - it just pulled all of those feelings back out…"

Harm's voice was starting to catch and his breathing rate increased. Mac pushed herself up on her elbow to meet his eyes. "I know. I know and it's okay to have felt that way. I know how much you love Lucy and I know how much it would have devastated you to have lost her and if you were at a place where you believed in your heart it was better to help her die than watch her suffer I'd have known it was the right decision and I would have supported you no matter what. I love you, I never stopped loving you and I don't think there is anything you have done or could do that would ever make me leave you. I did that once and I never want to do it again and if it wasn't for Matthew I'd wish that I'd never done it at all."

Harm pulled Mac a little closer, "We did what we did and we can't change that. There is so much that was lost, moments we can never get back again, ever."

"Like being with Lucy when she had her tonsils out?" Mac asked. "I don't think I realized how much that really hurt you until I heard you mention it again tonight, almost two years later."

"What hurt was that you didn't believe me when I said that I hadn't been told. I get that I lied to you, I get that, but that was about Annie, that was about us and our marriage, but I'd never lied to you about something involving our kids and I knew you knew that," Harm admitted. "You did it just to hurt me, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't know, I had asked Mic to tell you…" Mac began as her defense.

"I know that," Harm clarified. "I know you told him to tell me, I even think you thought he would and you assumed he had, but I know that once I arrived to get the children there was no way you honestly believed I'd known and didn't care. You know me too well, Mac, you read me too well. You knew I was ignorant of the entire thing, you knew it."

Mac didn't say anything for a long while. She tried to bury her face in Harm's chest and he let her do that. She used that to gauge his response. When he was really angry or disgusted with something he was repulsed by it, so if he let her cling…With a deep breath she pulled back to look into Harm's eyes. She could see how exhausted he was and she wanted more than anything to smile and soothe him to sleep but she knew he'd never let her do that before he got an answer.

"I knew it," Mac said sheepishly. "There's no excuse for it. I was so tired and so hurt and so betrayed and while I know I hurt you keeping my illness from you and all, you'd betrayed me Harm. You betrayed everything I held onto in this life, everything I thought I knew I had to question. When you came that day, I could see the pain in your eyes and for a second I thought that I finally had a way to show you how deeply you'd cut me with what happened in Mexico and before I knew it…"

"I know," Harm whispered and pulled Mac even closer to him. "Before you knew it the pain and the anger were doing your thinking and there wasn't anything you could do to get control back I know."

Harm dropped a kiss on the top of Mac's head and wrapped both of his arms tightly around her, "I don't think I'll ever be able to really tell you how sorry I am, how much…"

"Ssh," Mac whispered. "It doesn't matter anymore, Harm. All that really matters is what's come from that, and I wouldn't trade moments like this, talking, really talking to each other, safe in each other's arms for anything in the world."

"I love you, Sarah Mackenzie," Harm told her rubbing his hands up and down her soft skin. "And one day, when I'm back on my feet and things have settled down I'm going to make you my wife again. I promise."

Mac smiled and kissed Harm's lips lightly. "Don't make a promise you can't keep," she warned lightheartedly.

Harm reached for Mac's face and lifted her chin with his index finger so her eyes were directly across from his own, "Never again, Mac. Never, ever again."

**In the Coming Chapters: AJ is there for Analiese as she copes with the loss of Baby Maggie, but will her parents accept him as a permanent part of their daughter's life? Will a visiting Francesca, in need of AJ"s help, accept Analiese as a permanent part of her father's life? **

**And Later: Mac returns to work, Harm faces the reality of his medical condition, and DJ struggles to be recognized in the midst of his changing family.**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Special thanks to Jan for proofing this and helping me out of the holes I sometimes write myself into. The next update will be in two weeks. Hope you enjoy and I'll post again on or before March 7.**

**Chegwidden Residence  
****McLean, VA  
****May 17, 2007  
****0636 EST**

AJ quietly shut the front door and kicked off his shoes. He hadn't gone running since Analiese had been released from the hospital because he hadn't wanted to leave her on her own, but with her mother and father in town, he felt it was safe to go back to his morning routine. He knew Ana's parents were old school mountain people, but he was sure they wouldn't be awake at this time of the morning. He was wrong.

Ana's father was seated at the kitchen table reading AJ's newspaper from the day before when he entered the kitchen. Leonard put the paper down and looked over at AJ. "Morning," he greeted. "I made some OJ, would you like some?"

"Sure," AJ replied. "I'm sorry I didn't have any made already. Analiese hasn't really been in the mood…"

"My daughter forgets herself when she's in pain," Len told him. "She barely ate for a month after her husband died. That baby was the only way she survived that."

AJ nodded, "It's hard to lose someone you love, no matter how it happens."

"Analiese told me how you cared for Maggie," Len confided in AJ. "And how you care for her, you're taking good care of her."

"I try," AJ sighed. "I noticed Mrs. Williams is uh, very…"

"Stubborn, opinionated, and not afraid to show it," Len finished for AJ. "She is, and Jeannie and Analiese are just like her. You be careful what you are getting yourself into with that one."

AJ laughed, "Is it that obvious?"

"Only to another man," Len comforted. "And unfortunately to Mae."

"I get the feeling that Mrs. Williams does not like my closeness with Analiese," AJ fished, not one to beat around the bush.

"She's your age," Len told him. "But, in our family, Mae knows her place. When it comes to our boys, she gets to give the seal of approval, but when it comes to our girls, especially my baby girl, I'm the one you need to worry about."

"Understood, Sir," AJ replied sitting at the kitchen table. "Considering that, I think it's only fair to tell you that I have every intention of pursuing this relationship as far as Analiese is willing to let it. It's my plan to help her recover from this physically and emotionally in whatever way I can and once she's had time to deal with this I fully intend to ask her to marry me. I love her."

Leonard nodded, "I know, it's as plain as the nose on your face. She'll say yes, too."

AJ laughed nervously. "You think so, huh?"

"I know so. Analiese loved Michael, I never questioned that, but when I saw the two of you last night, I saw Mae and me and that's not something everyone gets to find in their life. I've wanted all of my children to be that lucky and some of them were, it does my heart good to know that my little girl is going to be one of the lucky ones."

AJ smiled broadly and lifted his glass of OJ toward his eventual father-in-law. "To the lucky ones," he toasted touching his glass to Len's with a clinching clink.

**1252 EST**

Mae Williams combed her long hair, expertly shaping it into a twist so it would be suitable for Maggie's memorial service that afternoon. She'd noticed Leonard had gotten up earlier than he did most mornings and encountered AJ returning from what she assumed was a morning stroll. By the time AJ had showered and dressed, Analiese was awake and needed considerable assistance bathing and dressing for the service. Mae, of course, was glad she was there to help her, but doing so had prevented Mae from succeeding in her mission of finding out what AJ and Len had discussed earlier.

Finally, Len was out of the shower and it was her chance. "So what did you two talk about this morning? Swap war stories?"

"You know we didn't swap war stories, Mae, stop pretending that you aren't trying to find out if I asked AJ about his intentions regarding our daughter," Len said chuckling at how even after nearly 40 years together Mae would dance around an issue instead of shooting from the hip with both barrels.

"Alright, yes, what did he say?" Mae demanded. "I'm hoping he's just a phase and that Ana will realize he's too old for her."

"He's not a phase," Len countered. "He's here to stay. I saw it his eyes, I saw it in Ana's eyes, and I heard it from his lips this morning. When Analiese is doing better and has a clearer frame of mind he fully intends to ask her to marry him and before you completely flip your lid, I plan to support him if that's what she wants."

Mae set down her brush firmly and it clicked against the wood of the dressing table. "He is old enough to be her father, how could you even think of supporting that, Leonard?"

"Because he loves her Mae, and she loves him," Len stated simply, pulling on his pants and securing his suspenders.

"Exactly, she loved Michael and was heartbroken when he died. I don't want our daughter to get remarried and go into it knowing she'll have to bury another husband," Mae fired back, her maternal protection glaring through any trace of the decorum and refinement she'd honed so carefully over the years. "I will not allow this to happen, Len. I won't allow it."

"I hear you, Mae," Len affirmed. "I really do, but think of this for a second. Would you rather have had four years with me or forty years with someone else?"

Mae opened her mouth to answer and Len stopped her by raising his hand. "Don't answer now, just think about it. And finish getting dressed. We can't be late."

**McLean Memorial Home  
****McLean, VA  
****May 17, 2007  
****1803 EST**

Mae had insisted on bringing Analiese to the memorial home in their vehicle, leaving AJ to drive himself. He didn't like the idea but he didn't want to do anything that made it worse for Ana, she was struggling enough to keep it together as it was. If AJ heard her mother tell her one more time that she needed to keep her chin up and make sure she didn't shed a tear in front of anyone because that wasn't the "Williams way," he would probably end up in jail.

The stream of people in and out of the memorial home was endless. There were people from Analiese's work, a lot of her former patients, and a lot of Naval personnel who had met Analiese through her association with the JA Corps officers and their families. One person who was absent was Harm. It surprised Analiese that he didn't attend the service. He was healthy enough from what AJ had reported but still, Mac came to pay her respects alone. Analiese asked her about it when Mac approached her.

"Where's Harm? I thought he'd be here," Analiese asked quietly.

"He wasn't able to come tonight, Analiese. He wanted to but he's had a rough couple of days and he just wasn't strong enough," Mac fibbed. In truth, Harm hadn't wanted to come and had flat out refused to attend. When Mac pressed him he'd clammed up so she'd let it go. She knew exactly where his heart was, in the same place as her own, soaring with joy that if God had wanted a child it hadn't been their child he'd taken but breaking from the pain they knew Analiese felt. They had almost lived it, for it was pain they had feared for many months at a time.

Analiese nodded, "I'll have to come by and visit with him. There's something of Maggie's I'd like him to have.

Mac smiled, "As soon as you're up to it give me a call and we'll set something up. I know Lucy would love to see you, she's not able to be out in public yet."

Mac's mention of Lucy brought tears to Analiese's eyes. She was such a smart and pretty little girl; she was how Analiese had imagined Maggie might look and act. The memory of those dreams was difficult to handle with dry eyes.

AJ and Mae had been hovering near Analiese the entire time. AJ saw her touch a shaky hand to her mouth and excused himself from one asinine conversation or another and moved to her side. He slid his hand up her back and placed his arm around her shoulders. "I'm here," he whispered into Ana's ear. "Go with it, just go with it."

Mae wanted to go to her daughter, to encourage her to keep her chin up, but it was more important to watch AJ and how he related to her than to preserve their family motto. At first when Ana began to cry Mae thought AJ would try to stifle Ana's emotions, he was after all very repressed himself but instead he did something that shocked her. The strong, tough former SEAL took Analiese into his arms, held her to his chest swaying only slightly, before starting to cry, just a bit himself as he whispered words of comfort and love. Analiese clung to AJ and clutched at his shirt hanging onto his like a life preserver. The entire time he held fast, never wavering, never criticizing, never doing anything but loving her through it.

In that moment, Mae knew she was going to be facing another loss in her life, one in sharp contrast to the one she was currently mourning. This time, she was once again going to lose a daughter, and in spite of her first feeling on the subject, she couldn't be happier about it.

**Coming Soon: AJ and Ana's relationship continues to grow while Harm continues to struggle with rehab. Mac faces her first day of work and Tony's case is finally solved.**


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: Well, I'm back. Thank you all for your patience and well wishes. Special thanks to Jan for the proofreading and helping me when I write myself into a corner.

Chapter 35

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

May 28, 2007

1940 EST

"Maybe I should stick with the grey one?" Mac asked Harm as she modeled yet another outfit for him. She'd been at it for over an hour and no matter how hard Harm tried to assure her that each outfit looked great, nothing seemed to satisfy her. Harm knew there was more to Mac's upset than indecision about clothing and he tried to get that out of her.

"Honey, Mac, come here," Harm said gently, inviting her to sit on his lap.

"I have to find an outfit," Mac protested but Harm insisted. He moved his wheelchair closer to her and tugged on her wrist gently until she acquiesced and sat in his lap.

"What's wrong?" Harm asked holding Mac close to him and rubbing the back of her head with his hand.

"I'm nervous," she admitted. "I'm worried that you might need me and I'll be gone or that Matthew might need me and I'll be gone. As much as I miss being a lawyer, I know I'll miss being home too."

Harm kissed her gently, "You will, and you don't have to do this. You don't have to go back to work if you aren't ready."

"Yeah, Harm. I do," Mac didn't elaborate and squiggled her way off his lap. "I'm going to wear the grey one."

Harm sighed. For the past week he'd been trying to find out from Mac what the urgency was in her going back to work. She'd taken the first job she was offered for a salary far less than what he believed she was worth. He didn't want to believe she was getting tired of taking care of him all day every day, but what else could it be? It didn't make sense to him and her insistence that she had to go back to work immediately was beginning to bother him.

"Grey one is fine," Harm mumbled and turned his wheelchair to exit the room.

Mac let herself collapse onto the bed. She lay her head into her open hands and took a few deep breaths. She didn't know how much longer she could hide things from Harm. He was a smart man, too smart to fall for her insistence that she had to get back into a law office before going crazy. She was surprised she'd been able to keep things from him this long as it was. After Matthew was born, they'd agreed to open a new joint account so that Mac would have direct access to Harm's pay in order to provide for the children and keep up on the rest of the bills. Harm knew Mic had been supporting her, though he didn't know how much until she'd confessed it the night he came home after donating the bone marrow. Still, he felt it was his responsibility to make sure Mac and his children were provided for financially. He'd been insistent about it, so it surprised Mac at how lackadaisical he was regarding money matters now. If he'd bothered to go on line and check the statements he'd know their savings were nearly gone and they were living hand to mouth, but it didn't even seem to be on his radar, in fact the only things that were on it these days were Lucy's lessons and going through physical therapists like a bowling ball through ten pins.

Mac did miss lawyering on at least some level, but she also loved being a wife and a full time mother, and while part of her was glad Harm didn't know the truth because she feared it would be more than he could handle, the other part wanted her partner back, the person she could count on and share with when "stuff" got to be too much. Still, she was more concerned for his pride, which had taken enough hits over the last few months, there wasn't much more left of his cocky pilot armor.

Mac sat up straighter when the door opened and turned to see if Harm had decided to come back and press the issue. She was relieved to see her mother-in-law and not her husband, as was the case more often than not of late.

Trish sat down next to Mac and put her arms around her, "You need to tell him, Sarah. He has the right to know what's going on here. Maybe it'll be the thing that snaps him out of this slump."

Mac shook her head, "No, Trish. No, believe me if he knew how bad things were it would push him even further into that hole, believe me. He's already admitted to feeling useless and all of the struggles he's had in his therapy lately are only making things worse."

"Keeping secrets will make things worse too," Trish admonished her. "Isn't that how you ended up in trouble the last time?"

"Not really," Mac sighed. "Not only that. Harm and I didn't have a healthy marriage from the start. He proposed to me while we were lying in bed in Siberia after he found out about his father's death. An hour before he'd been lying on the bed in tears. For a pair of lawyers, we weren't the best communicators in the world. When our system got shut down, it really hurt us. That part is better now. I will tell Harm about the money problems when I think he's ready to hear it and be a part of the solution instead of part of the problem. I thank God everyday for the Navy - if we had to pay the medical bills ourselves we'd be living on the streets right now. It takes two incomes to live like we do as it is, I can't imagine hundreds of thousands in medical bills to boot."

"You know, Frank and I…" Trish began for the hundredth time since learning that her son's family was having money problems.

"I know," Mac said with genuine gratitude in her voice. "I know, but you know that after the last time we had to borrow money Harm was dead set against accepting any more financial help. "

"Mac, I loaned you money to pay off your psychotic ex-husband. I hardly think it's the same thing," Trish remonstrated. "But I do remember how much that entire situation cost Harm. He's too proud for his own good sometimes."

"Yeah," Mac agreed. "And he's taken too many hits lately. I can't let him take anymore. It's my turn to carry us over the line now, Trish and I have to step up and do it. I'd better get out of this outfit and go talk to the kids about what's going to be changing around here."

Trish left Mac to change her clothing and soon Mac was in the living room in her pajamas. Lucy was holding Matthew, feeding him a bottle, while DJ was reading to his father and sister while seated on Harm's lap. Mac sat with Lucy and waited until DJ was finished with his story before speaking to their children.

"Mommy and Daddy want to talk to you about something, okay?" Mac began, reaching out for Lucy and stroking the hair that was slowly growing on her daughter's head.

"Is Daddy moving out of the house again?" Lucy asked looking from one parent to the other with wide eyes.

"Is Lucy sick again?" DJ asked studying only his father's face.

Harm and Mac shared a glance. Was that the only reason they'd talked to their children in the past, to break bad news? What kind of news was this anyway? They'd find out.

"No," Mac assured them quickly. "Mommy and Daddy are not going to live apart again, and nobody is sick, so don't worry. Still, things are going to change a little bit and Mommy and Daddy are going to need you both to help us out, because tomorrow Mommy is going back to work."

Lucy smiled, "Really? Are you going back into the Marines?"

Mac shook her head, "No, I'm going to work for a law firm right near home but Daddy and Nana Trish are going to need you and DJ to be good and help out around the house, okay?"

"Like chores?" Lucy asked.

"Yes," Mac replied. "You'll have to do some chores, but even more important is to make sure you mind Daddy and Nana Trish and do as they ask you to do, okay?"

Lucy and DJ both nodded, then to Mac's surprise DJ began to cry.

"Hey," Harm asked his son in a soothing tone. "What's wrong Buddy?"

"I don't want mommy to go away," DJ cried, snuggling close to his father.

Mac hurried over to console her son, "I'm not going away, DJ. I'm just going back to work. I'll leave in the morning and I'll come home and have supper with you every night just like now. The only thing that'll be different is Mommy won't be at home all day anymore."

"Why do you have to go? Uncle Bud goes to work, and Peter's Daddy, and both of Tommy's dads…" DJ sniffled then looked up at Harm. "Why don't you go to work?"

"Daddy does work, DJ," Mac explained. "He works for the Navy and right now his job is to get his legs better because that's what he needs to do. When his legs get better, he'll do something else."

"I'll miss you, Mommy," DJ cried and reached for Mac. She took him into her arms and held him.

"I'll miss you too, DJ," Mac comforted. "Not, let's get you a bath and tucked into bed, hmm? Harm, can you please give Matthew his bath and a new diaper?"

The bedtime routine took longer than usual. It always did when one of the children was upset, but finally Harm and Mac were in their own bed curled up with each other.

"Want me to rub your back?" Harm asked once Mac had positioned herself against him. He could feel the tension in her body and knew there was no way she'd sleep like this.

"No, I'm fine," Mac snuggled closer to Harm. "I didn't expect DJ to get so upset."

"His world hasn't been very stable," Harm said rubbing Mac's arm with his hand. "I'll pay him extra attention the first couple days, he'll be fine."

"What about you?" Mac asked playing with the short hairs on Harm's chest absentmindedly. "Will you be okay? When DJ asked about Daddy's working…"

"Something I've been coming to terms with Mac," Harm confessed. "It's not going to get much better than it is now, I'm done with the Navy, we both know that. I'd never pass a flight physical, I barely passed the last two times I took it, it's time to pack it in."

"Harm, you can't mean that!" Shocked by his blunt statement, Mac leaned up on her elbow, her other hand reaching up blindly towards his face."

"I don't want to, it's just frustrating to try and fail," Harm sighed. "Lucy is struggling and I'm paying more attention to her recovery than my own, but still I thought I'd have this licked by now."

"You'll just need to try harder, concentrate on the exercises and workouts," Mac encouraged. "I'll help you every minute I can, you know that. I love you."

Harm dropped a kiss on Mac's lips, "I love you too. You better try to sleep, you have a big day."

Law Offices of Strutchen, McAuliffe, and Clark

Georgetown, Washington, D.C.

May 29, 2007

0832 EST

"Normally," Maureen explained as she showed Mac to her new office, "We place our new attorneys in the practice area where they have the most experience. Your experience is particularly well-rounded and while criminal work seems dominant, I can't ignore the asset of having someone with military law expertise in the firm given the large number of military personnel in the area. Having said that, your first client is Mrs. Camdyn Burwell, she's been married to a Marine Corps Colonel for 23 years and he's recently demanded a divorce. No one in the firm has much experience with the laws on division of military retirement pay, and this is a senior officer who wants out after his wife has sacrificed her life and her career to help him get ahead. I know you'll take excellent care of her."

Mac smiled at Maureen, "I'll certainly try. Thank you again for the opportunity."

Mac took a deep breath and walked into her new office. It wasn't as large as the one she's had at Dalton's firm, but was larger than the one she'd had at JAG and at SecNav's office. The woman seated in the chair before the desk looked nothing short of shaken even with the proper hair style and clothing she was wearing. Mac could see the pain radiating off of her in waves.

"Mrs. Burwell," Mac said as she approached the desk and sat down behind it. "I'm Sarah Mackenzie-Rabb, I'll be handling your case."

Mrs. Burwell shook Mac's hand then leaned back in her chair. "You'll have to forgive me, I don't know what I'm doing."

"That's all right, Mrs. Burwell, that's why I'm here," Mac assured her nervous client, then sat back to listen to her client's story. By the end of the day, Mac had spoken to five clients, two obtaining divorces and three with some type of criminal charge. The Burwell divorce and property settlement would be the most challenging, since the Colonel apparently thought he could browbeat his wife into waiving any claim to the half of his retired pay Mac knew the Court would award her. She got home after 7 PM feeling tired, hungry, and unbelievably blessed.

**Coming Soon: Harm confronts Mac about her real reasons for going back to work, Lucy achieves an important milestone, Francesca arrives, and Tony's life changes in a very unexpected way. **


	36. Chapter 36

A/N: Hi, I'm finally back with another update. I'm sorry it took me so long to get this posted but I have been having some health issues of late, but I will be resuming regular updates barring any further issues. Thanks to all who have sent good wishes, and special thanks to Jan for keeping me motivated and "listening" to me complain. I hope you all enjoy.

Please visit the Army Wives pages as well, and look for my newest piece, entitled "When Was the Day?" Tissue warning for that one. I'd love to know what you all think.

Chapter 36

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence

Manassas, VA

June 7, 2007

2024 EST

Harm was cleaning up the kitchen after the kids had eaten their supper when Mac walked in after a long day at work. She'd been up and gone from the house before the sun came up that day. She'd only been back to work just over a week and had already clocked close to 80 hours. Her billable hours were certainly mounting fast. The children were missing their mother and Harm was missing his wife, a status he wanted to restore to Mac as soon as possible but never felt it was the right time to bring it up to her. He'd thought once she started working again that her mood would improve, but it seemed to have gotten worse than it was even before they'd split. Trish assured her son that Mac was adjusting too and that he should help her more instead of just point out where she was falling short, so today he'd decided to give that a try and take care of some of the things Mac had to do by himself.

He'd soon come to realize that was a very serious mistake.

"Hey," Mac called kicking off her shoes as she entered the house. "Supper smells great. Any left?"

"Yeah," Harm replied. "Plenty. It's meatless lasagna, just noodles and two kinds of cheese and sauce, though no veggies; I wanted Lucy to eat it."

"How did she do today?" Lucy had plateaued in her therapy and was struggling with the slower progress she was making.

"I asked her therapist to leave about ten minutes into it," Harm replied. "She wasn't thrilled about it but…"

"Another one? Harm, that's the third one in two weeks. Lucy is never going to recover if you keep doing that," Mac warned. She was tired of this with him. It was bad enough when he fired his therapists, but Mac had come to terms with it. If Harm wanted to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair, that was his choice and she'd have to accept it, but she was not going to accept him sentencing their daughter to the same fate. Not when there was an excellent chance for full or nearly full recovery.

"I can help her with her workouts and Mom can do the things for her that I can't," Harm replied shortly, serving Mac a plate of lasagna.

"She needs a professional, Harm," Mac sighed. "What about Analiese? She's gentle and AJ offered, besides I think it might be what she needs right now to help her heal as well. What do you think?"

"It's a good idea," Harm was pleased with the suggestion, and nodded in agreement. "I'll call her tomorrow and talk to her about it. How was work, you were late again."

"I spent the last two hours before I left with Mrs. Burwell. My God, Harm, I have never seen a woman more devastated at the idea of getting a divorce," Mac told him between bites. "She is shattered and absolutely refuses to let me use any of the traditional tactics we use in court. She won't even invoke her rights to spousal support even though several witnesses and she herself admit he prevented her from finishing Culinary Arts school. He was military, so I understand having a career would have been hard, but he didn't have to prevent her from finishing her education when she was six months shy of her degree when they got married. It is so frustrating. She gave me permission to contact her son so I'm going to and see if he'll sit in with us, maybe she's just afraid of adding more fuel to the fire."

"I think we both know the divorce fire can be stoked out of control pretty darn fast," Harm stated, his tone making it clear that he still felt the pain of that whole process.

Mac leaned over and kissed his cheek, "I know and I wish we could go back and undo it all except I think it's what we needed to get to where we are." She took another bite of her dinner, "This is amazing and exactly what I was hungry for tonight. Did your Mom take you to the Commissary?" Mac suddenly felt her food turn to a rock inside her stomach as she prayed he'd gone to the commissary or at the very least to the Walmart and not to…"No, I had it delivered from Whole Foods," Harm said showing her the ad in the paper advertising the organic tomatoes and fresh mozzarella. "It costs more but it's worth the price."

"Did your mom pay?" Mac asked feeling her chest tighten as the blood drained from her face. If Trish hadn't paid this grocery bill, they were at least $50 overdrawn on their checking account not including the fees. Maybe if she was fast enough she could get some money from savings transferred over before the fees were assessed, but it wasn't likely. Even if she was in time, the last of their savings account was already allocated to pay for their groceries and the utility bills that would come due before she got her first pay check at the end of the next week. No matter what, Harm's purchase had pushed them further into an ever deepening hole it was already going to take months of two incomes to climb out of. "Please let Trish have paid," she thought to herself.

"Course not," Harm said, shaking his head. What was Mac's problem? She was asking questions for seemingly no reason and had just gone white as a sheet. "You okay?"

She dropped her fork, "No, I'm not. I can't believe you went and did something like that without talking to me first. Going shopping in that type of store to begin with costs twice our normal budget, and then to have it delivered. That's a huge extra expense."

"A huge expense? Mac, it was only a little over $300 total for most of a week's groceries. We paid for the convenience but still…" Harm pointed out, not at all sure what was making her so upset.

Mac pushed her plate away. Harm's response to her distress was making her angry, and all of the fear and tension was starting to bubble up inside of her. Mac had to think quick to divert his attention to something else and get him off of the trail, if he was depressed and hard to live with now, she didn't want to know what he'd be like if he knew the whole truth and she couldn't take too much more pressure before losing control of herself. She took a deep breath and tried to divert him. "That doesn't matter. It's the principle, we are supposed to be sharing, doing this relationship together and it seems that unless it has something to do with housework or keeping after the kids, I'm going it alone, and that hurts, it really hurts because I thought we'd learned something from all we've been through, but I guess we haven't. It is just a sign of common respect that you talk to me before making big purchases from our money."

"I would, but it isn't a big purchase," said Harm, now frustrated as well as confused. "For God's sake Mac, you are angry with me for spending money to feed our family?"

"You didn't have to spend that much money to feed our family," Mac snapped back, rising from the table. "I've had a really long day and I'm tired. You clean up the kitchen, I'm going to bed." With that Mac brushed past him and darted into the bedroom praying she'd be able to keep her tears from falling.

Harm sat and wracked his brain trying to come up with a scenario in which Mac's behavior would make even the smallest amount of sense. Aside from her reaction being totally unlike her, especially since they'd reconciled, it was way out of proportion to his perceived "crime" of spending $300 without talking to her first. He'd spent far more than that in their marriage and she'd never even batted an eye. As he cleaned up Mac's practically uneaten dinner the conversation he'd had with Lucy a few days earlier began to reverberate through his head.

Two days earlier

Lucy closed the newest book in the Rabb family library, one Trish had acquired to help DJ with his fears about Mac returning to work, Mama Always Comes Home. It served the purpose for DJ and he accepted Mac's absence during the day with relative ease, but Lucy had always been more analytical. She turned to her father and asked, "Daddy is Mommy going back to work because we're poor?"

"No, Button, what gave you that idea?" Harm asked, knowing that wasn't in the book, he practically had it memorized.

"Well, these mommies go to find food or safe places for their babies, and my friend Stephie in school said her mommy had to go back to work so the bank man wouldn't take their house away," Lucy explained. "Mommy didn't work for a long time but now she does, like Stephanie's mommy."

"Mommy didn't go back to work for those reasons, Button, so you don't worry about that, okay? You, little lady, worry about getting your schoolwork done, okay?" Harm gave Lucy a kiss before setting her back into her chair.

"Okay, Daddy," Lucy replied trusting her father had given her the true and honest answer about her mother's return to the workforce.

Present

The memory pushed the knot in Harm's throat straight to his gut. That was it, it had to be, that's the only reason Mac was acting so funny. Knowing he'd need an arsenal of weapons to drag this information out of his Marine, Harm did a little investigation.

First he went to the computer and for the first time since March he logged into their joint accounts. The reality that hit him was enough to nearly make him sick. Their savings that they'd worked so hard to build over their seven year marriage were nearly eradicated, there was less than $1,800 left when there had been thousands. He moved to their checking account and saw that his online grocery purchase had left them with a negative balance and caused a $35 overdraft fee. The more Harm read the worse it got, there were numerous bills unpaid, they were a couple months behind on their mortgage and their car payments and were maxed out on one of their credit cards and nearly maxed out on the other one. How had he missed this? How had things gotten so bad without him even realizing it and without Mac feeling she needed to tell him? He was about to find out.

Harm printed out the latest statements from their checking and savings accounts and put them on the pile of past due notices from the bank and the credit card companies that Mac had hidden inside Lucy's baby book. Harm had never been able to figure out exactly why their wedding album or their children's keepsake books were Mac's favorite hiding places, but he knew her well enough to know she had a reason that was perfectly logical to her. He was just glad he knew the hiding places, the reason wasn't important. Armed with the evidence he went to talk to Mac.

She was sitting on their bed with her head in her hands. Her shoulders were slumped and shaking. Before Harm was even close enough to touch her he could hear the sobbing she was trying to muffle by shoving the sleeves of her suit jacket into her mouth. Harm's heart broke seeing her like that and he knew that while money was the topic, it wasn't the issue.

He moved closer and reached out for Mac but she surprised him by moving evasively to escape his touch. She hadn't done that since before Matthew was born. When she saw the small stack of papers on Harm's lap the color drained from her face, it was time to face the music for keeping such a secret.

"I know everything, Mac," Harm began, fighting to keep his tone gentle so it wouldn't upset her further. Since Mac had gone back to work, Harm had tried very hard to get his outbursts back under control and for the most part it was working. Still he could feel the anger building at her silence. "Why didn't you say anything to me about this? Why did you keep it all to yourself? Why? I don't understand."

"That's right," Mac spat all of the anger and frustration that had been building up since Harm's fall and it came bubbling to the surface. "You don't understand. You don't understand what it is like for me to try to raise this family mostly on my own with the only help coming from friends and my mother-in-law! My children's father should be helping me care for them and provide for them…"

"Wait a minute," Harm interjected. "Until this job of yours came along my pay's been the only cash coming into this house. You chose to leave the Corps, Mac, nothing I did made you do that!"

"Oh, no? I left the Corp because of Mic and need I remind you what events occurred that led to me getting involved with him in the first place? That was all you." Mac got up and walked around the room. She was so angry she had to do something to keep from lashing out at Harm.

"All right, fine! You can blame me for Mic, but this," Harm gestured to his wheelchair by slamming his hands down on the arm rests "is not my fault!"

"Getting into the chair wasn't your fault," Mac corrected. "Staying in it is. How many therapists is it now, Harm? Eight? Ten? And if that wasn't bad enough you're bringing our daughter down with you and that hurts me so much to watch you do that to her. She has a chance at recovering, she really does and so do you but each day that you go without therapy the smaller the chances get of a successful recovery. You're an adult, that's your choice, if you're done trying, that's fine. I'll support that choice and I'll stand by you, -- while you sit -- but I will not support it for my daughter and I'll make sure that you won't have the opportunity to interfere in her recovery anymore if that's what I have to do. If you don't work with Ana on getting Lucy back on her feet, I'll ask AJ or your mom to drive her back and forth to therapy and have you banned from the room and don't you think I won't," Mac warned sternly.

"You aren't listening to her, Mac," Harm shot back. "She cried and whimpers and it is so clear she is in pain and I can't watch my little girl suffer anymore than she already has."

"But keeping her from doing what she needs to be a normal, healthy child again is making her suffer, Harm," Mac sighed trying to make him see. She knelt in front of him, "I know you are trying to protect her, but you aren't. If anything you're hurting her and I know you don't want to do that. You love her too much."

Harm looked at Mac's eyes, really looked for the first time since she'd gone back to work, the pain he saw there, the stress, the exhaustion made him shiver. It was a miracle she hadn't begun to buckle before now, he'd not let her carry this alone one minute longer.

"You're right," Harm said softly. "I do love her too much, and I love you too much to just let things go like they have been going. I'm so sorry, Mac." He reached to take her into his arms. "I'm so sorry."

Mac let Harm hold her and let a few more tears leak from her eyes, "I want us back Harm. We were getting so close and then all of this happened. I want my best friend, I want my partner, I want my lover, and not the man who's made love to me, I want you Harm, the man I know is inside of you, let him out again, please."

Harm wrapped his arms around her, "I don't know if I can, Mac. I don't know if I know who that is anymore."

Mac reached for his hand and placed it on her heart, "I know who he is and I'll help you find him again, Harm. I promise I will."

**Coming Soon in Let's Be Us Again: Harm, Mac, and AJ finally resolve Cynthia's murder, Analiese begins a therapy regimen for Lucy and Harm, while AJ worries about her reaction to his marriage proposal. Later: Trish returns to California and Harm and Mac go on their first "date."**


	37. Chapter 37

**Readers: I apologize for the long time between chapters. As you know I have had some troubles with my health. It is better now and I will be resuming regular postings, approx. once a week. Thank you all for your patience and well wishes.**

**For other work that I have had a hand in, check out the Army Wives page under SherwoodShippers. I am part of a writing team dedicated to Denise and Frank Sherwood. I do not update but it myself all the time but it regularly updated and only completed stories will be posted. Check it out!**

Chegwidden Residence  
McLean, VA  
June 28, 2007  
2130 EST

Mac closed the law book and lay her head on her arm, "We aren't gonna find it AJ," she sighed. "We aren't." She stared dully at the piles of documents, witness interview statements – theirs and those turned over to them in discovery - the autopsy and forensic reports.

"Not with that attitude, Mac," AJ replied looking at his partner. "You need to go home, check on the family, get some sleep, I'll keep at this."

Mac nodded, "I will in a minute but we go to trial soon, there has to be something we're missing."

"Maybe he really did do it, Mac," AJ suggested. "You would in his place, you know you would."

"Anyone might but I don't think he did this, AJ, I know in my heart he didn't," she replied. "I'll see you tomorrow; we'll have at it again."

Mackenzie-Rabb Residence  
Manassas, VA  
June 28, 2007  
2219 EST

Things had been hectic at the Mackenzie-Rabb home the last three weeks. Mac had been working more and more hours lately as Tony's trial got closer. She was exhausted, but at least she was home. "Hey, I'm home."

"Hey," Harm called from the bedroom. "Stay there a minute."

He had been working hard the last three weeks since learning about their financial troubles and witnessing Mac's tears. Today, he'd made it from the bedroom to the kitchen on crutches; he couldn't wait to show her.

Mac did as he asked and sat down on the sofa, kicking off her high heels. She heard footsteps and looked up towards the door. She saw Harm standing to his full height for the first time in months, taking very slow but deliberate steps towards her. She couldn't stay seated, she was just that excited. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed happily. "Harm? Look at you!"

He stopped and let her into his arms where she snuggled her face into his chest. "I knew it, I knew you could do this if you tried hard enough and wanted it bad enough I knew it. I'm so proud of you."

He kissed her hair, "I'm proud of you, you've been carrying this family for so long and that wasn't fair."

He started for the kitchen; Mac hovered but let him do it on his own. The both sat down before she said, "I didn't let you in on a lot of that and that wasn't fair of me, either. Now that your mom got us out of the initial hole I can breathe easier but I still feel guilty."

Harm took her hand, "She wanted to do it Mac, believe me." He lifted her hand and kissed it gently. "You worked pretty late tonight."

"AJ and I were poring back over all the documents in Tony's case," Mac told him. "I cannot figure out how to get him off of this thing. It's like the "blue wall of silence" is offering him up and protecting someone else."

"Maybe it is," Harm suggested. "I did some reading on that myself, Mac and let me tell you, I think I got the how down."

"We have the how, honey. It's the who," Mac sighed.

"No, no," Harm broke in. "Not this 'how' you don't. The autopsy report showed Cynthia's stomach contents included a substance that was likely oatmeal or cream of wheat and a white powder, very fine, not fine enough to be sugar but fine enough to be powdered sugar but too fine to be salt or granulated sugar. Also, they found some intact white pills, barely digested, the toxicological report on the body says drug overdose, the pills were Vicodin, but the blood test says morphine. That was in a PCA not in a pill form. She couldn't OD on a PCA, Mac."

"Harm, it is too late for circles, please just spell it out for me," Mac said rubbing her temples nursing the start of a splitting headache.

"Someone somehow gave this woman ground up morphine. I called Bud and asked him to go over some of this stuff, and he called in some favors, this came back today," Harm said handing her a case file.

She read it, "I have to make a phone call," Mac said and hurried to the phone to call her client.

Tony picked up only because it was Mac, "Hello."

"Sorry for the hour but I have a quick question for you," Mac said as soon as he picked up. "On days you weren't there to do it, who fed Cynthia her breakfast?"

Tony thought a minute, "Cassie usually or a nurse. Why?"

"I think my husband just broke your case," Mac said smiling at Harm. "Meet us tomorrow morning at my office please."

Tony agreed and five minutes later it was settled that Tony would meet Mac and AJ at her office in the morning to go over the case. Mac helped Harm back to bed and got changed herself. They snuggled up together and enjoyed the quiet, until he spoke, "I want to go."

"Go where?" she asked, dozing off.

"To the meeting tomorrow. I want to go, I want to be part of this," he said, hoping she'd agree.

"Can you miss therapy?" she asked playing with his fingers.

"I'll take Lucy's time. She's behind me still anyway," Harm sighed. He was upset that his daughter hadn't fared as well under Analiese's care as he had. "I won't skip it but I want to be a part of this."

Mac nodded, "Okay, you did crack the case and we were always better together, like books off of Amazon," she laughed. "Now get some sleep, and you are using that wheelchair in the streets tomorrow, I don't want you falling and reversing your progress."

Harm agreed, he knew he wasn't ready for long walks yet, but he did negotiate the use of his crutches inside the building. He was up all night anticipating his reintroduction to his career and to life; he finally felt whole again and the beautiful woman sleeping in his arms was a major part of it.

Law Offices of Strutchen, McAuliffe, and Clark  
Georgetown, Washington, D.C.  
June 29, 2007  
0832 EST

"Good Lord, Mac, if you eat this kind of stuff every morning…" Harm began seeing the breakfast spread in the main conference room as they slowly walked to Mac's office.

"Do not even go there or I will hit you upside the head with that crutch," Mac teased. "I have to have something to keep me motivated."

AJ arrived a moment later, "Good morning all," he replied to their greetings. He looked like he'd been up all night.

"Hard time sleeping, AJ?" Harm asked his former CO.

"Analiese was up all night getting sick," AJ replied. "Harriet is going to watch your kids the rest of the day. I called her on the way here; I don't want Ana near Lucy if she's caught something."

Harm and Mac nodded in agreement. "Let's get you up to speed," Mac said and sat with AJ as Harm explained his theory and the independent evaluation Bud had helped with on the stomach contents.

Mac's intercom buzzed announcing Tony's arrival. He came in and sat in the chair reserved for him. "I hope this is good, it's getting close."

"We know, but Harm might have had a breakthrough," Mac said and once again Harm explained about the white powder mixed with the grain in the stomach contents.

"So you're saying someone fed her ground morphine in her breakfast?" Tony asked. "I didn't feed her that day, I was in court; I checked the docket."

"Mac, get on the phone with Bud, see if he can pull the docket for that morning and find the turn over time on powdered morphine," AJ instructed. "Where's the list of evidence logged from her room?"

Harm handed him the list, which contained the oatmeal canister. "Call Bud and get an independent eval done on the oatmeal canister, they said it only had Tony's prints but I'm thinking he's being thrown under the bus," AJ sighed. "He pissed someone off over there. Harm, you still have that contact at the DA's office?" AJ asked. "Call her.

"Sure do, fixed her car enough times that she owes me a ton of favors," Harm answered, pulling out his phone. "Run the prints through their computers and see what hits?"

Mac and AJ both nodded, "Exactly."

Coming Soon in Let's Be Us Again: Lucy's desire for ice skating lessons motivate her in her therapy, Harm gets bitten by the legal bug, and Analiese's "bug" might just be more than that.


	38. Chapter 38

A/N: Thanks for the patience in the updating schedule. This piece is getting close to being finished. I'm excited to see where it will go. Thank you for your patience. Those of you that enjoy my writing check out Army Wives fanfiction by SherwoodShippers. It is a writing team and I think all in all we're pretty good. ;) Thanks again for the loyalty and good wishes.

**Rabb McKenzie home  
July 12, 2007  
7:14 PM**

"Daddy, can I take ice skating lessons?" Lucy asked at dinner one night later that week.

"Well, Luce," Harm replied. "No baby, not now, not until you're walking, sweetie."

"When will that be?" she asked him.

"When you make it happen, Button," he said. "I talked to Miss Ana today and she told me you weren't listening to her again. We talked about that didn't we?"

"Yes but it hurts, Daddy," she whined and put her fork down to have a pout.

Harm sighed and went to pick her up and hold her on his lap. In the house, he no longer used the crutches. "I know it hurts your legs, Button, it hurt daddy too but I worked hard and I listened to Miss Ana and I can walk now almost as well as I did before, right?"

She nodded and laid her head against his chest. He played with the baby fine hair there and his hand skimmed her cheek. He froze solid with fear; she was hot, feverish hot. "Mac!" Harm called from the dining room.

Mac had been closed in the back office with AJ all afternoon going over the fingerprint documents that had finally come in on her murder case. "In a minute, Harm," she replied. "And I'm not hungry."

"Fine, but now, please!" he said trying not to alarm his daughter or his eldest son who was now watching him.

Mac appeared, a little annoyed that he'd interrupted her. "Harm…" One look at his face told her he was upset and one look at Lucy told her why, their daughter was pale and starting to fall asleep in her father's arms. "I'll call Dr. Jacobsen," Mac said and went to the phone to place the afterhours call. "Would you get a temp on her."

Harm put her down on the couch and went to get the thermometer. Harm cuddled Lucy closer and kissed her forehead, "We'll make it better, baby. Don't worry. It isn't bad, Mac," he said when it beeped. "Only 100.3."

"Bad enough," Mac sighed and sat by her baby. "Lucy, does something hurt you? Your head or your ears or your tummy?"

She shook her head, "Throat but only a little," she said. "I'm okay, Mommy."

"I'm sure you are but we're going to take you to the doctor anyway just to make sure the good blood is still working and doing it's job, okay?" Mac said. "Come see Mommy."

Lucy wiggled into her mother's arms and Mac held her while Harm finished dinner, got the boys into their pjs, and told AJ what was happening. "Maybe Ana wasn't better, maybe she did bring something in to her," Harm sighed, certainly not blaming Analiese, but AJ shook his head.

"I'd say yes, but Analiese isn't sick," AJ replied. "She never was, but I can't deal with that now; this thing broke wide open and Mac has to tend to Lucy."

"What finally broke it?" Harm asked.

"Fingerprints on the container," AJ replied.

"Cassie's?" Harm asked.

AJ nodded, "Yep, and another officer's, Sgt. John Masters. Bud did a little computer hacking and came up with six e-mails between Cassie and Masters about three months prior to Cynthia's death."

"Okay, I get the prints, AJ but what do old emails have to do with it?" Harm asked half listening as he waited for the phone to ring.

"Apparently Cassie and Masters were having an affair," AJ said. "The emails were from accounts only used for communication between them. Bud is still trying to recover the more recent documents, probably got a firewall or some type of thing or worked harder to conceal them if they were talking about killing someone and framing Tony for the murder."

Harm nodded, "Okay, so we know how to get him off, now we have to break it to him that his wife was having an affair and tried to frame him. I think I'd rather tell the guy he was getting the chair, nothing worse than betrayal, from either side."

AJ only rolled his eyes. Finally the phone rang. Mac must have dove for it because it only rang the once then stopped. Harm was wringing his hands. AJ smiled sympathetically at him. "I'm sure it's just a cold."

"We've all worked so hard so long…" Harm sighed. "If it's all for nothing…"

"It's not nothing," AJ consoled. "It's this time you've had and a chance to fight again if it comes to that and again if necessary. Never for nothing, Harm."

Harm nodded. Over the years AJ had become more of a father to him than his own had ever been or could be. He offered a small smile and waited for Mac. She came in a short time later. "He wants to see her in the morning but he's sure it's nothing serious," Mac sighed. "AJ, can you call Tony in the morning and postpone our meeting until afternoon? I have to be with Lucy."

AJ nodded, "Sure thing, Mac. Let me take the boys tonight. Ana and I can, uh, use the practice."

"Practice?" they both asked simultaneously. "Is Ana…"

AJ nodded, "She wasn't sick after all. Looks like I'm going to be a father again, after well over 30 years…"

"Congratulations AJ, that's wonderful," Mac said smiling and hugging him. "I'm so happy for you and after what happened to Maggie, I'm so glad that Analiese is getting this chance. She deserves it and so do you."

Harm nodded but didn't say anything, he just went to help AJ pack up their boys for the sleepover.

**11:13 PM**

Mac snuggled next to Harm that night once AJ had left and Lucy had gone to bed. "You didn't seem too happy when AJ shared his news? What's wrong?"

He rubbed her arm, "Nothing, I'm worried about Lucy."

"I know so am I," Mac replied. "You're also lying to me, what's the problem?"

"I think in that moment, it just hit me that…Matthew is it for us. We won't ever have another baby together, not now, not next year, not in thirty years, never," he swallowed. "And I'm not saying Matthew, DJ, and Lucy aren't enough, I'm not but…"

"We had a dream, four children, I know," Mac sighed leaning up on her elbow. "And that's why I fought so hard to have Matthew and refused the surgery and denied the truth for so long that I almost lost everything that I cared about, but now that it's done, I'm so much more than I was. I'm there now for my children and for you and the Roberts and everyone that needs me and that's worth it to me."

He reached up and touched her cheek, "You know, that right there, that's the reason I married you in the first place," Harm replied. "And it's the reason I'm going to marry you again."

Harm did not expect Mac to break out into laughter. "Hey,what about that is so darn funny?"

"You didn't ask me the first time and you didn't ask me this time," she reminded him. "Both time you said, you're going to be my wife. The first time I said yes…this time…"

Harm's entire face fell. He knew he'd gone too far. It was nearly too cute for words how downtrodden he looked. Mac tried not to laugh. "This time I'm sorry, Harm but I can't say yes…This time I'm going to have to go with my heart and my head and…say…Absolutely!"

Harm playfully smacked her on the arm, "Mac…" He leaned up and kissed her, pulling her down on top of him…This was what it was all for, his wife in his arms, his daughter asleep, hopefully healthy and getting strong, his sons at his best friend's house where a new life was growing inside a very loving and special woman, and somewhere in the city an innocent man was spending his last night thinking he was going to prison for a murder he didn't commit, there was just something right about all of that. For the first time since Mexico, Harm was beginning to feel as if he was finally gaining control of his life, and he liked that feeling. He liked that feeling a lot.

**In Chapter 39: Lucy gets some interesting health news, Harm can't seem to let go of the legal bug, and Mac speaks with Ana about her upcoming visit from the stork.**


End file.
